30 for 30 best that never was

Important PSA from Yana

Quick translation:

“Like I tweeted recently, Japanese culture and the culture of other countries are different, the way they reply [to my tweets] or their stance on fan activities are different, too, and I don’t think any of this is wrong. However, regardless of country [of origin], revealing any new information of Kuroshitsuji before the 18th is not official, but illegal. I’d be glad if people understand that such action is wrong. - Toboso.”



(warning: text spoiler of ch129 under the cut)

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the goods might also be in love with me

A Year in Fics

Three hundred and twenty-one thousand, one hundred and twenty-one.  Otherwise known as…321,121.  What is the significance of this number?  That is how many words I wrote in fic this year.  321,121.  Holy crap!

What a year this has been for me, personally and in the fandom.  I’ve met some amazing friends and learned a lot about myself.  Most of all, I’ve found my voice and have put it to good use, I think.  Writing has been an unbelievable stress reliever for me during some difficult times over the past few years, and this year was no exception.  I’ve had the opportunity to learn more about my art and to practice it and to get some amazing feedback through it. And so…I’ve decided to make a master post with the fics I’ve written this year–all of it Larry, all of it mine.  If you’ve read my work and supported it–thank you!  If you haven’t–check it out and let me know what you think!

Best wishes and happy reading–L

Keep reading

Let’s do this!

I know it’s late, but I just got home, and week summary must be done. :)

Interesting and fun stuff

Recipe lists

Top recipes

Cheesy Egg Boats Recipe

Mini Chocolate Almond Cakes with Blackberry Buttercream and Chocolate Glaze


Slutty Cheesecake Brownie Bars Recipe


Frozen Hot Chocolate Breakfast Smoothie






Honey Chipotle BBQ Chicken Skewers


Banana Ice Cream Breakfast Parfait

Roasted butternut and buffalo mozzarella pasta bake

Buffalo chicken pizza

Oh and yes, hit a milestone!

Ari Beats the Gatekeepers Part 1 or.. Ari Knew She Was Right So She Went Around Those In Her Way

Unfortunately, due to the lack of clear guidelines and training in all levels of government regarding policy on transgender name and gender changes.. transgender people need to be prepared, they need to know more than ‘the supervisor,’ they need to be polite, but confident and assertive, and maybe someday, the gate-keeping will stop for all of us. Well, we can dream!

Today was a difficult day filled with aggravation and disappointment.. however, today was also a wonderful day topped off with a victory over red tape and a would be gatekeeper.

If you have been following my story long enough, you may remember I legally changed my name and updated my driver’s license and social security card information in May of 2016. Well, I was also in the midst of my divorce during that time. I wanted to apply for a passport since I never had one before. I filled out the paperwork over the summer and set it aside. I wanted to be able to apply with the divorce date filled in so the records were accurate. I decided, “no rush, I can wait until my divorce is final.” I did not anticipate it taking 11 months for my divorce to be final. It was not contentious.. my ex and I handled ourselves in the best manner possible in my opinion. Still, due to all of the built-in delays (30 days to respond here, 30 days to respond there) and some rather inept lawyer-ing from her representation.. it took 11 months! 

Guess when it was finally final? The irony.. it was Inauguration Day! That’s right, I waited to send out my passport application due to that one little box not being able to show that I was legally divorced and in doing so, I am one of the transgender people now holding my breath to see if I sent it in time. In time for what, you ask? In time to be treated like a human being rather than be treated like a criminal by the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is now the white house.

Anyhow, one of my loved ones had to be admitted to the hospital on the 19th, just one day before my divorce was final.. this threw a new wrinkle in things as I took the needed time to care for my loved one. She had to be top priority. My passport application waited another two weeks for me. (My loved one is due to be released tomorrow - yay!!!)

Finally, yesterday I went into my local post office which is also an acceptance facility for passport applications. I asked the woman working the passport desk to take a new photo for me because the Walgreens employee made me look like a grandma in my first attempt at getting an acceptable picture. This woman had kind eyes and she was also very knowledgeable and patient. She went through all of the paperwork I brought… my physician’s statement, my legal name change court order, my photocopy of my id.. then she paused.. 

“Is this the only birth certificate you have?” she asked. I said, “Yes, Why??” (as my heart began to sink)

“I’m sorry, but you need the long form and this is the short form. They will reject it immediately if your parent’s names are not on the copy.”

My heart sank as she told me I could get a copy the same day if I went to one of the Cook County Vital Records locations. I thanked her and decided I would just take the next day off (Friday) and take care of it. I double-checked the website when I got home and confirmed that the nice woman at the post office was correct. She had not given me bad information. I just missed that detail in my research. 

