50-shades-of-crazy

E.L. James to Publishing Writing Guide: A GIF Response

In today’s episode of Things That Are Too Horrifying To Respond To With Words Like a Normal Person, Fifty Shades of Grey author E.L. James will be publishing a writing guide. A guide…to writing. A writing guide. A…I’ll stop. Let’s just move on to the GIFs, using Fox News’ articleto guide us (because if you’re gonna talk about ridiculous, go all the way):

The next book from E L James will be a how-to guide on one of life’s most enduring passions: writing.

Vintage Books announced Monday that James has collaborated with the publisher on “Fifty Shades of Grey: Inner Goddess (A Journal).”

It combines professional advice from the million-selling author and lined pages for readers to set down their own ideas, or “inner goddess.”

But will readers really want to learn how to write from the author of “Fifty Shades of Grey"?

Sure, James’ erotic trilogy has sold more than 70 million copies worldwide, but according to most reviews of the series, James may not exactly be an expert on how to write.

In Aug. 2011, the Tribune Express’ book reviewer, Norman Ansari, had few kind things to say about James’ writing chops. “’Fifty Shades of Grey’ is poorly written, and that too to a surprising degree. Twice, I stopped reading to check if I had been duped in my purchase or whether I was reading an authentic eBook,” he wrote. Similarly, The New York Times’ Sunday Review writer wrote back in May that “James writes like a Brontë devoid of talent.”

So will her fans trust the “Fifty Shades” author to teach them how to write? Apparently Vintage– who also published James’ other novels– thinks so.

Vintage says the journal will have a soft leather cover, “bonded.” The “Inner Goddess” journal will be published May 1.

50 shades of crazy.

You’re as cool as the blue on a cold can. Little bit of wild child coming through that tipsy smile. With you wearing whatever the hell you want kind of style. The kind of naughty habit I could get used to. You set a fire up and down my skin as your fingertips go scraping, I’m as gone as I’ve ever been and it ain’t weed or whiskey, baby you put your hands on me, I’ll put my hands on you.
We’ll get out of hand, I’ll give you whatever hand you want me to. I can’t quit, can’t kick this kind of craving…you drive me to fifty shades of crazy. Hint of a lime twist, cinnamon lipstick. You’re dropping hips, giving glimpse of your secret. Starts with just a kiss, then we’re taking us in, put it in the rearview and haul ass right for sin. I lose my mind, a little more every time. I’ve been racing cross the line. Let me make your body unwind. You drive me fifty shades of crazy…

You set a fire up and down my skin as your fingertips go scraping
I’m as gone as I’ve ever been and it ain’t weed or whiskey, baby
You put your hands on me, I’ll put my hands on you
We’ll get out of hand, girl, I’ll give you whatever hand you want me to
I can’t quit, can’t kick this kind of craving
Girl you drive me to fifty shades of crazy

Starts with just a kiss
Then we take innocent
Put it in the rearview
And haul ass straight for sin

You set a fire up and down my skin as your fingertips go scraping
And I’m as gone as I’ve ever been
And it ain’t weed or whiskey, baby

—  Chase Rice - “50 Shades of Crazy”

You set a fire up and down my skin as your fingertips go scraping

I’m as gone as I’ve ever been and it ain’t weed or whiskey, baby

You put your hands on me, I’ll put my hands on you

We’ll get out of hand, girl, I’ll give you whatever hand you want me to

I can’t quit, can’t kick this kind of craving

Girl you drive me to fifty shades of crazy

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CHASE RICE- “50 SHADES OF CRAZY”

  • Weird Tumblr Girls:Girls, don't ever dress to please a man. Dress to please yourself.
  • Me:But what if making myself happy also means dressing up to look good for my boyfriend?
  • Weird Tumblr Girls:*HISS!* NO! DON'T FEED THE PATRIARCHY!! MEN ARE PIGS! WHY DO YOU HATE WOMEN!? MALE PRIVILEGE IS EVIL! MISOGYNY! RAPE CULTURE!
  • Me:What?