32 teeth

on loving the human

i. they will not appreciate all your gifts, will akin them to a cat bringing dead mice to their feet. this is fine. everything else you give, they will find gorgeous. if you are vain enough, give them something of yours to wear. if you are rash enough, give them something of yours to wear. they will find it beautiful and every Other will know you’ve claimed that one. be sure no one else, such as Not-Cat or even the crows, have done the same yet. a human, no matter their talents, would be worth such a war. you must remember this, if you see them keeping feathers-blacker-than-night in their hair/pockets/pouches. you might be able to fool them from another Fair, but, if the birds have gotten to them, there is no return. best to pick another that can catch your attention. any of them would start pleased with that.

ii. to appear human while first wooing them is best. you will need two ears, two eyes, a nose with (only!) two nostrils, 32 teeth, 206 bones, and about 640 muscles that do not slide or slip or slush. both halves of your (singular) face must react together, but not mechanically, robotically, stiffly, or in any manner similar to plastic or silicon. one side of your mouth must not be higher or lower than the other unless it is a facial expression, of a half-smile or frown. your eyes must not be too close together, or too far apart, your ears must be even, the spacing of your nose-to-eyes-to-ears-to-forehead must all be within a certain ratio. if you must, watch a good artist space faces to see the estimate. but you must not be too perfect, either: your teeth not too straight or too white, your nails not too clean or pristinely cut or without variation, your skin not too blemish-free. you need some faults in order to appear human. you must maintain solid form at all times. still, it’s likely they’ll know, regardless. at least, they’ll probably appreciate the effort. (remember, being seen without protection is even more telling. keep sugar and pewter/tin/aluminum with you at all times; these will look enough like salt and iron. it is also advisable you carry ‘offerings,’ even if you never leave them anywhere. creamer cups are most popular.)

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The Changeling's Lament

Have you ever heard of the uncanny valley? 

It’s a human thing that I don’t really understand. If something looks like an animal, they’re okay with it; if something looks perfectly like a human, they’re okay with it, but if it's not quite right, they’re repulsed. They can’t even say why, it’s just inherently wrong to them. One of the bio majors suggested that it kept early humans from interacting with sick humans, but I’ve seen them go and help humans they know are sick anyway. It’s very strange.

The worst part about it, though, is that it means there’s so much to keep track of! My mouth must have exactly 32 teeth, but no matter how wide I smile I can’t show them all. My skin tone must be exactly the same every day. My hair has to be thousands of thousands of independent strands, and yes, they notice if it’s not. The “whites” of my eyes can’t be pure white, there’s red and even a touch of yellow in there, and the irises have strange shadings over the muscles that they use to dilate their pupils. Knucklebones must be the right length, the bones of the hand must flex under the skin and around veins, the face must crease when I smile or frown, it’s all so much to remember, and then there’s behavior! I cannot speak of beauty, except the most superficial, and then only to woo another or compliment one portraying themselves. I must know which questions are not truly to be answered, when the only aid requested is a listening ear rather than advice. I cannot speak truth when a human bores me, nor when they speak falsehood, unless it harms another or myself but even then it is sometimes rude! My attention can never wander from their face, but my body must shift to match my reactions! It is all impenetrably, ludicrously opaque, and I cannot but wonder if the lot of you apes made it up to spite us! And THAT is why I am so glad that your friend has returned, because it means that I no longer have to try to imitate him!

…what do you MEAN, you knew on the first day?!

[x]

The art of flirting (Legolas x Reader)

Originally posted by molzies-fanfics


This shot is based on  this imagine by @imaginexhobbit

>>Imagine Legolas trying to flirt with you, but not actually understanding the correct way to flirt, so it’s just an awkward mess and Aragorn has to intervene and tell you what Legolas is trying to say<<

This sounded really cute, so I gave it a shot, I hope y’all enjoy it xx. I had a lot of fun writing it, at any rate.

Word count: 1658

Warnings: again a lot of fluff and a pretty OOC Legolas. I guess it was unavoidable, but I gave my best. 

Tomorrow I’ll work on anon’s request *excited* you others: feel free to send me some too! (づ。◕‿‿◕。)づ

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*NT*s as body parts:

INTJ: Eyes (they notice everything,but that’s about it..all they do is stay silent,gaze around and pin you where you are)

ENTP: Tongue (there are 32 friggin teeth around it that could snap down any moment but that doesn’t stop it from talking and tasting everything)

INTP: Hairs (you have like 100000 facts but all are practically useless,you can survive without them..but that doesn’t stop you from grooming them and showing them off given chance)

ENTJ: Hands (quite simple and clear. Either it is being used for constructive and important work..or snuff the daylights out of you)

Hi! I recently found out about this universe, and I just completely fell in love! I hope its ok, but I just had to write something for it! I hope I haven’t contradicted anything.