I started Friday morning at the dentist getting my newly prepared crown put in place of the temporary crown I got 3 weeks ago. Once that was complete, I was off to the Vital Statistics room of the Bridgeview Illinois Court House. Of course this involves going through a TSA like security (only not as invasive). They had the lines split for men and women. I of course went through the women’s line. They were nice enough and there were no issues. I found the right room, took a number and waited. I got called up to a station and told the woman that I needed a long form birth certificate. I showed her the short form one that I had (with my original birth name), my court order for my name change, and my current license. She started punching things into the computer then went to get a supervisor. Of course, I could already tell this was not going smoothly, but I hoped the supervisor knew the drill and knew that everything I brought was more than sufficient to prove who I was. NOPE! She told me that there was no way they could issue me MY birth certificate since my driver’s license now stated a different name. She said that I could be anybody. I had given her a stamped and sealed COURT ORDER for the name change and she told me she could not help me. 

I was so dumbfounded by the inept logic that I did not have the words to argue as she handed me a form to fill out and ship to Springfield Illinois so that I could have my birth certificate updated (a process that takes 4 to 6 weeks) BEFORE they could help me. Of course, as you can tell from the title of this post, I knew this supervisor was wrong. I decided then and there that I would visit each of the 5 other Cook County locations that day until I found a supervisor that knew the actual guidelines. Of course, because of the extended conversation about my gender and my name change with many people behind me waiting for their turn.. I had about 12 pairs of eyes looking quizzically at me when I turned around to leave. That’s okay though, because I smiled at them all, knowing I was right and that this was not a true road block. I imagine I had a rather determined look on my face..

It turns out, I only had to visit one more location! That’s right, after another twenty minutes of driving, the helpful people at the nearby Markham, IL location sorted me out in a matter of minutes (well, after I waited in line for about 25 minutes). The clerk did ask for a supervisor, but she returned just to tell me that I should make sure to also send the right form to Springfield, IL so that my birth certificate would match my ID in the future. I promised her that I would. I paid for two copies of my birth certificate and thanked the woman.

I glided out of there, feeling like I had just won a major victory. I knew I had enough time to get to the post office and still get my passport application out that very same day. I drove straight there (an hour drive back by that point). It was the same woman who had to turn me away the day before. I said cheerfully, “Hello again! I have the correct long form birth certificate, although I had to go to two different locations to get it!” I explained what had happened to her and she basically shook her head and lamented that it was sad I had to go through all that. She carefully went through all of my documents and told me that everything looked good and that I was all set. I paid for expedited processing and my passport application is now on an airplane.

I went home, filled out the form I was given to change my birth certificate and went back to the post office to get that sent out along with another physician’s letter and legal name change court order. This should not impact my passport application, because with expedited processing it should be finished by the time they get to my birth certificate change in Springfield (a slower process by all accounts). If my passport gets rejected because the birth certificate I sent has my old name and the system gets updated and shows my birth certificate has changed.. then resubmitting will be fine and less complicated because my birth certificate will show the correct gender and they will have no reason to question it or to deny it. What a tangled web.

By this point it was late in the afternoon and I was elated to have all of that done, but I also had several stress knots in my neck. I looked across the street and saw one of the salons that I frequent. I decided to get a blow out (they also give you complimentary neck and shoulder massages). The girl doing my hair did a great job and had some suggestions for a cut as well. I plan to go back on Wednesday for a cut, but went with just the blowout for today.

The point of writing all of this out is that I hope it is helpful for anyone else dealing with this. Even if you have only one county court house you can visit, perhaps going on a different day and getting a different clerk will get you different results. It is unfortunately a toss of the dice every time we as transgender people have to deal with changes to identification documents.
Be in the know, do your research, know more than the supervisors, be prepared to politely but assertively stand up for what you know to be the correct process. You could also even suggest that they call another location to ask how they handle it if they are unsure. 

I titled this post with “part 1,” because I am fully aware, that there is a strong chance that either my passport application or birth certificate update request will be denied. As long as one of them comes back as expected, then I know the next attempt should be the last to get this all finalized. Of course, Mr. Drumpf could sign an executive order on Monday that calls all of this into question and both of my requests could be halted. If that happens I will immediately contact the lawyer who represented me for my divorce (she is also a transgender woman) and together we will take on the U.S. Government if we have to. 

I will keep standing up for myself and keep going to any lengths to make sure I am not denied. You should do the same 😉


My goal in sharing my transition is to represent transgender people in the positive light that we all deserve. Re-blogs are always okay if they are for this purpose, but if you are a fetish blog or fetish website then I want nothing to do with you and you do not have my permission to use my images.

Promise (Thomas Shelby x Reader)

Title:  Promise

Pairing;  Thomas Shelby x Reader

Request:  Yes.  “Hellooo,I’m kinda new at this whole requesting stories so ima try my best lolz,your Ada Shelby’s bestfriend and you hear Tommy having a nightmare and you comfort him”

Word Count:  2,341

Author:  Emily

Author’s Note:  This imagine was way too long, but I got caught up in it.  Of course, hope you all enjoy!  There are two more requests I need to do!

