20 Out Of This World Facts About The Universe That Will Sweep You Off Your Feet

We’ve compiled a list of the 20 most incredible facts about the universe you will ever come across. The infinite expanse of stars and galaxies are riddled with mysteries which leading scientists and experts are yet to explore. In their quest to unearth the hidden secret of the universe, startling facts and information have emerged - 20 of which we’ve featured below.

1. When you look into the night sky, you are looking back in time.

Originally posted by apparently-artless

 When we gaze at stars in the night sky, we are actually looking into the past. This happens because light emitted from a star has to travels many light years ahead to actually become visible to our eyes. For  example, Orion is 640 light-years away, so the light left the star around 1370 is what we are seeing now.

2. The Hubble telescope allows us to look back billions of years into the past

Originally posted by dreamofthedragon

NASA releases some incredible images of space, from time to time, and it’s made possible with The Hubble Telescope. Here’s an image which is a collection of 10,000 images captured by The Hubble. 

3. You can watch the Big Bang on your television

Cosmic background radiation is an after effect of the Big Bang, the event that allegedly gave birth to the universe. This can actually be seen on television where the old fuzzy noise we saw contains 1% of the same radiation. 

4. There’s a giant cloud of alcohol in Sagittarius B

Sagittarius B, is a huge cloud of vinyl alcohol whizzing in space near the Milky Way. It’s important as it leaves crucial information for scientists about how early life forms originated in space.

5. There’s a planet-sized diamond in Centaurus named after a Beatles song

Originally posted by iclalove

A planet , made completely of diamond, which has been called Lucy by scientists after the Beatles song, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds,”  can be found 50 light years away in Centaurus and weighs in a mind boggling 10 billion-trillion-trillion carats. 

6. It takes 225 million years for our Sun to travel around the galaxy

Originally posted by toomanythoughtanddreams

While our planets in the solar system circumnavigate the Sun, the star itself it on a orbit around the Milky Way. And if we’re counting in humans years, it takes 225 million years to complete the journey. 

7. Our solar system’s biggest mountain is on Mars

The tallest mountain in our solar system is Olympus Mons, located on Mars. It’s calculated  to be three times taller than Everest, spanning 600 kilometers across and 26 kilometers in height. 

8. Uranus spins on its side, with some rather strange results

Originally posted by spaceplasma

Uranus is not just unique because of its strange spinning, but the consequences of that effect results in 42 consecutive years of summer sunlight followed by another 42 consecutive winter darkness.

9. A year on Venus is shorter than its day

Originally posted by spaceplasma

Venus is the slowest rotating planet in our solar system - it takes longer to finish a rotation on its axis than orbit the entire Sun!

10. Neutron stars are the fastest spinning objects known in the universe

The fastest spinning known pulsar, a neutron star which emits a radiation beam as light, cycles on a whopping 70,000 km per hour speed.

11. A spoonful of a neutron star weighs about a billion ton

Neutron stars are unimaginably dense, in fact one spoonful of one such star would weigh around a billion tons!

12. The Voyager 1 spacecraft is the most distant human-made object from Earth

In 1977, the Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 were released into space as an ambitious project and are still cruising the outskirts of our galaxy and maybe beyond to help us explore space even further.

13. Voyager 1 captured the most distant photograph of Earth

The same spacecraft, Voyager 1, took the most distant photograph of Earth: Voyager 1 took a shot of the Earth from the far reaches of space in 1990, and the small speck at the end of the image that is the world we’re living on right now became known as the Pale Blue Dot. Astronomer Carl Sagan noted,“From this distant vantage point, the Earth might not seem of any particular interest. But for us, it’s different. Consider again that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us.”

14. Scientists are looking for evidence of extraterrestrial life on Earth

Originally posted by ajshostak

One of the most exciting mysteries of the universe is a quest to find aliens, or as termed by scientists a project called The Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI), where they are pulling n all data about extraterrestrial life on other planets through evidence they have at their hands.

15. It is estimated there are 400 billion stars in our galaxy

Originally posted by thelucidnation

Our own Sun is one of 400 billion others, some astoundingly larger, some smaller, in the Milky Way alone. 

16. There could be 500 million planets capable of supporting life in our galaxy

“Goldilocks Planets” are  habitable planets which fall into a specific zone around the star to make life sustainable on it. Many factors come into play to get this perfect distance such as temperature, atmospheric content, water, chemical compounds on the surface etc. 

17. There are probably more than 170 billion galaxies in the observable universe

Based on extensive calculations, using data from the Hubble Telescope and as far as it can see into space, there’s a probable 170 billion galaxies besides our own Milky Way.

18. There could be an infinite number of universes

Originally posted by sci-universe

Speculative theories in advanced branches of science such as mathematics, quantum mechanics and astrophysics have summed up that we could be living in a “multiverse”- a convergence of an infinite number of universes. 

19. The human brain is the most complex object in the known universe

Originally posted by teapotsandroses

Our brain is a blueprint for the most complex network in the universe, with over a hundred billion neurons and quadrillion connections- this system isn’t even the tip of the iceberg which we know about what our brains have the potential to achieve.

20. We are all made of stardust

Originally posted by drugsruleeverythingaroundme

Carl Sagan beautifully summarises this fact, “The nitrogen in our DNA, the calcium in our teeth, the iron in our blood, the carbon in our apple pies were made in the interiors of collapsing stars. We are made of starstuff.” In fact, every element on Earth transpired from a burning heart of a star.

Hack The Planet: Sombra Stuff


Sombra’s base skins are named after natural colors:

Cidro (Citrus) / Incendio (Fire) / Mar (Sea) / Noche (Night) 

Her “Azucar” skin (Lit. “Sugar”) is based on the sugar skulls commonly associated on the skulls created for Day of the Dead (Dia de los Muertos), a very popular holiday in Mexico. These skulls are called ‘calaveras’ (Lit. “Skull”) and are created as offerings to the deceased. Sombra’s trademark hacking symbols (the skull) is based on the sugar calaveras as well.

Her “Los Muertos” skin is based on an in-universe gang known as Los Muertos (Lit. “The Dead”) that terrorize the city of El Dorado and like to wear glow-in-the-dark tattoos that make them resemble skeletons. 

Both her Azucar and Los Muertos skins have glow-in-the-dark tattoos, but Azucar’s is patterned on white sugar skulls while Los Muertos’ is patterned on neon skeletons.

Sombra used to be a member of Los Muertos, where she single-handedly leaked vital LumeriCo information and started a public overthrow of the power company.

Sombra was a member of the gang from a very young age, using her small stature and unassuming looks to steal data and give it to Los Muertos. Although some members of the gang show anti-omnic tendencies, most art of the gang shows that omnics can join if they want

Sombra’s voice line “Mess with the Best and Die like the Rest” is a reference to the movie “Hackers”, for obvious reasons. “Hack the Planet” is also from that movie.

Sombra’s playful ‘Boop’ she does to Katya Volskaya in “Infiltration” is actually a thinly veiled threat. Katya does this ‘boop’ to her daughter a sign of affection. Sombra did it to Katya to show that she has been watching the mother and daughter and can easily do more damage if she would like to.

Sombra’s “Amused” emote where she draws a data-chunked circle in the air while music plays, then laughs dismissively and disables it has a long history. During the “Quien es Sombra?” ARG, Overwatch players were desperately trying to figure out who Sombra is and where she was from. This led to people frantically searching the game for anything that could possibly lead to Sombra’s whereabouts. Some users on the Overwatch reddit found some texture artifacts in the skybox of El Dorado, with most believing it to be some kind of code or cipher. This was called “the Skycode”. Everyone was trying to decrypt it every way, from 3D visualization to language ciphers to data compilation, but nothing was working. Then some users decided to try and make the data into a song, and this is where the “Amused” song comes from. the theory that the Skycode was an encrypted song was very popular, but in the end the Skycode artifact was just that: an artifact. It had nothing to do with Sombra at all and was simply a quirk of Overwatch’s graphics engine. Thus, the “Amused” emote.

