every time i see a photo of you holding your strange snake cat i'm startled by her size, since my first and only cat is a HUGE ginger moggie. pangur seems so small in comparison, I forget that other cats are normal size
keep in mind I’m also a Giant Woman, so everything beside me will look slightly smaller (but yes, she is a skinny/long/awfully-little creature)
soooo what are you looking for in a guy?
kind. sweet. approximately 6'2". ginger. messy hair. wears bow ties and a blue coat. no one can ever figure out THE FUCK his eye color is. has to have solid cheek bones just saying. also jawline. freckles are a thing. wizard. Hufflepuff™. author. magizoologist. is actually Newt Scamander.
check please characters as stuff my theatre friend has said/done
"I have a theory I'm actually short people just tell me I'm tall" -him after me complaining about him being a foot taller than me
accidentally sent me a danny devito meme in the middle of sending me dogs to cheer me up
told me my name was groovy when I came out as nb to him
I was intimidated by him for most of the shows until i saw him silently take someone's phone to search teacup pigs and pomerainians to share the cuteness. i've sent him one (1) cute animal every morning since.
told me the only things he's living for are brownies, his best friend, knowledge, and communism. in that order.
laid on the floor next to his best friend and when i asked what they were doing, reached for his friends belt buckle and made to undo it
was on a mutual friend's snapchat story in one video reciting the actual cannibal shia laboef video and the next video explaining neo-liberalism
is referred to by aforementioned friend as "the ray of sunshine in this dark, dark world" because he's a sweetheart
told me the only thing that actually exists is math and that he had to write a paper on it, then proceeded to tell me his deep hatred for math despite being very good at it
has existential crises on a daily basis. sometimes over text with me.
"If I had emotions I'd be the same way" -his response to me saying I'm softer than talc
freaked out when i sent him a bootleg of heathers with the original cast
"Ok what if corn are alive and can communicate and we just smash them and combine them with chemicals and eat them" -a direct quote, after autocorrect turned spirits into doritos
A story where humans are really weird for liking other alien species. Not like in a cross-species romance sort of thing (though that too), it’s just that we legitimately find every other race in the universe cute and they have no idea how to deal with it. Like, some aliens are coming in for a delegation, and they are scaley motherf***ers with claws, teeth and everything, and they start to apologize for their appearance (because most other species they encounter are freaked out by them) and then one of the human interns starts squealing because there’s a baby dinosaur hiding behind his mommy (because mommy’s scarier so he feels safer).
Like, we as a species have an incredible fascination with other species’s children and how cute they are. Like these people understand wanting to eat smaller things because they look tasty but they have never encountered nutjobs who want to cradle the little guys with hedgehog spines on them. They have no frame of reference for our obsession with alien children.
They’re like “uh, are you alright?” “Oh my gosh they’re so cute!!!” “I was…unaware that humans had external eggs…” “oh, we don’t, but oh my gosh they’re so cute I can feel their little legs kicking!” “Okay…”
And of course, once earth realizes that some other species have overpopulation problems, almost immediately someone proposes an interspecies adoption program which is approved with near unanimous approval by Earth-gov which kind of freaks out everyone else because literally nobody had even considered it (and despite the fact that humans are one of the most colonization obsessive peoples because they have their own overpopulation problems). Not because they opposed it morally, but because some of these guys breath pure nitrogen, and others exude cyanide from their pores so they don’t think we’ll handle it well. But they figure, why not, and they start it, but earthlings are the only ones who actually receive children because everyone else is a little too wary of adult earthlings to deal with their offspring.
That’s how earth becomes just inundated with tons of species of aliens and every visitor to earth is just astounded by the diversity. Like, a human couple is just walking around with a 6'2 Karalaxian named Bob who they keep refusing to get ice cream because he misbehaved in the store.
Brb I’m calculating how smol Yuuri is against Victor on skates. If Yuuri is 5'8, daddy nikiforov is 5'11, and blades are about 3,14 inches; then he’s now ~6'2 or around 185cm WOW almost the height of NBA players
Victor : Our baby will be a great skating star and we’ll be so proud! Oh and imagine that he’s blessed by being born with skates!
Yuuri : Victor. Victor, that’ll haunt me to my nightmares.
Victor : The world will be surprised! First child in history to be born with knife shoes!
We just started a new campaign, this time we began as slaves in a battle royal against 3 gladiators.
Cleric: rolls to attack and misses
Gladiator 1 (6'2" with halberd): HAHAHA puny human I will crush you! No one can topple The Wall!
Our 5ft tall half orc ranger child: “I don’t need to topple the wall if I can climb it!” rolls an athletics check to scale the gladiator, passes, then proceeds to attack his exposed neck and rolls a 17 and a nat 20 on a dual short sword attack and nearly removes The Walls head from his body.
Our 13 year old girl toppled The Wall saving the cleric’s life
Context: My character is a 6'2, 171 pound half-dragon, half-drow bloodrager. Because of a feat, high Charisma, and an added rank, she gets a +11 to Intimidate checks and she’s the only member of the party who speaks Draconic, and we’re entering a dungeon full of kobolds, which she’s very familiar with. Here are the three times I decided to roll Intimidate checks.
1. Our Rogue failed her stealth check and a kobold noticed her
Me (ooc): Am I close enough to terrify him?
GM: You are.
-rolls a 24-
GM: Ok, everyone, you hear December start speaking in a loud, growling language.
Bloodrager: YOU DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!
-the kobold immediately walks over to the bookshelf and stares at it-
Our Oracle NPC: What the fuck just happened?
2. There’s a kobold guarding the entrance to the dungeon
Me (ooc): I’m gonna intimidate it.
-rolls a 16-
GM: You step into the room.
Bloodrager: Stand aside.
-the kobold blinks and steps off to the side so we can enter-
Rogue (ooc): How in the fuck.
3. There’s a mass of kobolds who just saw the bloodrager after failing a stealth check.
GM: What are you gonna do?
Me (ooc): I’m gonna scare the shit out of them.
-rolls a 30-
Bloodrager: -steps out from behind the corner and cracks her knuckles with a grin- Are we gonna do this the messy way or are y'all just gonna go sit in that corner over there?
-the kobolds all scurry into the corner and hide behind their shields-
GM: I wanna know how you’re making all these rolls.
Me (ooc): She has a +11 to Intimidate checks.
GM: Does she have the feat that adds her Strength modifier? (this character has a Strength mod of 4 and a Charisma mod of 3)
My mom, who hates lazytown with a burning passion, stated with anger that Sportacus is a top. She was yelling about it for a good 20 minutes about how Robbie is too flamboyant and lazy to top. I told her “well some people think Robbie is top because Sportacus is 5'9” and Robbie is 6'2"“ and she looked me in the eyes and said “if he bends over he’s 3'1”“ This is information from someone who doesn’t watch lazytown. Open your eyes, people.
(Btw I am using the Batman v Superman Bruce Wayne, y’all)
Not being entirely sure as to how it all even happened
On the off-chance that you’re one of Gotham’s minimal elite, you probably met Bruce at a charity gala and, for some reason beyond your comprehension, he picked you out of the other well-dressed women
In the higher likelihood that you don’t come from an affluent family, there’s a multitude of possibilities as to where you met: Maybe you were at a gala working as part of the catering company and he accidentally spilled red wine on you. Maybe you worked as an intern or temp or had a desk job somewhere in the Wayne Enterprise building in Gotham. Or maybe he just saw some assholes giving you a rough time and he stepped in and then offered to walk you home.