5 pickup

Black Coffee And Bad Pickup Lines; Chapter 5

Chapter 5: You know, if I were you…

A/N: I’M BAAAA-AAACKKKKKKKKKK! First up, I am SO. SORRY. It’s been a while I know, but my exams are officially over and I don’t go on holiday for another two weeks (ish) SO EXPECT REGULAR (ISH) UPDATES! Again, I am sorry if this chapter feels rushed but I wrote this at 3 am this morning and I’ve been suffering with a bit of writer’s block on how to get from here to where I want this story to go (ideas are always welcomed whole heartedly, and any used are always fairly credited). Thank you for everyone who’s stuck with me this far, I love all of you so so much X

((rated T for language))

Over the next two weeks, Moana’s visits to Lalotai increased to the point where she spent every lunch break there. And yes, it was just for the coffee. At least, that was what she told herself.

So the day that she didn’t show up at her usual time, Maui was definitely confused, if not a little disappointed. Where could she be? What if she was ill, or had been involved in some horrific accident? What if she’d been mugged in the street, or had suddenly been diagnosed with something terrible, incurable, and he’d never ever see her again? What if she had died?!…or what if she just… didn’t want to see him? Maui’s head spun as he subconsciously served a young woman. She had wavy black hair that reached just below her shoulders, and wore a light blue vest and khaki shorts.

She looked tired, and he watched as she collected her drink- a large double shot espresso- and slipped into one of the empty booths lining Lalotai’s deep purple walls. She pulled out her phone and browsed lazily, her eyes flicking upwards to the door every now and again.

The sound of the bell on the door ringing pulled Maui’s eyes from the stranger, and his heart skipped a couple beats as a familiar young woman all but fell through the glass door, her hair obscuring her face, frazzled by the wind. She straightened up quickly and fixed her mane, exhaling and casually joining the queue as if the whole cafe hadn’t just watched her practically barrel roll through the door like a maniac.

Maui’s eyes flickered to the clock as she appeared in front of him.

“17 minutes late, Waialiki,” He raised an eyebrow and she rolled her eyes playfully.

“Aww, thought I wasn’t gonna show up?” Moana smirked, folding her arms across her chest.

Maui chuckled, shaking his head, “The usual?”

She laughed, “Do you even need to ask anymore?”

He moved to grab one of the cardboard cups behind him when Moana interrupted,

“Aaaaactually, I’ll be eating- uh, drinking in today,” There was a slightly evil glint in her eye, Maui noted, as she smiled smugly at him. She had caught him out. Fuck.

“But how will I-,”

“You’ll figure something out,”

Maui huffed, but the sly wink she gave him made it hard to stay irritated. And, besides, if Moana was ‘drinking in’, he could stare at her for much longer than he usually could. Wait, no, that sounded stalkery. He could observe- uh, survey? Glance? He could glance at her every now and then? Yeah, that sounded better.

Now that he had that cleared up, Maui searched the counter hurriedly for something to write on. He wasn’t going to be beaten that easily. His face lit up as his eyes landed on the folded stack of white napkins, and he scribbled something on it in sharpie marker before handing it to Kate along with the order- black coffee, two sugars.

A minute later, a large circular mug on a small square black tray was pushed across the counter towards Moana. She looked up to meet Kate’s eyes, who nodded curtly at the bright smile the smaller woman bore. Their short greetings were getting more familiar, Moana thought, more (dare she say) friendly; at first all she could get out of the tall ginger was a grunt and the slightest moment of eye contact.

Moana’s hands moved to pick up the tray, but she paused when a familiar sharpie marker scrawl caught her attention. She moved the mug slightly so she could read whatever Maui had managed to come up with today.

Curly- You know, if I were you, I’d be dating me right now.

Moana was slightly taken aback; she was used to overly sexual cheesy lines, not almost-sincere date-y ones. He still managed to add his own egotistical flair, though. Moana smiled. It’d be unlike him to not be so overtly confident.

She met his expectant eyes briefly, smiled, before picking up her tray and sliding it onto the table occupied by the young woman in khaki shorts. Maui watched as the ebony haired girl stood and hugged Moana quickly, the tiredness in her eyes seemingly disappearing. They sat opposite each other, falling into a conversation he couldn’t quite hear over Lalotai’s constant buzz, sipping their drinks casually.

Her eyes met his every now and then, though, and the girl in the khaki shorts turned to catch a quick glance before turning back to Moana excitedly, laughing. He hoped that was good laughter.

He carried on with his shift, just as he normally would, trying to pretend that the girl that occupied most of his mind wasn’t sat a few torturous steps away. The bell on the door rang again for the first time since Moana had made her entrance- it was a particularly slow day for Lalotai, which was not a common (but definitely not unwelcome) situation. The young man completely avoided the counter, however, and made a beeline for the booth that Moana and the khaki shorts girl sat in. Maui’s eyes narrowed as he watched Moana’s eyes light up at the sight of him. He spoke to them briefly, grinning at Moana before looking hopefully at her friend. Khaki Shorts stared up at him for a while, saying something. He deflated slightly and smiled awkwardly, rubbed the back of his neck and left.