Date Written:  Friday, December 30, 2016

Date Posted:  Friday, December 30, 2016

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on our second date he tells me about his sweet tooth. about how the last twelve months have been all sugar and cold pillows and trying to forget about what he found in the ashes. one week later engulfed in grey sheets I show him the softness of my belly and the birthmark on my ribs and do my best impression of something warm. something you want to devour again and again.

I’ve never been one for dessert.
the word “more” has never been a shape my lips have been comfortable forming.
I guess that what I’m getting at is
most of the time
I chew up potential lovers like a piece of supermarket gum
but I reach for him the way you reach for the second piece of cake.

wanting nonetheless.


Naruto 30-day challenge

Day 21: A Scene You Will Never Forget

When Naruto met his mother, Kushina ❤️
Honestly, if there was one scene that made me ugly cry, it would have to be this one. It was so touching!
Look how genuinely happy Naruto is! 
This has got to be one of the best scenes in the entire series 💕


To celebrate the month of June, i decided to take part on HQ 30 days challenge

Day 21: Favorite pairing (aka the reason I keep on living)


Forever my OTP, I’ve covered this up pretty much in the 4th day



USHIHIRA (I’m not sure if this counts as rarepair or not)




One word: GUSARI





Messi Will Never Know

Today Lionel Messi is 30 years old.

There’s a lot of fuss everywhere. Look at what he’s accomplished by 30! or His best years are behind him now! To me, it’s not about him turning 30 or whatever that means for his career. It’s just a birthday, and we should celebrate it as such.

But then again, for me, every day with Messi is a day to celebrate.

I found Messi in a dark time in my life. I’d just lost my grandfather. My mother had just died after a long, grueling fight with breast cancer. And then I lost my grandmother soon after. I can’t describe that to you. I just can’t. My family was a mess. My father, my younger brother, and my sister were a mess. Hell, I was a mess. There was very little to be joyful about. Every day was just the same, with reminders everywhere that there were gaping holes in our lives that would be there forever.

And then the World Cup happened. And I could fill a few days watching soccer. I didn’t know many of the players. I’d watched women’s soccer for years because they were the successful team in the US. So I didn’t have high hopes for the US men’s team, but I had fun watching. And it was during this time that I found Messi.

When it was over, I couldn’t believe that he had lost. This little man who had made magic with his feet… I followed him to Barcelona. Because, when he played, I forgot my sadness for just a little while. You know what it’s like to see him with a ball, dribbling or passing or scoring–there’s a beauty in it, something that lifts you up and you just sit there with this feeling of genuine wonder and appreciation that you’re allowed to see such a thing.

Messi will never know about the way he’s touched my life. And that’s okay. I know I’m not alone, I know that he’s made so many smile, so many people happy with what he does. And he doesn’t just do it once in awhile. He does it every time he plays. So today, Leo reaching 30 doesn’t mean that much to me. I’ll still watch him next year, and the year after that, and the year after that. Nothing is changing. He’s still Lionel Messi. And I’m still thankful and grateful for everything he does.

Happy Birthday, Leo. And thank you.

Originally posted by fullysulley

anonymous asked:

saw your post mentioning the potential length of their relationship and it really is something. it all seems fairytale esque for them to be together so long and I really hope the best for them. i really hope in 20 years I get to see them in interviews like.... we've been together for near 30 years and we can't wait for 30 more....

I think for me, as someone who is borderline monogamously challenged, it is almost unfathomable that you could meet someone at 16 and 18 and stay with them forever. I was still a virgin who had never had a boyfriend at both 16 and 18, so if someone told me this story without any context I’d be like

I had friends who were divorced by the time they were 24 so maybe I’m just cynical about relationships, but goddamn it when I see Harry and Louis look at each other I’m like 

When I first started getting into One Direction I didn’t even have a Tumblr, I’d just go to Tumblr and search “larry stylinson” to see what was going on. I was like, “If I don’t make an account then I can’t technically be called obsessed.”

But we all know how well that worked out. I think actually at that point I had an account but never really used it, so then I was like, “Well if I don’t post about Larry then no one will know how much time I spend looking at posts about Larry.”

Again, that just…didn’t happen. But I’m glad it did eventually! I’ve met some of my best friends through Tumblr, so it’s all good. 

Uhhhhh I think I was talking about Larry at some point…oh yeah! So when I first started to really fall down the Larry rabbit hole I did genuinely consider all the possibilities. My best friend and I growing up used to be asked all the time if we were dating but we were just hetero lifemates, well I say “lifemates” but we ain’t friends no mo so like “half of our life-mates”…another reason I’m like, “I just don’t know if people are meant to be with the same person for their entire life.” 

However, I have been doing a lot of research about this kind of thing for my book (which you can pre-order now on www.beaslut.com by the way), and looked into Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love in which he says that love is comprised of three elements. 

Intimacy is basically friendship…so do you get along with the person? Do you want to tell them everything all the time? Do you genuinely enjoy being together?

