30 tons

pidgeling  asked:

Can Sif bench press her very dangerous girlfriend? It's for science.


Sif looked back over her shoulder.  “Aye?”

“Don’t answer,” Maria said, her attention focused on the road.  She resisted the urge to hit the minivan’s horn.  “It’ll just encourage her.”

“Rude,” Anna said from behind her, as Sif gave Maria a chiding look.

“‘Tis, a bit,” she said, her lips twitching.  “Ask, and you shall have your answer.”

“Can you-”  In the rear view mirror, Maria saw Anna make a lifting motion with both hands.  Sif, confused, shook her head.  “Can you bench press Maria?” Anna asked, and Maria determined to have her fired tomorrow.

“No,” she said, and Sif’s head snapped in her direction.

“You doubt me, beloved?” she asked, a wicked smile curling her lips. 

“She’s Asgardian,” Natasha said from the back seat, where Pepper was slumped over, her head in Natasha’s lap.  “She could bench press this minivan, Anna.”

Anna spread her hands wide.  “Look, I don’t know, I’ve only met one Asgardian, and he’s all kind of special.”

“I can find no fault to your words,” Sif agreed, laughter rolling through the words.  “Rude they may be, but not dishonest.”

“And that’s a perfect way to describe Anna as well,” Maria said.  “Do not pick up the minivan.”

“At least let us get out of the minivan first,” Pepper said.

“She won’t let us get out of the minivan first,” Jane said, with the voice of a woman well resigned to Asgardians.  

“I’m fine with still being in the minivan,” Anna said.  Everyone looked at her, and she shrugged.  “It’s for SCIENCE, people.”

“What’s for science?  Seeing how many people you know can pick you up?” Maria asked.  “Because half the people on this hellish little outting can pick you up.”  In the lane next to them, Misty’s car went barreling past.  Maria was trying very hard not to think about Lewis and Bobbi in the back seat with Jones.  Because that was the stuff that nightmares were made of.

“I demand proof of this,” Anna said.

“Fine, me first, I’m going to pitch you into the nearest ditch,” Maria muttered, and Sif leaned back in her chair, laughing out loud now.

“Such unkindness, beloved.”  She propped one foot on the dashboard, and the lights of the streetlamps outside flashed along the length of her exposed leg.  “Does that mean you prefer I leave you with your fine feet on the ground?”

Out of the corner of her eye, Maria eyed the gorgeous line of her thigh.  Her face felt hot.  “Well.  It is for science.”

“For SCIENCE!” Sif crowed, and behind them, someone took up the chant.

“Science, science, science!” In the far back, Pepper was pumping an arm above her head and Nat was laughing, her head thrown back.  Anna kicked the back of Maria’s seat with both feet.

Jane rolled down her window, sticking her head out to howl, “SCIENCE!”

“As a war cry, it is most refined,” Sif said to Maria.

“Do not bench press me,” Maria told her.

Sif’s lower lip poked out in the smallest, saddest little pout.  “Not even when we are alone?” she asked, her head tipped to the side.  She draped one hand over the curve of her upthrust knee, her long fingers smoothing against the skin of her inner thigh.

Maria did her best to concentrate on the road. “We’ll…  Discuss it.”


Great Pyramids of Giza

Giza, Egypt

29.979234, 31.134201

The Great Pyramids of Giza are located on the outskirts of Cairo, Egypt. Dating back to 2580 BC, the Great Pyramid, the largest structure at the site, is the oldest of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient world and the only one to remain largely intact. With an estimated 2,300,000 stone blocks weighing from 2 to 30 tons each, the 481 foot pyramid was the tallest structure in the world for more than 3,800 years.

Popham: The Forgotten Colony

It was founded the same year as Jamestown, Virginia, but you had probably never heard of it. Popham, Maine was started in 1607 by the Virginia Company of Plymouth, the second group of investors chartered by King James I to settle Virginia. The plan was the start this northern settlement as a shipbuilding colony, just south of French Canada, and presumably supply both the English and the French with all their ship-related needs.

