I sit on my bed, with my face in my hands. I hear the front door close, so I assume that Julian left. I don’t make any movement to get up and go see Vivian. She’s the reason my brain feels as if it’s about to explode.
I can’t believe I kissed her.
I smack my forehead, trying to punish myself for my careless actions. She’s vulnerable, and I kissed her. I took advantage of the fact that she’s vulnerable and I fucking kissed her.
I can’t believe I kissed her! I am such a jackass.
I groan, and flop back onto my bed, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to erase what I did.
I kissed her, and she kissed me back.
She was vulnerable, she didn’t know what she was doing. I took advantage of her and she kissed me back, that doesn’t mean anything.
But the kiss was amazing.
It was so wrong.
But it was so amazing.
She told me to forget about it. She doesn’t feel the same way about it.
“Luke?” Vivian’s voice is quiet, but interrupts my internal argument nonetheless.
I sit up, and open my eyes to see her with red eyes, “Hey.”
I pat the spot next to me, and she sits down. I see tear stream down her cheeks, and without thinking of it, I wrap my arms around her and pull her into my chest. She curls up into a ball in my arms, and hugs me back, her sobs muffled by my shirt.
“It’s okay, let it out,” I whisper, and rub her back soothingly.
After a while of her crying, she pulls away. I don’t ask why she was crying because I already have an idea.
“You can stay with us for as long as you need. You won’t be intruding, I promise you. I don’t want you to stress about that okay, you already have enough to stress about,” I reach out and wipe away a stray tear from her cheek.
She smiles up at me, and nods, “Thank you so much Luke.”
“Of course,” I reply, because saying ‘you’re welcome’ doesn’t seem good enough to say to her.
This makes her smile more, and she lets out a breath. I watch her stand up and look around my room. It’s filled with band posters and a clutter of papers. I’m about to apologize for the mess, but she turns to me before I can.
“You play the guitar?” She asks, pointing to my old acoustic guitar leaning against the wall by my dresser.
I nod, “Yeah, I’m um.. Actually in a band.”
Vivians eyes widen, and she nods her head, “I heard that you were! With Calum, Michael, and Ashton.”
I nod my head, and feel my cheeks heat up. I don’t know why I’m so embarrassed, but the thought of Vivian seeing us perform makes me extremely nervous, and embarrassed.
“Play something for me?” She has her hand around the neck of the guitar, and is now standing in front of me.
“I don’t know…” I bite on my bottom lip.
Vivian sticks her bottom lip, and gives me puppy dog eyes, “Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee?”
I sigh and give in, “Sure.”
She hands me the guitar, and sits down next to me, staring at me with wide eyes. I gulp, then start to play the first song that comes to my mind.
I strum the chords, and start to sing the lyrics without thinking twice.
“Ever since the day that we met
I couldn’t get you out of my head
There was always something about you
Every chance that I seem to get
Finds a way to end in regret
There was always something about you.”
When I realize what lyrics I’m singing, I choke up, and end the song abruptly.
“Wow, Luke, that’s amazing,” Vivian stares at me with wide eyes.
I nod. “Thanks, um, Calum writes most of the lyrics…” What I tell her is the truth, but I can’t help but think of her every time we’ve practiced the song.
“I meant your voice, but the lyrics were amazing too. Whoever that’s about must be very special,” she smiles up at me, completely oblivious of my feelings for her.
My cheeks heat up instantly, and I have to look away, “Thanks..”
“Of course!” She answers immediately, “Play me another one?”
I look at her, still embarrassed, “You sure?”
Vivian nods vigorously. I sigh, but position my fingers in the first chord of “Unpredictable”
She watches me intently as I strum, and sing. The smile on her face make my heart skip a beat, but deep down I can’t help but feel sad because there’s no way that she feels the same about me.
When I’ve finished “Unpredictable” I set the guitar down on the bed. I look at Vivian, and try to sound casual about it, but there’s really no way to.
“What do you remember me saying from last night?”
The look of confusion on her face is the strongest I’ve ever seen, “What?”
“Right before you fell asleep, what do you remember me saying?” I ask, as I try to come up with a slightly believable lie for when she asks what I’m talking about.
“Just about how strong you think I am, then something about puzzles but I don’t remember from there. Why?”
I don’t know how to feel. Disappointed that she didn’t hear my confession, because of the sliver of hope that I still have for her maybe having the same feelings towards me as I have for her? Or relieved, that I saved myself from the embarrassment of her rejection? Some of both I guess.
“I just wanted to make sure that you knew how strong you are,” I reply.
She nods, “Yeah. Thank you for that whole speech. It helped a lot.”
I guess in some way it helped me too. It helped me get all of the feelings off my chest, even though she didn’t hear me.
“Of course,” I smile at her, and am about to ask he what she wants to do, when my phone starts to vibrate on my dresser.
I cross my room and grab it, seeing that Calum is calling me. I turn back to Vivian and hold a finger up, asking her to give me a second. She nods, and I answer the phone.
“Hey Cal,” I say, and Vivian’s expression changes, I think it’s embarrassment, but Calum speaks before I can determine it.
