7 problems

you are not obligated to
  • be someone’s counselor and help them with all their problems if its bad for your mental health
  • be there for someone 24/7
  • remain friends with someone who emotionally drains you
  • maintain negative relationships because you’ve been close for so long, because you’re related, or anything else
  • do anything that makes you unhappy or puts your health at risk
Hoe Tips: School and Studying

I’m currently in PA school with close to a 4.0 GPA, and with college and back to school starting up, I’m dropping some tips for y'all. A hoe gotta get bomb ass grades if ya want a bomb ass career and to be successful af. So let’s get it✨

1. Write out your notes. Have two notebooks: one for when you’re in class (this one can be messy) and one for at home (this one is the neater one, for color coding, formatting, and all that organizational jazz). Writing things out is proven to enhance memorization 7X more than just reading is.

2. Have a go-to format for your notes. Numbering, bullet points, whatever floats your boat.

3. Type out your notes. I use Google Drive, because it automatically saves all your shit, and you can access your notes via your Google account literally anywhere. Typing out your notes does the same thing writing them out does, as far as helping you review the material.

4. Use Quizlet. Quizlet is a free flashcard website/app that allows you to type in all of your flashcards and definitions, and gives you review options like matching, testing, flashcard mode, and more. This shit made me my high schools valedictorian, no lie.

5. Keep your old quizzes and tests. Often times, teachers will ask similar questions on finals.

6. For math-based subjects, always always always show your work in your notes. I try to explain each step for a math problem in the margins of my notes, and generalize how to do each problem at the end.

7. Do practice problems consistently.

8. For my college hoes: never take an 8 am class. You think you can do it because you did it for high school, but I promise you will regret it. If there’s no avoiding the 8 am lecture, bring coffee and skip any makeup/hair that day. Sleep is too important.

9. Make flashcards. The night before my exams, I like to try and fit everything I need to know for a specific chapter/topic onto one flashcard, in order to weed out main ideas.

10. For essays, easybib.com is amazing with free citations to avoid any plaigiarism or incorrect bibliographies.

11. Rent👏your👏textbooks👏. Unless your teacher specifically requires you BUY it, you likely won’t need the actual textbook. Buying access codes for the book online is hundreds of dollars cheaper.

12. If you do get your textbooks, a lot of them have chapter summaries at the end of each chapter. Be sure to write out/type out/review those summaries.

13. For science labs, if you are allowed, take pictures of any models or slides you need to know for your exams. Pretty much all labs won’t let you take pictures of cadavers or animal dissections, but plastic models and microscope slides should be fine.

14. If you have a question, ASK YOUR TEACHER. It is better to look stupid in class and get your clarification, than to look stupid when you get your exam back and actually have it count against your grade.

15. Do study groups. I have two nursing friends in some of the same classes as me, and we’d always meet up before exams to go over the material. We would bring dry erase markers and map out shit in empty classrooms, taking turns explaining shit to each other until we nailed it.

16. Try to teach the material. Like I said in #15, study groups are great for this. By teaching the material out loud, you are subconsciously reviewing it yourself. This is a HUGE help.

17. Take breaks. You cannot exhaust yourself and expect to still recall anything you learned.

18. I know everyone does this and there’s no avoiding it sometimes, but DO NOT CRAM. Gradual learning is most effective.

19. Have one day every week where you don’t do any schoolwork. You need time to reboot.

20. Use your phone’s calendar/task checklist app for all major assignments, due dates, exam dates, study plans, appointments, etc. Set reminders as needed.

21. Charge your phone in another room while studying. No distractions.

22. Rainymood.com is a free website that plays a 30 minute loop of rain sounds. It helps me focus like nothing else, especially in my loud ass household, and every time the loop stops and replays, I know to take a break between 30 minute study sessions.

23. Feel distracted at home when studying? Try studying in a library, cafe, or even at school. I find that going somewhere else to study actually forces me to pay attention to what I’m doing, for some reason.

24. Reward yourself for good grades. Buy yourself a slice of pizza or a new highlight, have a netflix marathon, go to a party, or take a nap. Whatever conveys a job well done, do it. It’ll make all that studying feel that much greater when it’s over, and you’ll have a goal to work towards.

25. Sit in the front of the classroom as often as possible. You’ll be forced to pay attention, be able to actually see the board, hear the instructor better, and you’re more likely to have your questions answered quickly because your teacher will actually see your hand go up.

26. Caffeinate. I prefer tea because it’s healthier, but coffee works too. Ya girl is NOT a morning person, but my morning tea at least helps me pay attention during earlier classes.

27. Keep all of your school shit organized, together, and labelled.

28. Do NOT skip a class just because you’re lazy or don’t feel like going. The temptation is real sometimes, but a hoes gonna be pissed when ya see your participation average decline.

29. This may just be a psychological thing, but I love to use the same colored/brand of pen for all of my notes/assignments/tests. It just makes everything seem more uniform, and I’m able to recall information better.

