“You’ve never done it before?” I said in blissful shock.
“You say it like you’re surprised, Y/N.” He took another sip of his tea.
I sat above him on the stairs in complete silence. My best friend has never had sex in his whole life. How come I’m only just hearing about this? He looks like the type of guy who would have any girl melt at his fingertip.
“I dunno, I guess I wasn’t ready for something serious like that.” His long fingers combed through his curls.
I couldn’t help but look away when he did this. It made my heart skip a beat. I shouldn’t be looking at my best friend that way. Ashton looked up to me for a response. My fingers played with the red lip stain on the white tea cup, poking at it and occasionally smearing it.
“Your first was with that arse, Calum, wasn’t it?” I could see fire in his eyes.
I didn’t want to talk about him.
“I can’t believe you actually loved that prick.” He rolled his eyes.
“I had my reasons, Ashton.”
He made a sound of disgust, “What was he good in bed?”
I’d had enough. I stood from my seated position leaving my tea and Ashton behind on the stairs and marched to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. How dare he. He wouldn’t know how it feels to be in love, obviously. He’s never been with anyone like I have. I felt tears streaming down my face and wished Ashton had never came over today. I found comfort in my bed sheets.
Where had I even gone wrong with Calum? It was like one minute he was there and the next he was telling me goodbye and leaving for the states, taking everything but me with him. Ashton was there for me but he didn’t get it. He hated Calum ever since we started dating. They used to be friends until we got together. Ash said he knew Calum would always break my heart, it was just who he was.
I knew I wanted to give myself to Calum the night he brought me back to his flat from the pub. I’d gotten into a pretty bad brawl with another girl for getting too close to Cal for my comfort. When he told her to back off for the third time I pulled her off the bar stool onto the floor and started hitting her. Calum later said it was the sexiest thing I’ve ever done, sticking up for him like that.
“You look hot in my shorts.” Calum growled, jumping into the bed, his hair still wet after the shower.
I giggled as he grabbed his game controller and began to furiously play a game of FIFA. I brought my bottom lip between my teeth and fiddled with the string on the over sized shorts adorning my smaller waist.
“Hey, Cal?” He hummed over still concentrating on the screen.
I crawled over, pressing pause on the controller. My legs straddled either side of his waist and he grabbed hold of my arse, the game controller falling to the carpet.
“I wanna try something.”
He raised an eyebrow and his eyes grew wide when he knew what I meant, his lips forming an ‘o’.
“Are you sure, baby?” He whispered.
I nodded, “I want you.”
-End of flashback-
A knock on the door brought me out of my deep thoughts of Ashton and Calum. I didn’t turn to see Ash walk in the room. My bed tilted but I refused to meet the gaze I knew was focused upon me. He touched my hand.
“I’m sorry.” I looked at him, his head down now.
“You don’t know what that feels like, Ash.” I felt a lump in my throat just thinking about it.
I needed to feel loved again. I needed that connection. Ashton was my best friend but sometimes it felt like I wanted him to be more. I didn’t know if he felt a mere portion of what I did.
“Are you ready now?” The words fell from my mouth before I could think about what I was asking of him.
He just stared at me his mouth slightly agape. Ashton was an open book, but right now I couldn’t read him. His pupils were dilating. My heart was pounding against my chest as I waited for an answer. I squeezed his hand.
Ashton forced his mouth onto my own, his hand flying up to catch my face. My hands found themselves tangled with his mop of curls. He smelled like rich peppermint and my favorite cologne. It was then it dawned upon me: I was going to be his first.
I broke the kiss and moved my lips to the spot just below his ear, sucking the skin. His hiss was all the conformation I need that he liked it here. I sat up and threw my legs over his own to straddle his lap. Ashtons hands settling on my abdomen and arse. I bit down harder this time intending to mark him. Rolling my hips forward into his we both moaned at the increased friction. His bulge was becoming more and more prominent through his jeans.
“Fuck, Y/N.” Ashton hissed rolling his head back.
I used his disarrayed state against him, licking a bold line up his atoms apple and gently sucking it. Ashton rose up off the mattress begging for more contact.
“You like that, daddy?” I felt Ashton twitch when I called him that.
My crotch rubbed against his clothed erection and I couldn’t help but throw my head back in pleasure. Ashton was getting restless, rocking his hips up to meet mine.
“Please.” He puffed out in my ear.
I slid off of his lap but not before needingly pecking his lips one last time. He ridded himself of his shirt and I stood before him in awe. I’ve seen Ashton shirtless before plenty of times but this was different. He was at my mercy and I was at his. I came to sit on my knees, undoing the buttons on his pants. Ashton raised up for me to pull them down his legs. He kicked them off of his feet and were left in just his briefs. I took my bottom lip between my teeth as I freed his erection from the grey material and tossing them out of the way. His length slapped against his stomach. I could feel his eyes burning down on me.
