30:seconds:to:mars

La durata media di un abbraccio tra due persone è di 3 secondi. Ma i ricercatori hanno scoperto qualcosa di fantastico. Quando un abbraccio dura 20 secondi, si produce un effetto terapeutico sul corpo e la mente. La ragione è che un abbraccio sincero produce un ormone chiamato “ossitocina”, noto anche come l'ormone dell'amore. Questa sostanza ha molti benefici sulla nostra salute fisica e mentale, ci aiuta, tra l'altro, a rilassarci, a sentirci al sicuro e calmare le nostre paure e l'ansia. 

oh, calamity! // afi

based off oh, calamity! by all time low (and my last breakup but we won’t talk about that)

Bold= the past

When I was younger I was certain

That I’d be fine without a queen

Just a king inside his castle

With an ocean in between

I’ve gone through some pretty bad experiences but it was never enough to bring me down, especially now since I’m living my dream. It was rare to see me gloomy. My friends all know me as the guy that is up for anything, the guy that always has a genuine smile on his face. Never did I think I would be a mess over someone until I broke up with Y/N. Breakups don’t dishearten me for long; I would just mope for a couple of days and go back to my old happy and positive self. This breakup, although it ended the same way my other breakups did, tore me apart.

I tried convincing myself that it was bound to happen and that I should move on for the better, but it was difficult. I knew that if we kept arguing and ignoring each other that eventually we would leave each other but it still struck me when Y/N sent that message, ‘I don’t want to do this anymore’. I remember thinking about all the good times we had and how to bring us back together but nothing came to mind. I hated myself for months after that. I hated her for a couple of days until I told myself that it was what she wanted and that I should be happy for her whether we’re together or not. It still hurts, y’know? Seeing the person that you still love move on while you’re not over the breakup that happened almost a year ago. I should’ve known not fall in love with Y/N, but love makes you do stupid things.

We get older by the hour

Watch the changes from afar

Keep forgetting to remember

Where we’ve been is who we are

As the months with Y/N passed by, the more and more we would drift apart. We would always have our decent days where we talk semi-normally, but there was always one thing to fuck it up. Whether it was me not telling Y/N about a girl that I talked to or her saying that I ‘don’t love her anymore’, it seemed impossible to go back to the way we were. Every day, from every dry conversation that we had, I could tell that this could be the end. I still tried my best to keep her with me, but it wasn’t good enough.

I wanted to go back to our good times, like the time we went to the beach but didn’t get in the water because she had her period. “You can go inside the water if you want.” She said while laying on my arm. “Nah.” I would reply. “I’d rather spend the day here with you.” She smiled and kissed me on the cheek. I remember trying to block the sun from our faces with a towel and her getting self-conscious because she thought someone was going to steal our stuff. I believe it was around that time that I realized that I love her.

I couldn’t go back because it reminded me of her. Every location that we’ve ever been at haunts me. It makes me think about what could’ve been and how we could’ve avoided arguing before or after our dates. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, I knew that, but the thought would leave my mind whenever we met up. I guess I should’ve known that our relationship would have some obstacles, especially when she told me about how protective she can be at times, but I still loved her and I was willing to deal with it. Turns out that I couldn’t and that I would spend almost every day crying and thinking about how such a horrible boyfriend I am.

I’ll remember nights alone

And waking up to dial tones

Always found my greatest moments

In the sound of your hello’s

“What do you want?” Y/N said. I was currently on tour and although I usually have a fun time, I was feeling stressed out. I felt like I didn’t always have a break or some room to breathe. Me and Y/N were currently ignoring each other after an argument that happened two days ago. I would always call Y/N for comfort but it was kind of useless whenever we were mad at each other. She would always pick up with a rude tone or not even pick up the phone at all, leaving me to lose hope while listening to the dial tones. I could talk to one of the guys and try to get them to cheer me up, but I miss Y/N and I have the urge to hear her voice even if she does say rude things to me.

