“My mother wasn’t the best person in the world. She was hooked on heroin for most of my life. She sold our childhood home for drug money. She left me alone to raise my brother and disabled nephew. I used to wake up every night to feed him and change his diapers. I supported us all on the $5.15 an hour that I earned from the grocery store. My mother passed away a few months ago, and I think I’m just now coming to terms with how awful she made my life. This is the most stable I’ve ever been. I have a permanent address. I have someone who legitimately loves me. But my anxiety has never been worse. I’ve been having panic attacks recently. I think I’ve never had to deal with the trauma because things were always coming at me. And now I’m not sure how to handle the quiet.”
Why don’t we talk about this more? Dean’s best memories in heaven are ones where he’s trying to make other people happy. Taking Sam out to shoot off fireworks to give his little brother a fun Fourth of July, and trying to comfort his mother when he’s only four years old. Dean is happiest when the people he loves are happy too. Of course, that often works to his detriment (and the having to comfort his mother thing is several shades of fucked up, not to mention he was charged once again with caring for his brother and they were doing something seriously dangerous), but right now let’s just focus on Dean’s kind heart. And how much this man deserves someone who is just as interested in his happiness.