Located just south of what is today Bath, Popham managed to survive its first Maine winter by the skin of its teeth: half of the 125 settlers chose to return to England as winter set in. Unfortunately, that was their first and only milestone. The founder George Popham died after the first winter, which was so discouraging that the remaining settlers packed up and headed back to England too!

Side note: the map below was what was planned. Archaeological excavations are currently ongoing, but it looks like they never finished the fort.

The one thing that Popham managed to do, in its year of existence, was build a 30-ton ship and christian it the Virginia. This ship was the first ship built by Europeans in North America. It was also the ship that the settlers used to get back home.

1. what color are your sheets?
2. least favorite vegetable?
3. shrek one or shrek two?
4. favorite underwear brand?
5. slushy vs. smoothie?
6. favorite ramen flavor?
7. do you sleep with the door open or closed?
8. would you rather be buried or cremated?
9. mustard vs. ketchup?
10. one animal you do not like?
11. your favorite country?
12. one limb you could live without?
13. what you want your headstone to say?
14. bees vs. spiders?
15. your least appealing feature?
16. favorite type of cheese?
17. do you like the smell of wet dog?
18. your worst fear?
19. one thing you’d never want your parents to know?
20. flip flops vs. trainers?
21. broccoli vs cauliflower? 
22. unlucky number? 
23. favorite finger?
24. a job you’d never want? 
25. favorite type of dog?
26. what is your favorite expletive (swear word)?
27. favorite age you’ve been so far?
28. where is your nearest 7-11?
29. what was the last lie you told?
30. what’s one thing that will always cheer you up? 


Update: y'all’s comments in the tags are making me about to bust out laughing XD


How to Move an Ancient Egyptian Temple — The Relocation of the Abu Simbel Temples.

In the 13th century BC the mighty pharaoh Ramses II ordered the construction of two large temples in southern Egypt to commemorate the Battle of Kadesh, to honor his queen Nefertari, and to impress his Nubian enemies to the south.  Carved directly into the sandstone hillsides, the large facade of the temples feature four colossus statues of Ramses himself, each standing 67 feet in height.  The facade itself stands an incredible 100 feet high and 119 feet wide.  Inside of the temples are a network of rooms and hallways with many priceless hieroglyphic carvings detailing Egyptian history, religion, and folklore.

By the 1960’s the Abu Simbel Temples were a national treasure for the new Egyptian nation.  However, Egypt’s industrial modernization would threaten the temples in a way that no pharaoh could have ever predicted.  Near Abu Simbel was the construction of a 364 foot hydroelectric dam known as the Aswan dam.  A key objective of the Egyptian government, the dam would provide electricity for the developing nation and kick start a new agricultural plan which would create a massive irrigation project.  However, Abu Simbel was literally in deep trouble, for construction of the damn would leave the ancient temples submerged at the bottom of the Lake Nasser Reservoir.

To save Abu Simbel, a team of archeologists, historians, engineers, architects, and construction workers were recruited by UNESCO to conduct one of the most ambitious rescue operations of an ancient structure.  The plan was to relocate the ancient temples above the flood plain of Lake Nasser.  Incredibly, the team cut the temple facade and structure into individual blocks weighing 20-30 tons.  Each block was numbered then recorded to keep track of where they would go when reassembled.  The blocks were lifted out of their original foundation using massive cranes, then transported to another site where they could be catalogued and stored for later.  From 1964-1965 over 10,000 stone blocks were cut, lifted, and transported away from the site. 

The new home for the temples was located 200 meters inland and at a height  65 meters higher than the original Abu Simbel site.  To recreate the look of a temple carved from a sandstone hill, artificial hills were created using concrete which simulated sandstone.  Once the new Abu Simbel site was ready, each block was meticulously fitted back into position, reconstructing the ancient temples anew.  In fact the reconstruction is so precise that it would impress ancient Egyptian engineers, on the façade of the temples there are no visible seams where the blocks meet.  Only a few joins can be found from within the temple complex.  The project was completed in 1968 and cost $40 million, over $250 million dollars today.  The cost was well worth it as the Abu Simbel complex is considered one of the great treasures of Egypt and is a UNESCO World Heritage Site.  Over 500,000 tourists visit the temples every year.

