2:17 am here and i think it's not a good time to post stuff


Hello everyone. 2016 was a good year to me and i decided to make a thank you post for everyone who made my 2016 as good as it was despite all the shit that happened. if i forgot anyone im deeply sorry.

here we go :

Fave Phan blogs of 2016 –thank you for all the phan content on my dash-:

@dil-no, @angel-bean-d-slice, @internetcultleader

Fave non-kpop blogs of 2016 – thank you so much for bringing some aesthetically pleasing content and info to my dashboard- :

@beeclub, @rnashallah, @baesmillah, @softporn, @htttps.

Fave source blogs of 2016 –aka the blogs I rely on heavily and I thank you so much for uploading so much and keeping me in the loop of info and fantaken photos- :

@fyseokmin , @cottoncandycarat, @purplegirl-stuff, @int-carats, @what17says

Fave girl group blogs –tbh I need more girl group love in 2017- thank you for always reblogging and posting amazing girl group content :

@kgirlsquad, @eunjiyas.

Fave writers/fic blogs of 2016 –I love every single piece you wrote I adore you and you guys are my role model! Thank you for the amazing fics-:

@svtnimagines, @17mounteens, @vixx17andbtsimagines, @svt-husbands,

@horoscoups //I honestly didn’t know in what category to put you I hope you don’t mind//.

Fave humorous kpop blogs of 2016 –honestly your memes/jokes got me laughing in bad days thank you-:

@luvmyfunnykpop, @incorrect7teen, @amemericans, @lolfunnykpop.

Fave blogs of 2016, senpais, friends, gif makers, the blessing of fandoms and more –thank you so much for filling and brightening my day and dash you are amazing and you look beautiful every single day, 17/10 blogs would always recommend–:

@jejuboos, @floraljeonghan, @zeungkwan@bijoujisoo, @kimbap-uh-kidding, @youngmangos, @amillionwon, @starryjunhui, @jackoffjae, @honeyboobooseungkwan, @mangopixies, @vitaminhoshi, @wooziology, @hannie-jars, @wonnhao, @chasingyoungjae, @mc-gyu, @minghaeo, @lilchubchim, @c0ups, @converseconvict, @danisnotonnfire, @hanwooz, @eatmark, @seungkvvan, @leehongbins, @ottokaji-vixx, @actualminghao, @sandeulsbeautifultarget, @j-holy, @awwfuckno, @hypertone, @haramqueen, @merribaozy, @influentyeol, @cutiepatoodie, @linnilinh, @once-upon-a-nugget, @of-yehets-and-ohorats, @vitaminniedk, @eetjin, @junhan, @hughosh.

Fave followes of 2016, in 2016 ive gained over 120 new followers and tbh you guys made my year and I love you dearly:

@grapefruit-kwan, @tea-tiffuku, @mingyoose, @suni-hye, @angelyoons, oetori137, @chentangled, @golden-boo, @tsunderetrashheap, @red-raindrops, @ttamagucci, @crumbsyboo, @williane18, @boo-dynasty, @c0unter-fucks, @ink7, @floweringstarlight.

Fave people I met on tumblr 2016, I would like to take the time to thank them personally so if you wanna continue reading it will be under the cut:

Keep reading

Second Thoughts: A Fan Sequel to First Times

Hey fandom,

What you’re about to read was inspired by the definitive raistafina fanfic, ‘First Times’. Full credit to JenKenLee for that, and for any bits of backstory that pop up in this fan sequel. 

I’m not your typical raistafina shipper, having not been aware of this whole subgenre until after the Rio games - but ‘First Times’ was so well written, I felt it deserved some kind of reprise. Nothing will ever top FT so I’m not even going to try. Still hoping Second Times is a-coming, but for now this will have to do…

Some notes on the controversy over whether raistafina should even be a thing:

  • I’m aware some people think raistafina fics should just die, and actually agree with some of the points being made, e.g. some of the writing out there isn’t what I’d want written about myself at all, if I was an actual kick-ass gymnast. And echoing what someone else said, what goes on in the ship should stay in the ship (seriously.. life is crazy enough for these girls without being asked questions about the stuff that’s written about them online).
  • You won’t find hardcore NC-17 smut here. (You also won’t find squeaky clean Disney.) I’m more interested in the raw human dynamics that let fly when high-stakes elite gymnastics and strong personalities collide. I think there’s a way to write about this subject matter with respect (yes, even when the characters are based on real life people).
  • Having said that, I know some will hate it regardless of how it’s written. To that, I’d just offer up a good-natured ‘to each their own.’

Right, disclaimer speak over. What follows is the prologue to what may potentially become a running sequel, depending on if there are any readers out there… and depending on the business of life in general… Enjoy :)

P.S. I have zero knowledge of Russian beyond what I manage to scrounge up on Google. I’m also not a gymnastics guru. Tips welcome.


Links to: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Prologue: Business

The second thought that crosses Aliya Mustafina’s mind after being roused from her not-so-deep sleep — the first being ‘chyort…’ (damn…) — is to give up on the endeavor entirely. The incessant humming of the plane engine ensured that not once in the last 15 hours since departing Moscow had she gotten anything resembling ‘rest’. She knew she would need plenty of that if she was going to survive the next few weeks.

Another two hours pass. Aliya shifts uncomfortably in her admittedly spacious seat, feeling the plane begin its descent. She slips her well-worn copy of Anna Karenina back into her backpack — cliché, she knows. Nothing really beats the prosaism of a Russian-jacket-wearing Russian gymnast reading a quintessential Russian classic. It can’t be helped; after all these years, it’s still her favorite book for the road. Who doesn’t like being immersed in the tragic chronicles of a woman struggling to throw off the strictures society is bent on saddling her with? 

Peering out the tiny oval window, Aliya takes in the sea of bright lights, the brightest cluster of them dotting the contours of Rio de Janeiro’s beautiful coastline. Her heart rate picks up a little — this is it.

