30 steps

the Only way I can accept Cars 2 being even somewhat canon is it just being one of Mater’s tall tales but 2 hours long instead of 5 mins

Bro…. I know you’re probably joking here, or tongue-in-cheeking or what-have-you, but damn dude. I gotta do a rant

“Do what I do and give up” …and do what, man? Just sit there and do nothing while one of my biggest life goals just sits there idly? I want Facility to exist. 

Yeah, it sucks. I really fucked up. This screw-up ended up costing me about 5 hours of extra work time. It was totally a pain in the ass. But shit happens! Not every step in a journey is a step forward! That doesn’t mean you’re not getting somewhere.

Sure, I’d rather be 3 steps ahead instead of just one because I had to step back, but in the long term, my step forward is a win, even if it was much more difficult. If I just gave up, that would be the end of my goal. Forever at step 30.

Every hour I work towards my goal is a gift to myself.

Don’t give up, man. It’s okay to take a break but Jesus, don’t just give up.

Terrifying Kobolds like a Fucking Five Year Old

Context: My character is a 6'2, 171 pound half-dragon, half-drow bloodrager.  Because of a feat, high Charisma, and an added rank, she gets a +11 to Intimidate checks and she’s the only member of the party who speaks Draconic, and we’re entering a dungeon full of kobolds, which she’s very familiar with.  Here are the three times I decided to roll Intimidate checks.

1. Our Rogue failed her stealth check and a kobold noticed her

Me (ooc): Am I close enough to terrify him?

GM: You are.

-rolls a 24-

GM: Ok, everyone, you hear December start speaking in a loud, growling language.

Bloodrager: YOU DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING!

-the kobold immediately walks over to the bookshelf and stares at it-

Our Oracle NPC: What the fuck just happened?

2. There’s a kobold guarding the entrance to the dungeon

Me (ooc): I’m gonna intimidate it.

-rolls a 16-

GM: You step into the room.

Bloodrager: Stand aside.

-the kobold blinks and steps off to the side so we can enter-

Rogue (ooc): How in the fuck.

3. There’s a mass of kobolds who just saw the bloodrager after failing a stealth check.

GM: What are you gonna do?

Me (ooc): I’m gonna scare the shit out of them.

-rolls a 30-

Bloodrager: -steps out from behind the corner and cracks her knuckles with a grin- Are we gonna do this the messy way or are y'all just gonna go sit in that corner over there?

-the kobolds all scurry into the corner and hide behind their shields-

GM: I wanna know how you’re making all these rolls.

Me (ooc): She has a +11 to Intimidate checks.

GM: Does she have the feat that adds her Strength modifier? (this character has a Strength mod of 4 and a Charisma mod of 3)

Me (ooc): Yeah.

GM: Of course she does.

Step 1: Show concern for her when she is sad
Step 2: Tell her there is something about the way she talks that makes you want to listen for hours at a stretch
Step 3: Tell her something about your life. But remember to keep the ratio 3:7. You can’t tell her more or even equal to of how much she tells you.
Step 4: Call her first
Step 5: Text her following up on something she said on call last night. It shows that you actually listen and care.
Step 6: Let her cry. Be there for her.
Step 7: Ignore other people when with her. Shows her what she means to you.
Step 8: Make her come up to your place on your birthday even though your entire family is up there
Step 9: Introduce her to all your family
Step 10: Feed her cake first, right after you cut it. Even if your mother is standing next to you.
Step 11: Stay with her till her cab arrives. Ask her if she really can’t stay any longer.
Step 12: Text her later saying that it was your best birthday ever.
Step 13: Go for a movie and let her use your arm as a pillow
Step 14: Kiss her on her cheek and blush
Step 15: Invite her home again. This time when no one else is home.
Step 16: Trap her
Step 17: Tell her you love her but are toxic for her
Step 18: Continue being toxic for her
Step 19: Hurt her
Step 20: Tell her you love her
Step 21: hurt her
Step 22: hurt her
Step 23: hurt her
Step 24: hurt her
Step 25: hurt her
Step 26: Tell her you hurt too
Step 27: When the truth is out, lie.
Step 28: Lie.
Step 29: Lie.
Step 30: Make her come across as the silly teen girl in love
Step 31: Yell at her and tell her that you will slap her if she says another word
Step 32: Send her threatening texts
Step 33: Insult her in front of her friends and family
Step 34: Make everyone read her texts and letters

Congratulations,
You have successfully created a broken, distrusting and lost adolescent girl.

