Who would win in a fight between Papa Smoke and Papa John Shitfaced?
To answer this question I’m going to start with their stats. Based on appearance, I’ve estimated how each stack up and factored in their respective status changers. Let’s start with papa smoke:
Strength: 80 (60 natural strength due to his large build, +20 because of his chest hair)
Dexterity: 25 (He looks like he tries his best but isn’t quite as good as his peers.)
Stamina: 40 (60 naturally, -20 because of the massive amounts of smoke he inhales)
Charisma: 100 (His cigar and demeanor score him big for this one. He radiates an aura of invitation and kindness.)
Agility: 10 (His large size makes him easy to hit and his weight prevents him from moving quickly)
HP: 500, but it decreases by two every second because of the smoke
Next let’s examine Papa John Shitfaced
Strength: 60 (40 naturally, but the alcohol gives him the courage to hit harder)
Dexterity: 50 (80 naturally because of his impressive skills in pizza making, but the alcohol brings him down 30 points.)
Stamina: 80 (Due to the inhibiting properties of alcohol, he feels pain to a lesser extent which allows him to fight for longer)
Charisma: 40 (Naturally 80, but the alcohol has drastically affected his ability to form sentences, let alone settle conflicts.)
Agility: 70 (Naturally 90 because of his lean build, but the alcohol subtracts 20 points)
So how would a fight like this go down? What strategies would each fighter try to employ? Papa John Shitfaced’s strategy involves avoiding the huge attacks of Papa Smoke, and getting quick jabs in where he can, all while waiting for his health to deplete naturally. Papa Smoke takes a more direct strategy, knowing his time is limited he tries to get in as many hits as he can as fast as he can. Both strategies are hindered by each fighter’s skills, as Papa John will have a hard time evading while drunk, and Papa Smoke will have a hard time catching up to Papa John due to his extremely slow speed.
In order for Papa Smoke to win, he only needs to hit Papa John twice, as one hit deals 100 damage. In order for Papa John to win, he needs to evade Papa Smokes attacks for 4 minutes and 10 seconds. Given the odds, Papa Smoke has the highest chance of winning.
As the fight starts Papa John is too shitfaced to defend himself from Papa Smoke’s first swing and loses 100 HP at the very start. The hit snaps Papa John out of his drunken state a little bit and he retreats to the corner of the room. As Papa Smoke attempts to run over to him, he becomes fatigued which allows Papa John to get a punch on him. Papa John retreats to a different corner and repeats the process.
Halfway through the fight, Papa Smoke is at 250 HP and Papa John is at 100 HP. Papa John seems to have an unbeatable strategy and his chances of winning skyrocket. Papa Smoke’s health is shrinking by the second and he begins to lose hope. Instead of chasing Papa John he decides to wait in the middle of the room and re evaluate his strategy.
In his drunken confusion Papa John confuses this strategizing for another period of fatigue, and goes in for another hit. Papa Smoke is caught off guard by this but manages to turn around and scare Papa John with his calm demeanor. Papa John falls to the floor and backs up. Papa Smoke is now at an advantage, because now that Papa John is on the floor he’ll never be able to get back up due to how shitfaced he is.
Papa Smoke slowly backs Papa John into a corner. Realizing he’s exhausted his options, Papa John pulls out the gun he’s been keeping in his shirt and begins firing wildly. This frightens Papa Smoke, but Papa John is way too shitfaced to properly aim a gun. The stunt has only delayed the inevitable. Papa John takes one last breath and braces for impact, as Papa Smoke brutally delivers the final blow.
- No Mohawks! Absolutely no Mohawks in punk before the 80s, because no working class kid could afford that much hairspray, and DEFINITELY no leather jackets (…with the exception of Sid, of course.) The leather jacket/Mohawk/political patches formula didn’t get big until the middle class kids got into it (and no safety pin facial piercings, either).
- In the early shows, there were usually under a dozen kids who looked anything like “punk-” and when they did, it was a lot of bright colors, BDSM gear, smudged make up, and glitter. But most just wore jeans and tees.
- Most punks were really small, being British and in the 15-20 age range. Basically a bunch of baby beanpoles.