The two girls watched him slump down the high street until he had disappeared around a corner. Moana turned back from the windows and slammed her hands down on the table, speaking sternly to her friend. Khaki Shorts said something back, and Mo’s face softened. They talked for a bit before getting up to leave. He moved quickly to take their empty cups, but she met him halfway, holding their rubbish on a tray. Maui smiled before going to take the tray off of her, but her small fingers stayed curled around the plastic edges. They stood in the middle of the coffee shop, grasping a flimsy tray between them, and Maui couldn’t think of a more idealistic situation to find himself in. Khaki Shorts raised an eyebrow, murmuring something about waiting outside. He took a deep breath, and-

“So, about the line earlier- I was wondering… if you’re free tomorrow nigh-,”

“I, uh, I can’t,”

His face fell considerably, and Moana scrambled to better word what she had just said, because his expression softly broke her heart into one million tiny pieces.

“I mean!- I wish I could, but David has been asking Nani out for the past six months, goddamnit, but she turns him down every time because she’s either working or staying home with Lilo and it’s about goddamn time she gave herself a freaking break, so I said I’d babysit, I…” Moana trailed off slowly at the blank look on Maui’s face, “that went completely over your head, huh?”

“The skinny guy from before asked out Khaki Shorts but she works a lot and has to look after… either a dog or a child? So you volunteered to look after it instead,”

She, not it, is a child. Her name’s Lilo, and she’s nine. But yeah, that’s pretty much it,” Moana smiled up at him, almost dreamily. She was suddenly aware that somehow they were stood even closer than before; the tray firmly wedged between them being the only thing stopping her from falling into his chest. She pulled away reluctantly, finally letting go of the tray and stepping back. Maui blinked and stepped back also, laying the tray on the counter behind him.

“I, um, better get back to Nani, she’s waiting to catch up to David…but, ah, here,” She clumsily thrust a crumpled napkin into his palm, turning on her heel and pushing through the doorway. She caught one last glance at him through the glass window.

Maui stood frozen, dumbfounded. He looked down at the balled up napkin in his hand and, with a crushing realisation, saw that it was the one he gave her with her drink. Gods, how stupid could he be to think she’d keep all of his stupid little notes?

Clenching his fist, Maui strode towards the bin to throw the napkin away when long, thin pale fingers wrapped around his wrist. Kate stared at him with wide amber eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Ka- wait, what?”

What the fuck are you doing?! You spend all of this fucking time pining after this girl and the first chance you get of actually getting anywhere with her you try to LITERALLY throw it away?” Her sharp face softened slightly, an unusual occurrence, and she loosened her tight grip on his arm, “I think the chick likes you, Maui. Seriously, you know I wouldn’t say anything if I didn’t think you had a chance,”

Maui stared at her, gobsmacked, “I- Kate…what?”

She rolled her eyes, snatching the napkin from his hand, “Oh my GOD you didn’t even realise,”. She unfurled it and revealed another person’s handwriting. It was smaller than his, and neater, the letters long and swirling, like open water. First was a mishmash of numbers, which he then realised was a phone number. Next to that was a note.

Call me? -Curly x

GREAT ToS Pickup Lines

“Are you a witch, cuz you’re smokin’!”
“Vote me guilty for my love for you.”
“Are you a Serial Killer? Cuz you stole my heart!”
“Not even a Disguiser could replicate my love for you!”
“Are you an Arsonist? Cuz you light up my world!”
“I’m an Investigator, and need to do a thorough search.”
“If I was an Amnesiac, I’d make sure to remember you.”
“I revealed myself as Mayor… Now that’s 3 to 1 on if we should date. Where do you want to go?”
“Hypothetical situation: Your boyfriend and I were transported while you were going at it.”
“Like the Vigilante, I’d die for you.”
“I wouldn’t go on alert just in case I could see your face at night.”
“You must be the Medium, because you’ll always be my target.”
“You know… The Medium’s Curse can be lifted by a true love’s kiss!”
“My love for you is stronger than my hate for the Framer.”

Creepypasta #1042: If You See Two Kids On Highway 101, Don't Stop

Length: Medium

The 101 is just a trickle by the time it winds north of Forks. Much of it does not have cell coverage, and in the middle of the night, the darkness is so pervasive that it only steps back a little from the high-beams. Its seems darkest that most near mile post 199.


Taillight reflectors shined through the rolling 2:00AM fog. A car was there, an old dusty 1980’s station wagon driven through the wider part of Hell. The windows were all dusted over despite a heavy downpour ten minutes ago. It appears it was in a crash that had forced the driver’s door open along with the hood. Standing by the car were two kids not more than ten, the boy in a yellow Hulkamanic! t-shirt and the girl in a pink pastel shirt and under jean overalls. The girl, maybe a bit older, waved to get my attention. I leaned over and rolled down the window just a crack. I learned the hard way to never trust strangers.

