5 reasons i love seth

5 Reasons I love Seth Meyers: requested by sailaroundtheworld
4| Even if everyone went back to their original spots, he’d still rock the sketches.


Seth: This week, you didn’t need Cinemax to see get someone get screwed on TV. So, how did NBC let it come to this? Well, I think I can explain it. Let’s say you’re married. And it’s the number one marriage in the country. But then you meet someone else who just sweeps you off your feet. So you say to her, “I want to marry you. In five years.” And she says, “Yes, I will wait five years to marry you.” So then you go home and you tell your current wife, “Honey, in five years, we’re getting a divorce.” Now, you might think your current wife will be super cool with that, and say, “Thank you for being honest”, but it turns out, she’s actually super mad. And as the five years pass, she gets in really good shape. So when the time comes for the divorce, she’s looking better than ever. She looks so good that you see other people looking at her, and you get jealous. So you come up with an awesome plan. You’ll still marry the second person, but you’ll also stay married to the first. So you tell the new wife, “Good news! We’re totally married. But every night when I get home, I’m going to spend a half an hour with my first wife first. Then I’m all yours.” But before you even see how she feels about it, you hold a big press conference to tell people you’ve changed the future of marriage. Now, if you think the new wife is cool with this plan, she’s not. She’s super mad. And the first wife is also acting weird, because, you know, YOU HAVE TWO WIVES. But then, just when you think you’re stuck, you come up with the perfect plan to solve all your problems. You kill your second wife. The question now is, “Will NBC be okay?”… Look, obviously I’m invested in this, because it affects me. If Jay can take his job back from Conan, that means Conan can take it back from Jimmy, and that means that Jimmy might come here, and if I cannot go back to being in one sketch every three weeks.
-Saturday Night Live 35x12: January 16, 2010

5 Reasons I love Seth Meyers: requested by sailaroundtheworld
3 | He runs with a totally impossible joke and makes it hilarious.


Seth: This week, America’s love affair with guns was a hot topic of debate. And it is a love affair. Don’t believe me? Here’s a poster for the movie The Mechanic. It’s a gun made up of a bunch of other guns. And it’s about a mechanic. And of course when you talk about guns, you hear a lot about the second Amendment and the founding fathers, and what they would say if they were here. Well, I for one think that if the founding fathers were here today, they would be super freaked out by cars.  You could talk to them all you want about the second amendment, and they would just yell “What are all these metal beasts doing rolling down the thoroughfare?” And you would tell them, “those are cars!” and then you’d try to talk to them about militias and they would scream, “How can you speak of militias when STEEL DRAGONS fly through the sky?” And you’d say, “those are airplanes,” but even if they could wrap their heads around that, they would eventually ask, “Why are all the slaves out?” And they would think that. You can groan all you want, but they would think that. And yes, the founding fathers wanted you to have the right to bear arms, but the guys who wrote that would pee through all eight layers of their pants if they saw what guns are now. In 1787, shooting a bullet was slightly faster than throwing one. If you wanted to be bulletproof in 1787, you put on a heavy coat. So with that in mind, I’m all about Americans having guns as long as they’re the muskets from 1787 that take forever to load. This is how a violent altercation should look. “HEY, YOU CAN’T SAY THAT ABOUT MY WIFE. Hold on… I am gonna… show… you… OH, he drove off.” I mean, isn’t that better?
-Saturday Night Live 36x12: January 15, 2011