The Reality of Getting Intimate With An Sugar Daddy for the First Time. (Part 1)

Originally posted by btvsladies

I feel like no talks about this. Social media is a cultural preference on how we only perceive the happy and successful parts of our lives. Tumblr is a wonderful example of showing off our money, bags, shoes, vacations from our Sugar Daddies. Life is just perfect, right? But what’s actually going through your mind when a Sugar Daddy gets intimate?

Are there hot sugar daddies out there? Absolutely! However, most are not for the price you want. 

Tonight I went out with Mr. Louboutin. He’s a short, older man, 48 salt and pepper hair, big nose, old man stash… Very sweet and I enjoy conversations with him. Not to mention his pay outs have been pretty good. They range from $500 per meet up (so far) but this was the first time I got intimate with him. 

1)  Acceptance. 

When you first start out as a Sugar baby, you only look for attractive guys. Then slowly but surely it turns into what you can tolerate for the money. 

When I met Mr. Louboutin I thought, yeah sure, I could fuck this guy. The conversation was there, attraction? Eh. it was okay, but for the price and what he offered? Piece of cake. 

2) Anticipation. 

When going out to dinner with an SD you’re not really attracted to, you make up all kinds of bullshit smalltalk to prolong the night so you can escape easier saying, ‘It’s getting late.”  You may also order another drink, dessert, ect.  We’ve all done this. 

Mr. Louboutin and I left the bar and he wanted to “drive me back to my car” even though it was literally a 30 step walk. I got into his car and he started driving around. I wasn’t sure what he was going to do at this point until he drove by a parking garage and said, “We could go in here for a few minutes.” Every story we went up my stomach just turned, like “Oh god… here we go.” 

3) The pep talk. 

Does anyone else do this? You give yourself a little pep talk to prepare you for what’s to come. You think about what exactly you’re going to do, what HOT GUY you’re going to think about when your eyes are closed kissing and doing things, how fast you could probably get him off and how. These were all things going through my mind. 

4) Avoidance. The fight or flight. 

There have been a couple times where I would flight. I just couldn’t and make up some random excuse not to sleep with them. This happens and it’s OKAY. 

This is where closing your eyes and picturing someone else comes into play. You try to tune out their sounds they’re making, or seeing their crusty old dick. (sorry) Since I was in the car I just kept making out with him, or if my eyes were open while getting him off with my hand, I kept my eyes on his. I swear if I would have saw his dick I would have just thrown up. 

5) The Payment 

Thank god most older guys get off pretty fast and the relief is almost what makes it all worth it. $500 for 10 minutes? Not too shabby. 


*** read Part 2 (click for link to post) with my thoughts on this. 

donald trump reminds me of that one episode of the office where michael scott got all riled up at the board meeting thing that dunder mifflin had when they were going bankrupt and he yelled out that they had a 30 step plan and he just went along with the crowd but actually had no plan whatsoever

💋Lake House (Grayson x Reader)

Summary: Grayson and the reader are friends and they go on a trip with a lot of friends and they are forced to share a bed for a week in the hotel and like Grayson takes off his shirt to go to bed so this makes the reader really embarrassed because she likes him and then she wants him to feel the same way and she puts her pajama which is only a T-shirt and panties and it’s all hot in the room and all!

Warnings: This was supposed to be just fingering, but I got carried away but sex.

A/N: I hope I did this justice for you! I decided to make it a camping trip type thing because I want to go camping so bad right now and it’s all I can think about! Requests are OPEN. (P.S. I hate myself for writing this cause now my emotions are all over the place)

Originally posted by lovershub

Originally posted by infinitygarner

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Stan and Music Headcanons:

The radio antennae in the yard always got excellent radio reception.

-Stan would play the radio for noise, keep the house from getting too creepy/empty without it

-Sang along under his breath while he worked

-Every now and then a song from back in the day would come on—he’d get the urge to dance

-Stan dancing, remembering all the old moves

-Occasionally using the broom or attractions or portal pieces as his partner

-Stan hears a song that makes him think too much of Ford

               -Sometimes he turns it up on those (and holds back a few tears)

               -Sometimes he just changes the station and resumes work

-He’ll hum the tune while figuring out portal equations

-music helps him remember better, sometimes

POST WEIRDMAGEDDON:

-music brings back memories too

-he hears the 1st song he’d heard after pushing Ford in and he breaks down all over again, apologizing when he sees Stanford

               -(Ford is taken aback and comforts him)

-Stan hears songs from those 30 years of work

               -some bring back the equations he’d memorized to them

               -Ford hears Stan singing complex theorems under his breath around the house (and ship), but when he asks him about it, Stan shrugs and says that’s just what the song reminded him of

-They’re at (either a random pub along the port OR the diner) one day and oldies are playing. One dancing song comes on and Stan jumps to his feet.

