50p

Sadly in the London Production [the chandelier] falls very slowly because of Health and Safety. I always wanted to have a block of seats in the middle of the stalls that were 50p each and you had to sign a form, saying “I sit in this seat at my own risk” and really have the chandelier belting down.

In the Australian Production - naturally, them being Australians - the chandelier comes down at a hundred miles an hour and stops an inch above the heads of the audience, and is much more exciting.

I’ve seen chandeliers fall now at productions all over the world and you can kind of tell which country you’re in by the speed of the chandelier.

—  Richard Stilgoe, Co-Lyricist on Andrew Lloyd-Webber’s Phantom of the Opera [in regard to his feelings on the Falling of the Chandelier and International Productions]

anonymous asked:

If you are still doing prompts, could you please write something where it is Jily's first time (Lily virgin, James not)? Or an embarrassing morning after story where James snuck into Lily's house, and her parents/Petunia are like why do you have a naked boy in your bed Lily? Thanks

an unforgettable birthday (for the birthday girl, @bantasticbeasts ily bonnie)

  • it all starts with a bottle of cream soda (lily’s favourite drink, which she liked to bring up in almost every single conversation with anyone who was ever willing to listen) on lily’s birthday
  • the scene starts with james, who has been staring at his table for over two hours, tapping his quill in an obnoxious manner that eventually drives sirius crazy
  • “can you please stop that?” is the first thing sirius asks, glaring over at james who only sighs back in a dramatic response
  • after another fifty taps sirius throws a cushion, hitting james square in the face and making his glasses slide over his ears
  • a body wrestle later (which ends in sirius yelling mercy! as his face gets shoved into a frilly pillow) james is finally explaining his dilemma to sirius. the two hover over steaming mugs of tea, james swirling his spoon so dejectedly that sirius wants to immediately call jeremy kyle and book him onto the show
  • “let me get this straight… it’s lily birthday and you don’t know what to give her? That’s the reason why you’ve been so annoying?”
  • “What do girls even like?” James complains. “I mean, she likes cream soda. should i just buy her a bunch?”
  • “you are kidding right?”
  • “what did you get mary for her birthday?”
  • the question both amuses and surprises sirius. the boy shuffles a few of euphemia potter’s magazines in faux interest, his fingers dancing on the bright covers. it’s only when james gives him a nudge, followed by a ‘…well?’ that sirius finally relents
  • well… i mean. i got her a watch. which she loved and a photo of us… but um the main present… wasn’t exactly a present you could um… yknow.” 
  • james just stares at him, blank
  • “i err… i gave her the best gift anyone can have.” he tries again. james still just looks confused.
  • “i wrapped myself in wrapping paper and gave myself to her.” 
  • You did?”
  • “jeez james, i mean, god how are you even headboy?… i mean in a metaphorical way.”
  • that’s how james ends up putting on a muggle suit (it’s technically fleamont’s, but sirius manages to shrink it to fit james’ smaller frame), buying seven bottles of cream soda (to which the cashier gets extremely annoyed that james cannot differentiate a 50p from a 20p, he only ever uses muggle money whenever lily’s with him) and walking to lily’s house as soon as the sun sets. 
  • he knows her house off by heart, which window is hers and which floorboard on the stairs creaks. he grabs a stone and throws it gently at her window, waiting to see if she’s there. 
  • she opens her curtains with a look of confusion, but when she notices who it is she’s smiling, completely elated.
  • “you could use the front door, you know.” 
  • “but…”
  • “my parents and tuney aren’t here.”
  • lily disappears back into her room and james has to breathe calmly in and out as he waits by the front door. 
  • let’s just say: the cream soda remains in the bags, completely forgotten as dusk becomes night 
  • its james who wakes up first and god, she’s such a sight to behold with her red hair flowing onto her bare shoulders and caressing his nose. he can’t help but smile and when she stirs up slowly he’s embracing her, kissing her all over and serenading her with birthday songs
  • that is, until there’s a knock at her door, followed by said door opening with a very loud bang!
  • “HAPPY BIRTHday…” 
  • it’s like the entire neighbourhood has come over. there’s dorcas, mary and marlene, their faces going from YAY to oh in 0.5 seconds, there’s Mrs Murn (resident old, cat lady) who holds a birthday cake in her arms and luckily doesn’t drop it in surprise and Mr and Mrs Evans at the front, wearing ‘birthday girl’ pink sparkly party hats.
  • james falls off the bed in shock, showing the entire crowd his rather pleasant looking backside before lily throws her entire duvet over him. he’s swearing and apologising profusely as he struggles with the duvet, finally wrapping it over him fully so only his face is on show.
  • mary’s the only one who doesn’t seem entirely gobsmacked. she grins. “how about we, err, bring the party downstairs and have a nice cup of tea first before the birthday girl can blow out her candles and open her presents?” 
  • james and lily are frozen as the people leave (james avoids mr evan’s eyes and lily in, horror and humiliation, notices how Mrs Murn’s gaze lingers on James for a few heavy seconds)
  • it’s only when mary gives them both a wink and says ‘i don’t think any present can top this’ and ‘be presentable and come down before mr evans has a heart attack!’ before shutting the door that it finally sinks in
  • they’re both laughing and crying at the same time, their faces completely heated and on fire that it takes them about fifteen minutes to actually get dressed 
  • mr evans is surprisingly okay about the whole ordeal and gives james a rather big slice of birthday cake before patting his shoulder and giving him the ‘if-you-hurt-my-daughter-i-will-skin-you-alive’ glare, followed by the ‘im-glad-we-had-this-chat’ smile
  • after this james never takes sirius’ advice ever again
DIY - Simple STP