May 17, 1917 - German Tank Trials in Mainz

Pictured - Panzeralarm!

As the Battle of Arras finally ended, the Germans began testing tanks at a design field in Mainz. The initial German reaction to enemy British tanks - and now the French had deployed them as well, during the Nivelle Offensive - had been shock, even sometimes terror. But the armored behemoths had hardly altered the course of the war. Most times they broke down, and the Germans found that artillery and even very heavy rifles could puncture their armor.

The German army never gave up its conservative focus on infantry, at least until the next war. Nevertheless, the Entente had a weapon that Germany needed too. At the Mainz trials, a study section of the German transport department, 7 Abteilung 7 Verkehrswesen, displayed their unimaginatively named A7V tank.

Designed by Joseph Vollmer, the A7V was built on top of an Austrian Holt tractor chassis, carrying 30 tons of 30mm armor, machine guns, and a rapid fire artillery piece at the front. The trial tank was unarmored but carried bags of sand to compensate. The beast chugged along at 12 km per hour, overcrowded with a 17-man crew, mechanics, drivers, and gunner, who hung about the compartmentalized interior, sucking in noxious fumes from the engine right at the center.

The German army ordered 100 into production, but only 20 ended up being built before the war ended. They served adequately during the German Spring Offensive of March 1918, but ended up more as a propaganda piece than a common part of military equipment.

Inception 30 Day Challenge - Day 6: Do you think the top fell over?

Honestly? Like in my heart of truest hearts? Like, do I really think that after all his nonsense and his confusion and his self-sabotage that Dom might have really, truly, genuinely, even possibly made it home? Did the top really fall over???

I guess I think it prob—


Not-lead characters that I adore beyond reason: An Advent Calendar

Day 10: Scott ffolliott (George Sanders) - Foreign Correspondent [1940]

Speaking of tweedy Hitchcock BAMFs…here’s another cut from the very same cloth as Gilbert and Hannay. And oh, isn’t it refreshing to see George get to play an almost-heroic role? Scott is the prince of sarky asides, and pretends to be as lazy and as louche as they come, but underneath it all he’s actually pretty serious and dedicated, and definitely (something that George often isn’t) on the side of the angels. He lounges comfortably in a long line of British gents who quip in the face of danger, something I adore a lot. 

I know it would be hard to throw a stone in Hollywood in 1940 and not hit an english ex-pat actor (I know George isn’t really English, but let’s pretend he is, eveyone else did) but it’s interesting that Foreign Correspondent is a kind of trans-atlantic marriage, what with Scott harking strongly back to 30s Hitch, plus Herbert Marshall (Murder!), Edmund Gwenn (a ton of 30s British films) and its part-London setting. It’s like Hitch is throwing the America audiences (in the Mary-Sue form of Joel McCrea) into a montage of his previous films, and watching them flounder around until they get their bearings, while the English audiences cringe a bit at this brash American, yet by the end somehow he’s become incredibly likeable. Maybe this is why it’s one of my fave Hitch films. 

Or maybe it’s because of George. Look at him, effortlessly suave in his cable-knit jumper and tweed jackets, switching from indolent to threatening to heroic to silly in a heartbeat. There are few actors with as great a talent as George who spent their time in so many shit films, so it’s a tremendous joy to have his Scott ffolliott, a genuinely great character in a highly entertaining film. 


Are These the Droids You’re Looking For?

More robots, droids, and automatons in the @usnatarchives Catalog 

Dad (Underswap Fontfest) Chapter 1

Ao3 Link: Right here!

Vomiting warning, Fontcest warning, and also Approximately 30 Tons Of Domestic Fluff

Fic below cut!

Dad was throwing up again.