Holding the length in my hand I pumped it a few times. My thumb rubbed over the pink head and Ashtons hips rose off the bed, hissing. I kitten licked over the tip before taking it in my mouth. Ashtons moans filled the room. I hollowed my cheeks to increase the pleasure and started twisting my hands back and forth over his length. He confused me when he pushed at my shoulders, causing me to release him from my mouth making a popping sound.
His hands came down to the hem of my t shirt and tugged it over my head. He already looked tired, his eyes drooping low and sweat decorating his forehead. I wasn’t nearly done yet. We haven’t even gotten to the main course.
Ashtons eyes grew wide when my head dipped back down. My tongue followed the patterns of his veins before I took him whole again, pumping harder this time. He held back my long hair. I massaged his balls with my free hand and it was enough to send him over the edge. A thick white liquid burst into my mouth.
“S-shit.” Ashton jerked up, hitting the back of my throat.
I finished sucking him clean of the sticky mess. When I looked up he was breathing hard and heavy, little hairs stuck to his forehead and his eyes were sealed shut. I smiled pushing them out of the way so I could see his hazel eyes. My lips came up to his in a lazy kiss.
I brought his hand down to the button of my skinny jeans, a weak smile on his face. He unhooked them, struggling to pull them down to my feet.
“How’d you get these on?” He joked.
I stepped out of them and waited for Ashton. He didn’t come back up. I giggled watching him stare at my red laced knickers nearly drooling over them. I let him guide me back to the bed and sit me down. Was he in control now?
Ashton licked his lips, running his long fingers up my thighs and over my crotch. I couldn’t help but whimper at his touch. He left kisses on the inner side of my thighs sucking the sensitive skin. He was marking me. I threw my head back on the mattress. His hot breath fanned over where I needed him most. I tangled my fingers in his hair.
“Ashton, please.” I begged.
He hooked my panties to the side and collected some of my excitement onto his finger and sucking it off. He hummed in satisfaction. I imagined his lips against me while he hummed like that, adding to the pleasure. I moaned at the thought.
“Cha’ thinking about, baby?”
He kissed my folds, licking up them. My breath hitched. I needed him. His bottom teeth grazed up the nub of my clitoris. Fucking hell.
“Ashton.” I moaned.
Without warning Ashtons tongue was inside me sucking all of my juices. I reached down for his hand that rested on my thigh, entwining our fingers.
“How the fuck are you so good at this?” I breathed.
He chuckled against me, sending vibrations through my core. Shit. My legs closed round his head before he pushed them back apart. It was too much. Ashton came up for air with a smile on his face showing off his prominent dimples. He was obviously proud of himself. He licked my excitement off his lips. With one swift movement my knickers were on the floor and my lower half was at his mercy.
He brought his lips up to my ear, teasing my entrance with his finger. I arched my back only for him to use his free hand to hold me down.
“How do you like it, baby?”
I thought back to all the mind blowing times Calum and I had done this. It would always be different. Slow and sweet. Loving. Rough. Fast. It didn’t matter to me, however they felt like pushing me over the edge worked.
“Surprise me, daddy.”
His eyes grew darker. The playful side of him wasn’t there anymore. This was going to be fun. He bit down on the skin of my neck hard and he growled. Rough. His finger slipped past my folds and into my heat. I whimpered as he pumped it in and out at a fast pace. I had to bite onto Ashtons shoulder to keep from screaming out. I didn’t want any fucking noise complaints from the old woman next door.
My walls were clinching round his finger. He added two more and pumped even faster. I couldn’t breathe. My nails clawed at his sides begging for a release. His thumb began rubbing circles into my clit. My breaths were coming out in pants in his ear.
“Come for me, Y/N. I’ve got you.”
My toes curled and my back arched up off of the mattress, Ashtons three fingers and his thumb riding out my orgasm. I felt bare when he extracted his fingers from my dripping crotch. He brought them up to his lips licking them clean.
“You have no idea how good you taste.”
Ashton went over to his jeans pulling a silver packet out of the pocket. He ridded the condom of the piece of tin and threw it in the bin. He slid the condom down his length.
“What’s with guys carrying round condoms in their pockets?” I joked.
He smiled, dimples popping into either side of his cheeks. They drove me crazy. Ashton took his length in his hand before I stopped him.
“No. I want to.”
