Ashton had always been into photography. It was a hobby of his that he enjoyed the most. There was something about seeing beauty through the lens of a camera. Pictures can trick others into believing something happened a certain way than it did. For instance a person could look happy in a picture, but outside of what’s captured could be chaos. Ashton wondered if he hadn’t become a musician maybe he would’ve been a photographer. It was a gift really. His talent for making things seem beautiful when they probably weren’t. It was a way to escape reality.
You were his muse. It was actually how the two of you meant. The guys hanging out at the beach and of course Ashton was taking photos. It was by chance that he had spotted you from a distance. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” Ashton had recalled the phrase. You were more than that to him. Something about you was magnificent and enchanting. You literally took Ashton’s breath away and he knew he had to get to know you. That’s how it all started and now you were the center person for his Instagram. Ashton thanked his lucky stars for whatever brought you into his life.
Polaroids had become Ashton’s new favorite way to photograph. His new obsession making every photo seem like a vintage piece of art. Ashton had a new private photo series going on. He’s found himself photo taking you as usual, but in sexier pictures. His favorite time to take them was after the two of you finished having sex. The after-sex glow you had was inspirational and needed to be documented Ashton had explained. After reassuring you that the photos wouldn’t be seen by anyone other than him, you were comfortable to take them. These pictures were Ashton’s salvation when he was missing you on tour.
You had been overshadowed on Ashton’s Instagram page. It made you both relieved and jealous at the same time. Baby Irwin had become another muse of Ashton’s. The child always staring up at her father in confusion when he was taking pictures. She was basically born to be in front of a camera; Ashton of course had filmed the birth. It was good that he found someone else to photograph because after giving birth you refused to be in front of the camera for some time. The child was a splitting image of her father and she brought joy to those who came across her.
It was the memories behind a picture that mattered the most. Each one bringing a new type of emotion. There was the photograph Ashton had taken of the ocean in black and white. The picture was beautiful beyond relief and to anyone looking at it they would feel calm. For Ashton it was sadness. That particular picture was when the two of you had broken up for a few weeks. Ashton could still taste the salt from his tears whenever he looked at the picture. Another photograph showed your first year anniversary. That day Ashton had looked at you with so much love as he captured the event. It was a special day not only because you were celebrating a year of being married, but because you had told him you were pregnant. Each photo held a memory, or in Ashton’s case it held life.
Highly requested, this is way long overdue. But I’m back and healthy and happy. Can’t wait to write more for you guys. Enjoy. 123 . Masterlist in my bio.
Chapter based on this quote: “How am I suppose to go back when I know you have already replaced me…”
I fucked up.
I left her.
I told her I didn’t love her, and steered her into the wrong guys arms.
It hurt my chest and made my lungs collapse picturing them in my head, in the same bed, Ashton hovering above her. The look on her face got me the most. Not even the fact that Ashton was close to cumming inside of her. Her eyes shot out of her head with visible veins showing through. Her shoulders tensed underneath Ashton’s arms, her collarbones becoming more prominent in fear. Her face showed began to show both colors of blue and red, from being embarrassed and from holding her breathe too long. It broke me, seeing her broken.
And now I stand, at 3 am outside the hotel building, with a lit cigarette in hand, and the cold wind creating dry patches and red marks on my face. The smoke blew seamlessly into the night time air, creating swirls for me to watch and keep my mind off of the situation. I took one too many puffs, one after the other, the swelling feeling in my throat becoming too much to take in, causing me to starting coughing loudly. The smoke scratched at my lungs each time I coughed, tears now forming in my eyes painfully. As my hand came up to my chest as a gesture, someone’s voice in front of me interrupted.
“You need some help?” It was calm. Raspy. Quiet. I immediately dropped my cigarette and stomped it out with my toes, then wiped my now red eyes. She was wearing a flannel that had the first two buttons undone, some baggy sweatpants, and her hair pulled into a truly messy bun. Not the cute ones most girls wore to give them the ‘natural’ look, but more of a bun where you couldn’t tell where strands ended or started, they all just stuck out everywhere ready to collapse. Her arms were crossed, and I looked straight into her eyes. They were droopy, with light bags forming underneath them. She had been crying, a lot I assumed from how red her cheeks were. But then again, maybe it was just the cold.