Sans stood on the other side of the door to his office, frozen as he listened to him heaving and gasping as his body tried to purge his own magic.  He could practically see it: the usually tall monster curled over the trash can, crying and clutching at the sides of it as black magic poured from his mouth and eyes until he either ran out of bad magic or fell to the ground in pain.

He never ran out of the bad magic.

Sans reached for the doorknob, but then stopped.  It was already past his bedtime.  If he checked up on his dad, he’d probably just get mad at him afterwards.  He always seemed just fine after he got it out of his system, anyways.  He turned and went into his and his brother’s bedroom instead.

Papyrus, his little brother, was sitting on the top of their bunk bed, reading a book.  When Sans came in, he smiled. “Hi, Sans!”

Sans fidgeted with his ID bracelet, “Hi.”

“Is something wrong?” Papyrus frowned.

“Dad’s just sick again.” he climbed onto the bottom bunk, “Hurry and finish reading, I wanna go to sleep.”

“Oh… okay…” his voice was dripping with concern, but he followed his brother’s instructions and turned off his reading lamp.  There were a few minutes of uncomfortable silence before he spoke again, “Do you think he’ll be okay?”

“Yeah, he’ll be fine.  He always is.”

“Right.  He’ll be fine. Goodnight, Sans.”


The next morning, Sans was woken by a knock at his bedroom door.  He worked on auto-pilot, dragging himself out of bed more out of habit than any actual desire to get up.  His dad opened the door.  He seemed okay.  Tired, but okay.

“Morning, boys.”

“Good morning, Daddy.” Sans yawned.  Papyrus suddenly sat up, somehow immediately wide awake.

“Can I help make-”

“Breakfast, yes, yes, you can help.  After you’re dressed.”

Papyrus beamed and almost jumped out of bed, but remembered to use the ladder at the last moment.  His father crouched by the brothers’ shared dresser to set their clothes out for them.  Sans sat back down on his bed to wait.  He began fiddling with his bracelet again when he noticed the strange texture.  Looking down at it, he saw that it had been chewed.  Right.  That was why he was up last night.

“Daddy? My bracelet’s ruined again…”

“Again?  Oh, son… We have to figure out just why you do that sometime.  I’ll make a new one for you after breakfast, okay?”


“Don’t worry about it, Sansy.  Just try your best to remember, okay?” He gave a tired but genuine smile as he set Sans’s clothes next to him. “I’ll be waiting in the kitchen.”

Before he could leave the room, Sans quickly reached out and clutched at his white coat.

“D- Do you feel better today?”

He was quiet for a moment, but then he crouched down to Sans’s eye level.

“Yes, a little bit.  Thank you for being concerned, son.”


Papyrus was getting out of bed.  The movement stirred Sans awake, pulling him out of his dream-like memory.  Why was he getting up?  It was so early…

Once his sleepy daze cleared up, he quickly noticed that it was because Hailey was crying.  He sat up, concerned.

“sorry, sans, didn’t mean to wake you. they’re just hungry, ‘s all.”

“No, no, that’s fine.” He turned the bedside lamp on.  Papyrus sat back in bed next to Sans, cradling the babybones in his arms. “Was having a bad dream anyways.”

“again? what was it this time?” Papyrus asked as he removed his shirt to feed Hailey.

“Just… memories. With Dad.”

Papyrus gathered Hailey up in one arm and held Sans’s hand with the other.  Sans smiled sadly as he watched Hailey eat.

“What would he think of us now… God, he’d be so disturbed.”

“would he? he loved us. i’m sure he would’ve tried his best to understand. and he’d adore hailey-bailey. probably even more than we do.”

“Psh, as if.  That’s not even possible.”

Papyrus chuckled as he moved Hailey over his shoulder, patting their back firmly.  Once he heard their tiny burp, he wrapped them up in their little baby blanket.  He gently rocked them to help lull them to sleep and to settle their stomach.  Sans’s soul melted a little as he watched his mate.  He was such a good father.

