BSD Rarepair week Day 6: Too Little, Too Late//Future// “I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be.”-Gnash, Leave A Message (song lyric)
After Odasaku’s death neither Dazai or Ango can’t enjoy each other’s company without scratching the wound of bad memories .
Ango has one wish, for Dazai to be happy and he tries so hard to be a perfect replacement for Oda. It is a small improvement since Dazai is always watched by him so his suicidal attempts lower their number but…there is still sadness in those big brown eyes and wide smile, and it hurts him to know, he will never be at least a quarter as good as Oda was for Dazai.
Dazai on the other hand has one wish as well, to be dead. So he would have never had to choose between two of his only friends he consider family.
Don’t be afraid, my love… we’ll be together even in the depths of hell…
Because it’s been months since I’ve been dying to draw them with the sweet devil appearance >w< for J aka @vamp-england who is writing an amazing story about them and gave me inspiration for this little piece <3
It’s been three weeks since Riley left to California. Three
weeks that I have felt empty. Three weeks that I’ve been missing the better
part of me. I haven’t spoken her to her since she left, and Maya refuses to
relay any messages from me to her. But she does tell me how Riley is adjusting
to being so far away from everyone. She also told me that she just started
summer courses, and loves it.
I want to go after, but Maya keeps saying Riley needs time,
and I want to give it to her. I just don’t know how much more I can give her,
even though I was the one who messed everything up.
Right now, I’m going to meet Zay and Farkle so we can talk
about something that I’ve been thinking about since Riley left. When I get to
the bar, I find an empty table near the corner. I sit anxiously tapping my fingers
on the top of the table, waiting. Soon I see Farkle and Zay walk in, and I
signal them over.
“Hey man!” Zay says patting my back taking a seat. “You
don’t think it’s too early to be meeting at a bar?” I ignore his question.
“How are you doing?” Farkle ask taking the other open seat.
“Better for now. I need to tell you guys something. The only
person who knows right now is Maya only because she’s been helping me with some
“So, Maya knows why my best friend has been MIA, and I
don’t? I’m hurt,” he says placing his hand over his hard.
“Yeah, why does Maya know?” Farkle chimes in.
“It’s really simple. She’s my only connection to Riley. She
barely talks to either one of you since she left, but she talks to Maya every
single day. I try to be around when Maya is on the phone with Riley just so I
can hear her voice.”
Zay sighs, “Cotton Candy Face still hasn’t returned any
calls or anything?” I shake my head.
“What are you going to do about it? You and Riley belong
together. You two bring out the good in each other,” Farkle says.
“That’s why I asked you guys here,” I take a deep breath.
“I’m leaving. I’m-“
Zay cuts me off, “You’re leaving?! Where?”
“If you let me talk, you would know,” Zay rolls his eyes.
A smile grows on Farkle’s face, “You’re going after her,
I return the smile, and nod my head. “My flight leaves in a
couple of hours. I’m moving to California. I have everything step up. I found
an apartment near Riley, and I have job interviews at different clinics in a
few weeks. I’m still going to give her time, but I need to be near her.”
“What about your dream of opening your own clinic here? Are
you going to throw that in her face too? That you gave it up to follow her.”
Zay says so bluntly, and Farkle punches his arm. “Hey, I’m just being honest
here,” he rubs his arm.
“I know.” I smile, “My dream is Riley. I can open a practice
anywhere, but there is only one Riley Matthews, and I was lucky enough to have
her. She’s been my dream since she fell into my lap on the subway. I was just
too big of an idiot to see it.”
“So, you’re just going to be around watching her? Wouldn’t
that make you a,” Zay smacks Farkle’s arm, “what did Lucas call Charlie on New
Year’s that one time?”
Farkle starts laughing, “A creepy creep-creep,” I roll my
“Yeah that. I’m pretty sure this would make you what Farkle
I shake my head, “I’m chasing after the woman that I love,
if anything it’s romantic.” I look at my watch, “I’ve got to. I don’t know how
long it’s going to take me to get there and to get through security, but I’m
not missing this plane,” I move to stand up and they follow suit.
“Good luck man,” Zay says pulling me into a tight bearing
hug. He pulls away, “I’m going to go order a drink now. I didn’t come all this
way to not at least have one drink.”
“I thought you said it was too early,” I tease.
He rolls his eyes, “Yeah, well it’s five o’clock somewhere,”
he laughs as he walks away.
Farkle waits until he is some distance away, “Just remember
to not push her too much too soon. If she isn’t ready, she pull away. We both
know how stubborn Riley can be.”