“Cabin crew, please prepare for landing.”

Turning to her right, she looks over at where Seda sits, head tilted back against a Pikachu-emblazoned travel pillow, mouth hanging wide open. Totally passed out. Aliya feels a smile tug at her lips, and reaches over to gently pull up the woolly blanket slipping down Seda’s shoulders. The baby of the team stirs and mumbles something incoherent (“cookies?” Aliya hears), but remains about as conscious as an Egyptian queen. The mummified kind.

After quickly snapping a photo of Sedate Seda that she fully intends to post on Instagram later, Aliya sinks back into her seat, absentmindedly staring past her own reflection in the window.

It’s been a whirlwind few days —or rather, few weeks. Okay, a raging what-the-actual-what! few years. (Most of) the Russian team had been given the green light to compete in the Olympics just days before. Aliya remembered the overwhelming torrent of mixed feelings that swept over her when she found out her team would be jetting off to South America after all. Angry, because so much of the frenzied foreign media coverage on the high-level drug scandal seemed set on smearing the reputations of every Russian athlete, including the innocent ones; vindicated, because she and the girls had been killing themselves to train for these Games; pumped, because she’d been given another chance to prove to all the doubters that injuries weren’t going to keep her from fighting for her share of more Olympic glory; scared, because of what — and who — happened four years ago in London…

Grimacing, Aliya forces her mind to back away from London. She didn’t want to go there. Luckily, the French accent-tinged English of a pleasant baritone snaps her out of her thoughts.

“Miss, can I get you anything before we land?” The chisel-faced Lufthansa flight attendant who has been surreptitiously flirting with Aliya since the plane took off peers down at her, his eyes trained on her face. He’s holding some orange pieces of paper in his hand.

“No, I am good,” Aliya says curtly. She had caught only a few words of what he had said, but it was enough, combined with the tone of his voice, to understand what he was asking.

He gives her a slight nod but his feet stay rooted to the spot, as if waiting — or willing — for her to say more.

“Uh… thank you. I am good.” Aliya feels a blush creeping up her cheeks, realising that her first response probably made her sound like a queen bitch telling a particularly useless manservant to please just step off a cliff. She tries to ameliorate the situation by looking up and flashing him a winning smile. He has been very attentive for the entirety of the flight, after all.

Chisel Face (he had introduced himself before, but Aliya hadn’t bothered to commit his name to memory) breaks into a pearly-teethed grin. “Did you finish your book?”

“My book?” Aliya says, momentarily thrown. Then it dawns on her that he had noticed her burrowing into her novel. And probably noticed a lot of other things too. She does a slight mental smirk. He’s not what you would call beautiful, but he has a certain slick charm about him. She’ll play along for now.

“No, not finish. But I read, many times. Anna Karenina is… deep. Many people, many… meanings.” He nods as she speaks, clearly not really comprehending her words so much as drinking in the way her voice lilted over the English language, infusing each syllable with a certain deliberate, commanding Russian air. Whenever she paused in search of the right translated word, it only added to the pensive aura she seemed to so naturally exude. And when she settled on one finally, but knew it didn’t quite convey the full force of her original meaning, her already dark eyes would cloud over even more with barely restrained frustration.

And those lips… 

Meanwhile, Aliya registers the all-too-familiar blank look on his face and only just stops herself from rolling her eyes. Why does she even bother?

Recovering himself slightly, Chisel Face suddenly remembers the other reason for stopping by in the first place. He carefully leans over a groggy but now definitely conscious Seda to hand Aliya some immigration forms.

“We’ll be landing soon. You’ll need these.”

Aliya thanks him, and watches as he gives her a suspiciously rehearsed wink (ugh) and continues down the aisle to distribute forms to other passengers. By now, Seda is fully alert. And shooting Aliya a smug-filled ‘I see what you did there’ look.

Aliya smacks Seda over the head.

“When we were flying over the Canary Islands, I thought you’d passed on into the afterlife. You didn’t even feel anything when the flight attendant shook you to wake you up for dinner.” As Aliya speaks, her fingers instinctively move to smooth out several escapee strands of hair matted against her diminutive teammate’s forehead.

“Which flight attendant? The one who was about to get down on one knee just then?” Seda pokes Aliya’s arm playfully. “The one you would have totally jumped if I wasn’t in the way?” She stops mid-tease, brow furrowed. “Wait, that’s so cool we flew over the Canary… actually, never mind. You were SO into him!”

Aliya raises a perfectly-shaped eyebrow. “You think I’m that easy? Please. He can get in line.” Seda struggles to think of a snappy retort. She can’t. There is definitely a line — one populated by a string of smitten Russian celebrities, sons of oil barons, a few fellow Olympians, even an up-and-coming Russian genius on the verge of discovering the cure for cancer… or something. Not to mention the hoards of fans — some genuinely nice, some downright creepy. 

Point taken. There is a line, and it was going to take a lot more than smart flight attendant attire, constant drink re-fills and well-practised winks to pique Aliya’s interest.

A hellishly lot more.

“Here — we have to fill these in. I’ve got pens… We’re officially going to be in Rio soon!” Even the normally composed Aliya Mustafina can’t contain the waves of adrenaline coursing through her at the thought of another Olympics. She moves to hand Seda one of the orange forms, but not before another piece of paper with something scrawled on one side drops onto Seda’s open table tray.

Instinctively, Seda grabs the paper and brings it up to her eyes. Squinting in the dim light, she quickly scans it, and moments later lets out something between a high-pitched squeak and a gleeful guffaw. It’s as she expected: a carefully hand-written phone number complete with international code, an email address, and several social media handles (most on sites Aliya doesn’t even use). Then in capitals: JACQUE MOREAU. And underneath Chisel Face’s actual name, in script befitting of a Russian pre-schooler: Ты такая красивая.