__________________________________________________________________________

There’s a student on campus, an engineering student actually, who looks totally normal. His eyes aren’t to big or too small, and his smile is filled only with 32 straight white teeth, and when he laughs it doesn’t sound like anything but a laugh. Its true, he doesn’t carry any salt or iron, but he doesn’t avoid those who do, and he’s an engineer so it’s not like he can avoid metal really. In all ways, he seems normal, completely normal. But for some reason the gentry avoid him (all but Jimothy, who talks to everyone), and Chad swears he once say him get burned by a horseshoe (but Chad’s an ass so no one listens to him anyway). And sometimes he invites other students to go to dances with him and they never remember anything after, but they always get back to their dorms the very next morning so they must have just drunk too much, right? And then there’s the favors. They say he’ll give you anything you want in return for a favor. You owe him three, two for materials he lent you and one for the essay you were supposed to write that he pulled from his backpack, but they say there’s a girl who promised him a favor for the safe return of her girlfriend who had disappeared. Everyone you know seems to owe him a favor, even Jimothy. No one you know has ever been called on to pay up though. But it’s not like he’s one of the gentry, he’s an engineering student! Everyone knows he’s completely normal.

[x]

Title: Death and Taxes
Author: thestarsarefalling
Artist: CurlzForMetal
Rating: Explicit
Pairings: Dean/Cas
Warnings/Tags: Brief major character death, temporary major character death
Posting Date: 11/2/2017

Summary:  Castiel Novak is an IRS agent who suddenly begins to hear a voice narrating his life as it happens, as if from a book, but when the narration reveals that he is going to die, Castiel must find the “author” to convince them to change the ending before it’s too late. His journey to find the person behind the voice leads him to new adventures and to fall in love. This is a Stranger Than Fiction rewrite.

- - -

This is a story of a man named Castiel Novak and his wristwatch. He was a man of infinite numbers, endless calculations, and remarkably few words; though, his wristwatch said even less. Every weekday for 12 years, he would brush each of his 32 teeth 76 times - 38 times back and forth, and 38 times up and down. Every weekday for 12 years, he would put on a slightly ill-fitting suit and trench coat. He would tie his blue tie in a single Windsor knot instead of the double, thereby saving up to 43 seconds. His wristwatch thought the single knot made his neck look fat, but said nothing. Every weekday for 12 years, he would barely catch the 8:17 bus, though his wristwatch would delight in the feeling of the wind rushing over its face. And every weekday for 12 years, Castiel would review 7.134 tax files as a senior agent for the Internal Revenue Service.

Every morning a coworker would ask him a difficult multiplication question that he only needed 10 seconds to solve without a calculator. Every lunch would be exactly 45.7 minutes. Every coffee break was timed precisely by his wristwatch to be 4.3 minutes. Beyond that, Castiel lived a life of solitude. He would walk home alone, eat alone, and at exactly 11:13 every night, he would go to bed alone, placing his wristwatch to rest on the nightstand beside him.

That was, of course, before Thursday.

On Thursday, Castiel’s wristwatch changed everything.

We’re betting that right now, some kid is having a nightmare in which they keep growing more and more teeth, endless rows of them, and the dentist has to keep twisting them out of their skull over and over again until the end of time.

With that in mind, allow us to introduce you to Ashik Gavai. Having suffered from a swollen jaw and severe pain for 18 months, Gavai, a 17-year-old student in India, finally gained access to the dental department at Mumbai’s JJ Hospital. His father was worried that his jaw pain was cancer, and technically he was right, but this particular cancer was teeth. Over 200 freaking teeth, all jammed in his mouth like he was trying to smuggle several sets of dentures through an airport security checkpoint.

“Wait a minute, Cracked,” you might be saying, “I’m no mouth bone doctor, but don’t humans normally have, like, 32 teeth?” Generally, yes. However, Gavai suffered from a rare non-malignant dental tumor known in scientific terms as a “composite odontoma,” and in layman’s terms as “a horror movie curse that turns your mouth into a tooth fountain.”

As you can probably assume, Gavai’s smackers were tightly packed, so dentists were unable to reach the extra teeth with contemporary dental tools. So, tearing a page out of our collective nightmare diary, they began the operation by chipping away at Gavai’s jaw with a hammer and chisel.