Sombra’s ammo counter on her gun is in Hexcode, a common data type used in coding and hacking. Her gun holds 60 bullets, with her counter listing “3 C (60 in hex)” then counting down through the values from there. Her full value table, with each bullet being one value, is below:

3 C (60) | 3 B (59) | 3 A (58) | 3 9 (57) | 3 8 (56) | 3 7 (55) | 3 6 (54) | 3 5 (53)

3 4 (52) | 3 3 (51) | 3 2 (50) | 3 1 (49) | 3 0 (48) | 2 F (47) | 2 E (46) | 2 D (45)

2 C (44) | 2 B (43) | 2 A (42) | 2 9 (41) | 2 8 (40) | 2 7 (39) | 2 6 (38) | 2 5 (37)

2 4 (36) | 2 3 (35) | 2 2 (34) | 2 1 (33) | 2 0 (32)| 1 F (31) | 1 E (30) | 1 D (29)

1 C (28) | 1 B (27) | 1 A (26) | 1 9 (25) | 1 8 (24) | 1 7 (23) | 1 6 (22) | 1 5 (21)

1 4 (20) | 1 3 (19) | 1 2 (18) | 1 1 (17) | 1 0 (16) | 0 F (15) | 0 E (14) | 0 D (13)

0 C (12) | 0 B (11) | 0 A (10) | 0 9 (9) | 0 8 (8) | 0 7 (7) | 0 6 (6) | 0 5 (5) |

0 4 (4) | 0 3 (3) | 0 2 (2) | 0 1 (1) | 0 0 (0)

Sombra’s Translocater is based on stolen and reworked tech from Tracer’s Chronal Accelerator. Sometimes when you Translocate as Sombra, she’ll say a sarcastic “Cheers, Luv!”. Also, during prematch banter, Sombra will say “Sometimes I feel sick after I translocate. I’m sure you know what mean, eh Tracer?” to which Tracer replies “Wouldn’t be a problem if you disappeared forever.”


ummm … why was this video so cute??? why was phil offering up nostalgic stories from his childhood every 3 minutes? why were they so fond of the family bonding time? of picking childrens clothing for dab???? ive not felt true emotions during a sims vid in so long??????? ? anyway here r some thoughts:

  • why did they try to make bowling strike noises for 30 actual whole seconds
  • phil dragging dan for not being able to read the word ‘mirage.’ good
  • the fact that phil kinda sorta equated the connotations of ’mate’ and ‘friend’ with ‘partner’ gave me heart palpitations ahhhhh partner is legit my fav word for what dnp are to each other and to hear it used in the same context as phil’s cheeky use of friend/mate was v affirming
  • apparently a typical dad move, according to phil, is stealing your child’s electronics. when phil got his first iPhone his dad took it and put angry birds on it? for some reason this is vital information to me
  • letting your child have cake on the bed is terrible parenting. both of them agree
  • when phil was a kid he had a toy where you rubbed its back and sparks came out. uhhh cute and also concerning
  • phil singing ‘fireman dan’ made me giggle and simultaneously forced me to reminisce on the fireman pic from their ‘dan and phil go to work’ calendar
  • the wholeeeeee bit where they’re looking through dab’s clothing choices made my heart melt. they are so supportive of eccentric fashion choices and they’re def going to be the dads that let their kids pick out their own clothes and support their choices and their individuality no matter what
  • omg 4:51 and phil saying, ‘you can make references that are old dan’ holy shit this bit. once again i love phil not taking dan’s shit and i love how fucking synchronized that god damn joke noise they make is, like they somehow made them at nearly the exact same microsecond??? and i have so many thoughts about this bc they both tend to make that noise when the other messes up or says something wrong or has a word flub of some sort, and it has always struck me as being something they use to dilute the awkwardness of that kind of misspeak??? like to take the attention away from the misspeak itself and draw each other out of the awkwardness of that moment by making each other laugh w this weird goose noise instead?? which is just??? fucking cute? i feel like in this instance the applicability was that dan didn’t have a retort to phil when phil stood up for himself so instead of just staying awkwardly silent he makes this goose noise (v slightly before phil does) as a way of being like lol this is awk i have nothing to say pls help me here and phil v instinctively/automatically follows as a way of joining in and being like it’s all good, you’re good, this is chill, pls don’t feel awk for not coming up w a witty response, and look now we’re laughing!!! and that’s the purpose that noise generally always serves them?? at least it seems that way to me, but idk like obvi i have no real basis for understanding exactly what the origin and meaning of this reflex is for them, this is sort of just how it seems from the many instances we’ve seen of them doing this. either way overall it’s just such a cute and  warm lil thing they do bc its so obvi instinctive at this point and a shared gesture that makes them laugh and i love it
  • phil wasn’t allowed ripped/distressed jeans when he was younger. those traditionalist lesters staying true to their colors
  • dan thinks phil could be a stylist wow that is like the height of praise coming from the dark prince of fashion himself
  • dan thinks its cute when dab is in the parental bed while phil yells ‘get out’ hahahaha
  • phil used to talk to the monster under his bed bc of course he did
  • ok omg the whole bit starting at 9:30. holy shit y’all. i’m baffled. they’re having what seems like a v benign convo about sleepovers during their youth and talking about the frustrations of having to sleep on the floor and dan says “the older you get, the more you’re like what the hell i’m so uncomfortable i wish i was just asleep right now.” and then wATCH HIM from 9:38 to 9:42 like what is he doing why did he follow up that contextually very chill statement with that intense stare into the camera and pointed sip of his water I’m SO confused. this immediately made me think about double meanings to that statement and the main thing that occurred to me was that it was an allusion to their separate beds,, that the older you get the more you value comfort when you’re sleeping over the fun of having a “sleepover with your friend” and one possible fix for that is sleeping in a separate bed to your “””friend”””???? idk??? am v open to other interpretations tho i have no idea, and like of course maybe dan is just being inadvertently cheeky but idk that jst seemed like SUCH an intentional stare and i am going to be kept up at night wondering what it all MEANS
  • dank brekkerini dan’s right i want to fight him for that
  • phil’s grandma used to cut up apples and sprinkled sugar on them depending on the activities they were doing wow why is his whole family quite literally the sweetest
  • phil correcting dan by pointing out that you could always cook a gourmet meal and dan’s only available response being “well … shut up” wow fucking shots fired
  • dan is incensed at the wasted breakfast bar. why is dan literally obsessed w breakfast bars
  • 12:56 another synchronized moment when they both say brayden in an obnoxious attempt at an american accent
  • i love that they are both immediately in agreement that the only reason to go to a bowling alley would be to play on the ddr machine fuckin nerds
  • martyn worked as a mascot at a bowling alley for his work experience prime lester family trivs. also cute ass mental image
  • their shared reflection about bowling with the bumpers up and the dumb toxic masculinity of teenage boys fuCK YES
  • editing mistake numero uno: they overlaid a backing track for tabitha’s bowling turn starting at 14:27 but then kept the music in for like a full THREE AND A HALF minutes omg (it plays on repeat until 17:57 lmao i was ready to click out of the video it was so annoying)
  • editing mistake numero dos: they do the exACT SAME THING with yet another backing track starting at 19:57 and continuing for like one min this time ugh omg (tbh its kind of fun to see such a blatant reminder that they’re just human beings who were either v jet lagged or v distracted by their fam vacay while editing this)

this video was good. i’m gonna go shower and continue to be haunted by that fucking sleepover comment and dan’s stare. good night 

(sims #40)

here’s a list of every single one of antisepticeye’s appearances, with names of the videos and links to the exact times. will be updated. 