“Luke! How’s your rescue going?” I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“It’s good, what do you want?” I cut to the chase, so I can save myself from answering any embarrassing questions.
“Ash want’s to have a band practice meeting thing. He says that he’s got us a gig or something.” He replies casually, but I start to freak out.
“Really? Where?” This would be great for the band. We’ve only played for a few people a few times, so we need all the shows we can get.
“In the city over or something, Ash will explain more when you get here,” He answers, and my eyes move to Vivian who looks confused.
“Now’s not really a good time Cal, can we reschedule it?” I ask and Vivian stands up walking towards me.
“What is it?” She asks.
“Just Calum, he says that Ashton want’s to have a band meeting right now, but I’m sure they can change it,” I shrug, but Vivian shakes her head.
“No Luke, don’t put off your band for me,” She looks serious.
“Yo, Luke! Is that Vivian?” Calum asks, and I remember that I’m on the phone with him.
“Yes Calum, and no Viv, I’m not leaving you here we’ll just reschedule,”
I hear movement of the phone, then Michaels loud voice sounds in my ear, “Tell Vivian that she can come too!”
I know that she heard him, but I put my hand over the phone anyway, “What do you think?”
“Yeah, it’ll be fun to see you all play,” She gives me a real smile, but I know that there is some nervousness about it.
“You’re sure?” I ask, not wanting to make her do something that she doesn’t want to do. She nods, and I know she’s telling the truth.
There’s some fear in here eyes though, and I don’t know where it’s coming from. I’m about to ask her what it is, but Michael and Calum start screaming at me on the other line, so I let it go and put the phone back up to my ear.
“We’ll be there in ten minutes,” I say, then hang up the phone and look down at Vivian.
“If you don’t want to go, we don’t have to. I don’t want you to think that you have to come, because you don’t, at all,” I say softly, but seriously.
She shakes her head, “No, Luke it’s fine, really.”
Again, something in her eyes contradicts her statement, “What is it?”
“What?” She looks confused.
“What’s the reason that you don’t want to go, and please don’t lie to me, I know there’s something.” She sighs, and sits down on my bed.
“I just don’t want them to ask any questions about this,” She points to her cheek, where the red is gone, but there’s a slight bruise in the shape of a hand.
I sit down next to her, and grab her hand. I have to push the feelings she gives me aside, and focus on her problems right now, “I’ll tell them not to ask any questions. If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.”
She leans her head on my shoulder and sighs, “Alright.”
She peeks her eyes up at me, and all I want to do right now is lean down and kiss her plump lips, but I can’t keep doing that. She’s emotionally unstable right now, and needs to be comforted, in the way a friend would, so that’s what I’ll be.
Her friend, that’s it. No kissing, no relationship, nothing. Just her friend. Nothing emotional. I have to constantly remind myself that she doesn’t feel anything towards me, except for friendship. It kills me, but it’s life.
“Come on, we have to get dressed,” I smile down at her, and can’t help but want to just stay here with her all day and watch movies.
She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and stands up, “Julian brought me my own clothes, but they’re all so uncomfortable. Could I maybe borrow a t-shirt?”
I have to bite myself from letting out some noise when I see her in my clothes. It doesn’t only turn me on, and want to kiss her even more, but it also makes the feelings I have for her even more intense.
This is going to be so difficult.
“Definitely,” I stride over to my closet and grab the smallest shirt I can, and hand it to her.
Her cheeks are growing redder by the second, “Thanks.” She whispers, then rushes out of my room.
I fall onto my bed and groan, trying to stop myself from thinking about her, but it’s so damn hard. I’m falling more and more in love with her each day, and she can’t see it at all.
Eventually I get off of my bed, and change into the first things I can find. Some black skinny jeans, and a random shirt. I pull on a jacket, because it’s still cold out. After I’ve put some shoes on, I grab my phone and walk into the hallway.
“Viv, you ready?” I’m about to knock on the guest room, but I see her in the bathroom. She’s got my shirt on-which is enormous on her-some dark jeans and sneakers on. Right now she’s brushing through her long strawberry blonde hair.
“Yeah, just about,” She ties up her hair into a ponytail, and turns towards me, with a bright smile on her face. Seeing her like this, without makeup, without her hair done perfectly, not dressed up, in my shirt, causes so many feelings in me.
She was beautiful to start with, but now, I have no words to describe her beauty. I’m breathless just looking at her, which worries me. I have to clear my throat and look away in order to speak clearly.
“You don’t mind if we take your car, do you?” I ask, and glance at her to see that the vibrant smile still adorns her perfect lips.
“Not at all, but I want to drive,” She lets out a small giggle, making a grin adorn my own mouth.
“Just as long as you don’t kill me,” I reply, and let her walk out the front door before me, and lock it as I close it.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” She says seriously, but a her smile is still intact.
This is the happiest I have ever seen Vivian, and all I want to do now is do all I can to keep her this happy. Because as her happiness increases, so does her beauty, and my god, she is beautiful.
chapter 18 alright, I’m super excited for where this is going.
I hope you guys are all doing well, and enjoy this chapter.