Aliya calmly plucks the paper out of a giggling Seda’s hand, scrunches it up, and lets it drop to the floor of the plane.

She has business to get on with in Rio.

hawkstorm1622  asked:

So, I'm budgeting hedgehog prices, and so far, it's totaled to about $375, including $200 for the actual hedgie. I've figured out a few things that lowered the price considerably, including feeding the hedgehog the same food as my dog (which I made sure is okay for it!!). Are there any good brands or tips to lower the price even more? I'm willing to message you or something to get you more in-depth about what I've managed to budget. :) Thank you!

I am glad that you’ve thought this out so well. Getting a hedgehog can be very very expensive. Budgeting yourself is a great way to figure out if a hedgehog is right for you. There are a ton of products out there that are available, but are they really worth it? Can I make something myself that will be just as pet-safe, yet less expensive? For some things, yes. For other items, it may be worth investing in a high quality item.

Things to Save Money on:

The Cage:

Cages bought in the store can be very expensive. The type and size that is suitable for a hedgehog can range anywhere between $75-$180. But do you need to buy it in the store? No. Look on Craigslist. I bought my first cage off of Craigslist. It cost me $30. New it would have cost me $80.

Another cheeper option is to build a cage. C&C cages are a very common build for hedgehogs. I will link you to another post I made on C&C cages. I explain them in much greater detail. The cube metal shelving will range anywhere between $15-30. As for the coroplast, that cost ranges depending on where you live. But you don’t have to use coroplast. I have a C&C cage and I currently use extra laminate flooring as my base that I got for free from my work. And zip ties are cheap to buy practically anywhere.


This stuff is costly over time regardless of which type you buy. I used to use a recycled paper bedding that was roughly $20 a bag. I went through a bag about every two months. Over the course of one year, I had spent over $100 on the stuff. Eventually I said enough with this. Time to find a better, more cost effective method.

I now use fleece and fleece strips as my cage liner and ‘bedding’. Goodwill is your new best friend. Seriously. I purchased two fleece blankets from there and cut them up into large rectangles for my liner and then tediously sliced a butt-ton of little strips (1 inch wide by 3-4 inches long) to stuff in my hedge’s house as warm bedding. I just wash them in my washing machine, putting the tiny strips into a delicate’s bag (like you would do if you were washing a bra). And voila! Reusable bedding. Just make sure you shake them out and inspect them throughly for quills before washing them.


Make them yourself. The ever classic toilet paper roll is a great example. Just be sure to cut a slit all the way down the side so your hedge doesn’t get his/her head stuck. Take used up tissue boxes and cut holes in them to make fun tunnels. Get creative.

Food/Water Bowls:

I have no earthly idea why pet stores think I was going to buy tiny bowls for my hedgehog at $5+ a piece. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Again, Goodwill is your friend. I purchased two ceramic ramekins from Goodwill for roughly $1.25 a piece. Boom. Bowls. Done.

Items Worth Investing $$$:

Heating Source:

Whether you purchase a space heater or a CHE (ceramic heat emitter) system, this is the one hedgehog necessity worth every penny. Hedgehogs must be maintained at temperatures between 73-80 degrees F. Temperatures below 70 can trigger your hedgehog to attempt hibernation and possibly die from hypothermia and/or starvation. Even drastic changes in temperature can trigger the response, so it is very important to keep the cage temperature at a constant warm level. I personally use a CHE system, which I bought as a bundle from my hedgehog breeder for about $80. You can find all the parts (bulb, dome, rheostat, and temperature gage) necessary for a CHE system in the reptile section of your local pet store. I’ve made a video explaining the different parts of a CHE system to which I’ll link you here.


Hedgehogs need a wheel to run on. In the wild hedgehog’s can run up to several miles at night in search for food. It’s good for hedgehogs to remain a at healthy weight and not turn into a fat spiky lump. Hedgehog’s require wheels that are at least 12 inches in diameter. These can range anywhere from $17-35. The basic silent spinners are fine to use (but their name is misleading - not completely silent. At all.) A popular brand that hedgehog owners use is a Carolina Storm Wheel (CSW Wheel) that you can purchase on of their website. I don’t have one myself. But i really really want one. ;)


I know you mentioned that you had already decided on a food. Dog food is fine to feed hedgehogs as long as the protein levels are high enough, and the fat and fiber content is low enough. I’ll link you to my post about a hedgehog’s proper diet here. Most people feed their hedgehogs cat food mainly because the kibble pieces are small enough for the hedgehog to chew. But if you have a small kibble dog food that’s not a problem.

Buying a separate food for your hedgehog may not be as expensive as you think. Because hedges only eat 1-2 tablespoons of food a day, a whole bag of cat food lasts you for several months. I buy the small (3.5 lbs) bag of cat food (at ~ $13 a bag) at that lasts me about 3-4 months. Something to think about.

I hope this helps. Feel free to ask more questions if you have them.

anonymous asked:

So what will happen in rebirth? How will it be different?

It’s up in the air right now, but I’ll bullet point what I do know.