He watched as the other slowly stood and set their sleeping child back in their crib, only a few feet away from their bed.  Papyrus stayed there for a moment, smiling and gently brushing his hand over Hailey’s delicate skull. “now stay asleep, ya little creature.”  Sans almost laughed aloud, but quickly stifled it, settling on a good-natured glare in Papyrus’s direction.  Papyrus grinned and laid back in bed while Sans turned the lamp back off, making the room dark and peaceful once more.

Once Sans had shuffled back into a comfortable sleeping position, Papyrus quietly whispered, “i love you.”

“I love you, too. Good night.”


Papyrus glanced over at Hailey for the 20th time during breakfast.  They were sitting in their high chair, kicking their legs and tossing their puffy snacks everywhere.  He sighed and turned the bacon over in the pan, sneaking another look at the pancake batter a few inches away, which wasn’t quite bubbling yet.  He did some quick mental math and decided to take a risk.  He had about 30 seconds before the batter would need flipping, a few more before he should check on the bacon…

Quickly, he bolted across the kitchen to the fridge, swung it open, located the orange juice, and retrieved it.  On the way back, he snagged Hailey’s sippie cup and filled it with the leftover formula he had prepared earlier.  He made it back to the stove and nearly panicked as he worked the spatula under the half-cooked pancake.  He held his breath in suspense.

Perfect golden brown.  Another sigh of relief.  He checked on the bacon and tried to uncurl a few edges so that it would cook more evenly.  He turned back around to look at Hailey again.

“y’know, hailey-bailey, if this is the most exciting my life is gonna be from now on, i think i’ll be able to live with that.”

Hailey looked their father straight in the eye as they pushed their sippie cup off the high chair.

“okay then, guess you have other plans.”  He bent down to grab the cup. Luckily, in his panic, he’d managed to seal it well enough to prevent total mayhem.

“I heard something fall! Is everything okay in there?” Sans called from the living room.

“yep, just a sippie cup, no mess. pancakes will be ready soon.”

Sans came into the kitchen dressed in the uniform he got from Muffet.  It was fairly simple: a pastel purple button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, plain black dress pants, and a dark purple apron with her cafe’s logo and his name tag on it.  As soon as he saw the state of the kitchen, he got on his knees.

“No mess? Are you totally blind?” Sans joked as he bent over to pick up the uneaten puffy snacks.

“well, i mean. no liquid mess. the food mess is inevitable.” Papyrus turned off the heat for the bacon and pulled it onto a plate with paper towels to soak up the extra grease, “oh, they’re not done ‘eating’ yet, so don’t bother cleaning up. i’ll take care of it once you head to work.”

“Oh. In that case…” Sans stood up and dropped all the puffs he had already picked up, sending them scattering even further than before.  Hailey laughed.  Papyrus glared.

         “okay, i take it back. i’m not cleaning up anymore.”

         “Pff, alright, alright, I’ll do it, I was just joking! Focus on breakfast, I’ll take care of this disaster.” Sans bent back down.

         Papyrus smiled and turned back to the stove, taking the final cooked pancake out of the pan and flipping it onto a plate. He turned off the other burner and moved to the cabinet to take out the toppings.

         “chocolate chips, yeah?”

         “Yes, please!”

         “any other requests?”

         “Whipped cream..?” Sans glanced up hopefully.

         “just a little.”  He closed the cabinet and opened the fridge again, “i hope hailey doesn’t have the same sweet tooth you do. ‘s probably not the healthiest.”

“I exercise! And a couple chocolate chips won’t kill them! Unless they’re allergic or something.”

“they might be. google says not to feed babies chocolate. ya never know.” Papyrus popped open the whipped cream can and started shaking it.

“Are we gonna get all our parenting advice from Google?” Sans stood up and dropped the puffy snacks into the garbage can.  When he turned around, Hailey was looking at him.  He smiled.

“better than not getting any at all. if you’ve got a more credible source, i’m all for that.”

“True, that’s true. Just try cross-sourcing.”  Sans took Hailey out of the high chair and held them close to his body.  He started cooing at them, “Only the best for our little Hailey-Bailey.”

“of course i’ve been cross-sourcing, you don’t need to tell me to- god, we’re the nerdiest dads ever.”