Sister Location #1 [4:27, 8:20, 15:2820:18, 26:2431:27, 33:23, 34:10, 35:27, 36:5139:27]

Sister Location #2 [0:001:173:59, 9:10, 9:19, 12:56, 16:2617:08, 17:11, 18:0719:00]

Sister Location #3 [0:01, 1:12, 2:35, 5:26, 5:30, 8:21, 8:36, 10:42, 14:30, 14:4117:27]

Sister Location #4 [0:00, 1:17, 2:39, 3:14, 5:13, 7:28, 10:04, 10:23, 20:10, 21:59, 27:33]

The Temple of No [11:10]

Hello Neighbor #2 [9:42]

ClusterTruck #16 [12:40]

Stuntfest #1 [8:33]

Stuntfest #2 [2:17, 4:59]

Pipejob [12:13]

Manual Samuel #3 [21:33]

Guts And Glory #5 [6:58]

Mr. President #3 [1:08, 11:15, 15:50]

The Cubicle [1:40, 3:46, 3:49, 7:23, 9:15]

Layers Of Fear [20:30, 20:38, 22:08]

Layers Of Fear #2 [4:38, 7:50, 10:20, 13:02, 20:11, 26:02]

Soon [entire]

SAY GOODBYE [2:30, 3:17, 3:40, 4:20, 4:32, 5:32, 6:35, 8:05, 8:28, 9:49, 10:35] (10:35 to end)

Detention 返校 #2 [0:25, 3:43]

Detention 返校 #3 [8:51, 9:02, 22:13]

Detention 返校 #4 [1:12, 2:04, 5:30, 5:5027:45]

PAX East 2017 Intro [entire]

Bloopers & Outtakes #1 [5:17, 10:12]

Bloopers & Outtakes #2 [2:30]

Epidemic [8:03, 8:29]

Darkiplier VS Antisepticeye [entire]

Darkiplier VS Antisepticeye Bloopers [entire]

Bio Inc. Redemption [3:033:41, 4:13, 4:475:10, 5:23, 6:03, 6:30, 6:38, 6:44, 6:52, 7:00, 7:12, 7:147:22, 7:30, 7:39, 7:45, 7:49, 7:598:04, 8:19, 8:24, 8:31, 8:40, 8:45] (8:45 to end)

Bloopers & Outtakes #3 [3:47]


The Lightning Thief: The Percy Jackson Musical In Concert @ The Green Room 42 (8/28/2017) 9:30 Show



Jughead Jones


Whatever it Takes: One, Two, Three

Time Waster: One, Two, Three, Four, Five

Tonight (Young Hearts)

She’s Not You


Alone Together


Yours Truly: Part One , Part Two , Part Three


Without You




Near Death



Silence [drabble]

Messy Situations

Archie Andrews

Wishing Wells



Last Night

Reggie Mantle

Too Good


Attention [drabble]

Jason Blossom

Six Feet Under

Dodie Drabbles


Drabbles/Asks (?)

don’t [j.j.]

someone new [j.j]

nervous [j.j]

poison [j.j.]

6/99 [a.a., j.j.]

34/43 [j.j.]

7 [r.m.]

9 [r.m.]

7 [j.j.]

12 [r.m.]

84 [j.j.]

97 [j.j.]

2/82/83 [r.m., a.a., j.j.]

12/17 [j.j.]

74 [j.j.]

15/25 [a.a.]

40/42 [r.m.]

95 [j.j.]

9/77/95 [j.j.]

hope [j.j.]

soulmates [j.j.]


Peter Parker


Feel It Still [drabble]

Ned’s OTP [drabble]

Date? [drabble]

Not A Stalker [drabble]

my boy

Best Friend

Pietro Maximoff


Steve Rogers

The Great Set Up [steve rogers birthday celebration]

Star Trek

Pavel Chekov




had some drinks || kol mikaelson (!!)

author: @sincerelystiles
pairing: kol x reader
word count: 6,163 (never wrote this much oh my god)

warnings: teasing, swearing, kissing, unprotected sex, foreplay, oral (male & female receiving), biting, blood sharing, fingering, hand job, multiple orgasms, alcohol use, slight bondage. 

authors note: yes, this is my first kol smut, but nonetheless, i went all out and i hope you like it! :) also, thank you to my love @oneshot-obssessed​ for being so supportive and reading through it during the process, i love you so much!! 

requested by @obrienimagines
listen to this on repeat.

summary/request: kol smut where the reader is a girl that klaus used to take care of bc her parents died, but she only meets kol when she’s 17 and he’s really flirty. 

Keep reading

band-aid solutions

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: smut, angst, humor

warning: slight voyeurism/exhibitionism, dirty talk, dom!jimin, oral

word count: 15k

summary: It’s said that time heals all wounds, but that isn’t exactly true and sometimes band-aids are all you have. You catch your boyfriend cheating on you and Jimin is more than willing to help you forget him.

✩ a/n: inspired by the drama suspicious partner, check it out if you haven’t already!

Keep reading

GREY AREA. (M) | 09

And just like that, your fate was sealed - because Min Yoongi was absolutely going to destroy you. But hell, if you weren’t going to let him, or bask happily in the flames as he did so.

And sadly, at the time, you didn’t think that your thoughts would become so literal.

“Wanting love from someone who doesn’t want to love you, will destroy your fucking heart.”  - Anonymous

 Pairing: Yoongi/Reader
 Word Count: 4,228
 Genre/Warnings: Soulmate AU, Angst, 
   Chapter Index

When you wake up, it’s to the sound of a familiar vibration that belongs to your phone, and the hum of your fan whirring from beside you.

Small droplets of rain hit your window creating a nice pitter patter sound, and you think that you’ve heard what could only be distinguished as thunder, roar in the distance.

The vibration from your phone goes off another second later, and you have to pull yourself up from your slumber to search for it. You find it by your feet, ignoring the question of how the hell did it get down there? Because you had learned long ago not to question you and your sleeping habits, because according to Taehyung, you slept roughly.

Keep reading

“Are you a boy or a girl?”
*rolls D20 and checks roll table*
1- Yes
2- No
3- Maybe
4- It’s complicated
5- *whispers* Is that a human thing
6- Are YOU a boy or a girl?
7- *gets out flowcharts*
8- 42
9- I’m a proletariat
10- Gender is a lie
11- I have no gender, only rage
12- Only on prime numbered days
13- *pterodactyl noises*
14- *finger guns*
15- I am Groot
16- I’m a Jedi
17- I’m [insert Quidditch position]
18- I’m a mess
19- I’m a trainwreck and trainwrecks don’t have gender, only pain
20- I transcend gender

submitted by 324queer21 


The best gender chart, obviously

-Mod Crown

Giving a hand Pt.9 [BTS Smut]

Originally posted by samwol



COUNT → 8435

GENRE → Smut


SUMMARY: Your work is not the typical job, you give hand jobs for money, but instead of feeling ashamed by it you’re comfortable with it. Until a man offers you to work in his company, where you would use your abilities to please seven guys.