  • DC will release official information about creative teams on March 26th. Until then, we have no clue who the writers are on most titles.
  • Rebirth officially starts on May 25th. It’s a one-shot 80 page comic called Rebirth #1 written by Geoff Johns.
  • Price drops!!! A few years ago, DiDio promised they wouldn’t raise their comic book prices. This was shortly followed by them raising their comic book prices. In Rebirth, everything is returning to the standard $2.99, even the big hits like Batman and JL. Thank God.
  • Action Comics and Detective Comics are being renumbered. This is the one that’s holding my interest hostage. Action Comics ended on issue #904 back when the New 52 started, and it’s being renumbered at #957 this upcoming June, which makes up for all the issues missed in between. Detective Comics is returning to issue #934. This suggests that DC is telling the truth about wanting to ‘get in touch with their history,’ but it’s also a pretty simple move since it’s only two titles getting the change. What bugs me is that I don’t see DC doing something similar for Wonder Woman’s title, but that aside, this looks promising.
  • There’s two new Titan titles. There will be a Teen Titans title and a Titans title, which implies two generations of Titans. We have no clue what the line ups actually are, but it has been rumored that Kory will be returning to the Titans. I’m crossing my fingers for Roy, Donna, Wally, Garth, etc, as well. For Teen Titans, it’s unclear whether we’ll see Tim Drake or Damian, but my intuition is pointing toward Tim. The fact that there’s going to be two ongoing Titans titles seems like another show of good faith to return to DC’s roots.
  • Bi-monthly comics will be released starting in June. There’s 15 monthly titles, 17 bi-monthly titles, and 23 one-shot ‘Rebirth specials’ coming this summer. It looks like the bi-monthly titles are intended for the long-term foreseeable future, but we’ll see how that works out.
  • The bi-monthly comics being released are: Aquaman, Batman, Flash, Green Arrow, Green Lanterns, Superman, Wonder Woman, Action Comics, Detective Comics, Hal Jordan & the Green Lantern Corps, Justice League, Nightwing (I’m so proud of you, Dick. Look at you hitting it off with the Justice Leaguers, getting your own bi-monthly title, you go, babe–), Cyborg, Deathstroke, Harley Quinn, Justice League America, and Suicide Squad.
  • Dick Grayson is returning to Nightwing. I could sing. I will sing. I’m singing.
  • Batgirl will be part of a Birds of Prey title. We don’t know whether Babs will be her old self again or if there’s opportunities for her to return to Oracle, but it’s a nice step forward.
  • Batwoman, Catwoman and Midnighter are noticeably absent. These are all LGBT led titles. Batwoman was canceled a while back with sales below the 15k mark, while Catwoman and Midnighter are currently both below the 15k mark as well. With low sales, there’s less of a chance of seeing them return. We’ll very likely see them as supporting characters in other titles, and it’s still possible for them to debut later. Harley Quinn is still leading her title where I assume she’ll remain as LGBT rep with Poison Ivy. Earth-2 also has LGBT rep with Alan Scott, but it’s unclear what direction that will go in.
  • Geoff Johns said, "[The renumbering] alone, even though it seems small, I think it’s a huge symbol of what we’re trying to do. I realize that people will be skeptical, they’ve heard it before, they think they’ve read everything– I totally get that and appreciate and understand it. They should be skeptical! It’s up to all of us to make our respective books worth your time and money. That’s on all of us as individual creators. Jay [Fabok] and I try our best to make ‘Justice League’ a book worth the time and money. Everyone has the same goal. To earn it. To give you something that only DC Comics can give you. With ‘DC Universe Rebirth,’ I absolutely will.“ 

– I really like the tone here, and Geoff Johns is a creator I can trust. DiDio has released statements about Rebirth as well, but it’s all the typical generic DiDio buzz word type stuff he usually says where he talks about how great DC is, so I immediately dismissed it. I feel like Geoff Johns is being authentic here. The fact that he’s saying we have a right to be skeptical tells me that he’s aware of the tension between DC and its fanbase, and I like that he’s emphasizing that it’s their job to earn our money. I respect the acknowledgement alone honestly. (Motion to promote Geoff Johns to DC’s primary PR speaker, say aye.)

I think that covers the core stuff. [x] [x]

I have a very difficult time trusting DC, but I am lowkey excited about this event. Geoff Johns has been in the comic industry for over a decade and he’s one of the writers who fought Dan DiDio over the idea of killing Nightwing, so I love him for that alone. Seeing him play such a big role in this event is making me optimistic. I don’t care too much about some fundamental changes in the timeline, but I do care about characterization and salvaging iconic relationships between characters. DC has suggested they’re bringing back “legacy,” and this makes it sound like the DC family units are being restored. That’s more than I could have hoped for, but we really won’t know anything for sure until we hear more.

Although some people have suggested that Rebirth is still New 52 continuity, I don’t think that’s what this is. I don’t think it will be Pre-52 continuity either, but I do think DC is looking to blend both of those continuities into one. Rebirth will probably focus on establishing a Pre-52 foundation while integrating New 52 characters and storylines into that foundation. That’s my theory anyway. I think it’s the smartest move for DC since their sales have frankly been dwindling for several months now. I also think that’s why DC is returning to a flat rate of $2.99 per comic. I’m getting the vibe that the upper heads of DC or WB stepped in, and one of those ripple effects seems to be an attempt to regain trust between the company and its fanbase. Dropping the prices of their comics comes across as a show of good faith and an attempt to rekindle trust with their fans. The general nature of renumbering part of their line back to Pre-52 numbers and reinstating DC legacy characters is also indicative of them trying to listen to fan concerns that have been voiced for years now.

This is an unexpected change of attitude coming from DC, and while I am very cautious about how this will unfold and don’t think every fan will get what they want, I have to admit that DC has my rapt attention, which is groundbreaking tbh.

Frequently Asked Questions

How did I loose all of the weight? I’m the type of person that can’t live off of just healthy foods, because I love food:p and every time I would start a diet I would practically starve myself by eating just vegetables, and then stick to it for about two weeks at most and then give up. But then finally I realized that wasn’t working. So I remembered one time my dad had brought home lean cuisines because he was going out of town for business, so he bought a bunch of stuff for us to eat for a quick dinner, and I remembered how good it was it was just portion controlled. So I went shopping at target and picked out a bunch of both lean cuisine and smart ones meals. Also I got lean pockets. For breakfast I would have either a lean pocket or a smart ones breakfast (they had waffles, egg sandwhiches, pancakes, etc.) and for lunch I normally would have a lean pocket, and for dinner one of the lean cuisine or smart ones meals. This diet worked wonders for me because i still was able to eat all of my favorite foods, it just was portion controlled. I cut out soda and any drink with calories completely. I could only have a certain amount of calories a day and i didn’t want to waste it on drinks. If I got hungry I would freeze grapes, and when I was hungry eat about a cup full and they were so good! A good snack while watching tv or doing homework. I drank ALOT of water and even more sparkling water. If you haven’t tried it I definitely suggest it. Its sold in 1 liter bottles and also small bottles, I would drink probably about two-three liters a day. After I ate, or at night time when I was still feeling hungry I would drink a liter of this and feel full. For snacks besides the grapes I would also have apples, kiwi, granola bars, etc. Its mostly whatever satisfies you and is at the same time Healthy. If I ever had a sweet tooth i would buy sweet tasting gum, and chew that.