I laugh, “She sure is.”
Farkle grabs me into a hug and let’s go, “You’ll get her
back. Just don’t mess it up again. If you hurt her again, I’ll make you
disappear. I have the money to make it happen.” I try to laugh, but I can’t
tell by his face if he is joking or not.
“I won’t hurt her, I promise,” I look at my watch again. “I
really need to go,” I look back to the bar top at Zay and then back to Farkle.
“Have fun babysitting,” I laugh walking away.
“Have a safe flight,” he shouts after me.
I find my seat on the plane, I can feel my heart racing.
This is it, I’m going after Riley. We should have never been in this position
to begin with, and if I can’t get her back I will forever hate myself for
messing up the best thing to happen to me. Before I need to shut off my phone,
I need to text Maya.
I’m on the plane. I have a chance at winning her back, right? This
isn’t for nothing.
I press send and a minute later I have new message.
I wouldn’t let you go if I didn’t think so. Take care of her
After I send it, I turn off my phone. I lay my head back and
start to count down the minutes I’m in the same state as Riley again.
When the plane finally lands, I can’t get off fast enough. I
can’t explain it, but just knowing this is the closest I’ve been to her in the
past three weeks gives me comfort. I quickly to go to find my suitcase, and
rush outside for the cab. The sooner I get my apartment, I’ll be even closer to
The whole way to my new home, it hits me. This may be the
only chance I have to fix everything with Riley, and if I don’t I lose her
forever. It scares to crap out of me. I pull out the small velvet box from my
pocket, and open to stare at the ring I picked for her so long ago. It’s a
small teardrop shaped diamond with a rose gold band. She’s never been a fan of
flashy jewelry, so when I found this ring I knew it was perfect for her.
I have to keep reminding myself to not rush into it just
because I’m ready doesn’t mean she is. I’m so consumed in my own thoughts that
I don’t realize that we are in front of the apartment. I pay the cab driver and
grab my luggage from the trunk. I watch the taxi drive away, and I stand there
staring in front of the building.
I move up the walkway that leads to the front door. I see
the realtor standing there waiting to hand me the keys to my new home that I
hope to be sharing with Riley soon, hopefully. The realtor gives me the keys,
and wishes me good luck with the apartment. I wait for him to walk away before
I walk in.
Once I’m inside, I start to look around. My immediate
thoughts are how much Riley would change it, once, if she ever moves in. I
would make it look like a college dorm room, as oppose to her who would make it
look and feel like a real home. I think her making it feel like home is just
her pure presence. I maneuver around the apartment, when I think I see her
walking right outside my window. My heart instantly starts pounding against my
I walk across the salt and pepper carpeted living room and
look at the window. It is her. I see her brown wavy locks bounce with every
step. She cut it. It use to reach her mid back, but now it’s shoulder length. I
can’t keep my eyes off her. She is absolutely breath taking. It’s taking
everything inside me to not run out there and hold her. I missed her so much.
She turns her head slightly, and I throw myself on the
floor. She can’t see me, not when she isn’t ready, and I know she isn’t. I stay
down there for a few minutes to make sure she is gone. I slowly rise and peek
out the window, and my heart drops when I don’t see her.
My phone starts ringing and I reach into my pocket to grab
it. I see Maya’s picture looking directly at me. I push my back against the
wall and sit on the floor before I answer.
Hey Maya. I’m here.
She scoffs. Yeah I
know, and so does Riley.
I didn’t think she saw me. I ducked down before she could. She must
have seen me. I ruined it, didn’t I? Damnit! I hit my forehead with the
palm of my hand.
Calm down. She didn’t
Well then how does she know that I’m here. Maya starts to laugh.
isn’t funny. How does she know I’m here?
Well she doesn’t know
exactly. What she said was that she felt like you were close by because she
felt a piece of serenity for a split second, and she hadn’t felt that since she
left New York. Well since she left you. A
smile spreads across my face. I know you’re smiling like a fool now, but
don’t get too excited. She’s still hurt.
And she has every reason to be. I sigh. What do I do Maya? If anyone
knows her better than me, it’s you. I need your help.
I can’t help you on
that. Just whenever it feels right.
That doesn’t help. Right now, it felt right. But it wouldn’t have been
right because like you said she is still hurt because of me.
Maybe she needs to
know that you are there supporting her. Maybe she needs to know that you are
willing to fight for her.
Is that what she said? Did she tell you that right now?
Maybe, but you didn’t
hear it from me.