Truth to be told, when you worked at the hotel you didn’t have that many clients in a day, or a week. Contrary to popular belief men weren’t that horny all the time, so you could have maybe three men in a day, or two. There were times, of course, when you had more than that, but they were especial occasions, like a holiday or a long weekend, when those men had time to spend a couple of hours in a hotel with a masked girl.

Now you had seven horny guys blowing up your phone. Which was exciting but tiresome at the same time. That’s why you thanked the heavens when you were informed again that the guys couldn’t contact you. Was it something wrong with you for thinking that? After all, you were happy of not being in a sexual situation with seven hot guys. But they consumed all your energy.

After your encounter with Jimin you went to their apartment to make things clear and assure them that no you didn’t have sex, and apologized to Yoongi for lying…even if you weren’t sorry at all, their reactions were the best.

Keep reading

"I like you. A lot" - jake paul imagine

Requested - “hey love! Love your writing!  Could you do a jake paul imagine for me with prompts 2, 9, 10, 42 & 48 please and thank you!!!!”

2. “Stop winking”
9. “Your hair is so soft”
10. “Sorry. I just go lost in your eye’s”
42. “Why so flirty all of a sudden?”
48. “It’s too cold. Come back!”
You had been apart of the team 10 for about 10 month’s now but you had been frinds with tessa and erika for about all your life and you had meet the others about a year ago

You had always had a crush on jake ever since you met him but you could tell he was a fuckboy and so you kept your distance

Today you had plans to stay in and watch movies all day with the others while jake was out with the most of the boy’s

As you woke up to yelling of everyone yelling out jakes name you groaned as jake had yet pulled a prank on them

The funny thing was when pranks were pulled by him jake never one pulled one on you

As you began to fall back to sleep your door slammed open and in ran jake as he jumped on you

“Save me!” He yelled as he slipped under the sheet and pulled you on top of him

A secon later tessa and erika along with the Emilio and ivan, chance and Anthony all with flour all over them and angry faces

But that soon changed when they saw you on top of jake falling in and out of sleep

“Why did you wake her up? She’s still clearly tired” tessa said as she hugged chance

“Its alright” you said as you sat up on jake with your legs either side of his waist as you stretched and yawned

As you went to get up jake pulled you back down and rolled on top of you

“Its too cold. Come back!” He whined as he layed on top of you as you went to push him off eventually succeeding

As you walked out and headed downstairs with tessa and erika you could hear the boy’s

“You’ve got it bad mate” you heard chance say and then a bunch of laughs as you walked into the kitchen and began looking for food

As you raised up on your tippy toes to reach a bowel you felt a hand on your ass and gasped dropping a bowl wich was soon caught

Looking to your left you looked at jake as he handed you the bowel and winked

Grabbing it you frowned and began finding cereal to eat

As you bent down you felt another slap to your ass and groaned as you shot up and looked at the suspect.

Jake paul.

And once again he winked and you could hear the other’s laugh as they made their way out of the kitchen and upstairs leaving just you and jake who yet again winked

“Stop winking” you said softly as you sat down to eat

Jake laughed

“ Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile."jake said aftwr a moment of silence

You choked on your cereal and looked at him with shock causing him to grin a cute grin

"Why so flirty all of a sudden?” You asked with a raised eyebrow

He shrugged and watched you finish your cereal

You looked at him and smiled

“What?” You asked him but he still stareed at you

“JAKE!” you yelled snapping him out of his trance

“Sorry. I just go lost in your eye’s” he said as you finished your last spoon of cereal

You blushed causing him him to smile a soft smile and get up and walk around untill he was standing behind you

He placeed his hands eaither side of you and leaned down untill his head was on your shoulder

“Your going to miss your interview thing or whatever” you said as you got up and placed your bowl in the sink

“We not doing anything because of the weather” he said as he leant against the bench as you leant against the wall

You just looked at each other for a little bit before you yawned

“Lets go to bed” jake said softly as he yawned and walked towards your lazily walking figure

He stopped you and walked in front of you getting you to jusmp into his arms and wrap your legs and arms around him as his arms went to your ass

You were too tired and comfortable to realize that you walked in to the rest of them either snuggled up with somone or a pillow as they talked quietly

You smiled and snuggled more into jake as he carried you to a beanbag and sat himself down with you Still in his arms so you now layed on him

“Your both so cute together” you heard erika say and then a chior of yes’s causing you to blish and burry your head into jakes chest

“Let’s begin the movie.” Jake said

And soon you heard the movie start and soon rain started hitting the tin roof

About 20 minutes into the movie you felt one of hakes arms wrap around your waist and his spare hand begin to play with your hair

You looked up slightly so you were eye level with jake

“Your hair is so soft” jake whispered as his hand came to relax against your cheek

You smiled and nuzzled into his warm hand causing him to sigh

Looking at him you frowned at him and gave him a questioning look

“Whats wrong?” You whispered

“Nothing.” He said as his gaze fell away from you and to the movie

Sighing you stood up and geld your hand out to him as a sign for him to take it wich he soon did and you both walked out the door and into his room

The boy’s had told you a few moments ago in a grouptext you had with them that jake had liked you for a while and that was why he hadn’t had a girl in so long, he just didn’t know how to tell you.

“Whats wrong jake?” You asked softly as you rubbed your eye’s and sat on his bed

Jake stood leaning against his door way and sighed as he walked in and closed the door

He came and sat a little away from your on his bed and placed his arms on his knees so he was in a slouched position

“You can tell me you know. Anything. And i will keep it and respect it” you said softly as you crossed your legs and positiond yourself on the floor in front of him

He looked at you and gave a little smileas he began to laugh

“So i should just come out and say it then?” He said more to himself

He sighed and looked at you and slid down so he was now on the floor infront of you and looked at you

Grabbing your hands in his he sighed

“I like you. A lot. I have for quite a while. If you dont want to be my friend even, after knowing this thats fine i just thought that i should sa-”

You cut him off by grabbing his face in your hands amd kissing him

Tearing apart a few seconds later your blushed and looked down

Feeling a finger under your chin you were soon looking back into jakes eyes as he pulled you into another kiss

“Be smine?” He asked after taking a breath

“Yes” you said as you smiled and kissed him again before being tackled to the ground by none other than tessa and erika

“Yasssss! Finally!!” You hear from the boys as they cheered and pushed jake around

He looked at you and smiled seeing you caught up in conversation with the girl’s

“Alright, alright go finish your movie y/n and i need sleep” jake said as he moved the girls aside and pulled you up gently into his arms where he wrapped them securly around you

“Yeah right. Sleeping” Anthony said winking at you both

“Make sure you use protection” chance and tessa said at the same time

“Don’t be too loud!” Erika said laughing

“Get out!” Jake said causing them all to laugh and get out closing tbe door behind them

Jake sighed as he let you go and walked over to his bed where he pulled his top off and his track pants and then the sheets back and got in

He sat there and looked at you

“Want to borrow a top?” He asled scratching the back of his neck

A habit he did when he was nervous or if he did something wrong

You nodded causing him to softly smile at you and get up grabbing a top of his wich you loved

You yawned and lazily took the top as he turned around you quickly put it on

“Done” you said and yawned straight after

Turning around he smiled at your limp and tired figure and picked you up like before and walked over to his bed placing you down gently on it

Walking to the light switch he turend it off and went to the curtains

As he was about to close them uou sat up

“Leave tjem open please!” You squeked

He looked at you with his brows furrowed and a confised look

“I like to listen and watch the lighting while falling asleep. It calms me” you explained quietly

Jake nodded and walked back over and got under the sheets and layed Down with his back towards you

You smiled and began tracing his back with your fingers feeling him relax under your touch

You did this for a few minutes while listening to the rain and thunder outside

Yawning you stopped your fingers dancing across his skin and rubbed your eye’s

As you opened them again you came face to face with jake who gave you a soft smile

“Hey” he whispered to you as he wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you into him

“Let’s go to sleep” he said as he began softly tugging your hair running his fingers through the softness

“Goodnight jake” you whispered and kissed his chest as you clossed your eyes and began to fall asleep

“Goodnight love” and with a kiss to your head you both feel asleep to the sound of rain and thunder.