Did I ever cheat? Nope. Everyone is different, but I’m the type of person that once I taste it I cant stop, so I didn’t want to take the chance.  I know its so hard especially around your family when their eating badly, but thats when you can exercise. I would eat with my family my lean cuisine, and then once I was done I would go for a run.

What type of exercises did I do? Mostly Cardio. The elliptical, treadmill and bike. Also like I said I would go for runs, Whenever my family would eat dessert or something that tempted me, I would use that opportunity to run, Just make a really cool playlist and jam out ! I could never run the whole time, so I would run during the chorus and walk or power walk during the rest of the song.

How often did I exercise? Honestly not that much. I was 16-17 during my diet so I didn’t drive yet. I would go to the gym whenever someone else was going in my family and I would go on runs, probably I went to the gym about 2-3 times a week. But also when I was at my heaviest weight I did NOTHING. So this was a big difference.

How long did it take? I started September 2011 and reached my goal weight in June 2012, it took about 9 months

How much weight did I loose?/What was my starting and current weight? My starting weight was 295 pounds. My goal weight was 150, I lost 145 pounds in the nine months. But from around January 2013- June 2013 lost another 20 for prom season and have been maintaining it at 130 pounds.

Do I have loose skin? unfortunately, yes. I have loose skin on my arms, thighs and of course I had a lot on my stomach but over the summer had my skin tightened. I had so much loose skin and I work in retail and am constantly on my feet so my back would be killing me! also I kept getting rashes from it because the skin hung and especially in the summer time, it was uncomfortable. So I went to a doctor to talk about it and it would be covered under insurance.(If anyone has this issue currently and needs help how to go about it just ask, I’ll help you because I know its a stressful process) Also, my boobs-_- yes they got saggy and smaller. I’m not ashamed to admit that though, because I want you all to know what may happen, and I’ve worked so hard for this body and am done being ashamed of it. But the way I look at it, all of this can be covered by clothes, the only one who will see you nude is your significant other, and if this bothers them, fuck them, you deserve someone who loves you for you, because personally, I think my scars from the surgery and my stretch marks are all battle wounds of how much i’ve been threw, and it makes me unique;) And, wow. That was a really bad run on sentence. 

Do I have an instagram? Yes. my username is jayjanix. but just a heads up I’m not one of those healthy posters on instagram lol, In fact I don’t post anything healthy, my most recent post was curly fries and a selfie… so just to warn you.

How do I maintain my weight now? I’m in college, so it’s def hard, but so far so good. I have a scale up here, so I kind of eat what I want, but not like huge portions of it, and just make suire to weigh myself every couple of days, if I ever get at a weight I don’t like I eat healthy for the next couple days and maybe go to the gym(thats a lie I probably will not go to the gym, but it’s always an option in my head) How tall am I? I’m 5’9:)

Matthew Espinosa - Schools Badass

A/N: hey guys I’m extremely sorry that I’m taking long to update and I’m only writing / updating every two weeks. The reason being that is because I had exams and my bday is coming up so I don’t want to leave on vacation with bad marks.. I hope you guys understand. You know what to do. Let me know if you want part 3 ? Also REQUESTS ARE OPEN ..Anyways let’s get into the story :) .xxx love you guys.

Part 1 (Part 2)

I made my way towards my locker to place my books and stuff in. I sighed in relief as I placed the last book into my locker. Just as I shut my locker, now standing infront of me is same boy who was in the office. I jumped back a bit from his appearance. “Oh my god. Please don’t do that..” I said standing up straight and straightening myself. “Sorry babe but I didn’t get to know your name.” as he said, the bell had rang. “Bye !” I said winking at him and walking past him.

I made my way towards my first class. Which is English. Well nothing to bad to start a day especially a first. I entered the class and well luckily their was only a few students so I didn’t receive much stares from others. Which I was happy about. 3 minutes later everyone started to pile up into class and just when I thought I don’t have to see him, I was wrong.. Turns out were in the same class. Just great he comes to sit next to me. I ignore his glance and my gaze moves towards the front of the class in hopes the teacher comes through the door this minute. Luckily she did. She greeted us and we greeted her. Until she had settled down and mentioned something I was hoping she didn’t..”Okay class so most of you may have taken into our new student Y/N she’s new and moved here recently so be nice to her” she said chuckling and I smiling in my direction. “Would you like to tell us about your yourself Y/N ?” she asked in a pleading smile… I’d rather not. I slowly got up from my chair and made my way towards the front of the class.”Uhh okay.. Hi I’m Y/N I’m 17 years old at the moment and just moved here since my parents got promoted.. Uhh that’s all I have now”I said shyly turning my gaze towards the teacher. “Aww don’t worry it’s fine you may sit down now. Thank you Y/N” she said. I was grateful enough that she wasn’t like some teachers who make you explain your entire autobiography to the class. I sat in my place and just what I expected. Matt leans into me and whispers “Love the name babe” and turns towards me and winks. Can he not.

*Matt’s P.O.V*
This class was starting to bore me by the minute. On second thought every class does. But one thing that I couldn’t get off my mind was Y/N she’s so beautiful, her name, her eyes , her lips.. Everything about her is perfect. This rarely happens to me. I know I’m the type of guy that drives girls in school crazy and stuff but this time it’s different. What has happened to me ? Is Y/N the one ? Will she change my life ?