Passion and infatuation is sexual chemistry

And commitment is the part that I don’t understand because I’ve never been able choose a relationship over myself. I have had deep intimacy and passion with people but when it came to choosing to commit to altering our life plans to accommodate one another, it’s just never happened. I lived in five countries in one year, the fifth being California (which should be its own country really), and whilst I was extremely fortunate to be able to do that, there is no way I could have asked someone else to drop everything whenever I decide I’m bored and want to move every three months. 

However…the amount of proof that Louis and Harry are continually choosing each other is quite prevalent all over their goddamn bodies. 

Seriously, anyone who looks at a video of themselves and their partner like this after five years is probably doing okay 

They’re literally as subtle as a shark attack when it comes to each other, so people dismissing it because Dan fucking Wootton told them to is just silly to me. 

I can see how, if you were to only know about Harry and Louis through the media, you might certainly believe that they were just two bros chillin in a hot tub five feet apart cos they’re not gay. But if you are invested in this fandom and have all of this information at your disposal, I don’t particularly understand how one can completely ignore inconvenient things like tattoos or the bears. 

What I did when first trying to figure out what the hell was going on was to say, “Okay if Larry is real that what doesn’t make sense?” And basically the only thing that didn’t make sense was their media images and narrative.

When I did the same by going, “Okay if Larry is not real then what doesn’t make sense here?” And you could write a novel of things that don’t add up. #welivetogetherdealwith it; “my son returns to his husband today”; next to you/you can’t sit together, WELLINGTON, tattoos, rbb and sbb, “larry ok”, bee tattoo, the two week rule, Jamaica, “Always in my heart @Harry_Styles yours sincerely louis”…

I was like 

So yeah, I’m able to see beyond my own relationship incapabilities to recognise that they husbands. 

SVT Super Powers; Joshua!!

Originally posted by svt17-carat

google how fast can i swim over the pacific ocean to fight hIM


-ok so this is Joshua hong

-he fast

-v fast 

-fast boy

-when this dude started to learn how to crawl

-his first time too

-he crawled to fast and he bumped into the wall

-his mum and dad were baffled?????

-like how did our kid just do that

-he was so fast


-so his parents went to the doctor 

-cause they were worried about him

-super worried

-the doctor told them there was nothin wrong with him

-just that he was super fast

-really fast 

-abnormally fast 

-when he started to walk 

-oh my god that’s when the fun started

-whenever he would go to the park he would challenge his dad to races 

-and would tease him

-”dad come on! keep up!”


-it was even better when he got into school

-during his time in elementary his parents had to tell him one way or another that this kid was special

-he wasn’t jut a naturally fast runner

-that this was an actual superpower

-and you could probably gather

-he was pretty stoked to have a superpower

-he was all like

-”like spiderman???? or the hulk?? or thor??”


-”wait!!!! i’m dash-dash from the incredibles!!”

-”close enough”

-anyways when he was in school

-he would want to race against everyone 

-like a little champ

-yeah he did

-but wasn’t cocky about it??


-and that’s why a lot of kids liked him

-wholesome meme runner kid

-the nickname he got?



-when he got to middle school he kind of had a reputation for being a really fast runner

-he once got asked by the track and field team to join the club

-he deCLINED


-he said that running wasn’t going to be his profession when he was older but he wanted to keep it as a hobby

-so he didn’t join

-one the other hand you were in the club too

-you were neither the best or the worst runner

-but that meant that you never stopped practicing with running keeping pace and making your stamina higher

-so one day 

-you were running on the track

-and there he was

-catching up to your from the other side of the track

-that took you 3 minutes

-but it only took him 30 seconds

-what the fuck

-how are you so fast??

-you stop and look at him 

-”how….how are you so fast???”

-”me? i just am”

-”that’s not humanly possible though….you did half a lap in 30 seconds…i don’t believe it…”

-”everyone else on the team couldn’t believe it either”

-”hold on…you’re that super fast kid??? that turned down the offer??”

-”if that’s the news going around the club then yeah thats me i’m joshua the kid that turned down the running club what’s your name?”

-”y/n…wait why though?? you’re really fast??”

-you….were actually curious as to why he didn’t join 

-as you said

-he’s really fast??

-”i’m not going to run as a job…it’s what everyone wants me to do as a career but i’m not so sure…”

-”right….but how are you so fast?”

-”as i said before i’m just naturally fast…are you going to start running again? mind if i join?”


-in some magical way running together afterschool brought you two closer 

-you were happy that you were running against him


-not against

-with him

-theres a difference

-against him means that you were going to lose but there was something at stake

-with him means that you’re just running with him talking about your day and everything is peaceful like it should be

-you kind of enjoyed his company 

-and he did too

-so the cheeky bugger decided to have a race against you

-you improved a lot in terms of keeping your stamina up 

-so you agreed 

-like this was about to become a challenge 

-”alright to the end of the 100m track and that’s it”

-”seems fair enough”

-”3 rules though”


-”alright hong lets hear them”

-”1 i can’t use my power 2 if i win i take you out to dinner and 3 if i you win i buy you lunch for the next month deal?”