Dead Man Walking [Connor Murphy x Reader]

Title: Dead Man Walking
Pairing: Connor Murphy x Reader
Fandom: Dear Evan Hansen
Requested: Yes! I had two different requests for this one
Summary: You and Connor Murphy aren’t friends, but you do have a business plan worked out. You give him the money, Connor gives you the weed, and you make a day of it. Connor’s a little pent up tonight (and a little black and blue from an incident he won’t tell you about), but you’ve got a proposition.
Warnings: Connor’s potty mouth | physical abuse | Mentions of depression | a really poor way to treat people with depression | a really poor understanding of mental health from both sides | drugs | heavy kissing | First person reader | not proof read | confident Connor Murphy
A/N: sorry this took so long! Hopefully everyone likes it! Fair warning again (stated above) heavy physical abuse and mental abuse–I don’t believe some of the things I have Connor and the reader say below, I just believe realistically it’s how their characters would respond. Thanks so much for 1100 followers! Thanks so much for all the love and support from everyone! Hope you like this♡ More notes at the end

To say Connor Murphy was a friend would be a lie.

From: CM
9:36 pm
U home?

I was glad my parents didn’t ask whose number it was that showed up all over our phone bill, and that they never questioned cryptic whispers I sometimes gave into my phone when he called late, answering despite the fact my parents were just across the table.

He was brief. He was curt. He didn’t talk too much, so there was no worry of my parents overhearing. Not that they’d care.

I stared at my phone screen for longer than probably necessary–I knew Connor, and if I didn’t respond quickly, he’d give up and reschedule for whenever he felt like it. Still, the familiar jolt of anxiety bolted through me all the same.

I was in my room, spread across my bed in one of my uncle’s hand-me-down sweatshirt and a pair of pajama shorts my mother didn’t like me wearing when I had guests over. She wasn’t here to change that, though.

To: CM
9:41 pm

ya. U have my bio book?

Plot twist: “bio book” did not actually mean bio book, in case you haven’t caught on yet.

From: CM
9:41 pm


To: CM
9:42 pm

Come over

He sent a quick confirmation, letting me know he was walking over, making anxious for a few reasons, the head of which being him walking around in that hoodie in my neighborhood wouldn’t go over too well, and the last thing we needed was the cops barging in. I texted him to use the back door.

I brushed through my hair, frowning at the fact there was no time to do my makeup. It was Saturday, and I hadn’t bothered to put any on today anyway, but it didn’t make me any less uncomfortable. I wasn’t sure Connor had ever seen me without makeup on. I scrubbed the toner on my cheeks a little too harshly.

Connor and I had a deal–a system we’d developed late Sophomore year, when highschool hadn’t lived up to any of the expectations we’d had for it. I didn’t really know Connor–sure, he lived two streets over and we went to the same elementary school, but it didn’t change the fact that I was a fairly popular person, by no means at the top of the food chain, but still involved, and Connor, well.

Connor was the stoner. The first in our class. He didn’t even hang out with the other stoners, he just sat at the edge of the lunch room at the end of the table where the anime club sat by himself, staring. It had been pretty safe to say our lives wouldn’t cross, ever.

If we hadn’t made a deal.

I still don’t know why I did it, and part of me wished I never had, because now we couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop giving him money and he wouldn’t stop coming over with joints and we’d smoke and shit talk and fuck if I didn’t like it.

We didn’t talk at school. We didn’t talk once the joint fizzled out and we both fell asleep, Connor leaving wordlessly at some point around three am, walking anywhere but home.

I knew the feeling.

I warmed up the Nintendo, sitting in the floor–I’d already drug all the blankets from my bed (Connor never sat on the bed, ever. It made him uncomfortable, I think) onto the floor in front of the television, piled it with ample snacks. Connor ate like a bird.

I was already sleepy. I wished I’d told him to just go home, let him take his joint and leave–that was our deal. I’d pay for the weed (his parents had cut him off long ago) and he’d keep half of it, and deliver the other half to me. Sometimes we smoked together, sometimes we didn’t. My parents were gone for the week, and he knew that. Everyone knew that. He wanted to hang.

I didn’t mind, not one bit.

Connor let himself in, surprising me by entering my bedroom unannounced, shutting the door behind him and locking it. From my position stretched across the nest of blankets on the floor, Connor looked like a giant. He paused in the doorway, his face expressionless as he took in the sight of my setup. He would’ve been funny, standing in my pink bedroom, his backdrop a Jonas Brothers poster and a mountain of teddy bears. Would’ve been funny, if he didn’t look like shit. The purple bruising under his eyes and across the bridge of his nose was concerning, but I knew better than to bring it up. His lips were puckered tightly, almost like a sardonic duck face. I held out a package of twizzlers.

“You lock the front door?”

He nodded. “Back door.”

“Hm,” I agreed, letting him slide out a single red twine and pop it between his teeth as he fumbled in the back pocket of his jeans, his lithe fingers twisted as he threw a bag at me.

“Just one?” I said, a little upset. I’d given him more than enough for two.

“Prices hiked,” he said, digging around again and handing me a crumpled wad of twenties, which scattered on the hello kitty blanket we were sitting on. Connor folded himself neatly beside me, careful not to take up too much room or to tower too close.

“Keep it,” I told him, pulling the blunt from the bag. “Use it for next time. Or spend it, I don’t care.”

“No,” he grumbled, voice void of inflection, eyes staring ahead at the tv screen. “Not the deal. Wanna smoke.”

“Hulk smash,” I agreed sagely, earning a glare from him. “No, got it, not in the mood.” I sighed.

“It’s so annoying to pass a blunt back and forth,” I groaned, lighting anyway and taking the first drag. Calm thoughts, calm thoughts were the key to a good trip. Being anxious to start just made you paranoid. Connor’s lithe fingers brushed mine as he stole it from me, placing it between his own lips.

“Your fingers are freezing.” I pushed the blankets toward him, building a small nest around your legs. “And take your jeans off if you wanna get comfy.”

He didn’t, his loss.

I flopped back against the nest, feeling my hair fan out around me, and sighed. I didn’t really wanna smoke tonight–it was already late, I was already tired. Connor made me uncomfortable to the nth degree, I definitely couldn’t fall asleep with him here.

When I glanced back at him, his expression was unreadable thanks to his downcast curls and the cloud of smoke that had begun to twist around him. He held out the blunt to me.

“You’re quiet,” I noticed, taking the blunt and inhaling, watching the patterns the smoke made as it curled in on itself over and over.

He shrugged, his shoulder catching his curls and dragging them back a little to reveal a bit more of his face to me. The pinpoint freckles across his cheeks seemed paler under the outline of the bruise, just across the edge. I bit down on my tongue to keep from asking. His lips were pouted, as if he was upset.

Connor wasn’t usually like this–stoic, sure, but calmer. I wondered for half a moment if he’d gotten mugged on his way here. The blossoming bruise, still obviously new, the apples of his cheeks slightly swollen–I doubted he’d simply run into a wall.

We weren’t friends, so I didn’t ask.

“Don’t have much to say,” he muttered. “Not much to talk about.”