5 Times Your Dumbest Fears Totally Happened To People

Rick Smiles

Bitch Michonne told Rick to smile and he said “how hard?” lmaoooo his ass can’t stop. I swear every time you see his ass you see ALL 32 of his teeth and the molars in the back of his mouth. His ass smile when he taking a shit, while he sleep, and when he getting his ass beat. On his death bed he still will have a smile on his face all cause Michonne told him too.

karasuno useless powers au
  • Daichi can make his voice super loud–anyone within a 25 ft radius can hear him loud and clear when he really gets into it. It’s not an eardrum shattering loud, more like a speaker at a concert loud. It doesn’t cause any adverse effects except a slightly sore throat if he yells for too long
  • Suga can make anyone fall in love with him… for about 3 minutes before his power wears off
  • Asahi’s hair gets longer the more nervous he gets. Sure, it looks unnerving but it’s harmless… except to him, it freaks him out
  • Kiyoko’s scent calms and attracts birds to her and they are constantly perching on her, verifying her status as an actual disney princess. Ironically, the birds her scent most attracts are crows. Go figure.
  • Ennoshita can turn into a literal rock. Not a big one, not a small one. A medium sized rock you can fit into your pocket. He only does it when he’s really upset and wants to Leave
  • Narita can make a clone of himself but the clone cannot do anything or say anything or even stand by its own power
  • Kinoshita can levitate himself a maximum of one and a half inches off the ground
  • Tanaka can turn 20 of his 32 teeth into sharp, shark-like teeth. Only 20 at a time though and it’s essentially useless unless he’s planning on biting people… which is apparently not allowed at volleyball games by order of daichi
  • Nishinoya can control his hair color thus the little yellow tuft
  • Kageyama can, if he were to so choose, survive entirely on milk. His body can store and convert milk into pure energy though there is an upper limit to how much it can store and how fast it can convert
  • Hinata’s hair sprouts sunflowers when he’s excited. So in other words, hinata walks around with sunflowers on his head 24/7. The more excited he gets, the more sunflowers there are.
  • Yachi’s tear ducts can produce tears endlessly with no adverse side effects. At first, no one was quite sure if it was a power or if she was just big on crying. Turns out, it was both.
  • Yamaguchi’s freckles move around on his skin based on his emotions. For example, if he’s tired then the freckles slowly drift around his face and body like they’re underwater. Tsukishima once told him it was pretty cute and the freckles did not chill for an entire week.
  • Tsukishima glows (haha like a firefly, get it?). How in control of his glow he is and how bright he’s glowing depends on his emotional stability and mood. Happy usually means brighter and sad means dimmer. Distressed or anxious thinking causes him to flicker. Ofc you can imagine glowing all day and night could be an issue so tsukishima’s learned to be more or less in control of it. Nevertheless it does get away from him. Nowadays he usually only loses control when he’s happy. So he glows whenever he’s really, truly, completely happy about something. 
36.

Ebony

“Ma, look at these.” Jayden held up a pair of blue and white Jordan 12’s. “Can I get these?”

“Don’t you already have those?”

“Nah, I got the red and black ones. Can I get them? Please,”

“Fine, get them I don’t care. One other pair, then go to the back and tell your father to bring his ass on. I’m hungry as hell.” I sat down and watched him look all over the store. I saw a couple of pairs that would be perfect for him but he’s picky as hell so he probably wouldn’t even like them.

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sadpicklejar  asked:

Vault boy finds a strange colorful ball in an old candy store and out of curiosity takes a bite cause it looks a lot like a gum ball AND HE REALIZES HIS MISTAKE WHEN HE FEELS THE IMMENSE PAIN IN HIS TEETH BC THE POOR BOY BIT A JAWBREAKER

What’s worse is that VB’s teeth aren’t real, since the original teeth he has while being in development were ripped out by the scientists and they implanted softer and wider looking teeth to bear a likeness to his illustrated counterpart and to avoid having a ‘creepy’ smile. (So instead of having a average of 32 teeth, he has around half of that amount) Plus even tho VB is INSANELY intelligent, he only is smart with scientific and mathematical things, not social things at all. So stuff like from typical childhoods he’s not used too, like candy and toys and other miscellaneous stuff that just about EVERYONE knows, except him……….. Imagine VB’s embarrassment when he bit into that and Maccready or Cait was watching him and laughed at his mistake.