- Punks weren’t cool until ‘79 or ‘80; up til that point, they were basically targets for Teddy Boy (50s rockabilly fans) aggression. The beanpoles took a lot of beatings.
- Punk wasn’t some huge movement. Like I said before, there were only a handful of kids at every show who dressed up. They never looked alike. They never traveled in big packs, with the exception of the Bromley Contingent. They were just teenagers who loved the music and got creative with their looks.
- Most punks were white, since it was Britain and black kids had their own scenes with reggae and dub (though there was still a lot of overlap there), but most, not all- if you whitewash punk, Poly Styrene’ll kick your ass, and Don Letts will film it.
- UK punk started in gay and drag bars (one of which, The Ranch, in Manchester, is still open!), and there were tons of female punks. Poly, The Slits, Souxie and the Banshees, Soo Catwoman, Debbie Juvenile, and beyond- there was no room for homophobia or hypermasculinity.
- Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that I’m tired of seeing UK punk represented as a bunch of big white men in Mohawks and leather jackets throwing punches at each other. Punk belonged to the poor kids who spent their whole lives being told they were nothing but factory fodder, and punk made them realize that if they were trash, then being trash was awesome. It was about equality and empowerment, about realizing that they deserved more than society threw at them. Don’t take that away from them.
(Sources include both of Johnny Rotten’s autobiographies, The Filth and the Fury, Passion is a Fashion/a biography on the Clash, Bernard Sumner’s autobiography, an article on Manchester punk by a journalist who came of age there, and several other photos and articles I’ve stumbled across.)
Sorry for all this, but since I’ve been blocked I can’t actually directly respond.
It’s great that you think that A became Asexual from Ally when AVEN forced the issue, but… AVEN formed in iike, what, 2000?
I can personally remember A being Asexual in the 90s, before that event.
My partner remembers it from the 80s, and points out that sometimes there were two As (Asexual and Ally) and sometimes two Qs (Queer and Questioning).
I know Marsha P. Johnson and Silvia Rivera were influential in the late 60s and early 70s, but they did not start the community. They were organizers IN the community that already existed. And they were in NYC. The communities in the midwest and California were not entirely identical back in the before times. Hell, the lesbians and the gays couldn’t always be in the same room with one another and stay polite.
The internet has homogenized this stuff some, but back in the 80s and 90s things weren’t quite as consistent as they have become.
The ‘X’ that Kinsey discussed were absolutely part of the existing queer community, even if they weren’t calling themselves ‘ace’. Same people.
I can’t remember citations, but I’m pretty sure if you go dig up some of good old Magnus Hirschfeld work that you’ll find that pre-WWII queer community in Berlin (ie, the San Francisco of Europe at the time) included discussions of people we would recognize as Asexual.
History is long and complicated. It’s a great story that Aces and Aros are cishet and straight and not part of the community, but it’s a story. It’s revisionist history. It disagrees with my lived experience (I’m old).
The thing that really cheeses me off about this whole conversation is that back in the 80s and 90s you had this exact conversation, except it was about the ‘B’ or the ‘T’. Not the ‘A’. Now, the people making these kinds of exclusionary statements are excluding the ‘A’ from the LGBT. And they use the same kinds of arguments. B people are either straight (and therefore not part of the community) or confused gay people (in which case they were fine). T people aren’t ‘really’ women, so they don’t belong in lesbian spaces. Really they’re just gay men who like dressing up or they’re straight men who don’t belong in the community because they’re some kind of fetishist.
It’s always about peeling off some of these queer identities and reducing them to the ‘actually gay’ part (who are okay, if strange, and part of the community) and the ‘actually straight’ part (who are our oppressors, and don’t belong and are evil and sneaky and trying to horn in on our community and make us unsafe and doing it for attention).
It’s a conversation that makes us poorer every time we have to go through it.
the blob has canonically been around since episode 1 / 2 of car boys and thus it is entirely plausible to consider it as a negative influence on both busto 2.0 (corrupting him into a vengeful being) and on griffin & nick (as they become more and more torturous to the innocent automobiles within beamng.drive)