If you’ve ever done any research into STP devices for transmasculine folks, you may have felt the same horror I felt when I saw that a good quality STP would cost me in the region of £300. This wasn’t happening, so I had a think and did what trans people are very good at: I improvised. 

I made my STP out of a 2 pint milk carton. It is durable, hygienic, fits in my pocket, and cost nothing to make (well, 50p for the milk) Here’s how I made it:

You will need: Milk carton, scissors, lighter/candle

Instructions: You need a milk carton that looks something like this. Make sure you clean it out thoroughly. Mark with a pen and cut along the red lines shown here. 

The handle of the carton will act as a funnel. 

Cut a ‘V’ shape at the end of the funnel to make the flow look more natural.

Soften the edges of the STP with a lighter

and you’re done! Here is the finished STP:

Practice with this thing before you take it out, as there is a bit of an art to it, but I have never had any problems with mine! Just rinse it after you use it and you’re off. Happy peeing my dudes! 

anonymous asked:

I work in a charity shop, and everything in there is dirt cheap unless it's brand new and electronic (which is very rare). The amount of times I witness customers picking up something from one end of the store only to come up to me claiming to have picked it out of our bargain bins that are either 50p or £1 is ridiculous! Yes I'm 100% certain the £15.00 stereo I priced an hour ago was not in the bin! Stop yelling at my me about it being false advertisement! I saw you take it off the shelf!

Chapter Twelve: The Mirror of Erised 23/06/17

If you want to participate in #hogwartsreread the rules can be found here. Here’s my thoughts on the chapter:

  • Classic Weasleys hitting Voldemort in the face with snowballs
  • Candles on a Christmas tree sounds like a bit of a fire hazard if I’m perfectly honest
  • This is why wizards need google folks. Siri could have told you who Nicolas Flamel was in two seconds
  • Ron if you think the 50p is a weird shape wait till you see the new pound coin it’s a mess
  • So if someone was wearing the invisibility cloak over part of their body, would you be able to see their insides? Like if just their arm was invisible what would you see instead of their arm?
  • Dumbledore in a flowered bonnet is incredible please can someone draw that 
  • Why does the screaming book exist? what is its purpose?
  • I like that in the books it’s not just Harry’s parents in the mirror, but his whole family
  • Why is the mirror even chilling in that random classroom? how long does it take for dumbledore to move it to the stone?
  • It honestly took Harry about 20 minutes to realise that socks line was a lie my innocent, gullible child
timezone

the distance between us is bound
to cause confusion when our souls
emerse themselves in each other
whenever we speak
we feel things
hard to believe
we know they
are true to heart

but the heart
cocks a shotgun

this line is 7:50P for me
this line is 1:50A for you

there are six
thousand
or so miles
u-Between-s

I didn’t Google it so I’m not sure
of an educated proximation

I am sure that the number
doesn’t matter because your
head is sleeping on your pillow

instead of my chest

every morning you tell
me to close my eyes
so I can feel the light breeze
blowing the kisses you sent me

every night I send
mine

how lucky we are
the universe built
a wind tunnel roundabout
close to my house

on the nights
the wind doesn’t blow
and the sky is clear
I flash signals
to the stars
so they shine on your
lips the next time
you lay down

and you aren’t
in my arms