I wanted to make his first time his best. He knew what I was asking, flipping us over so I bestrode his lap. I positioned him at my entrance and slid down it. He was so big inside me. Ashton grabbed hold of my abdomen, his thumbs pressing down hard. I don’t think he was meaning to hurt me. He didn’t notice how strong he really was compared to my smaller figure. When I winced in pain he eased up a bit, apologizing. Once I adjusted to his size I began rocking my hips forward into his. Ashtons moaning and groaning was all the conformation I needed to keep going. He used his hands to help me move more swiftly.
My back arched and it was then I noticed my bra was still on. I grabbed one of Ashtons hands and moved it to the clasp on my bra strap. In an instant he had it unattached and thrown across the room. Hungrily his head came up to my breast and bit down at the tender skin. Ashtons long fingers fell to my crotch rubbing back and forth on the small nub.
“Ah, f-fuck Ash, there.” I threw my head back.
I wasn’t going to last long. My grinding became harder against his hips and our moans filled the quiet room. His member twitched inside of me and from experience I knew he wouldn’t last from here. I licked up the base of his neck biting roughly on the smooth skin. His breathing became erratic, chest rising and falling below mine. Within seconds I felt his length release inside the condom. I rode out his orgasm hitting mine only moments later shouting his name out. Screw the neighbors.
We sat in each others arms for what felt like hours. I couldn’t believe we had actually done that. Ashton was my best friend. I’d just had sex with my best friend. I’d just stolen his virginity.
“That was incredible.”
I giggled looking up at him through my eyelashes. He looked exhausted. Love bites were trickled from his ear down his neck and abdomen. I couldn’t imagine I looked any better. Ashton dipped his head and placed a lazy kiss on my mouth.
I sighed upon hearing a knock at the front door. It was probably my flatmate, Jessica. She was always at UNI so she would occasionally forget her keys here and having to get another copy. I slipped away from Ashtons warm hold and quickly dressed myself in pajama shorts and a tank top.
My hair covered majority of the bruises on my body. I made my way down stairs and towards the door, Ashton right on my heels. He didn’t bother putting on a shirt, just his jeans, the hem of his briefs sticking over them. I giggled as he grabbed at my bum, my hand patting his away. I sped walked to the door, opening it. My smile drifted away and my heart immediately sunk. It wasn’t Jessica.
His hair was cut shorter now in a military buzz cut, just leaving a little on the top, enough to style in a quiff. Tattoos decorated his tanned skin. He wasn’t scrawny anymore, muscles showing through his grey t shirt. I could see his jaw clench at the sight in front of him. Why was he here?
“But you love him!”. You pushed open your front door and sat down on the steps, staring out into the road. “Yea, I do, Ashton” you grumbled. Your friend sat down next to you. “Then why are you giving up?” he asked. “Because he’s given up” you replied, sadly. “He hasn’t though! Y/n, I am constantly with him, I know he hasn’t given up”. “Ashton, please” you sighed “This is already so hard. I can’t fix us”. Ashton was silent for a second, probably noting the tears welling up in your eyes, “You know. If you love someone then you just don’t give up on them”.
The boys were finally home from tour and you should have been excited, a month ago you would have been excited. They were some of your best friends, and you were dating Callum. But recently everything just seemed strained. The boys were always busy, you understood that, but Cal had always made time to call you or even just send you a good morning text. They were far and few between now. When you called him there was always some distraction on his end and he would tell you he’d “call back later”, which barely ever happened. And you were starting to feel like he was ignoring you altogether.
“Come over tonight” Ashton told you. The boys were having a party and, when you texted Luke saying that you wouldn’t be coming, Ashton had shown up at your house. “I’m not” you replied, refusing to look at him. “Y/n” Ashton groaned, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees and putting his face in his hands. “He wants to see you, you know” he said, his voice muffled by his hands. “He couldn’t even invite me himself” you nearly shouted, startling Ashton. “He thinks you’re mad at him” Ashton replied. “Well he’s right”.
You got up and turned to go back inside, hoping Ashton would take the hint and leave. But he followed as you stomped back in. “Leave” you practically growled, spinning around to face him. He grabbed you by the arms instead, “Just come over tonight. Give him one more chance”. “I can’t keep doing this” you told him with tears spilling down your face. “Just one more chance” Ashton said softly, pulling you in for a hug and letting you cry on his shoulder.
Ashton waited as you cleaned yourself up and got ready for the party. You were silent as you slid into the passenger seat of his car. “You’ll bring me home if I need to leave, right?” you asked, your voice barely a whisper. “Just say the word” he responded as he backed out of your driveway.
You shyly followed Ashton into the house. It was already crowded and friends kept coming up to welcome Ashton home and give you both hugs. Suddenly arms were wrapped around you and lifting you into the air. “Y/N! I missed you so much” Mikey shouted as he squeezed you. When your feet hit the ground Luke was standing next to you, holding a beer out. “I think you’ll need this” he said, handing it over. “Thanks” you said with a small smile. He leaned in to give you a hug. “Cheer up sweetheart” he mumbled as you clung to him.