I gathered my strength and leaned back against the building, putting my hands deep into my pockets. “Not from you no.”
“Calum, don’t shut me out again. Please…let me talk…” She whispered with a cracking voice. She stepped forward coming closer to me, and my body’s first reaction was to back up even further against the wall, but no amount of energy I had could do that. I had to stand there defensively and stomach enough courage to hear her out.
“You fucked Ashton. You fucked my best friend. You fucked my roommate, my band mate. My brother.” I tried to stare anywhere else but directly in front me. Or else I’d get lost in those big orbs of light brown that captured my attention flawlessly. “You left me that day in my apartment, in nothing but my underwear, telling me that you didn’t love me. All you keep doing, is hurting me. You’re trying so hard to fight and fix us but Y/N…there was nothing else to fix. There was nothing there for us to mend and put back together. Like you said, all we are is fuck buddies.” I tried to push past her, but the sound of her pleading voice made me stop before I reached the hotel door.
“I’ll let you go.”
I turned around stunned, but it didn’t show on my face. I only ran a hand threw what little hair I had, in frustration. Hearing those words was even more painful than seeing her in pleasure that was caused by my best friend. Because this meant that Y/N and I were completely over. That there was no hope left for us. That we were utterly, and painfully, ruined.
“I didn’t come down here to win you back, or say I love you and kiss you and make everything better. That’s not realistic Calum.” I could tell it was breaking her to say these words to me. She wiped a few tears before speaking again. “I realized about an hour ago that we’re both messed up people with none of our shit figured out. If we did, then we’d be together right now. Not friends with benefits, not just someone we call to fuck and then leave. We’d be peacefully falling asleep together at night, and waking up to our morning breathes at 8 am.” I slightly scuffed at her comment. “I mean, shit it took me one month of pure heart break and loneliness without you to realize that I loved you, and you were perfectly happy and moved on. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you Calum. All you ever did was make me happy. Sure, it stings. It hurts. It really really fucking makes me sick. But when you love someone, you realize that their own needs come before your own.” She walked towards me slowly, reaching her hand down to intertwined with mine. I didn’t stop it, but only looked down at the ground, squeezing as hard as I could. This would be the last time I’d get to ever hold this hand, a hand I held for reassurance and guidance, for closeness and protection.
She softly smiled, but it was a sad one. She knew she was leaving me for good.
“I knew I was going to need to leave you sooner or later. I just always hoped that that wouldn’t be an option anymore. There’s was always a glimmer of hope in me that said we’d make it. That no matter what, we’d get through whatever we were going through. But I was wrong.” Her lip started quivering, built up hot tears dragging down her swollen cheeks. I clenched my fist to stop me from wiping them off of her face.
“This is what’s best Calum. No more sneaking around, no more running off to be with each other, no more intimacy. We both have someone waiting for us in this hotel, someone who could potentially be very good for us. I don’t want you wasting your time on me, when she deserves so much better from you.” She reached up to kiss my cheek softly. I bit my lip and looked the other direction as she pulled away. This was it. No going back, no do over’s.
“I love you Calum.” She whispered, and disconnected herself from me, pulling open the hotel doors and sliding in to get to the elevators. I didn’t watch her. Knowing me, I would’ve ran and grabbed her to stop her.
5 minutes later I walked into Ashton’s hotel room again, baby snores escaping his lips. I stood propped up on the bedroom door frame, watching admiringly. He heard the floor creak and lifted his head up slowly, his eyes struggling to open.
“Go back to bed big guy, I’m joining you.”
I walked into my hotel room with her quietly sitting on the bed flipping through TV channels. She gave me a small smile before turning her attention back on the screen. Clearly we’d be having a talk about this in a few hours, but right now all we cared about getting the most amount of sleep possible before being woken up to hit up the next venue.
I shrugged off my shirt before climbing into bed with her, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. If I wrapped around her waist, it’d be too much of a familiar feeling.
Neither Y/N nor Calum felt completely comfortable and safe with the other person they were in bed with. Sadly, they were settling. That is…for now at least.
This was kind of a shit chapter for being back after weeks so I’m very sorry. Message or inbox me ideas you’d like to see if you guys would like a part 5!