I reread the letters I never sent two years ago, and it’s bittersweet how much has changed. How funny, I used to be able to feel your skin on mine the moment you looked at me, yet, when you kissed me for the first time in a while that night I kept wondering if I’d still be able to find you in there after all this time.
You looked the same standing in the doorway with basketball shorts and an old white t-shirt. Red cheeks, tired but bright eyes, and wearing the familiar smile I used to know. Then again, you probably thought that about me when I showed up in the cold with my heart still within your reach and curly hair, just the way you used to like it.
I looked at you and all I could see was skin, when back then I could only find the boy who laughed at my jokes too much and loved my innocence as much as I wanted him to wreck it. I wonder what went through your mind that night, when we found ourselves lying on your bed once again with the city lights outside your window. I don’t think either of us saw that coming.
I will never forget the first time we ever laid eyes on each other. After that night, I will always feel the last time we ever held each other too.
You know the days when you come home after a long cold day and you sit by the fireplace drinking a cup of hot chocolate and you feel like every cell in your body is coming back to life again and everything is going to be okay?
That’s how loving you felt like.
You know the nights you wake up in the middle of the night and even though you have your blanket on you’re still freezing cold and it seems like all the heating systems in the world can’t help you with your shivering body?
Me gusta estar con él, no porque fuese gracioso o hermoso, si no porque me hace sentir cómoda, me hace sentir bien, cuando estoy con él, todos mis problemas desaparecen, me hace sentir que merezco vivir en un mundo donde halla personas así.
He drove me home that one night and we stayed in the car talking. It was our first time being by ourself without any outside influence and the time flew. Midnight arrived too soon and we had to end our night. The air around us shifted and it got quiet. The only thing heard were our breaths. He turned his body towards me and I turned to mirror him. Maybe it was one minute, maybe it was ten, but we just stared at each other, not saying a word. His eyes burned holes through my walls and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to move to the backseat. I was 16 but everything rational vanished. He reached over to the passenger seat and we collided. It was too intense and the moment drowned me. His 18 year old hands touched me and I was on fire. Little did I know, he was whispering in another ear.