50s musicals

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Born on this day: March 27, 1924 - Jazz vocal icon Sarah Vaughan (born Sarah Lois Vaughan in Newark, NJ). Happy Birthday the legendary “Sassy” on what would have been her 93rd Birthday.

Two things I am starting to come to terms with about my age …

- My hair. I haven’t dyed it since before Christmas. And I plan to have my hair stylist give me partial highlights that will help me transition to having half (or mostly) gray hair. I literally haven’t seen my natural hair color in anything except my roots since I was 17, y’all - which is when I found my first gray hair. After more than 20 years, I’m tired of having to deal with hair dye once a month. Bring on the silver.

- The fact that the “oldies” radio station is now all 80s music, all the time. I mean, 80s music is to kids these days what 50s music was to me when that radio station (or its St. Louis equivalent) was playing it in the 80s. So I’m done being “OMG SO OLD” traumatized by that, I’m just gonna be happy that, when I forget my iPod in the car, I can sing loudly along to Journey and Whitney Houston instead. 

Y’know, last year, my dad kept warning me about turning 40 - it was the most traumatizing age of all for him apparently. But me? I turned 40 and apparently went “can I start my crone phase now? I’m ready for it.” 

story time
  • so during this show
  • (cinderella)
  • (i was a stepsister)
  • we made a bet
  • it was a bet on me
  • but not some wishy washy bet for a sandwhich deal
  • this was real life
  • this was money
  • and the bet was that I could not touch every butt of every person in the show
  • (every butt)
  • i took the challenge immediately 
  • (i am not weak)
  • but I had to do it all in one show
  • and i had
  • 10 minutes
  • (10 minutes of time when i was not onstage)
  • so what is a girl to do
  • i can not touch every butt backstage
  • (every butt)
  • i had limited time
  • i had to get
  • creative
  • i get the techies first
  • it took me the whole ten minutes
  • (they run fast)
  • and I get the extras and some others in the dance sequence
  • (multitasking)
  • but here’s the thing
  • now I have to get the main actors
  • how will she do it?
  • you ask
  • well
  • i will tell you
  • i’ll tell you how i did it
  • it’s called acting
  • i touched the butts
  • onstage
  • (all of the butts)
  • i touch the prince’s servant’s butt on my way onstage
  • (a light tap)
  • (too fast for the naked eye to see)
  • oh but he felt it
  • he knew
  • he knew i was out for the butts
  • (every butt)
  • i saw the fear in his eyes
  • no
  • he mouths to me
  • but it is too late
  • i’ve gone too far
  • i must not stop
  • twenty minutes until the end
  • i must work fast
  • i touch my stepsister’s butt
  • she is not surprised
  • she has bet money on this
  • (she knows what i am capable of)
  • i touch my stepmother’s butt
  • she is standing
  • she forgets her line
  • (she has lost seven dollars)
  • and now things become
  • difficult
  • i am on the floor of the stage
  • (for the scene)
  • and the prince
  • (the next victim)
  • (he has bet against me)
  • he is standing above me
  • facing away from me
  • butt first
  • this is my chance
  • it is now or never
  • i put a hand on the back of his leg
  • he knows
  • he is speaking
  • his voice cracks
  • he smells defeat
  • his defeat
  • my hand ventures up
  • (towards the butt)
  • he begins to sing
  • i touch the butt
  • (every butt)
  • i have won
  • he stumbles over a word
  • he is the loser
  • the curtain closes
  • i have done it
  • all that is left is the wedding scene
  • i have touched all the butts
  • (every butt)
  • i can’t believe you got cinderella’s butt
  • one says backstage
  • my heart stops
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOy6hqzfsAs
  • i have not gotten the last butt
  • (the most precious butt)
  • i cannot do it
  • i think
  • i am in a quick change
  • (another girl’s hands are down my pants)
  • i cannot do this during the wedding scene
  • but i will not lose
  • i have come so far
  • i stop
  • your shoes
  • the techie says
  • i cannot come back
  • it must be done
  • i walk
  • no
  • i run
  • to the next room
  • cinderella is there
  • wearing a tan leotard
  • this is it
  • i think
  • i do not know this girl well
  • (she is catholic)
  • god forgive me for the sin i am to commit
  • i whisper
  • (i cross my chest)
  • the time has come
  • a crowd has circled around the room
  • they are watching
  • waiting
  • cinderella does not know
  • she has not yet truly been exposed to the world and its horrors
  • (she will be)
  • i stop
  • i am so close
  • i do it
  • both hands are on the butt
  • (the most precious butt)
  • i have done it
  • i’m sorry
  • i say
  • it had to be done
  • don’t stop
  • she says
  • what
  • i say
  • i did not expect this
  • a variable has been thrown into the equation
  • (the butt equation)
  • i like it
  • she says
  • she looks back at me
  • i look at her
  • (ten seconds until curtain)
  • she does not blink
  • (nine seconds)
  • i do not know what to do
  • (eight seconds)
  • my hands are still on the butt
  • (seven )
  • i want to move them but i cannot
  • (six)
  • i am not wearing shoes
  • (five)
  • the stage manager busts in
  • (saved by the manager)
  • the next five seconds are a blur
  • my hands are no longer on the butt
  • (i don’t know how)
  • i am on stage
  • i am not wearing shoes
  • the theatre teacher is in the audience
  • she knows
  • she sees
  • this is the end
  • i think
  • it was worth it
  • i bow
  • i am smiling
  • i have won
  • Martha: JD? What's wrong?
  • JD: The world is bleak and meaningless. Future generations will have to clean up our horrendous messes both politically and environmentally. Relations with other countries have become tenuous at best and collapsed at worst. We will more than likely never make it off this planet before our hubris and mistreatment of our home come back to ruin our civilization, making mankind a pockmark on the corpse of a once vibrant and bountiful-
  • Martha: Ok, let me stop you there. I meant right now. At this moment.
  • JD: So did I.
  • Veronica: I told you never to ask him generalized questions.