“Is everything OK?” She asked. “Not really, I feel strained out and I decided to call you. I know we’re not on good terms right now but I miss you and wanted to hear your voice.” I answered. “Oh, well, here’s my voice.” She said with a sarcastic tone which made me chuckle a little. “Um yeah sorry for calling, I’m sure that it’s probably midnight over there.” “Well yeah but you don’t have to go if you want, we can still talk about whatever’s bugging you.” I tell her everything and she gave me feedback. She told to take deep breaths and that everything was going to be alright. Normally I would roll my eyes if someone said that to me but I would gain a little ounce of hope whenever Y/N would say it. “Ashton, I’ve got to go. I have to open the shop in the morning. I love you.” She said. “Wait, I’m sorry if this sounds weird but it’s been a long time since you said hi or hello to me and it’s the only thing I want to hear right now.” I can imagine her making a weird face and rolling her eyes.

“Hey Ashton”

If I catch you on the corner

Will you even know it’s me?

Will I look familiar to you?

Do you offer me a seat?

Can we find a new beginning?

Do you turn the other cheek?

The boys invited me to dinner at a nearby restaurant. I didn’t really have the energy or guts to go out in public but I still agreed because the boys think that I’m still the ‘fun and positive’ Ashton. I don’t think much of the restaurant when we first walk in. It was small with dim lighting and only had a couple of tables. We ordered our food and start talking about the festival that we were going to play in Asia. It wasn’t until I started looking around the room that I spotted her. She was with two friends from college, just laughing and playing with their food. I froze and didn’t realize that I’ve stopped talking to Luke. “Hey man, is something wrong?” I snapped out of it and shook my head. “Nah it’s just that my ex is here.” I replied as they all tried to sneak a glance. The boys knew that this was the first time I’ve been heartbroken but they think I’ve moved on months ago.

I couldn’t stop looking at her. She looked so different yet still the same. She still had that beautiful smile and messy hair. She genuinely looks happy. I know that I should be glad that she is feeling better but damn it hurts. It reminds of when she told me she felt fine days before we broke up and now she’s more than fine. How does she do it? Is it because she’s the one that broke up with me? Does she know that I’m still not over our breakup? Fuck, this just ruined my appetite.

I tried my hardest not to look depressed next to the boys. I ate all my food and just waited for the guys to finish theirs. I wanted to break down and cry so bad. I didn’t think that seeing Y/N would make me so miserable. I excused myself to go the bathroom and that’s when she looked at me. I took one quick look at her just to see her reaction but I couldn’t read her face. She just kept on looking with her chin resting on her palm. I washed my face once I entered the bathroom. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling. I couldn’t stop thinking about how she moved on. Was I nothing to her? Is it possible to move on from someone who you used to be infatuated with?

Luke came in to tell me that they were about to leave. I told them to wait for me in the car. I’m still not over this experience. I can’t believe I’m still crying over someone who’s not in my life anymore. Just as I was getting out of the restaurant, I bumped into Y/N. We looked at each other for a couple of seconds until she gives me a small smile. “Hey Ashton” she says. Those two words brought butterflies to my stomach. I didn’t even know what to say. I just wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her to come back to me. However, all I could do was smile back and say, “Hi Y/N, nice seeing you here.” She nodded her head and went to her friend’s car. Fuck, I wanted to talk to her more but I didn’t have the guts to do it. I feel like that was my last opportunity to get her back. Maybe we were never meant to come back together.

It’s such a shame that we play strangers

No act to change what we’ve become

Damn, it’s such a shame that we’ve built a wreck out of me

I kept thinking about my encounter with Y/N on the ride home. It feels surreal to act like strangers with someone who you still see as your world. We used to talk about everything, we were so comfortable with each other and now all we could say was hi. I wish we didn’t end up this way. Even though our relationship may have been toxic, I would do anything just go back and change everything. I will always love Y/N, whether she’s with me or not. I started to remember the conversation that we had the day we broke up. We agreed that no matter what, we would still be each other’s soulmates. Even though I smiled at that message, it still broke me.

This relationship changed me for the worse. I no longer believe in love for myself. I vowed that I would never love again just so I don’t have to go through this feeling again. I always check up on her on social media just to see how she’s doing. There are some nights where I find myself looking back at our conversations and I would start crying. I never wanted to leave Y/N. I always pictured a future with her, one where everything between us was alright. Maybe I’ll move on from all of this someday, but for now, I am still not over our calamity.

——

eh don’t really like this but it’s kinda hard for me to write about heartbreak. Let me know if you me to use gender neutral terms on this story and I will gladly change it. I also have a calum imagine if want to check it out. If you want your own personal imagine, just drop your name, your preferred pronouns, which guy, and the scenario in my ask. Thanks for reading!