“Hello! I’m Nazi Doctor Heinrich Spacemen… I mean Doctor, we can edit that out, right? Are you a modern housewife who is in the family way? Smoke Chatterton Cigarettes! Your baby’s lungs need refreshing nicotine for science reasons. And its growing bones need tar. 9 out of 10 doctors surveyed said ‘Who is this? Why are you calling so late?’”

But they 10th guy was into it!“

“Hello! I’m Nazi Doctor Leo Spacemen. (I know it’s live I want people to know!) Did your mother smoke Chatterton Cigarettes while pregnant during the 1950’s or 60’s? If she did YOU PROBABLY CAN’T HEAR ME BECAUSE OF FETAL CHATTERTON SYNDROME! TURN UP THE VOLUME! Recent studies have shown that, while pregnancy is disgusting, babies do not need tar or nicotine. If you are currently suffering from Chatterton Syndrome, please use your birdlike claws to dial the number below. Then, use the rectum you have instead of a mouth to say something like *farting sounds* to signify you wish to join a class action suit against Chattertons.”


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