my elf bard, allegra, went on her first mission today, she went to hell to save the soul of somebody in our party, but we were getting conned out of our money on the river stix by the riverman, who kept stopping every 1/3 of the river to ask for 500gp or else the boat would be attacked by water demons

so she took out a signed poster and used a performance check in place of a bluff to play an awesome song convincing this guy that the poster was the most valuable thing he’d ever seen, and since i poured so much into her charisma and perform skill, she got a 42

he believed it so hard he gave us back everything else he took previously and took us to the other side of the river safely, and the DM said it would probably be another 40 years before he realized that he got shafted because he thought it was so valuable he’d never sell it. but i said by then he’ll probably be a big enough fan of allegra’s music that it will have the greatest sentimental value, instead

First Session of D&D Summer Camp

DM (counsellor): Okay, so you have 500GP and any table in the PHB to buy whatever equipment you want. Go crazy, I’ll be back in half an hour.

Dwarf: So if we’re stingy about our gold we can buy anything in here? Anything?

Elf 1: Sure. *sigh* I’ll buy rations and travel equipment…

Elf 2: And I’ll buy EXPLOSIVES!!!!!

The Dwarf is oddly quiet as the two Elves and the Human excitedly chat about what will look the coolest in battle.
About 45 minutes later, they’re entering their first fight.

Dwarf: I drink all four dozen mugs I bought!

Everybody: What?!

Dwarf shows inventory sheet, which does indeed contain 48 beer (mug).

DM: Are you sure you want to drink all of them?

Dwarf: Well, yeah. Sugar rush should give me an extra move square, right?

DM: Uh, no… Are you sure?

Dwarf: Yes I’m sure!

DM: *sigh* Fine. Roll endurance against inebriation.

Dwarf rolls, fails, and has every roll in that battle short of a 20 treated as a crit fail. He later explains that he believed Beer (Mug) to have been Mug Root Beer.

IOU One Army

So in our campaign, the city of Neverwinter is under siege, attacked from all four compass directions by an enormous army. As knights of Neverwinter, we were summoned to protect the king and assist in the battle. After discovering his four commanders dead, four members of the party stepped up to take command. This included a drow ranger, a dragonborn paladin, a human assassin (me), and a gnome wizard. After clearing the southern battlefield, the gnome left behind a note for the opposing army:

Sold To: South Batallion Leader
Ship To: Shadow Monks
Vendor: Grizzwald, Master of the Arcane

1 (one) “Ownage” - 6320 Gold Pieces
3 (three) “Cans of Whoop Ass” - 1200 Gold Pieces
4 (four) “Fireballs” - 500GP

Total: 8020 Gold Pieces


Barry Sheene, the movie trailer

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