30. Trouble taking tests? For any multiple choice question, read the question and try to answer it first without reading any of the options. If your answer doesn’t match the options, then use process of elimination to find the best answer. For true/false questions, write out justifications for each answer (you can also do this for multiple choice). You’ll be acing your exams in no time.

31. Chewing gum during class/studying, and chewing that same flavor gum during the exam, has been scientifically proven to boost your memory recall.

32. Literally any time you have the opportunity to do extra credit, DO IT. Cherish that shit.

33. If you aren’t doing so hot in a particular class (literally any math class for me lol), schedule a private meeting with your professor and go over test questions you missed, or topics you didn’t get. If you know your professor is a flop, or can’t get an appointment, meet with a tutor or another professor of that same subject. Sometimes another voice can shed new light on a difficult topic.

34. For essays, readable.io critiques your writing for free based on readability, grade level, formality, tone, grammatical errors, etc. Seriously a life saver.

35. Also thesaurus.com is ya bff for fancier words/phrases to make your writing more eloquent

36. Always make an outline for every essay or project to organize what you want to say. This will keep you on track, and help you work around any quotes or sources in you writing to make sure your writing is hella organized.

That’s all I can think of for now, please please please feel free to add and share. Enjoy those 4.0’s, hoes💞

things people should stop doing: misgendering male k-idols because some things they do or somethings about them aren’t completely masculine which is apparently such a fucking travesty

things people should start doing: normalizing the idea that male k-idols can be delicate and gentle and like feminine things and support them without labeling them or questioning them

just let them be.

People who grew up emotionally neglected tend to carry some false beliefs about emotions in relationships. (By Jonice Webb)

Here’s a good, but not exhaustive, sampling:

1. Sharing your feelings or troubles with others will make them feel burdened.

2. Sharing your feelings or troubles with others will chase them away.

3. If you let other people see how you feel, they will use it against you.

4. Sharing your feelings with others will make you look weak.

5. Letting others see your weaknesses puts you at a disadvantage.

6. It’s best not to fight if you want to have a good relationship.

7. Talking about a problem isn’t helpful. Only action solves a problem.

Fortunately, not one of these beliefs is true. In fact, they are each and every one dead wrong. (The only exception is if you share your feelings with another emotionally neglected person, who may not have any idea how to respond). When you grow up receiving consistent direct or indirect messages that you should keep your feelings to yourself, it is natural to assume that those feelings are burdensome and undesirable to others.
8 Reasons why Relationships End

1. Different values, dreams and goals

2. Different levels of commitment/ hopes and expectations for the relationship

3. Being too incompatible/ having few interests in common

4. Dishonesty/ having secrets

5. Lack of trust / betraying trust

6. Imbalance in emotional needs/ level of support both wanted and given

7. Communication problems

8. Being unloving, disrespectful, rude, uncaring, unforgiving or mean.

11 Bits of Wisdom from the Dalai Lama

1. Old friends pass away, new friends appear. It is just like the days. An old day passes, a new day arrives. The important thing is to make it meaningful: a meaningful friend - or a meaningful day.

2. Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

3. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

4. Silence is sometimes the best answer.

5. Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.

6. Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.

7. If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.

8. This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.

9. Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.

10. People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.

11. Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.

12 Amazing Facts About Elephants

In honor of World Elephant Day, we present you with 12 little known facts about one of our favorite creatures…in GIFs, of course.

1. Elephants know every member of their herd and are able to recognize up to 30 companions by sight or smell. 

2. They can remember and distinguish particular cues that signal danger and can recall locations long after their last visit.

3. An elephant’s memory is not limited to its herd, nor is it limited to its species. In one instance, two circus elephants that performed together rejoiced when crossing paths 23 years later. Elephants have also recognized humans that they once bonded with after decades apart. 4. 

4. The elephant boasts the largest brain of any land mammal as well as an impressive encephalization quotient (the size of the animal’s brain relative to its body size). The elephant’s EQ is nearly as high as a chimpanzee’s.

5. The elephant brain is remarkably similar to the human brain, with as many neurons and synapses, as well as a highly developed hippocampus and cerebral cortex.

6. Elephants are one of the few non-human animals to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder.

7. Elephants are creative problem solvers. 

8. Don’t try to outsmart an elephant! They have an understanding of basic arithmetic and can even keep track of relative quantities.

9. Elephants communicate using everything from body signals to infrared rumbles that can be heard from kilometers away. Their understanding of syntax suggests that they have their own language and grammar. 

10. Elephants can recognize 12 distinct tones of music and recreate melodies.

11. Elephants are the only non-human animals to mourn their dead, performing burial rituals and returning to visit graves. 

12. Elephants are one of the few species who can recognize themselves in the mirror.

Given what we now know about elephants, and what they continue to teach us about animal intelligence, it is more important than ever to make sure that these magnificent creatures do not vanish.

Check out some more fun elephant facts here and be sure to watch the TED-Ed Lesson Why elephants never forget - Alex Gendler

Animation by the ever-talented Avi Ofer

9

@actuallyadhd

[Image Descriptions:

All slides have a light blue background, and the text is written in blue rectangles with rounded corners.

Slide 1: The title is in white text inside a dark blue circle that is centred in the slide.