I just hummed, stealing another drag and handing him another twizzler. “Wanna play MarioKart before this stuff kicks in?”

I might’ve imagined the corner of his mouth ticking up from where his lips were wrapped around the licorice, but regardless he muttered, “Sure.”


It took less than fifteen minutes for the weed to hit us full force. Connor had destroyed me at the game, so we’d abandoned it in lieu for muted cartoons neither of us were watching.

We were stretched across the nest of blankets, me facing him where he stared listlessly at the ceiling–at some point he’d forgotten to pass blunt, letting it hang limply between his lips. I nudged him with my knee as a reminder.

“Your fucking lipgloss is all over this thing,” he groaned bitterly, wiping his hand on his knee before lowering it back to the blanket. He’d taken off his shoes at some point, and his socks had Courage the Cowardly Dog on them. I pretended not to notice–even when I thought they were pretty cool.

“It’s chapstick,” I said, rolling up onto my elbow to get a better look at him, the smoke trailing across the plains of his hoodie like fog.

“It’s got glitter on it,” he shot back, still staring at the ceiling. “I don’t want that shit on my mouth. My dad would have a fucking field day.”

I just laughed, and let his eyes roll over to glare at me. There were one or two sparkles at the corner of his mouth, I saw, but nothing that couldn’t be wiped off. I wondered briefly where his parents thought he was.

“No more for you then, I guess,” I giggled, rolling into a sitting position and taking another drag. His eyebrows furrowed comically, his slim body rolling up.

“Nuh-uh, no fair. Without me you’d have no weed.”

“Could say the same for you,” I sighed, leaning my head against the foot of my bed and staring at him. His hair was away from his face now–once calm, I supposed, he’d forgotten all about the blemish on his face. He wasn’t hunched or hiding anymore, the sleeves of his hoodie pushed up to reveal his bare forearms. He smiled, startling me–it wasn’t much, just a quirk of his lip, but it was pretty nonetheless. He looked like the thumbnail for a Charli music video.

“I’d find another way to get the money–you’re just the easiest.”

I gasped, mock offended, earning a smile with teeth from him. He ducked his head to his chest, his hair eclipsing the smile.

“Connor Murphy thinks I’m easy!” I cried in mock horror, slamming my palm dramatically against my forehead. “Oh God, my reputation is ruined.”

“If I so much as mentioned your name at school, your reputation would be ruined,” Connor chuckled darkly. “They’d kick you out of student council until you pled ‘charity case’.”

I smiled, deciding not to call him on out on the self deprecating jokes lest he return to his catatonic state. I was just pleased he’d begun to forget about whatever had made hum enter so sullen.

I snorted. “Yeah, they’d believe that for sure. Instead of, ya know, the obvious.”

He raised an eyebrow, his smile fading slowly. “What’s the obvious?” He asked grimly, suddenly angry. I forced a laugh to diffuse the tension.

“You know,” I said awkwardly. “You’re a boy. I’m a girl.”

He stared blankly at me, and despite the fact I knew he fully understood what I was getting at, I also knew he wanted to hear me say it.

Can I make it anymore obvious?” I crooned in a poor monotone, nudging his knee with my own. He licked his lips, coming away with a thin smile.

“What? People would think you’re slumming with the loner?”

I rolled my eyes. “I doubt anyone would call it slumming–girls like bad boys, Connor.”

I watched his slate eyes widen, his whole face expand as he barked a laugh, startling me to press back against the bed as he crumpled with laughter. It was shocking, and I let out another anxious laugh to echo him–I’d never seen Connor with so much expression on his face. He’d smiled so wide I could’ve seen his tonsils, and he was still bent over, his face hovering over my lap as he choked for air between heavy stomp of laughter, which sounded more akin to wheezing than any laugh track I’d ever heard. In the back of my head, it sort of reminded me of that one SpongeBob episode where they describe Squidward’s laugh box as “shriveled and unused”.

God, Connor was such a Squidward. I’d tell him after this.

“Is that what you think I am?” He practically giggled, his wide and manic eyes rushing up to meet mine. “A bad boy?”

I shifted uncomfortably, realizing the question had become about me. He’d been laughing at me. I felt my whole expression fall and shatter in my lap. “I mean–yeah? What, haven’t you read a YA novel? Hoodie, drugs, sarcastic and witty jokes, plus your looks–you’re the recipe for a good bad boy trope. You’re probably mushy on the inside. I bet you write poetry.”

Connor’s thin eyebrows shot into his hairline, his face still amused. “My looks?”

Flushing, I started down at my bare knees, which had turned pink–I suddenly felt too hot. I don’t remember weed usually doing that.

“God, Connor, don’t make me say it,” I grumbled, going to take a drag, surprised when he reached out to catch my wrist to prevent me. He was too close–I could see every freckle against his brusied cheek, the violent purple seeming almost pink around the edges. He was smiling softly, eyebrows raised. “You’re cute,” I admitted softly, relieved to see him laugh it off and let me go, rolling again onto his back. He pulled a teddy bear from the pile and held it front of him, smiling down at it.

“You’re not so bad yourself,” he snorted.

“Oh, fuck you, Murphy.”

“Buy me a drink first.“ 

"Ugh!” I groaned, falling face first beside him onto the nest, feeling the plush blankets brush against my cheeks. I had a headache coming on–there was always something about weed that left me prone to sensory overload. “It’s too bright. Turn off the lights.”

“Got it.”

It felt immensely better after Connor hit the switch and engulfed us in darkness, the only light coming from the television and dying the room a soft blue hue, and the flush that had felt like an awful itch across my skin fell away.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Connor hold out the blunt to me. I hadn’t realized he’d taken it. I thanked him and took a long drag.

“You’re quiet,” he said in a gruff voice, more sardonic than thoughtful. I snorted.

“You’re one to talk.”

He chuckled–it twisted my stomach in a decent way to see him in a such a pleasant mood. Sneaking a look at him, I realized it suited him well, that crooked smile he sported, revealing a bloody crack in his lip to match the blossoming bruise across his face.

“You wanna talk about that?” I murmured, pointing to him with a knuckle and then tracing my own cheek. He quirked an eyebrow, as if he didn’t understand. He’d forgotten, I realized. I sat up to face him, blunt still dangling between my lips, and traced the underside of the bruise with my thumb. He pulled away quickly, as if it had hurt.

“No. I don’t. We were talking about you.”

“Were we?” I asked, genuinely trying to remember. The best and worst thing about pot was the pleasant fog it left your brain in.

“Yes,” he groaned forcefully. “We were. You were talking about your parents.”

“I was?” That sounded false. I knew it was a bad idea to have Connor over when I was so tired and suggestible–it made us both open to conversations I didn’t want to have.

It was always scary. It wasn’t like we hadn’t had deep talks before, but that just meant it was that much harder to ignore him at school. Ignore him when he lashed out in class and keep quiet when my friend Josh talked shit behind his back. It was harder.

Because when we listened, it meant we cared.

“Yes,” he sighed again. “Do you need to sleep or something? I’ll finish the blunt.”

“Nope,” I said, smacking his hand away and keeping the blunt. “This one’s mine. You only get secondhand smoke. Sorry.”

He glared at me. “You’re funny.”

“You complained! Complaining means no blunt. You can shotgun filter-feed, a la Spongebob.”

He laughed, his hair swishing lightly around his shoulders. He looked nice.

The weed was definitely making me suggestible.

“Um, yeah, that’d get me super high,” he replied dryly, picking at his nails, glancing at me out of the corner of his eyes.