“Our car’s broken, mister” the girl said as her brother began to cry, “our parents were picked up by a hitchhiker and we haven’t seen them all day. You gotta help us, mister.”

“Hold on. First, what are your names?” The way their eyes gazed back at me reminded me of dead fish on the market. The son, crying moments before, now spoke boldly to me.

“Our parents are MISSING! You got to let us into your car!” There was an uneasy energy to the boy. He didn’t blink when you were speaking to him.

“I can stay here and watch over you.”

“Just let us into your car, PLEASE, mister,” the sister said as she tugged at the old-fashioned handle of my car. Both seemed seemed to wonder why the hell I wasn’t complying.

“There is no reason for anyone to enter or exit my car.” 

The son tried for the back door and would have pulled it open if I didn’t slam down the thumb lock. I did the same for the others. I have been in road jumps before; just because I saw two kids now could mean that others were hiding elsewhere, especially in the woods

The sister began to cry and pound on the window.

“You gotta let us in! We heard growling and we can’t shut our door after the crash! They’re bears! They’re gonna get in and eat us, you gotta let us in!”

“If there is a bear, I will handle it.” 

The boy yanked on the same back passenger side door.

“We haven’t eaten or drank anything all day!” I held up an evidence bag of cherry tomatoes and two bottles of distilled water. They just stared blankly at me, as if doing their best to hide their annoyance. “Are you allergic? Do you want just the water?” 

Nothing. I shifted gears. “Were you stranded all day?” No answer. “If you were, you would have been caught in that rain shower. Your vehicle is dusty. Where did you drive from?”

Keep reading

11 questions thing

Rules: 1. always post the rules
2. answer all 11 questions given to you by the tagger
3. write 11 questions of your own
4. tag 11 people to answer those questions

i was tagged by @blushinlester 💖💖 (i’m on mobile so this will be a long post cause no keep reading,, sorry)

1. favorite band?
>The Cab or Of Monsters and Men
2. what is your favorite creative thing to do?
>hmmm i like drawing/coloring and writing even tho i don’t do it much:/
3. do you use any other social media other than tumblr?
>i mostly use tumblr but i also use snapchat and whatsapp
4. when did you meet your best friend?
>third grade
5. favorite pickup lines?
>asdfghjkl idk ?? cheesy and funny ones
6. best pun?
>probs not the best but i like this one: a man walks into a zoo. the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. it’s a shitzu
7. do you like Chinese food?
>i love it but i don’t eat the meat
8. best pizza topping?
>pepperoni, canadian (is it called like that?? idk) or hawaiian (yes,, with pineapple 👀)
9. do you like dogs?
>i love dogs
10. craziest thing you’ve ever done?
>idk i’m pretty boring
11. top thing on your bucket list?

My questions:
1. if you could add one thing to your life rn (anything), what would it be?
2. if you could take away one thing of your life what would it be?
3. top 3 things should exist in a relationship?? (platonic or romantic)
4. what movie’s soundtrack do you think your life would have?
5. favorite ice cream flavor?
6. if you could be anywhere in the world, where would it be?
7. who was the last person you hugged?
8. cold or hot weather?
9. which would you say was the best day of your life (until now obvs)?
10. sunsets or sunrises??
11. how has been your day until now?

~i tag: @phanoween @punklester @spaceboyedan @rosepetaldaniel @danielbear @cuddlingsun @phansexuality @frightphil @cutefreckledfaces @lestershorizon @danielxhowel and anyone else who wants to do it!!


valentine’s day cards: kyungsoo edition
(because honestly what says ‘i love you’ more than creepersoo? nothing, that’s what)

lesbidar-deactivated20170626  asked:

top 5 by silversun pickups?? also lights (or anything featuring her angelic voice) maybe if u want

silversun pickups: 

  1. future foe scenarios 
  2. dots and dashes 
  3. well thought out twinkles
  4. latchkey kids
  5. nightlight 

lights (in some form or fashion): 

  1. open water (blessthefall + lights)
  2. just to feel alive (anthony green + lights in a tiny backing vocals kind of way but she’s there and it makes me really happy because i love her and anthony a lot okay don’t look at me)
  3. the end (silverstein + lights) 
  4. quiet 
  5. ice
  6. also an honorable mention @ that time she did a couple songs with bring me the horizon that weren’t very good but she was really good and that’s how i like… found out she existed thx

send me an artist and i’ll tell you my top five songs

12 Days of Dispatch Christmas

On the 12th day of Christmas, my district gave to me:

12 Drunk Domestics

11 PI Accidents

10 Stolen Vehicles

9 Armed Robberies

8 Good Alarms

7 Narc Arrests

6 Warrant Pickups

5 Residential Burglaries

4 People Shot

3 People Stabbed

2 Missing Persons

1 Epic Interstate Car Chase

By: Shitmycallerssay

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!