               -Ford’s like STAN, WHAT THE HECK

               -Stan pulls Sixer up and tells him to dance with him

               -Ford is uncomfortable at first but after Stan gives him a look he just goes with it

               -Ford’s not particularly graceful (it’s been A LONG TIME since he last danced to Earth music, let alone with a partner) but he catches on—the moves the same ones Stan had in high school

               -Stan laughs and praises Ford’s fancy two left feet

               -The song ends and the brothers laugh, out of breath

               -They get a few hoots and hollers from around the diner/pub before Stan bows theatrically and sits back down

               -Ford asks what brought that on

               -Stan shrugs and grins. “Not sure, but it felt familiar, like I’ve done that a lot—but not with as good a partner as you for a while, Sixer”

               -They both laugh

-Stan starts dry sobbing unexpectedly one day and Ford finds him, slumped to the ground and frantic.

               -Stan can’t even properly explain why he’s freaking out

               -Neither brother notices the radio in the background playing “Brothers in Arms” by Dire Straits

               -Ford talks Stan through it

               -Stan just suddenly felt overwhelmed with guilt all over again

——Ford gets confused at these episodes—what’s causing this?

-Stan tells Ford later about how sometimes he’d talk to his reflection as if it were Ford

-He also tells him that some songs reminded him so strongly of Ford over the years, he’d play them and pretend it was like a conversation between them

               -Ford finally takes this as a clue to Stan’s “episodes” and what’s setting them off

               -Ford starts keeping track of how the music affects Stan’s moods in the future

Personal Assistant Part Two (Jason Todd x Reader)

So this is for all of you who wanted me to do a part two, I am going to be honest, I don’t think this one is as good as the first, but please give me criticism if you have any. I love to hear what people say, and how I can get better!

Part One Here

The elevator to Bruce Wayne’s floor dinged at 7:30 exactly. You stepped out, coffee in one hand and a bag of pastries dangling from the other. It was day after the ordeal with Corey and Jason Todd, and you were eager to get back to a normal day of work. 



Walking in you could have sworn your coworkers were staring at you. The personal assistant who has two Wayne’s backing her up. It unnerved you a bit, but you let it slide today. 

Keep reading

30 day Mystic Messenger Challenge

Day #26

Favourite MM Gif?

I have a …. few. 

This one is my favourite! I WILL USE IT FOR EVERYTHING

Originally posted by jyhnkun

Or this one from my baby @dragonpigeons I LOVE IT SO MUCH

Originally posted by dragonpigeons

or this one because of reasons….

Originally posted by breakinglink17

Or this one because of even more…. reasons

Originally posted by amy-chickadee

and and this one for science… 

Originally posted by ru-shifaa

Family (kakashi x reader)

Ps. I wrote this at 2 a.m. when I was half asleep.


What is family? Kakashi only vaguely understood that term. His comrades were his family; Naruro, Sasuke, Sakura, Obito, Rin, Minato…the list went on.

As a child he was raised by both his parents, but mostly by his father whom he admired on an exceptional level. But then his father suicided and from then onwards his concept of a family faded more and more each passing day.

Kakashi was speechless when you told him you were pregnant. Neither of you have planned on starting a family, or even properly discussed it before. All you knew is Kakashi never mentioned anything about wanting or not wanting kids to you, so you had no clue how he’d react.

Kakashi’s heart was beating so fast in his chest. Pregnant? How?

He knew how, he just couldn’t believe it. This was the most shocking unexpected news of his life.

Kakashi was always one to think 20-30 steps ahead, see all possible outcomes, calculate each and every turn he took. But he’ll be damned if he saw this one coming. His mask of calm and cool broke as his eyes widened and his mouth hung open.

He didn’t know how to react. Did he mind having a child? He really didn’t know. Did he want this child? Not exactly but that didn’t mean he hated it.

But it wasn’t these things that bothered him the most. Was he fit to be a father? Kakashi with his careless demeanour and frequent use of profanities, could he really raise a kid?

Heck, could he even love this child the way he was supposed to? He loved you, his wife. He never thought he was capable of feeling anything as strong as the emotions he feels towards you.

Once a long time ago, he didn’t think anyone could ever love him. And you proved him wrong.

But a child?

Kakashi was trying hard to find an appropriate reaction. A smile or anything but it was as if his face muscles were frozen.

He looked at you with wide eyes, communicating his horror with you. Something he never does with anyone else. And you read him like and open book.