“Not from over there,” I sighed, leaning against the foot of the bed and blowing smoke in his direction, watching his hair fall over his shoulders, and his eyelids slide down as if he’d suddenly become drowsy. As painful as the bruise looked, it also gave him a sort of dreamy aesthetic that made me feel sort of disgustingly protective.

“That your way of asking me to scoot closer?” He sighed, sliding a bit closer across the nest of blankets so his thigh was flush with mine, making me suck in a sharp breath.

“This is out of character for you, Murphy,” I breathed, trying and failing to sound braver than I felt. My foggy brain was flashing warning lights over and over, why this was an awful idea. Pro: my parents would hate it. Con: this was Connor Murphy. Pro: he’s cute. Con: he’s Connor Murphy.

“Don’t wanna get anymore glitter on my lips,” he grinned like a shark, his smile blinding in the cyan light from the television.

“Think that’s gonna happen regardless,” I muttered nervously, daring to make eye contact with him and finding that he was smirking sharp enough to knock the air out of me. Oh God, it was gonna happen.

“You can use your hand, dumbass.”

I nearly screamed, jumping back and cracking my head against the bed frame, staring at him with wide eyes. “What?”

He cocked an eyebrow. “You haven’t shotgunned before?”


I felt myself deflate, leaning forward again, and I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or disappointed. Of course Connor Murphy wouldn’t kiss me. Connor Murphy didn’t like me. We were barely friends. I just paid for his weed.

“No, actually,” I grumbled, looking sheepishly up at him. “I haven’t.”

“You’re such a goody two shoes,” he chuckled, taking the blunt from me, and replaced it between my lips a little tighter. “I’ll show you.”

He stole my hand from my knee and rolled it into a fist. “Keep this tight. Take the drag, then blow into this, okay?”

I did as he said, holding the smoke in my lungs and bringing the fist to my mouth, only halfway surprised when he surged forward to press his lips against the opposite side of my fist, the smoke escaping quicker from my mouth than it should’ve. I flushed deeply at his annoyed gaze.

“I got like, none of that.”

“Sorry,” I muttered. “You just surprised me.”

He rolled his eyes, pushing his hair back out of his face frustratedly. He didn’t have a hair tie on his wrist–I should probably offer him mine, but he was still too close, and I could smell him past the scent of the pot. I was warm again.

“Tighter,” he grunted, slapping my fist and reattaching his lips to the other side, his nose brushing my knuckles, his eyelids closed softly like he was kissing me. My stomach flipped, and I quickly blew the smoke through, and his face was so close I could feel his bangs brush my face. 

“Missed again,” he grumbled, softly, eyebrows furrowed in thought. He tapped the pad of my thumb with his index finger. “See this space. It’s always gonna be open here. My mouth isn’t that big, and you pulling away isn’t helping.”

He was right–there was a large gap between my pinky and the pad of my thumb, simply because of the direction my fingers curled. Too much smoke was getting out. Connor’s high was starting to wear off, I could tell he was getting frustrated.

I leaned back against the bed, taking another drag.

“If you’re gonna complain, literally just take a hit from the source and deal with the glitter, and next time buy two blunts–”

He waited until the smoke had started to curl out of my mouth before he surged forward, taking hold of my jaw between his lithe fingers, making me yelp before drawing his own face close.

I thought he was trying to kiss me, so I sealed my lips tight, but his hands worked my jaw open, and I realized quickly as he positioned his mouth over mine, his lips barely brushing my own, that he was simply inhaling sharply, eyes closed.

He leaned away slowly, leaving me still gasping for fresh air that the room was now void of, leaning back onto the palms of his hands and tilting his head back so that the pale column of his throat was silhouetted in front of the tv’s blue light, eyes still closed blissfully as he got his first successful hit in an hour.

“Thanks,” he whispered, his voice gravelly and sending a jolt through my stomach.

“Warn me next time!” I growled, wiping my mouth dramatically despite the fact his eyes were still closed. The blunt had burnt out, fallen amidst the pastel blankets. Connor’s hands were gripping one of my teddy bears tightly in his lap, smiling down at it with a smirk.

“You thought I was gonna kiss you,” he chuckled, playing with a paw.

“You’re such an asshole.”

“You were gonna let me kiss you,” he said, almost surprised, still not looking at me, but at the little bear. “Me. Connor fucking Murphy. The quarterback would have a field day. Aren’t you in the running for study body president or something?”

“I get it, it’s funny. You’re such a ladies man, I’m sure,” I spat, knowing it was gonna strike a nerve. His head snapped up, making my stomach lurch, his slate eyes connecting with mine in a glare.

“You know, it’s not like I don’t hear them try to convince you to have parties here,” he began so slowly that I had to look away. He could see me. He could see too much, his angry eyes bloodshot. “Your parents are never fucking home. Trust me, there are loads of boys who’d love to get their rocks off with you in this Hello Kitty hell hole,” he gestured around to the room, throwing the teddy bear back onto the pile, making me flinch. I heard him suck in a breath. His voice was so soft, I was shaking.

“You lie. You tell them you’re gonna study, or you’re gonna binge watch some stupid fucking rom com all your girlfriends are obsessed with, and then you fucking call me every fucking weekend. What’s the point? Your soccer star buddies couldn’t share some of their pot? Why me?”

“Because,” I screeched, pulling my knees tight and ducking my face into them, my hair falling like a curtain around me to eclipse him from sight.

“Because I don’t wanna owe them anything and I don’t wanna sit around with them and talk about what the theme for homecoming is going to be and whatever boring crap we always talk about till my brain melts and falls out of my ears. Because, maybe, one day my parents are gonna come home early and seeing Josh isn’t as alarming as seeing you because, to them, you’d look like the kind of boy who eats girls like me for lunch and maybe they’d scared instead of thinking I’m just fooling around.

Because, for five fucking minutes, with you, I don’t have to pretend that I’m perfect and I’m fine. I don’t have to deal with anything or anyone. I wanna  forget, Connor,” I gasped, realizing now that I was crying in front of Connor Murphy, who would never let me live this down, and never talk to me again.

I knotted my hands in my hair and pulled, desperate to feel something else than lonely. “I need you to help me forget, Connor. I’m sorry.”

The silence was deafening, embarrassing. I felt juvenile, stupid. I felt stupid for trusting Connor with that information, knowing he’d sell me out for a paperclip.

This relationship we’d had–whatever it was–was over now.

I sat up, covering my face with my hands, surprised to still hear him breathing.

“You can go now,” I said, my voice only slightly more level.

“You just asked me to help you,” he muttered.

I pulled my hands away, surprised to find him close again, his face staring down at where my hands had moved into my lap. At some point he’d shed his hoodie, leaving him in an undershirt it looked like he’d outgrown in middle school. Rail thin, pale, freckles across his shoulders. There were bruises on his biceps, one, two, three, four, lined up like fingerprints. I swallowed.

“You want your parents to lose their shit and care about you?” He asked, not so much a question as a bargain opening. “Me too. You’re just gonna have to get more ostentatious with it.”

“That’s a big word, Mr. Murphy.”

“I have a word of the day calendar,” he replied dryly, looking up at me with pleading eyes. “You wanna forget? Me too. You wanna piss of your parents? Me too.”

My eyebrows lowered, and I couldn’t help but lean closer to him, placing my hand on his shoulder to steady myself. I felt dizzy. All of this had to be the pot talking.

“What are you suggesting?”

He didn’t ask. He didn’t know how. He didn’t have to.

He reached forward, placing his fingertips along the edge of my jaw, his eyes deadly serious, almost concerned. Maybe scared.

He hadn’t done this before.

