808s&Heartbreak

It’s like a weight has been lifted, I can finally breathe. Not worry about what he will say, or when he would’ve finally stopped ignoring me. Because now I no longer care. He doesn’t concern me. I just wonder if he’ll come back to me someday wishing he never screwed things up. But if this is the way it was meant to be, then I’m honestly okay with that. This time, I’m okay. I’ve realized it’s not boys who make or break you, it’s only you who decides. So no matter what happens, I’ll be just fine. I’ve already got all that I need.

“How do I say I miss you in a way that will make your heart ache as much as mine does?”

I think the only way your mistake will really hit you in the gut is if you saw yourself through my eyes. Saw how I have to clench my fists until they are white and have no feeling to stop myself from texting you. Saw how I sit at my desk for hours trying to write anything that isn’t about you, but how it never works because no one is worth taking up pages in my journal like you are. Saw how after drinking a bottle of vodka, you’re the only thing I can think of. I think of you even when I can’t think.

Too bad you’re narrow minded…

I think if you saw all these words I write for you day after day, no matter how narrow-minded you are, you might just start to realize that you picked the wrong damn girl.

—  emmuuhhhhh

This is an explanation for the coffee stains in my teeth; in my dreams, I bite into your body until everything fades, like lovers in the wintertime.

They said it’s the coffee keeping me up at night, but baby, I was thinking about you picking the coffee grounds out of your skin, and my body is shaking from the weary of withdrawal.

This is an explanation for the blood in my dreams. Your eyes love me like coffee, like priesthood, like criminals at sunrise when the world is heavy with the sleep of wanting more.

Drowning in your skin, I’m not going to bed tonight, and the coffee doesn’t taste the same when I wake up without your body in my sheets.

This is an explanation for how you were nothing close to cream and sugar, this is an explanation for why I’ve drunk black coffee since I was seven. Maybe I took you into my lungs too soon but the smoke of this body burning turns me black and my bones turn black and everything is black and I’m burning because I want you but there’s only so much smoke in a coffee cup.

How can you keep me up so late and tell me this is an addiction. My love is not chemical, it is visceral, ephemeral, I hate you but I hunger so bad.

Don’t wake me up if I say that I don’t love you. I haven’t had any pitch black dreams since the day you were inside my head.

This is the lullaby of sleepless lovers - I just wanted the time to love you better.

—  7-weeks//For when the one you love and lost keeps you up at night.

I looked at you like city lights & you looked at me like dim Christmas lights.

But a sparkle is a sparkle at 4 a.m & this mattress holds secrets that’ll never leave my lips.

I’m starting to realize that girls like me belong in candle lit churches, draped in white lace, with red roses & boys like you don’t end up in churches but in candle lit bedrooms with girls in nothing but skin & red lipstick.

Because I’m the kind of girl a man marries but you don’t know if you’ll ever get married..or be able to set your past down,

And maybe you’re no one special..

Just the kind of boy, a girl like me would write books around.

—  You were always enough for me, even when I wasn’t getting your all.