You understood how he felt, you were as scared as him. You let him hug you for as long as he needed, and you made sure to reassure him that no one is perfect and that no one was born great at parenting.

As the months passed by, your belly grew bigger and rounder.

Soon the baby was kicking and you called for Kakashi to come and feel it.

He sat patiently with his ear glued to your belly, listening intently. He knew the little thump was coming but that didn’t stop the little gasp that fell from his lips.

It was becoming realer and realer every day. Kakashi’s endless fascination with the growing human inside your belly only made you smile. He was curious about many thing. He spent a lot of his time feeling your belly and pressing his ear against it -and you really didn’t mind.

Before you two knew it you were going into labour -nothing you could really prepare for there. It was the most intense painful thing you have ever been through and no matter how much you tried you couldn’t stop the screams that kept tumbling from your lips.

Kakashi was as white as a ghost next to you, allowing you to squeeze his hand when needed. He only ever heard about labour in books, never have he actually witnessed one.

Seeing you in so much pain terrified him. You were one of the strongest women he’s ever met. Seeing you scream and seeing the tears pooled at the corner of your eyes nearly made him cry.

The sound of a little cry filled the room and you collapsed on your bed, panting and drenched in sweat.

Your baby had made it into the world.

Kakashi’s eyes were wide as the nurses cleaned the little body and handed it to it’s carrier.

You nearly forgot Kakashi was there when you looked at the little bundle that was pressed against your shoulder.

Little silver hair and unfocused blue eyes -you knew it’ll take a few weeks before you knew the colour of your baby’s eyes but that was okay. He was beautiful. Your baby boy, dispute just being born not a few minutes ago already bared a resemblance to his father.

You looked up at Kakashi who was still staring at the baby in awe and offered him a chance to hold his son.

Kakashi was nervous as hell. Never have his hands felt so clammy before. He gingerly cradled the baby against his chest, staring at him in awe.

The baby did resemble him.

It was such a tiny fragile thing though, Kakashi felt a weird tug at his heart strings. This was his baby, he’ll protect him no matter what.

Kakashi who only carried his baby for two minutes was already feeling a strong emotional connection. Is this what it felt like having a family? Kakashi almost choked on emotions. His baby was beautiful, just like you his mother….

“What are we gonna call him?” He asked you abruptly and you smiled and told him you’ll leave that part to him.

And just like that, Hatake Obito became the most important person in Kakashi’s life besides you.

He decided he wanted to name him after Obito, hoping one day his son becomes as great as the man he called his best friend.

Kakashi now understood what a family really is, and he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Step 1: Show concern for her when she is sad
Step 2: Tell her there is something about the way she talks that makes you want to listen for hours at a stretch
Step 3: Tell her something about your life. But remember to keep the ratio 3:7. You can’t tell her more or even equal to of how much she tells you.
Step 4: Call her first
Step 5: Text her following up on something she said on call last night. It shows that you actually listen and care.
Step 6: Let her cry. Be there for her.
Step 7: Ignore other people when with her. Shows her what she means to you.
Step 8: Make her come up to your place on your birthday even though your entire family is up there
Step 9: Introduce her to all your family
Step 10: Feed her cake first, right after you cut it. Even if your mother is standing next to you.
Step 11: Stay with her till her cab arrives. Ask her if she really can’t stay any longer.
Step 12: Text her later saying that it was your best birthday ever.
Step 13: Go for a movie and let her use your arm as a pillow
Step 14: Kiss her on her cheek and blush
Step 15: Invite her home again. This time when no one else is home.
Step 16: Trap her
Step 17: Tell her you love her but are toxic for her
Step 18: Continue being toxic for her
Step 19: Hurt her
Step 20: Tell her you love her
Step 21: hurt her
Step 22: hurt her
Step 23: hurt her
Step 24: hurt her
Step 25: hurt her
Step 26: Tell her you hurt too
Step 27: When the truth is out, lie.
Step 28: Lie.
Step 29: Lie.
Step 30: Make her come across as the silly teen girl in love
Step 31: Yell at her and tell her that you will slap her if she says another word
Step 32: Send her threatening texts
Step 33: Insult her in front of her friends and family
Step 34: Make everyone read her texts and letters

Congratulations,
You have successfully created a broken, distrusting and lost adolescent girl. 