Thank you, Maya. How is she doing with everything, like summer school?
No problem Ranger
Rick. She said it’s a little overwhelming, but she’s Riley Matthews she can
There’s a knock at my door. I stand up to move to the door. Hey I
got to go. I think the movers are here.
Remember she needs to
know that you are fighting for her.
I’ll be sure to show her. Bye Maya.
The movers and I manage to unload the truck in an hour. Once
I’m alone, instead of unpacking the boxes I call Riley. It rings and rings, but
no answer. I try again, and the same thing.
Sorry I couldn’t get
to the phone, but I’ll try my best to call you back. Beep.
Just hearing her voice through her voicemail wakes the
butterflies in my stomach. Hey Riley, it’s me again. I wish you would
talk to me. I love you.
A few days go by, and Riley never called me back. I guess
she still needs more time. I keep my mind busy with unloading boxes. I never
realized how much stuff I do have, I guess Riley was right when she would
jokingly call me a hoarder. I move around my now furnished apartment placing
things in their spot. When a knock at the door stops me from what I’m doing.
“Coming,” I shout.
I open the door expecting to see someone, but instead I see
a plate of brownies sitting in front of my door. I pick the plate up and stick
my head out to look around, but I don’t see anyone. I walk to my kitchen and
place them on the counter top and continue what I was doing.
When I get done with everything, it’s dark out. I open the
window, and I can feel the nice summer breeze. It almost smells like it’s going
to rain. I move to the kitchen looking for anything to eat when I remember
where the brownies someone left me. I unwrap the plate and move it around my
nose to smell them. They smell so familiar. My stomach starts to growl, and I
pick one up and shove it in my mouth. My eyes go wide. The walnuts and caramel,
there is only one person I know who puts both in brownies.
I dash to the bedroom and pull my phone from the charger. I
don’t hesitate to call her. The phone rings and rings, and she doesn’t answer.
Why isn’t she answering? I call again and the same thing. She knew it was me,
that’s why she left! I’ve been around where she has given someone brownies, and
she always warns them about the nuts in-case they were allergic. She didn’t
have to warn me because she already knew!
If she isn’t answer, I need call the only person that has
been my line to Riley.
She knows I’m here, doesn’t she?
You finally ate the
brownies I’m guessing. Yeah she knows. She heard your voice and left.
Maya, I’ve been calling her and she doesn’t answer any of my calls. I’m
her neighbor, aren’t I?
You live in the corner
She lives two down
from you. I’m sure she is expecting you, since you’re going over there right
now. Good luck. She’ll push you away, and I’m telling you right now don’t quit.
I’ll never. I got to go.
Bye. Go get her.
I waste no time slipping on a pay of shoes, grabbing
something off the top of the dresser and shoving it in my pocket. I rush out
the front door towards the direction of my heart.
Each step I take, I can feel nerves growing in the pit of my
stomach. I’m so close, but it feels like I’m so far away. I’m finally standing
in front of her door, and I can’t bring myself to knock on the door. I step
back and see the silhouette of someone moving around. It must be Riley.
I move back to the front of the door and take a deep breath
“Give me a minute,” I hear her angelic voice call out, and
my heart starts to flutter. It feel like an eternity before she finally opens
Her brown orbs lock with my green ones, “Hi.”
“Hi,” she pulls her gaze and looks at the floor. “What are
you doing here?”
“I came here for you,” I reach for her hand, but she pulls
it away. “Riley, I’m so sorry.”
“I know, and I’m sorry for leaving the way I did,” she says
“No you don’t need to apologize. I was wrong. Can we please
She pulls her head up and looks at me, “Not now Lucas. I
“Please, Riley. I love you.” I reach inside my pocket and
pull out the little box. I watch as her eyes widen. Maybe this was a mistake,
but it’s too late now so I go with it. It feels right. “The night you told me
about Stanford I was going to propose to you, but you knew that. I had our life
pictured in New York together, and I reacted completely out of anger. I was an
idiot.” I see tears start to form in her eyes. “I still want a future with you.
I never stopped wanting it. You are the
best thing that happened to me. I can’t lose you. I can have everything I
want in life, but if I don’t have you than nothing else matters.”
“You are my home Riley Matthews. My dream, my everything,”
she wipes the few tears that have fallen and slide down her cheeks. “I want to
spend the rest of my life with you by my side through everything,” I take a
step forward opening the box, “Will you marry me, Riley?”
I see her face and she looks conflicted, and I can feel
anxiousness wash over me, “I can’t do this right now.” She slowly starts to
close the door.
