My father - he kept it in check. Whenever I’d get too in my head, he’d take his hands and put them on both sides of my head and just say, “There you go, breathe with me.” And we’d just sit there, just breathing together, until it passed.
So my moms got a deal with me where anytime I clean my room she gives me 25 bucks, redeemable once a week. Problem is I brainbad so much that I haven’t cleaned enough to meet the terms in like, three months. That’s fine. Mom also knows that I have some crippling anxiety, and a massive trigger is people going in my room without my knowledge/permission. Like, fullblown meltdown is usually the result. It’s bad.
Thing is, Dad also knows this. Except Mom would like my room clean, but prefers me not having an anxious meltdown. Dad would like me not having an anxious meltdown, but prefers my room clean. You see the problem here.
Normally this is fine cause Dad’s not bad enough to blatantly go in there while anyone else is home. He knows that the rest of the house gets mad at him for ruining my mental health. For some weird reason. Except around Christmas he lost his job, and considering he’s a crane operator, he’s probably not getting another one until spring. And now I’m back to school from exam break, so there’s hours every day where he’s the only one at home.
So for all five days I’ve been to school this semester, I’ve come home to find my room mysteriously cleaned on some level. Honestly, the fights from it are more trouble than they’re worth most of the time, and he’s never gonna stop, so I decided to let it go. Only time I’ve called him out on it was when I came home to find that the cats had been in my room while he was there, and without him noticing one of them peed on my clothes. Wasn’t thrilled, and he apologised for that one. But there’s been some definite resentment, and it’s been very hard to not have anxiety attacks lately.
Except today I come home to find that he’s finished. Rooms totally clean. Note that this has just been between me and him so far, and Mom would be furious if she knew that he was going in my room. And I get money if I clean my room.
So I just cheerfully informed mom that if she wanted to come and check, I had absolutely cleaned my room, and am willing to accept the 25 dollars now. Right in front of dad. Who could do nothing but watch as I took the credit and money for what he’s been spending a fair amount of his time doing.
I haven’t had a happy life. I had breaks, bad choices - a life of almosts and could haves. Some would call it sad, but I don’t… because the two best things in my life were the person in the very beginning and the person at the very end. That’s a pretty good thing to be able to say, I think.
FIST PUMPS YAAAAS Karamel (also I started writing this and then my keyboard stopped working so I had to hard reset my laptop)
His fingers skate down the side of her torso, leaving behind tiny sparks that seem to spread through her veins like wildfire. His touch is soothing, mischievous, and she can’t help the smile that spreads across her lips. If she weren’t so exhausted, she would’ve responded to his wandering touch, to turn and meet his playful smile, the suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows; but for now, she’s content to be pressed up against him. He rests by her hip, kneading in what was simultaneously a whine and a gesture of comfort.
No, Kara can’t stop smiling; not as she faces away from him, head rested against her elbow, as if she’s keeping a secret from him – and part of her thrills when she knows that she is. His touch becomes a bit more pleading now, which was funny, considering how verbal a person he could be, but her eyes snap to attention when her clock finally rolls over. 12:00; and she twists her head to meet his attentive gaze.
The rest of her body follows as she readjusts and his hand falls off her hip and lands between them. “It’s my birthday,” Kara blurts through her uncontrollably beaming smile. Mon-El’s eyebrows raise.
“Birthday,” she repeats, insistent.
“No I know what a birthday is,” he says hastily. His cheeks pink and a throaty chuckle makes her heart flip. “But you mean, today? I thought you’d celebrated that already.”
“No, that was my Earth Birthday – this is different, of course.” And she notices too late how his eyes seem to darken, plunging his chocolate-y brown gaze into a darker colour. “What?”
“Nothing,” he tries, but it doesn’t take him long to backtrack. “During your Earth Birthday, well, I didn’t really get a chance to celebrate that with you.”
She remembers how, almost a year ago, before they were – well, this, how her Earth Birthday was more occupied with Martians, and her own conflicted feelings for the very man she lay with. And if she were a betting girl, she expects that Mon-El was regretting that exact opportunity too.
“Hey,” she murmurs.
She nestles a hand against his cheek; he sighs into her touch, sinking weightily into her palm. “What matters is this, right now. I guess you’re going to have to make up for it then, huh?”
The darkness in Mon-El eyes lift as a coy smirk spreads across his mouth. He pushes her over – Gods, it’s been 13 years since someone had actually managed to push her over – and he hovers over her, grinning.
“Hmm, I guess so,” he breathes, and Kara barely has a chance to sip a breath before he catches her lips with his.
it's not that fucking deep stop being pretentious about everything
hahahaha i should get this on a poster for my wall bc it’s def a reminder i need to hear always!!! i’m guessing this is in response to that ramble about not getting the mutuals concept or the follower count obsession? i’m sorry you felt that was pretentious! i don’t mean to be, i just really feel like it makes people more unhappy in a community that probs should mostly be about positive escapism??? i’m not trying to criticize people for it, just pointing out that ultimately it barely matters. and i see so many talented people get sad about getting too few notes and whatnot so it just makes me feel upset a bit!!! hope this helps to clarify, but in general. u right. i overthink everything fam :) not sure how u missed that if u’ve been following this blog for any length of time!