Sensory Overload And how to cope

Slide 2: The header is in a dark blue rectangle and white text, and the body is in a pale blue rectangle and black text.

Sensory overload has been found to be associated with disorders such as:

  • Fibromyalgia (FM)
  • Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS)
  • Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  • Autistic spectrum disorders
  • Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)
  • Synesthesia

Slide 3: The text is in three pale blue rectangles that go horizontally across the slide. All use black text. The last rectangle has four smaller dark blue rectangles with white text inside it for the four points. The text is centred in all of the rectangles.

Sensory overload occurs when one (or more) of the body’s senses experiences over-stimulation from the environment.

Basically it feels like everything is happening at once, and is happening too fast for you to keep up with.

Sensory overload can result from the overstimulation of any of the senses.

Hearing: Loud noise or sound from multiple sources, such as several people talking at once.

Sight: Bright lights, strobe lights, or environments with lots of movement such as crowds or frequent scene changes on TV.

Smell and Taste: Strong aromas or spicy foods.

Touch: Tactile sensations such as being touched by another person or the feel of cloth on skin.

Slide 4: A heading in two light blue rectangles with black text, followed by a table with a dark blue first row that has white text, and then alternating pale blue and white rows with black text. (The table is not really a table, it is just a four-column list.)

Obviously, everyone reacts in differently to sensory overload.

Some behavioural examples are:

Irritability — “Shutting down” — Covers eyes around bright lights — Difficulty concentrating
Angry outbursts — Refuses to interact and participate — Covers ears to close out sounds or voices — Jumping from task to task without completing
Overexcitement — Low energy levels — Difficulty speaking — Compains about noises not effecting others
High energy levels — Sleepiness/fatigue — poor eye contact — Overly sensitive to sounds/lights/touch
Fidgeting and restlessness — Avoids touching/being touched — Muscle tension — Difficulty with social interactions

Slide 5: The header is in a dark blue box with pointy corners and white text. The body is in a pale blue box with pointy corners and black text.

There are two different methods to prevent sensory overload: avoidance and setting limits:

  • Create a more quiet and orderly environment - keeping the noise to a minimum and reducing the sense of clutter.
  • Rest before big events.
  • Focus your attention and energy on one thing at a time.
  • Restrict time spent on various activities.
  • Select settings to avoid crowds and noise.
  • One may also limit interactions with specific people to help prevent sensory overload.

Slide 6: This looks the same as the last slide except the text in the header is black.

It is important in situations of sensory overload to calm oneself and return to a normal level.

  • Remove yourself from the situation.
  • Deep pressure against the skin combined with proprioceptive input that stimulates the receptors in the joints and ligaments often calms the nervous system.
  • Reducing sensory input such as eliminating distressing sounds and lowering the lights can help.
  • Calming, focusing music works for some.
  • Take an extended rest if a quick break doesn’t relieve the problem.

Slide 7: Four light blue rectangles with rounded corners, stacked one above the other, with black text.

What if someone you know is experiencing sensory overload?

Recognize the onset of overload. If they appear to have lost abilities that they usually have, such as forgetting how to speak, this is often a sign of severe overload.

Reduce the noise level. If they are in a noisy area, offer to guide them somewhere more quiet. Give time to process questions and respond, because overload tends to slow processing. If you can control the noise level, for example by turning off music, do so.

Do not touch or crowd them. Many people in SO are hypersensitive to touch - being touched or thinking they are about to be touched can worsen the overload. If they are seated or are a small child, get down to their level instead of looming above them.

Slide 8: Similar to previous slide, only with three rectangles instead of four.

Don’t talk more than necessary. Ask if you need to in order to help, but don’t try to say something reassuring or get them talking about something else. Speech is sensory input, and can worsen overload.

If they have a jacket, they may want to put it on and put the hood up. This helps to reduce stimulation, and many people find the weight of a jacket comforting. If their jacket is not within reach, ask them if they want you to bring it. A heavy blanket can also help in a similar way.

Don’t react to aggression. Don’t take it personally. It is rare for someone who is overloaded to cause serious harm, because they don’t want to hurt you, just get out of the situation. Aggression often occurs because you tried to touched/restrained/blocked their escape.

Slide 9: Similar to previous slide, only with two rectangles instead of three.

When they have calmed down, be aware that they will often be tired and more susceptible to overload for quite awhile afterwards. It can take hours or days to fully recover from an episode of sensory overload. If you can, try to reduce stress occurring later on as well.

If they start self-injuring, you should usually not try to stop them. Restraint is likely to make their overload worse. Only intervene if they are doing something that could cause serious injury, such as hard biting or banging their head. It’s a lot better to deal with self-injury indirectly by lowering overload.

Slide 10: The header is in a dark blue rectangle with white text, and the other text is in a row of five dark blue circles with white text. The text is centred in all shapes.

To summarise - Remember the 5 R’s

Recognise
The symptoms of overload

Remove
Yourself from the situation

Reduce
the stimulus causing the overload

Relax
Your body and calm yourself down

Rest
Yourself as you will most likely feel fatigue.]