“Hey, years of working in Research and Development will do that to you.”

“guess so. pancakes are ready.”

Sans nearly gasped at the display of his breakfast, “He’s done it again, Hailey.  Perfect presentation.” They made a sound that was almost like cheering.  Sans sat them back in their high chair, allowing them to resume making a huge mess of the floor. “But how does it taste..?”  He made a grand gesture as he sat in his chair, sitting like he thought a judge on a cooking competition would.  Papyrus grinned and chuckled before copying his movements, setting the plate on the table.

He put on a silly, mock-sophisticated voice, “today, i’ve prepared some classic pancakes. the toppings are whipped cream, semi-sweet mini chocolate chips, and homemade maple syrup. enjoy.”

Sans’s motions flourished again as he made a grand moment out of picking up his fork and taking a bite, “Mmm! So fluffy and sweet!!” He quickly abandoned the act as he dug in, savoring each bite.  When he finished the first pancake, he turned to Hailey. “What about your dish, hm?”

“Ah.” They swiped their hand along the surface of their high chair, sending a hailstorm of puffs everywhere. “Muh.”

“Now, I don’t think you used any of the required ingredients. Sorry, Hailey, guess you’re not cut out to be a chef.”

“turn in your apron, kiddo.” Papyrus reached behind their neck and tore the velcro keeping their bib attached.  He swept the remaining snacks into his hand and tossed them into the trash, too, before handing them a toy to play with.  Then, he sat across from Sans as he finished his breakfast.

“One great chef is all we need.” Sans winked.

Papyrus laughed and brushed off the compliment, but he blushed. “thanks, hun.”

They sat and held hands for a few moments before a knock at the door caught their attention.

“Uh, I’ll get it.  I need to leave soon, anyways.”

“m’kay.  lemmie know who it is.”

Sans stood up again and walked into the living room.  The monster outside knocked again, more urgently this time.  Was something wrong?  Sans hurried to open the front door.

The cold of Snowdin blew in through the wide open door, barely blocked by the tall, skinny monster at the door.  He was wearing a dark grey turtleneck sweater and black pants, along with a horribly abused white lab coat.  He seemed nervous- he was stiff and was fidgeting with his hands, but they were slightly hidden by the sleeves of his sweater.

Sans knew this monster.  Somehow.  But his face gave it away instantly.

He was a skeleton. However, he was slightly… off.  He had no soul-shaped nose hole, and there were two strange markings beneath his eyes, running down his face like tear tracks.  Like that black magic.

Sans was silent at first, stunned, trying to process what was in front of him.  Finally, he slowly opened his mouth to actually speak to the guest.


Tien Lung (Celestial)

Name: Celestial, Tien Lung

Type: Fictional

Region: America

Description: A lean, black dragon with blue markings on its wings and ruff.

Myth: N/A


  • Celestials weigh 18 to 20 tons, and are 120 ft in length, making them long for their weight, since they are almost as tall as the 30 to 50 ton Regal Coppers.
  • Celestial Dragons are the only dragons capable of using the Divine Wind, a powerful roar.
  • Celestials are the companions to the Royal family.
  • Celestials are incredibly intelligent, and can learn languages well out of the egg.
  • Celestials have five claws on each foot, fan-like wings with six fingers, tendrils around their jaws, and ruffs around their heads. They also carry their tails off the ground, though whether this is a trait of only Celestials or Chinese Breeds in general is uncertain.
  • A Celestial’s ruff and tendrils do not grow in until they are mature. As a result, young Imperials and Celestials can be difficult to tell apart.
  • Celestials are said to have trouble breeding with other dragon breeds. So far it is known they can cross with Imperials (to produce more Celestials) and Kaziliks (the resulting offspring could fire a weapon that was a cross between its mother’s fire and its father’s Divine Wind).
  • Celestials may actually be a Japanese Breed. The Sui Riu share their facial adornments, and the Japanese claim the Chinese stole an egg of the Divine Wind lineage before killing all the others.