-”you’re on sonic”

-y o u ‘ r e      o n      s o n i c

-i just screamed im sorry 

-so you both got into the starting position

-and joshua just thinks to himself

-”no powers no powers no powers no powers”

-and you’re there like


-and then the start of the race turned into the end pretty quickly

-you two were just nearing up to the finish line

-and you two just were a split second away from each other

-….with….joshua in the lead

-you both fall down but you soon get back up after remembering what he said before

-”Joshua….what do you mean by ‘not using your power’?”



-”…..what i mean by power…..is–”

-and then the boy just starts to run agaIN 

-and you run after him

-after that you have to go on a date with him

-which kind of ended up well

-for the both of you

-josh is dating a rlly pretty girl who can run 

-and you’re dating a guy who’s…nickname is sonic


-“man the weekend went by so fast”

-”did someone say fast”

-”joshua no and where did that sonic costume come from—”

-”YES someone did i heard it…i heard it”

-”jO S H UA”

My Candy Love 30 day drawing challenge  ♥
Day 4- Whose your candy’s crush?

I know you guys probably don’t know it ‘cause I didn’t make it too obvious 8-) *sarcasm* but Liz’s crush is Kentin 💕
As I said before, they have been friends for a long time. Unlike Ken, she has never been good when it comes to express her feelings, especially romantic ones, she tends to keep them a secret. It was hard for her to realize that she saw him as more than her best friend. Even now, if you ask her if she has feelings for him, she’ll probably deny it but her eyes can’t lie 8)

Other days:
[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6][7] [8][9]

Attack on Titan Episode 30


I have this acquaintance who seems to believe that I’ve been unfairly circumspect regarding my opinion of this (and other) episodes. I am aghast (aghast, I tell you) at this ruthless judgment of how I best enjoy my cartoons.

To defang such a callous accusation, this seemed like the way to go.

(Featuring xtreme whining, manga spoilers like whoa, more whining, and maybe a few spots of joy. Who can say. I haven’t started yet, and I’ve never done a liveblog before. It’s a surprise for everyone.)

So, Attack on Titan Episode 30, “Historia.” Let us begin!

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Leap Of Faith - Three

Spencer Reid

Spencer had no idea why he’d suggested that they go back to his place, he could have found an open coffee shop if they’d have walked for long enough.

He also had no idea why he wasn’t taking this girl to the nearest hospital either. She’d been about to commit suicide so she obviously needed help. Yet there was something stopping him. He didn’t know this girl from adam, but she clearly had a story. One that he very much wanted to hear.

He led her away from the park and out onto the main streets pulling her little suitcase behind him. He noticed the luggage tags still on them, she’d flown in from New York.

“So did you have to get a flight connection via New York to get here?” he asked her curiously, confused as he couldn’t recall a British Airline that flew to D.C via the Big Apple.

“Erm no, I live in New York actually. Have done since I was 22,“ she e replied, digging in her pockets for a tissue and wiping away some of the mascara that had made its way down her cheeks.

“How old are you now if you don’t mind me asking?”

“How old are you Spencer Reid?”

“32,” he looked back at her seeing her eyes widen slightly. She had deep green eyes now he could see them properly, the light from the streets lamps illuminating her face somewhat. It was a shame that they were rimmed with so much red and black right now, he could tell she’d be very pretty without any make up and without the evidence of tears splashed across her face.

“You don’t look it. You look younger than me,” she replied, studying his face as she navigated the side walk expertly in her high heels.

Now they were in the light he could see she was impeccably dressed, her clothes were clearly tailor made for her, him not recognising the brand. He could however see the telltale flashes of red on the soles of her shoes.

Seeing him looking at her expectantly she sighed. “I’m 29. I’ll be 30 in three weeks. Well, 24 days actually. That’s one of the things that triggered this whole debacle actually.”

“Turning 30?” Spencer asked remembering how his team had initially forgotten his 30th, only throwing him an impromptu party at headquarters after he’d let it slip to Emily whilst on a case.

“Yes….. Me and my best friend made lists when we were 15 of all the things we wanted to have achieved by the time we turned 30. She kept them and I reread mine four months ago. From a list of 13, I’ve achieved two.”

“You made the list when you were 15. Things change. How many has your friend achieved?”

“Well considering she’ll never see 30, she’s still managed to achieve eight out of her ten. And nine and ten would have happened within a few years time.”

Spencer turned into a side street leading Persephone with him and up the stairs to his apartment building.

“Wait… Why will she never see 30?” he realised the answer almost as soon as the question left his mouth, feeling like the most insensitive dick around. It was obvious. “I’m sorry Persephone,“ he murmured. “How long?”

“Six months. Her and her fiancé. Car accident. Least they were together, I guess. Her Mum found the lists in Alex’s room. I hadn’t realised she’d even kept them all these years.” She cleared her throat, blinking back tears before closing her eyes. Shaking her head slightly she reopened them, the tears gone and a look of resolve on her face.