The bell had rung indicating its time for lunch. The teacher dismissed us and everyone quickly made their way out. I made my towards the cafeteria finding my boys at our table. “Hey guys” I said sitting with them. “Hey” they all replied. “Yo ! Guys did you see the new girl ? She’s so hot” Nash said. I was looking at my phone until I heard Nash’s remark and turned my gaze towards what the guys were all looking at. Great. Their looking at Y/N. “Guys back off she’s mine” I scoffed with a hint of sarcasm. “Oh yeah ? And how is that so ? She just got here !!” Jack J said. “Well.. She isn’t.. Yet ! Though she will be mine.” I said. “Oh I would like to see this.. Lover boy” Carter said earning laughs from the others. “Watch me.” I said getting up and making my way towards Y/N.

*Y/N’s P.O.V*
Luckily I had brought lunch so I didn’t have to have this terrible food. I sat alone at a table on the far left corner of the cafeteria. I was enjoying the silence and being alone until 3 girls approached me catching my gaze towards them. “Uhh may I help you ?” I asked. “No. But maybe you can help us.” A brunette said. They seated down in front of me. “My name is Rachel, that’s Chloé and Sabrina” said the brunette appointing out her friends ; Chloé the blonde and Sabrina who is a brunette but has dip dyed hair. “Okay so we know that Matt and his friends like you” said Chloé. “And how do you know that..?” I asked. “Their staring right in your direction of course they like you” said Sabrina making my gaze turn to the boys staring right back at me. “Okay so one way or another those boys over their, one of them is gonna use you and that is for their popularity, I’m pretty sure your wondering how I know this and this is because all 3 of us dated one of them.” said Rachel. Wow. I’m guessing these are the populars talking to me now if I’m not mistaken. “Okay and what am I supposed to do ?” I asked eating my food. I think I’m pissing them of but whatever. “We need you to date one of them, use them like how they used almost every girl in the school and make them feel pain !” said Sabrina smashing her fist onto the table. How did I get in this and why am I even here ? “So you want me to fake date one of them, use them, break them and make them feel pain. Because girls should know what they do ?” I asked stating the obvious. “My point exactly” said Chloé. I just came here for a good education and pass for the sake of my parents and I, and now I have to do this. “I don’t know hey..” I said looking down. “You don’t HAVE to do it but it you want to, it will be the best thing ever.” said Rachel looking at me pleading I say yes and emphasising ‘have’. They were starting to to get up and leave. “Think about it…we’re giving you till the next break.” said Sabrina. “Fine !… I’ll do it” I said stopping them dead in their tracks. They started screaming earning glares from people in the cafeteria. “Speak of the devil, we have to go. Bye” said Rachel leaving with her crew quickly. Speak of the devil indeed because Matt is coming in my direction.

anonymous asked:

Hello! I love your recs, and I've found some great fics! Do you have any fic recs from writers who aren't well known? A lot of the same authors keep being recced around the place, and they are great writers. But I'm sure I miss lots of fab fics because the writers aren't prolific, because they don't write the most popular tropes or have a writing style that's slightly different. I adore smitten!Draco, good characterization, good writing in general and sweet endings. Thank you!

Important clarification in message #2, so including!! Am really excited to do this, in fact. I don’t know if I would say that these authors are not well-known, but they are all in that category of “not as prolific as the writers on the last list.” And they’re all really great and worth reading. But I also want to say very explicitly that this is not a definitive list. The thing with lesser-known or less prolific writers is that they’re, well, lesser-known. So I have no doubt that there are loads out there I don’t know about, and grain of salt, is all. Also it’s possible that these authors are all more prolific than I’m aware of (which I discovered with some of the ones I’d made note of for this and then didn’t include and which makes me want to do yet another post) and/or that their work is stored on archives I’m not familiar with (in which case, let me know please, cause I’d like to read more of it!)

Anyway, enjoy!!  This list includes a sample recommended work from each author, but they’ve all got other stuff worth looking up. And please remember to leave love for these wonderfully skilled authors. Perhaps we can lure them into writing more!!

Drarry Recs: Adult Draco and Harry (by less prolific authors)

Are You There God? It’s Me, Draco by floweringjudas - NC-17, 23k - Harry and Draco are straight Aurors. Then they’re gay teachers. It makes sense in context.

Corridors of Power by blythely - PG-13, 24k - Being An Originally Intermittent Account of the Political (Mis)Adventures of the Viscount Northallerton, Lord Malfoy of Wimbledon; and the Rt. Honourable Harry J. Potter, Member of Parliament for North Southwark and Bermondsey (Liberal Democrat). Annotated, with Footnotes

DIY Messiah by scoradh - M, 26.5k - Harry stopped hating Draco Malfoy on Bring Your Kids to Work Day.

Harry’s Herbaceous Borders by nympha_alba - PG-13, 8.5k - When Luna asks Harry to make her a bridal bouquet with lotus and roses, he is prepared to do anything to fulfill her wish – even if it means going to Malfoy Manor…

Home Improvement by cassie_black - PG-13, 11k - When he hired Maison d'Etre to bring Grimmauld Place back to life, Harry never expected Draco Malfoy would end up doing the same for him.

Let’s Go Outside by cryptonym - NC-17, 24.5k - Harry’s done with the sofa, the hall and the kitchen table, baby.

Nocturne for Quill and Ink by pushdragon - NC-17, 9.5k -“I promise to think before I act”. 

One Floo Over the Lovegood’s Nest by Nattish - PG-13, 14k - Harry is not terribly surprised that there are magical plumbers, chimney sweeps, and pest control men. He is surprised that one of them is Draco Malfoy. And that he’s bloody hot in a jumpsuit.

parapraxis by pasdexcuses - M, 18.5k - Malfoy would never admit it, yet losing the Remembrall was a blessing in disguise. Or maybe a curse. But that was not the point here. The point was, the Snitch didn’t get involved until third year. Before, there was the Remembrall.

