5sos text post

when you’re just another social casualty

when you don’t wake up with amnesia

when she doesn’t walk your way

when you waste the night

when you don’t go back to San Francisco

when this isn’t your independence day

  • you: calum hood
  • Me, an intellectual: the man, the myth, the legend.
  • 5SOS's management: ok your target audience is obviously 9-13 year old girls so we're going to try to help you appeal to younger kids and families
  • 5SOS: *write an entire album about hooking up with girls*
  • 5SOS: *breakthrough hit is literally about underwear*
  • 5SOS: *make sex jokes all the time*
  • 5SOS: *curse on stage 263343 times per concert*
  • 5SOS: *get a ton of tattoos and piercings*
  • 5SOS: *hanging out and writing songs with pop-punk legends*
  • 5SOS: *seriously the most irreverent and inappropriate pack of boys i've ever seen and they know it*
  • 5SOS: *start putting out songs that are more pop-punk and have nothing to do with girls and everything to do with calling out society*
  • 5SOS management: wow shit nevermind then
me introducing 5sos to my parents

me: *pulls out laptop*

me: *sits down while theyre eating their dinner*

me: *picks a award show picture*

me: so this is 5sos

dad:*continues eating*

mom: so who’s your fav?

me: *runs back into room and pulls out two posters*

me: *unrolls posters*

me: so this is Ashton, who’s my favorite

mom: he’s ugly

me: mom no he’s so hot 

dad: *continues eating*

me: so this is Ashton Irwin, he’s 20 he plays the drums and sings a bit. He has a younger sister and a younger brother

mom and dad: *keep on eating*

me: *starts laughing*

me: this is Luke, he’s 18 and he’s the youngest and he sings and plays the guitar and he has two older brothers

me: this is Michael, you can recognize him because he always has crazy hair. He’s 19 and he plays the guitar 

me: this is Calum, he’s 19 and he plays the bass and sings with Luke. He has a older sister who can sing and she’s really talented

mom: wait so theyre all so young which means they didnt finish school

me: yeah they dropped out of school except for Ashton who actually graduated

mom: they are bad influences stop listening to them

me: no

me: lets continue

me: *googles a pic of Mali*

me: she is my ultimate goal in life but anyways, these are the 5sos moms

mom: she’s pretty

dad: *eats*

me: *googles pics of the 5sos moms*

me: so from left to right we have Karen who is Michael’s mom, Anne who is Ashton’s mom, Joy who is Calum’s mom and lastly Liz who is Luke’s mom

mom: why do the mom’s look younger than their sons

me: HAHAHHAHAH

dad: *keeps on eating*

me: okay so you guys have to name one of them before you can leave the dinner table

dad: Luke

mom: Michael

me: oh my god you guys actually payed attention

*5 minutes later*

me: mom can you name the other two besides Luke and Michael?

mom: give me the names I’ll point who’s who

me: you’re missing Calum and Ashton

mom: *points at Calum* that’s Ashton

me: *tries to contain laugh*

mom: *points to Ashton* that’s Calum

me: HAHAHAH NO ITS THE OTHER WAY AROUND

sister: shut up about 5sos

me: no lol

me: dad you have to listen to their music, or else you’re gonna be so awkward at the 5sos concert, but don’t worry, you won’t be the only awkward dad standing in the crowd. There might be a angry and bored dad club at the concert if you’re lucky

dad: sign me up for that club i’ve got a lot to rant


conclusion: my dad thinks 5sos are okay but he needs a 5sos dad club at the 5sos concert in San Diego and my mom thinks Ashton is ugly and Ashton is Calum and Calum is Ashton.