“Alex always went after what she wanted and she never let anyone stand in her way. I do. Because I’m scared of the consequences. I generally do what I’m told, when I’m told. I rarely fight for what I want. And that’s another reason I’m in this mess.”

The way she spoke gave Reid the impression that she’d had this conversation before, whether with herself or with another person. Her voice was tinged heavily with regret but he also got the sense that she knew exactly what her issues were. When some people contemplated suicide, they simply didn’t know why they were sad, they just were. In fact, not knowing what was wrong was more common than actually knowing what was. Persephone seemed to know what her problems were, so if that was the case, why didn’t she change them?

“This…. This is me,” Spencer unlocked the door to his apartment, switching the lights on as he went in.

Pleased his apartment was clean he led her in, watching her go straight to his book case, her eyes flickering over the masses of books.

“You like to read I take it?” her hand trailed across one of the shelves before she moved to the wall next to it, seeing his degrees and certificates which his mother had insisted he display.

“You’re 32… Some of these are dated years ago… Are you some kind of freaky genius Spencer Reid?”

“I don’t believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified….. ” he stopped, seeing the look on her face. “Yes I’m a genius.” Sometimes it was just easier.

“And an FBI agent too,” She’d got to his work based qualifications. “A profiler to be exact. So that’s how you were able to read me earlier then. Interesting.”

She read through the rest of the certificates quickly before spinning to turn him.

“So….. Coffee? I’ve kinda got things to do here.”

“Coffee.. Do you want to come through to the kitchen, Persephone?”

“Sure thing Spencer Reid…. Who clearly does that,” She laughed at her own joke. “Sorry. I’m sure you get that all the time.”

“Not since school actually,“ he clicked his kettle on, spooning coffee into mugs and adding sugar to his before sliding the dish over to her.

“How much sugar? Seriously? Why drink coffee if you ruin the taste of it with all that sweetness?”

“I honestly couldn’t tell you. I’ve always drank it this way, and everyone always comments. It’s just habit more than anything now.”

She ignored the sugar, waiting for him to add the water. She shook her head at the creamer he offered her too choosing to take it black.

“So. Here we are. Drinking coffee,” she raised her mug in the air in a ‘cheers’ motion.

“Persephone…. ” he began, but she cut him off, knowing what was coming.

“Seph. And you said you wouldn’t ask why.”

“Sorry…. I just. I want to understand.” Looking at her now in the harsh light of his kitchen, she seemed familiar. Like he’d met her before somewhere.

“Okay… Fine. There’s lots of contributing factors to my decision Spencer Reid. But the simplest way of explaining it is this: Have you ever known where you are now, and known where you want to be, but you have no idea how to get from A to B? And that not knowing builds and builds and it eats away at you until it consumes you entirely. You know what you should be doing, but you just can’t get there.”

“I can understand that feeling, yes.”

“I knew where I was ten years ago. And I knew what I wanted to be by the time I was 30. And I’ve achieved nothing….. Yes alright, I should be happy, I have parents who love me in their own way, up until this morning I had a fiancé, who for all his flaws was a decent enough human being. And I had the bestest friend in the world up until six months ago. I was working my arse off trying to establish my dream as well. I was….. well I wasn’t happy. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt 100 percent happy with my life. But I was coping. I was getting on with it. And I was working towards my dream that would have made me happy. I was existing in an state that I could live with. Until Alex died and every went tits up. And until I saw this stupid list and realised how much I actually haven’t done. My dead best friend achieved pretty much everything on her list and I probably never will now. My whole life has been planned out for me by my parents, and I’m too chicken shit to go against their plans for me. I want more, I have my own plans and my own ideas. Except I don’t know how to achieve them anymore, I don’t know how to do the things that will make me happy. And if I can’t make myself happy then what’s the point. Why carry on? Why put so much effort into a life that’s not going to reward me because I don’t know how to make it reward me. It’s too hard. And I’m not cut out for it. So why bother?”

To some, she may have sounded like a spoilt brat. She wasn’t admitting to being abused, not saying she had any kind of dependency problem. She simply wanted more out of life than what she was getting, but didn’t know how to get it. Plenty of people would see this as no good reason to end a life. But to her, it was all the reason she needed. Why carry on if she wasn’t excited by life?

Spencer got it. He understood her. He thought he’d have cured schizophrenia by the time he was 25 and he hadn’t. The disappointment he’d felt, the self loathing and lack of purpose. There was definitely more going on though, a deeper layer to the issues. But in the simplest terms, she was holding herself back and she knew it. But she felt crippled, unable to do anything about it for some reason.


“Spencer Reid,” she interjected.

“Why do you call me by my full name?” he asked her suddenly.

“Because I must have told you four times already that it’s Seph. Yet you insist on calling me Persephone. I know what you’re trying to do.”

“I’m not trying to do anything, it’s just a pretty name.”

“It’s a ridiculous name. Especially when it’s paired with my surname,” she scoffed.

“Which is?”