Paris by abbycadabra - R, 9k - “So you want us to keep running?  To run and hide?  Until when, Malfoy?  Until they win or lose?  Forever?”

There’s Always One More Sheep Around the Corner, or A Week in Cumbria by coffeejunkii - M, 20k - Oddly enough, war-worn Harry finds solace among green hills, deep clear lakes and a herd of woolly, sweet, but very stupid sheep. He is also the keeper of a very lovely and secluded B&B (wizard or muggle optional. could be both). Workaholic-from-trying-to-forget-Harry and with a secret fetish for women’s lingerie!Draco is sent there by interfering!Hermione to “rest his poor misguided nerves”. Stir, season with pepper and a lot of dreadful weather.

Tissue of Silver by fearlessdiva - M, 76k - A love story concerning possessed furniture, black silk pyjamas, courtroom drama, premonitions of doom, assassination attempts, Death Eater yoga, absinthe, bare feet and a sensible werewolf. Beware: coarse language, brief drug use, some sexual content, and consideration of issues of sexual consent.

Under the Cold, Wan Moon by slytherincess - NC-17, 35.5k - He does not seek war, but when attacked he knows better how to die than surrender. [POST-HBP] [HP/DM] Following his failed mission to kill Dumbledore, Draco Malfoy finds himself under the protection of the Order of the Phoenix and the Fidelius charm, hidden away at a hexed-up and dangerous No. 12 Grimmauld Place. Except for Remus Lupin, who visits an unrepentant Draco three times weekly, Draco is lonely, forgotten, and bored … until Harry Potter begins using Grimmauld Place as a base for his Horcrux hunting. Also, Lupin’s bagpipe, Kreacher, and an enchanted tin of fortune cookies!

Unhook the Stars by jad - NC-17, 62.5k - “Love is like a Rubix Cube: there are countless wrong twists and turns, but once you get it right, it’s perfect no matter how you look at it.” Seventy-thousand words of pornographic discourse between two boys-turned-men that still haven’t learned how to communicate like normal people – with words.

Wine Enters, Secrets Exit (A Love Story in Four Seasons) by themostepotente - NC-17, 10k - When Lucius Malfoy becomes gravely ill, Draco inherits the familial vineyard.  Overwhelmed by its operation and upkeep, Draco solicits a business partner.  The perfect man for the job might just be Harry Potter.  When wine enters, secrets exit.

Heartwarming Starfish Ornaments.

Hi Taylor ! taylorswift !

This is the…fourth? I think? of long posts typed on tumblr….sorry if it gets really long. There’s so much i want to say and I know now, starting off this letter, that there’s no way I could ever say all of it. This isn’t to say, well looks like i gotta meet you or something with a windy face. Yes, it would be an honor to meet you. And YES, I want to talk to you about god knows what. Anything. But since this is just me, typing this in my dorm room on a lazy saturday dreaming of starbucks, ill just tell you a little about me.

Hi! My name’s Isabelle, i’m 17, and I’m from Rockville, MD, right outside DC basically…! My birthday is on Christmas, aka 12/25, so i’m a capricorn! wait-give me a second-mumbles to self..EVERGREEN AND MINT AND WRAPPING PAPER AND RIBBONS AND ORNAMENTS AND THAT ONE ORNAMENT MY BROTHER HAS THATS ACTUALLY A GINGERBREAD COOKIE BUT HOLD UP DONT EAT IT CAUSE ITS FROM WHEN HE WAS LIKE 4 AND NOW HES 22 SO NAH AND THOSE DELICATE STARFISH ONES THAT MY GODFATHER GAVE US AND-im done. I love christmas, not  just cause you take my birthday and roll it into christmas-LIKE COOKIE DOUGH I HAVE NO CHILL- but no, since i always get this question whenever my birthday plus christmas comes up , i doesn’t suck…i don’t get half the presents? i think I’m gonna start giving people a sassy face when i get asked this next, because I’m not deprived….anyways ill write something just on that later, my apologies. 

I have 2 older brothers: Jerry who’s 25, and Adam who’s 22. Jerry went to Notre Dame, as well as my parents and one of my uncles. Adam went to Boston College-THE RIVALRY IS ALIVE- I love them so much. For the last 3 years, actually, my mom and I have participated in-i think it’s formal name is-the Notre Dame alumni family volunteer camp-maybbbeeeee you could joinnnn SO FUN i mean maybe that would be hectic, as life seems all the time, for youuuu! But it is really, truly, an awesome experience. 

I love swimming, it’s really the only sport that i am remotely good at, I dabble in badminton, i tried volleyball and lacrosse. I can follow sports, i think? Just tried aqua zumba a few weeks ago-pretttty fun! I love art. I love theatre-one of my great loves, if you will. In high school I stopped actually performing onstage and became so in love with backstage work; stage managing, assistant producing….taking notes on what the director said, wearing a headset and shhhh-ing people….sigh. Here at collegeWHOA IM AT COLLEGE i’m still trying to find my footing in the theatre program, i tried out for the improv team here but didn’t make it…partly because i was nervous and there were 30 people auditioning when they only wanted to cast 2 or 3 people. but i still go to their shows, because, good segway!!!!!—improv, or comedy in general, stand up, etc…more great loves of my life. nbcsnl inspires me so much, i always say thats the dream..to work there…not necessarily to be a cast member although whaddup that’d be so awesome, but maybe a writer? just interning for late night, tonight show, snl, would be magical. or of course for taylor nation, your tour crew or whatnot. 

I have been playing piano since I was 3. Piano lets me be good at something because while I’ve been told in talent shows and other stuff that I am a good singer, piano is something i know i’ll continue for the rest of my life. 