“At least talk to me,” I say trying to stop the door, but it
I hit the door twice with an open hand, “I’m not going
anywhere Riley. I’ll wait here as long as I need to. You and I belong together.
I’ll support and follow you wherever you want to go. It’s you and me. I’m sorry
for everything I said that night. I should have taken you out and celebrate you
getting in, and at the same time we would have been celebrating our engagement too.”
I wait for her to say something, but I don’t hear anything.
“I love you with everything inside of me,” I feel something
fall on me. It doesn’t stop. It’s raining, a summer rain. “It’s raining Riley. You
said we were like summer rain. When we are together, we make everything better.”
I wait for a response, but nothing and the rain doesn’t stop either.
“I’ll wait for your
reply here in the pouring rain if I have to. Like I said I’m not leaving.”
A few seconds go by, and the door cracks open. She appears in the door way, and
just like that the rain stops.
“Come in.” I follow behind her. “I’ll go get you something
warm.” I watch her disappear into the bedroom down the hallway.
I look around her apartment, and I see a few pictures of me
and her together. She didn’t give up. She walks back into the living room
holding a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, my clothes.
“You have some of my clothes?”
She nods, “I needed something that smelled like you. Here
take them and go change, so we can talk.”
She hands the clothes to me, and I take them but I place
them on the coffee table. “That can wait. We can’t.”
I stop her, “No, Riley. We are going to talk.”
She shakes her head, but I can tell she wants to say
something. So, I wait. We stand in silence facing each other for a minute or
two before she finally speaks. “I was wrong to come here. I was wrong for
wanting to go to law school. I left you for something I don’t think I can even
do. It wasn’t worth it. I’m struggling in the one summer class I’m taking. I’m
the one to blame here,” she has tears running down her fast, and I move to her
in one quick motion and use my thumbs to wipe her tears away.
I look into her eyes, “Riley, you don’t realize just what
you are capable of. You are so smart and ambitious, you aim high. You can do it;
I know you can. You just need to believe in yourself. It’s going to be hard,
but you can do it. I’ll be here to support you the way I should have been from
the beginning.” More tears fall from her eyes, and I wipe them away. “I love
I see a small spark return to her beautiful brown eyes and a
smile start to form on her lips, “I love you, too, Lucas so much.” She pushes her
lips against mine and a I hold on to every moment. When we finally pull away,
she gazes at me. “Ask me again.”
“What?” I’m still in a daze from that kiss.
“Ask me to marry you.” I look into her glossy eyes.
A smile immediately takes over my mouth. I reach into my
pocket and drop down to one knee, “Riley Matthews, will you do me the honor of
becoming Mrs. Friar?” I open the box and her eyes shine.
She nods and she smiles so wide, “Yes! Yes, I will!” I
quickly slip on the ring on her left ring finger. She wraps her arms around my
neck and smashes her lips against mine. She pulls away and looks at her finger,
“It’s beautiful Lucas.” Her eyes move to mine, “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too,” I pull her as close as I can and gently
push my lips against her. I feel so much passion in this one little kiss.
She breaks the kiss, “Lucas.”
“Mmm,” I pepper kiss her cheek and she laughs.
“You need to go change, you’re all wet.”
“I don’t want to be away from you right now even if it is
for a minute.”
She pulls out of my grasp and picks up the clothes and push
it into my chest, “Go change now Lucas Friar,” she says sternly.
I take the clothes, “Anything for you.” I start to walk to
the bathroom and turn around, “Don’t go anywhere.”
“Never. I’ll be here waiting for you.”
She smiles, “Always.”
I walk into the bathroom and look in the mirror. I smack my
cheeks a couple times to make sure I’m not dreaming, and I’m not. This is real.
Riley is going to be my wife, and I couldn’t be happier.
in celebration of Nozomi’s birthday, @banditchika n I present…..
THE KNIGHT AU!! in which Nozomi is a prospective knight and Eli is her liege lord and gay tension coexists with fantasy elements. yay!
so! this our prologue, the beginning of a project we hope to flesh out and expand,
but a fair warning: updates will probably take a while. :’) but we’re trying our best!! enjoy uwu
Word Count: 3965 (whistles into the abyss and beyond)
The oxen’s slow, rollicking pace leaves Nozomi plenty of time to appreciate the scenery as she gazes out from her perch in the wagon, squinting past the dust and dirt kicked up by wheels and hooves. Her roiling stomach and nerves are forgotten in the midst of her awe; Lady Ayase’s lands are absolutely stunning.