Internet-aided Cooking Gothic
  • You find a food blogger. She is talking about the history of the dish. You scroll. She is talking about her early childhood. You scroll. She is talking about her last family gathering. You scroll. She is talking about her aunt’s camping trip. You will never learn how to cook curried stir fry.
  • The recipe calls for yellow bell peppers. You substitute red bell peppers. Your oven explodes.
  • Listed cooking time is 30 minutes. First step is to prepare the sauce. Second step is to let the ingredients marinate in it for at least two days.
  • You are missing exactly one ingredient for this dish. For this also. For this, as well. For this, too.
  • You find a youtube video for this exact recipe. The commentary casually drops the most wrong claims about food you have ever heard in your life. You try another video. The voice of the narrator makes you violently ill. You try another. The youtuber casually drops racial epithets and goes on a tangent about politics. You try one more. This video blatantly tries to sell you specific products. You are so hungry.
  • The vegetable this soup calls for does not grow on your continent and is not imported. There is a substitute, but it went extinct in 1972.
  • You finally find the vegetable in a grocery store that’s only a 200km car trip away. You’re violently allergic to it.
  • This recipe is hosted on an American website and it relies on a premade mix. You try another. This one requires a premade mix and a spice mix exclusive to one state. You start to realize that these are just instructions from the box.
  • The dish calls for potatoes, eggs, cheese, butter and spices, all of which you have, and to prepare them in a way you know how to do. The next step is to subsume them for 30 minutes in a thaumizer.
  • Dejected, you buy a premade mix of whatever you were trying to cook. You pour the ingredients out of the box and throw it into a bin. You fish the box out of the bin immediately because you forgot to look at the instructions. It continues the story of the fishing trip with her sister. You are so hungry.

What if Gabriel Reyes never realized he had resting bitch face? Like, he always thought he was a fairly pleasant looking fellow. Then he overhears new best bud and current crush Jack Morrison talking to their fellow soldiers.

“Nah. Reyes is a total teddy bear. He’s just got resting bitch face.”

And shit. Now that he really looks in the mirror, he DOES have resting bitch face. He’s not going to be nabbing any of that farmboy lovin’ like that. So he goes online to search “How to minimize resting bitch face.”

Of course, he gets a bunch of makeup tutorials. Which somehow leads to him burning the rest of the night away, watching somebody named MostlyDead doing all the latest makeup trends in 30 easy steps.

So the next night he searches “How to minimize resting bitch face -makeup.” And there are all these ‘professionals’ talking about how proper facial hair can not only make you look younger, but ALSO help you look more pleasant.

Which is how he ends up with his trademark look. And what do you know, it works because Jack is totally smitten with him.

Or so he thinks  until the day Jack decides he’s going to befriend the perpetually angry Jesse McCree.

“So, what’s his deal? He always pissed off at the world?” Jesse asks.

“Who? Gabe? Nah. He’s just got resting bitch face,” Jack replies.

“I ain’t so sure about that,” Jesse says.

“No, trust me. He just plays it up because he wants to be a bad ass. Hell, why do you think he’s had that same facial hair for years? It’s there to enhance the scowl.”

(Idea not at all inspired by me putting on lipstick for the first time in over a year, getting irritated by how the bottom corners were turning down, and coming to the horrifying realization that I had resting bitch face.)

“Living healthy” is not one big task - in fact it’s a lot of tiny, easily achievable steps! Take care of your body, mind and soul one step at a time and allow yourself to be proud of every tiny step! 

30 little healthy things you could do right now*: 

1. Drink a glass of water! 

2. Eat a piece of fruit.  

3. Dance to your favorite song. 

4. Walk up and down the stairs. 

5. Use spices instead of salt when you cook the next time. 

6. Set a reminder to go to sleep early enough to get 8 hours of sleep tonight. 

7. Make a list with 5 things you like about yourself. 

8. Clean your room for 5 minutes. 

9. Send a sweet message to a friend. 

10. Snack on some nuts. 

11. Plan a meal that includes some vegetables. 

12. Make a smoothie using fruits and water. 

13. Make a cup of herbal or green tea. 

14. Take a short walk outside. 

15. Walk around your room if you don’t feel like going outside. 

16. Do a 5 minute workout. 

17. Dry-brush your skin to improve circulation. 

18. Wash your face. 

19. Plan to include some healthy fat in the next meal (for example, coconut oil or avocado). 

20. Take a few deep breaths. 

21. Sit in the sunshine for a few minutes. 

22. Do something you enjoy, such as reading or painting! 

23. Write down 5 things you’re grateful for. 

24. Smile at yourself in the mirror. 

25. Brush your teeth. 

26. Floss your teeth. 

27. Exercise your brain by learning a word in another language. 

28. Give yourself a quick hand or foot massage. 

29. Choose a positive affirmation (such as “I am enough”) and write it down. 

30. Wash your hands. 

 * This advice does not replace advice from medical professionals. These things are not meant as treatment for physical or mental illnesses.