808.879083 children's humor

Cinnamons, Crime
This morning, one of my favorite five-year-olds tromped up to the desk.

Five-year-old: “Hello! Where are your books on crooks?” Me: “Crooks?” Five-year-old: “You know, scoundrels and mobsters.” Mother [chiming in]: “We had a long visit from grandpa this weekend.” Five-year-old: “You got books on Al Capone? He led a crime cinnamon.” Mother: “Syndicate.”
Plant, Good Book

During his first visit since we reopened the library after remodeling, one little boy approached me in a panic.

Boy: “Where did the Good Book Plant go?”

Me: “What do you mean? Can you describe it?”

Boy: “Well every time I come to the library, I see the Good Book Plant and underneath it are all the good books.”

Me [catching on]: “Oh, I see! Well, we moved the plant, but we still have the same books we used to have. Do you remember what they were about?”

Boy [shrugging]: “I don’t know. They were the good books. I just knew to look for the plant.”

Awe, Shock and

I was shelving some books when I noticed a small child watching me. (My library is just one room, so I was not concerned that she was alone). I said hello and asked if she was having a good day at the library. After we chatted for a bit, I complimented the book she was holding. She looked down at her book, then up at me. Shocked, she said, “You can read?!”

Chat, Chit

I had this rapid fire exchange with a four-year-old girl at the library as she was busily adding bricks to our community LEGO display.

Girl: “Do you have a wife?”

Me: “No, but I have a husband.”

Girl: “Do you have a dog?”

Me: “No.”

Girl: “Is it cos your husband is allergic?”

Me: “Haha, no.”

Girl: “Can I take home a LEGO?”

Me: “No, they belong to the library. They have to stay here.”

Girl: “What do they do all night?”

Me: “Play and dance around the library.”

Girl: “Are you pretending?”

Me: “Yes.”

Girl: “I like you. Does my mom know you?”

Introductions all around.

Brain, Unicorns on the

A 10-year-old girl approached me at the desk.

Girl: “Do you have anything about unicorns?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Right this way.”

I showed her the section with fable animals. We looked through the books on unicorns.

Girl: “Why are there all these photos of rhinos and whales and stuff?”

Me: “A lot of people used to think that rhinos or other animals with horns were unicorns. See how the narwhal horn looks like a unicorn’s? When people found one of those, they thought it was from a unicorn.”

Girl: “That’s silly! I want to see photos of the unicorn, not all those other animals!”

Me [thinking quick]: “Well, you know, unicorns are very shy, so it’s nearly impossible to get a photo of them.”

Girl: “Oh. All right then. I’ll take these books.”

[I’m a children’s librarian, not the crusher of dreams.]

Goodness, Thank

It was particularly quiet in the library this morning when all of a sudden, we heard the cutest, squeakiest 5-year-old voice calling from the stacks:

5-year-old: “Hello, mother? I can’t see your feet! Are you in the not fiction section?”

Mother [from an aisle over]: “Sweetie, I’m over here!”

5-year-old: “Thank goodness because I found a fairy book you’ll just love.”

Sister, Big

Yesterday, a stroller containing twin infant boys was being pushed around the children’s area by their six-year-old sister. One of the boys started fussing a bit and the other one soon joined in.

Sister [to twin one]: “Oh no you don’t! Don’t encourage him. You can cry but don’t get him started!”
[to twin two]: “Don’t pay him any attention, okay? Now let’s get on with our lives and find some books.”

And they rolled away.

Library, Stealing from the

I was helping a little boy find some books.

Boy [pointing to a security camera]: “Why do you all have so much hi-tech security?”

Me: “Oh, it’s just for safety, you know, just-in-case." 

Boy: "You know what? I wouldn’t even be mad if someone broke in with a gun and stole from the library." 

Me: ”-“

Boy: "That just means they love books a whole lot. And that’s pretty cool!”

Dictionaries, Fancy

A young girl came up to the children’s desk.

Girl: “Do you have the fancy dictionary?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Girl: “It’s got fancy words in it, like pretty and glamorous.”

I brought her a children’s dictionary but she just shook her head and left it. It wasn’t until many hours later, that it hit me: she wanted the book Fancy Nancy’s Favorite Fancy Words: From Accessories to Zany.

Whoopsie.