2shanez

Woo. So, I’m home tonight. I honestly don’t mind flyin’ solo. But I guess I’m disappointed that I don’t have the guts to actually say that I didn’t go to Winter Ball because I know we can’t afford it. I know my parents would try to find the money anyways if I asked, but their 20th is next week so I don’t want them to waste money. It’s best I just wait til I have a job and can pay for myself. I haven’t updated in a long time. But I guess now would be a good time. Cause I’m kind of really sick of feeling alone. I’m so fake it’s not even funny. I get that’s what happens when you’re crazy and stop taking your pills. Depression is supposed to be a normal thing but I don’t think anyone ever stops to think about how serious it is. I see people from school talk about it all the time online, but it makes me wonder if they go through the same thing I do. I actually HOPE they go through the same thing I do. Because that helps me feel a little bit normal-er. But I don’t think people break down almost weekly. To the point they can’t breath and start hyperventilating. The point their arms get numb. They hate themselves so much it feels like it’s just better to end things. But they’re too scared to actually hurt themselves. That they’re so scared of criticism that they get dizzy. That they don’t wanna eat some days. It’s kinda obvious that these examples are getting a little too personal. So, if you’re reading this don’t be worried. If I can even post, this that means I’m just a little bit better. Because I’m scared to share these kind of things. I’m scared of looking like I’m an angst-filled, attention seeking teen. Or like I’m crazy. But hopefully at least my best-est friend, who has some insight, won’t see me differently. Probably won’t update for a looooong while, so good evening San Diego!