Spencer watched as she reached into her purse, tossing her passport across the table to him.

He flicked it open to the photo page seeing her full name.

Persephone Bella-Morte.

“Stupid isn’t it…. And quite apt really.”

“Bella-Morte…. ” he clicked his fingers as it came to him. “I know who you are. I thought you looked familiar.”

Ice Cream - Thomas Brodie-Sangster

Your name: submit What is this?

Your Last Name: submit What is this?

Your Friend’s Name: submit What is this?

Guys, this started out as a fluff. I had every intention of making it a fluff and well…

I apologize in advance - N x

Thomas and I had just began our relationship. We were pretty good at keeping it at a low profile and under the radar of the public. I was incredibly ordinary; I wasn’t somebody who could be famous nor did I have that interesting of a life. I couldn’t be a celebrity even if I tried.

Thomas, on the other hand, was incredibly talented. He could play the guitar, the drums, he was a brilliant actor. It was no question why he was so successful.

One day, we were incredibly reckless. Thomas had a bad day and I insisted we get ice cream to cheer him up. 

That was when the paparazzi found us.

The next day, our faces were scattered on every magazine cover on every news stand. There were articles all over the internet. Hate on every corner of every social media. Thomas made an effort to cheer me up, to contradict every piece of hate with something good about me. I kept a heavy smile on my face, trying not to look too bothered by it. I tried not to look bothered by the whispers I’d hear when I crossed the street, the looks I’d get at work.

I was walking back into our apartment after getting some ice cream after a hard day at work. I was about to open the door when I heard him on the phone.

“Daniel, I promise you, she doesn’t mean anything to me!” I heard him assure his manager on the phone. He began to pace. “Y/N Y/L/N means absolutely nothing to me. It’s just a fling,” he told him. “I have to go. I’ll talk to you later,” he sighed, exasperated. I took a deep breath. I wiped away some stray tears and I walked in, a smile on my face. “Hello, love. How was work?” He asked me.

“Fine,” I answered cheerfully. I put the ice cream in the freezer. I walked to the bedroom without another word. I began putting my stuff into a bag. My silence piqued Thomas’ curiosity. He walked into the room and furrowed his eyebrows.

“What are you doing?” He asked.


“I can see that, but why?” He chuckled nervously.

“Because I’m leaving the apartment,” I told him.

“What?” He asked, more seriously. “Why?” I walked to the bathroom and grabbed my toiletries and back to the bedroom and stuffed them into my bag.

Obviously, I couldn’t fit everything in my bag, so I don’t brought probably half my clothes, my shoes, my makeup and other necessities.

“Y/N?” He prompted as I zipped up my bag and put its wheels on the floor. I smiled at him.

“Because flings don’t live together, Thomas.” I told him and his eyes widened. I began walking out with my bag.

“Hey. Wait, Y/N, I can explain.”

“I don’t know if you noticed, Thomas, but I’m not asking you to,” I sighed. I put my keys on the table next to the door.

“Y/N, please just let me explain.”

“Explain what?” I laughed. “That every ‘I love you’ you ever said was a lie? That me moving in, everything, it was all just because you were bored?” I asked. “Thanks, Thomas, but I kind of got that.”

“Y/N, that’s not-”

“Don’t you lie to me, Sangster, don’t even dare,” I warned. I chuckled. “You know, I get it. Your famous and talented. You’re perfect. I’m a nobody. I’m incredibly average at everything I do. I’m not pretty, I’m not especially smart, I get it. I’m not special, I never was. It was my own fault for even letting myself believe that you could love somebody like me.” I wiped a tear from my face. “Goodbye, Thomas.” I walked out, closing the door behind me. He didn’t follow me, which was to be expected, I mean, I was just a fling to him.

I took a cab to my best friend’s house and I explained everything. She let me sleep there for as long as I needed to. 

“Thomas, I know what you did, but dammit, she’s watching the tele!” I could hear F/N whisper into her phone. I wanted to ignore it, but I couldn’t help but listen in. “No! It’s not normal! It’s Y/N! She never watches TV! She streams all her shows on her laptop so she doesn’t have to watch the commercials! I’ve known her for five years and this is the first time I’ve ever seen her hold the remote for cable!” She sighed. “You know what, if you don’t come yourself, I will drag you here myself!” She hung up. I rolled my eyes and just kept watching TV.

In that hour, I learned that I like marble countertops in my kitchen, and that if I had a backsplash, I’d make them white subway tiles.

“How long has she been like this?” I heard a familiar voice whisper. I was still on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels.

“An hour of flipping channels. Before that she was watching HGTV. Before that, she was flipping through channels since she got here,” F/N whispered back. “You have to fix this, Thomas. She’s… she’s… broken or something.”

“I’m unresponsive, not deaf,” I croaked out. My voice was completely monotone.

“She speaks, apparently,” F/N muttered. “I’ll leave you two alone-”

“Leave us alone and I’ll be baking you pies, cakes, and other pastries until February 30.”