I shut my eyes, gasping when I felt his nose brush against my cheek. His mouth was soft, closed, pressing chastely against mine for a long moment before pulling away and repeating the action. I could taste the blood on his lip, which was odd, but I let it happen.

“Yeah?” He asked softly, out of breath.

I nodded, reaching forward to push myself to my knees, my fingers knotting into his white shirt.

“Yeah,” I breathed back, letting myself fall against him, pleased and breathless tat he caught me, his hands ghostingly tenderly over my waist as he kissed me deeply, working my mouth open with quick, sloppy kisses. He wasn’t a great kisser, but he definitely made up for it in enthusiasm. I giggled against him, earning a grunt of protest from him, his hands yanking hard at my waist, pulling me flush against his chest.

“What?” He hissed.

“I’m not gonna break,” I promised, reaching my arms around his neck to tangle my hands in his hair, watching his eyelids flutter close, his eyelashes fanning against his cheeks. “Really. Go nuts. Leave a hickey or something, that’d really jazz my dad.”

“Please don’t mention your dad again,” Connor grumbled, leaning forward to press his face against the column of my throat, letting out a groan. “It’s kinda killing the mood.”

“Just suck on my neck, Murphy.”


He did, and it wasn’t entirely unpleasant–he had the decency to occasionally pause to press kisses against my clavicle, the neck of my hoodie eclipsing most of his access. He didn’t try to take it off, and I was mostly grateful (albeit a little disappointed). His hands were tight fists against the small of my back, pressing me as close as I could get, until I pulled him away from my chest and back to my face, kissing him roughly with my hands still knotted in his hair, my thumbs keeping a solid pressure on his jaw until he yelped, pulling back.

His eyes were shut tight, his whole face pinched as he scrambled back from me, sliding me off of his lap. Red faced, I watched the tears slide through the cracks as he scrubbed at them.

The bruise. I’d pressed too hard.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck, sorry–just–fuck, still new, we can keep–fuck, I know, I killed the mood, I’m sorry–”

“Hey,” I crooned softly, crawling across the nest to place my hand on his shoulder, rubbing softly, shushing him. “It’s okay. Calm down. I’m sorry I hit your bruise.”

“It’s fine,” he said, scrubbing frustratedly at his face with too much force, wetness still leaking from his eyes. “I fucked up, Christ, sorry, I can do better–”

“Enough for now, okay?” I said, leaning him back against the nest, settling him against the pillow. “We can try again when you’re calmer, okay? I’m not kissing you. You’re upset.”

“I’m fucking upset because I ruined the fucking mood–”

“No, you didn’t Connor,” I sighed, squeezing his hand where he hung between us, watching him become pink in the face with anger. “It’s really okay. Please tell me about the bruise, if you wanna.”

“I don’t. I’m already a fuck up, I don’t need you thinking I’m an asshole.”

“I know your an asshole,” I chuckled.

“I’m going home–”

“Please don’t!” I gasped, lunging forward to pin him down, holding tight to his hands. “Just–if you wanna talk, I’m here. It’s not healthy to bottle things up.”

“Who says I bottle things up?”

I didn’t want say the obvious–that he didn’t have any friends. I just blinked down at him, staring softly.

Connor Murphy was collateral damage. He was a mess. His hair was frizzed, curling around his face, unkempt and soft, like a child’s. His bloodshot eyes were wild, darting everywhere but my face as if he thought he could make an escape at any moment. His lips were pouted, puffy from kissing and cracked from being too dry, with little specks of silver glitter at the corners, almost like freckles.

He was messy. He was shaking. He wasn’t a good person. He’d never get me into an Ivy League school and standing beside him would never mean I could be Prom Queen, and still….

“I could be your friend, if you wanted me to, Connor,” I said quietly, squeezing his hands, feeling him relax beneath me.

“Friends talk to each other at school.”

I smiled back. “Yeah. They do. I would, if you want. And sit with you at lunch. And we could go to movies, if you like those–”

“I wouldn’t ask you to do that,” he said softly, pulling his hands away and starting to stand.

“Please, don’t leave,” I pleaded softly, looking up at him from where he towered over me. I knew I must’ve looked silly sitting in a nest of pink pillows and pastel blankets and worn teddy bears, staring up at him with bloodshot eyes, holding out my hand for him to take. “Connor, I want to be your friend. We could even hang at your place–not even to do drugs! Yousaid you wanted to make your parents mad. I can do that–”

“No,” he growled, turning to glare at me with blazing eyes. “You can’t. My parents would fucking love you. I can tell you exactly how it would go, too. They’d constantly bug you about it until we’d have to pretend to date just to get them off our fucking backs, and they’d–they’d think you could fix me like that’s how that fucking works–and, fuck, my dad would probably tell you to get the fuck out of dodge before I hurt you and you can’t leave. That’s exactly what would happen.

So, no, sweetheart, we can’t be fucking friends. I’ll buy your pot, I’ll see you next weekend, we’ll smoke up and I can leave a fucking used condom in your kitchen sink if you want me to that badly–but I don’t need you to pity me, okay? Fuck off.”

I rose to my feet, catching the arm of his hoodie so he couldn’t tug it on properly. “Connor, please stay. Don’t leave angry, you’re gonna get yourself in trouble–”

His fist connected with my stomach, sending me back into the wall, and I choking for a moment as the wind was knocked out of me, sending me sliding to the floor.

I was crying–it hadn’t hurt that bad, just the shock of it, Connor still standing over me, screaming something incoherent to my still ringing ears while I sobbed.

“–wanna know how I got the bruise? I fucking hit my mom. She didn’t even do anything in just–she wouldn’t fucking stop talking about what we should do this weekend and ‘you need to get out of the house you need to do something you need sunshine’ like everything is a magic fucking bandaid and her fucking voice–so I went to hit her in the fucking face, my own fucking mom–and my dad just fuckin’,” his voice died off momentarily, and I realized through my shock that he was crying. “My dad just fucking wailed on me. Hit me right between the eyes like four times, blam blam blam blam! Tried to send me to my room. So I left. Don’t think I’m going back for a few days.”

Had it been ten minutes ago, I’d have told him to stay. I would’ve offered the bed. I would’ve sat beside him at lunch and taken him to Prom.

But Connor Murphy was collateral damage, meant only to be seen as a red flag by my parents. He had no place in my life, no place in my future.

I couldn’t fix Connor Murphy. Nobody could.

“Get out,” I whispered, voice breaking, hardly audible. He did.


I washed the sheets. I threw away the joint. I washed my face in the mirror, put a bandage over the rather artistic purple bruising on my neck. I crawled into bed, throwing the offending teddy bear underneath, only to be found a year down the line while I packed for college.

My whole body felt sore, like I’d just gone through a car crash and walked home. It was the shock, I knew.

I pulled out my phone.

To: CM
3:56 am

same time next weekend?

It took less than a minute for him to reply.

From: CM
3:56 am

I love hittin the books with u

A/N: Hey! I wanted to address the fact that, yeah, Connor is definitely a little OOC here (i.e. being more confident and open in the beginning, not very paranoid and not very scared) and I’d like to explain that as (not only being needed for the fic to work) but I imagine his walk over to your place is very a la Dead Girl Walking from Heathers–he’s just gotten in a fight with his parents, he doesn’t think he’s going back home and he doesn’t have much to lose. Sorry for the not so happy ending (which the one of the requests called for :/ sorry guys). Regardless, hoped you liked it? Lemme know? Thanks ♡


So.. I haven’t worn real pants in months and the 46 pants I wore then are now comically big.

I happened to have a pair of 42 jeans so I tried them on and…. They fit!?!

64 to 42 in 9 months! 😮😀