You were following Ashton into the kitchen when you froze. Calum was across the room talking with a group of people. “Word” you said as you hit Ashton in the side. “Y/n” Ashton mumbled, rubbing his temple. You took a step back to hide yourself behind him. “Y/n. He is your boyfriend. Stop acting like you’re hiding from a wild animal” he said, not bothering to turn and look at you. “Ashton, I can not do this right now” you whispered, starting to feel anxiety gathering in the pit of your stomach.
You glanced up and saw Ashton nod. You peeked around him to see what was going on and saw Calum staring in your direction. “I need to get some air” you told him before you hurried away from the kitchen and out the back door. Ashton had started to call your name as you left but you noticed that he trailed off and had a feeling that it meant Cal was following you.
You leaned against the house, taking a sip of your beer then closing your eyes to focus on breathing properly. The noise from inside got louder when somebody else stepped outside. “Y/n?” your boyfriend called to you. You sighed and took another drink from your beer. It was so quiet with the door closed that you could hear him flick his lighter. When you looked up he was taking the first drag off a cigarette. He offered it to you and, while it was tempting, you looked down and shook your head silently.
“Remember when we would sneak away from parties together? We’d share cigarettes and continue to drink, just the two of us” he said, sounding nostalgic. In response you looked out at the tree in the yard that you used to sit under, laughing and sharing kisses, booze, and smokes. Calum walked over an nudged your shoulder. “I miss those days” he told you softly. “I bet I miss them more” you mumbled.
Calum took a step away from you and sunk down to sit on the stairs. “Y/n, what’s wrong?” he asked. “I can’t believe you even have to ask that” you sighed. Now it was his turn to take a deep breath. “I guess I don’t really have to ask” he said. “It’s because I am constantly away and I hardly talk to you, right?” he flicked the ash off his cigarette and stared at you expectantly.
“It’s more than that, Cal” you responded, shaking your head slightly. You sounded more sad than angry as you went on “I know you’re always busy. I knew that before we started dating. I knew that you would be away often. I knew it would be hard and I thought I could handle it. But I don’t know if I can. I fucking tried, Cal, I tried everyday. But a relationship requires communication and communication requires two people. You’re busy, I get that, but I just feel like you stopped trying, that maybe you had given up”. You sat down, still leaning against the house. “Calum, it was hard for me but I actually tried. I don’t even know if it was hard for you because we rarely talked. I was lonely. And being ignored didn’t help anything” you told him. You gave a sad laugh and stared at the beer in your hands “You know, when you didn’t call back I’d listen to Amnesia just to hear your voice” you admitted.
The response was silence and it felt like it would drag on for hours. You listened to the muffled noises from the party and thought about going to see if Ashton was sober or if you should just start walking home by yourself. “Fuck” you heard Calum whisper to himself. When you finally dared to look up you saw that he had his head in his hands, his cigarette had gone out but was still tucked between his two fingers, forgotten. You drank the last of your beer and set the cup down beside you. It was still quiet and you were unsure of what to do now that you had told him.
You heard shuffling as Calum got up and he nudged your knee with his when he sat down next to you. You curled in on yourself in response, wrapping your arms around your legs and resting your forehead on your knees. He remained silent and when you turned your head to look at him he was on his phone. Tears were blurring your vision, you turned away so if he looked up he wouldn’t see.
Music drifted up into your ears, not music from the party but music that the boy next to you was playing. “This is what I listened to” he said quietly. You recognized the song immediately, you had put it on repeat a few times when he was away. In an effort to prevent yourself from crying, like you always did during the song, you hugged your legs tighter and hid behind your hair.
The best thing about tonight’s that we’re not fighting Could it be that we have been this way before? I know you don’t think that I am trying I know you’re wearing thin down to the core
You couldn’t fight back the sob that shook your body. Calum wrapped his arm around you and you leaned into him out of habit.
But hold your breath Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you Over again Don’t make me change my mind
You gave up fighting the urge to cry. The song was perfect in that moment, they were the words, the promises, that you had been hoping to hear every time you called him. He set his phone down, music still coming from the speaker. “Babe..” he whispered as he pulled you in closer and held you against his chest as you cried. “I don’t want this to end, Cal. I don’t want us to end” you cried, gasping for air between your words. “Then don’t let it. I’ll try harder, I swear to you, I’ll try harder. I don’t want to lose you” he breathed the pact into your ear before kissing your temple. “A girl like you is impossible to find… I may have failed but I have loved you from the start” he echoed the song back to you. “Tonight will be the night I will fall for you over again” he added after a few seconds of silence.