“You mean 28 or 29?”

“No, I mean 30. Three-Zero,” I clarified. I tore my gaze from the tele and looked at my ex and my best friend. “If you didn’t understand, because I find that at least one person in this room and I are prone to having misunderstandings about commitment and what I mean when I say things that even hint at forever, I mean that I’ll be baking. In your house. Forever. I’ll never stop. Well, maybe I’d stop after a week because I’d die of dehydration,” I muttered the last part. I looked back at the tele.

“Y/N,” Thomas began.

“Yes?” I rose an eyebrow.

“Don’t screw this up. This is the most she’s spoken since she explained the whole mess. If you screw up, she may never speak again,” F/N whispered, only half-jokingly.

“No pressure then,” Thomas muttered.

“Oh, no, definitely pressure.” F/N and I answered.

“Okay, F/N, you can go now,” I dismissed. I barely finished what I was saying before she bolted out of the room thanking god. I switched off the TV and stood up, my arms crossed as I looked at my ex.

“I just… I thought you were unhappy. I thought that if I said what I did it would make people leave you alone,” Thomas blurted out. I scoffed and shook my head.

“Thomas, you’re right about one thing. I was unhappy, but I didn’t need you to deny the gravity of our relationship to the world,” I told him. “I was still okay. I was unhappy about the hate, but I wasn’t unhappy about you. You lit up my life. I could deal with it if I had you. So, hearing you say what you did on that day… It tore me apart because then it came to my attention that I didn’t have you. I never did.”


“I just… I didn’t need it. Any of it. To be looked at like I was a gold digger at work. That I wanted fame or money. I didn’t need it. I didn’t need to overhear you say that I never meant anything to you. I didn’t need you to even-” I stopped myself because if I continued, I’d begin to cry.

“What did you need then?” He asked. I shook my head. He just broke my heart. I wasn’t just going to open up again the minute he says he’s sorry. For all I knew, he didn’t mean it. Maybe he still thought this was a fling.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Shut me out the minute we’re getting somewhere. You know,” he sighed. He was getting frustrated. “Don’t assume that I wouldn’t understand, either. You don’t know me, Y/N! You can’t dictate what I can and can’t understand! You can’t dictate what I-”

“I needed you!” I screamed, sick of all the yelling. He was silenced as I began to cry. “At the end of what was a really, really bad day, all I needed was you. I just needed you to hug me or laugh or watch a movie or eat pizza and ice cream with me. I needed you, but what I got was you talking on the phone telling someone that I meant nothing to you. Do you have any idea-” I stopped myself. I wiped my tears. “God, Thomas, you killed me,” I whimpered. “You took my heart and you threw it on the floor, stepped on it, incinerated it, and scattered its ashes. I… you were everything to me. You were my universe. I was in Thomasland with the population of probably 20 billion girls, but even then, you chose me,” I looked at him. “Well, what’s what I thought.”

“I told you. I did it for you-”

“No, Thomas. If you did it for me, you would have spoken to me before that and at least warned me about what you were going to say because you’d know that if I ever heard you, I’d be crushed.”

“Are you insinuating that I did it on purpose?” He asked. 

“I’m saying that maybe a part of you did it on purpose.” With that sentence, the house went so quiet, you could hear a pin drop from the second floor.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he spoke. I looked at him sadly.

“I know that maybe another part of you doesn’t… but another part of you does and that part was big enough to ruin our relationship,” I admitted.

“Why are you talking like it already has? Like it’s already over?” He asked. Tears began to well up in his eyes and I sobbed. I shook my head, looking down before looking back at him.

“Because it is.” I sobbed. “It was over the minute I heard you say that I was nothing to you.”

“But I love you.”

“Don’t say that,” I pleaded. He took my wrists.

“I love you.”

“Stop!” I told him. I looked at him. “You can’t do that.”


“Because you don’t love me the way I love you!” I cried. “If the roles were reversed, Thomas, I wouldn’t have called my agent or my manager to tell them you meant nothing to me. I’d go online, on a livestream or something and tell everybody the exact opposite; how you’re everything to me. I wouldn’t care if it gave me bad press, because I love you so much that if that was what I had to do, I’d do it. No questions asked.” I put my hand on his cheek. “God, Thomas, I love you so much it hurts.”

“Are you asking me to give up my career for you?” He asked. I shook my head.

“God, no. What I’m saying is that if it were the other way around, I care for you way too much, love you way too much, that if it happened I wouldn’t use it to get good cred about being some stud.” He shut his eyes and tears rolled down his cheeks. I wiped them away gently and I pressed my lips to his forehead, tears of my own streaming down my face. “You should go.” He nodded. I stepped away from him, my hands now at my sides. He began to walk away. He was at the door when he turned around to look at me.

“Good bye, Y/N.” He choked out. I closed my eyes, biting my lips as tears continued to flow down my face.

“Good bye, Thomas.” With that, he walked away.

I haven’t seen him since.

Sassy horned owl and floating lettuces.