Last spring, i graduated high school and now here I am-officially a rambler at Loyola University Chicago. I love it here, it’s funny I told myself i wanted a school, well yeah, like notre dame, not just cause i’m a legacy, but also because the campus is beautiful and not really surrounded by skyscrapers. I told myself when i started the dreaded college application process that i DID NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES want a “city school” I guess i STILL don’t want that-but hear me out. What i didn’t/don’t want is to go to school in a skyscraper where most of the buildings look the same. With LUC, i’m right on the lake, and i have a metro stop right across from my dorm and can be in the lovely downtown chicago magnificent mile area in 20 mins. i LOVE cities. ESPECIALLY new york. Really, not just plugging Welcome to New York. My mom and I try to go to NY at least once or twice a year for a weekend when we go..if not longer. I adore broadway and, like i said, everyone in the 30 rock area!!! I would love to live there someday. Last year for my 17th birthday/christmas my mom surprised me with an NYC trip the day after birthday/christmas, (if it comes up again I’m going with birthmas because typing is starting to hurt my fingers) and we explored…we saw Matilda on broadway, if you haven’t seen it-go !!! It’s incredible. I’ve been told by my theatre friends..and everyone basically..that i look like Matilda from the movie. It all started when our tech outfits for moving set pieces across the stage for The Wiz at my high school in junior year was a black button down shirt, for me, with the show shirt underneath, and black yoga pants, WITH….cue matilda, a bandana worn however we want…so I tied it like a headband, rosie the riveter style. Mine as you can infer was indeed red. So, Matisabelle was born. ON A RANT, SORRY!!!

We visited some friends that live in NYC, some live right near Central Park, the other lives in Brooklyn-and i loved visiting the World Trade Center/9/11 memorial. It’s heart wrenchingly beautiful. I don’t really like saying it is a perfect memorial, because I feel like it seemed irreverent, but I realize now that it IS perfect. It is so beautiful. i think i stood for 15 minutes in front of someones name at the North tower fountain with a white rose-for this person’s birthday. SO beautiful. Breathtaking, in more ways than one. 

I have to mention 1989 since it. has. begun!!!!!!! IF I had to choose a favorite song, it would be Wildest Dreams, but if we’re talking about the exclusive target bonus songs version of 1989, then I would definitely go with You Are in Love. “and why I’ve spent my whole life trying to put it into words” means so much to me because I struggle with saying what i need to say, messing up, regretting stuff. Recently i had two presentations i had to give for a couple of my classes here at LUC. One was in french, the other-english..for the english one I spent the whole night prior to the actual presentation attempting to memorize what I should say. I get super nervous presenting. You Are In Love reminds me exactly of my grandparents, who also live with me-a few years back we decided to move into their house with them, where my mom grew up, to fix up their house and it’s so nice to be with them all the time. I miss everyone so much here in Chicago, though.

Thank you for staying genuine and always showing yourself as you truly are, you’re so chic, and classy….so to quote anchorman because DUH, you stay classy. much love, 

Isabelle Parshall

i gotta ask to reblog this, don’t if you don’t wanna, but it would be so nice.. much love lovelies! 

andthatlittleblackdress anytruelove outofthewoods youareinlovesfellawiththehellagoodhair hellagoodfellas captureitrememberit wegotbillstopaynowimhaunted13 whenallthoseshadows breakburnandends bornon19891989updates catchmenows casualllycruel saralucasi altoowhalealltoofuckingwell colldasyou dancinroundtheroom dancetothisbeat13dressuplikehipsters drunkswifts drunkonjealousy voguetaylor allt00swifttaylorsblood finallycleann eyesopen thankyouforsayingthat ithinkformeumswifteverythinhas-changed feariess fetusswift ialmostdo itsathugstory heldyourprideitsbeckyswift juniorjewels tenerifeseas lasttimes misstaylorswftkaleidoscopeofourmemories keepcruising gluegunscar nevereverskingdomlightsshine knowitslonggone outsofthewoodstwopaperairplanesflyingflyin onehandfeel picturetosburn officialtaylornationoutofthe89s outtoolates piecesintoplaces picturetoburns nightmaredressedlike-a-daydream scarletletterswift shakeitoffs timeerasingyou wednesdayinacafesandyoucallmeupagain jadesofwrong just-tswift swiftyeah andthisloveismusicistaylor thatpolaroidofus youpaintmeabluesky slaylorswiftqueen swift-stswiftdaily brickstheythrewatme coldhardgrounds passinnotesinsecrecyyoutaketheverybestofme wildsetdreams andwerun jencita palegingerbabiestellyouiminsane blankspaceandillwriteyourname youareworldsawaywewereinscreamingcolorrr ofloudheartbeat wonderstay wefoundwonderlandddthedirtydirtycheats thedirtydirtycheatsoftheworld areweouttathewoodsyetintheclearyetgood1989 allaroundtaylor you-are-love-swift shouldvesaidxnomakeyourwordscount 19eightaynine bae-tay colldasyou jadesofwrong lifeofswift1989 likeheyitsdibbles thatshowyougotthegirl all-thedamn-time cant-make-them-stay1989 penclick sheslikeohmygod1989 iwishyouwouid catsandconverse swift-ease smileactress casualllycruel youleftherallalone wonderstruck1312 timeerasingyou thenewromantics16 standing-inanicedress standinginastyledress g00d-girl-faith lovesagame-wanna-play cherry-skies-sweet-tea hellagoodmaeve tswifie swift-at-home yeahigotablankspacebaby two–paper–airplanes tenmonthsclean badguysgood clickingpensound mockingjayswiftie never-go-out-of-swift tour1989chile badbloodmadmadlove taylorshakeitoffswift perfect-13 thesehandshadtoletitgofree mess-of-a-dreamr krystal-swift comeinwiththerain13 wildestnewyork jg-1313 cas-uallycruel tswiftwonders13 isaidivebeentheretooafew-times fighting-dragons-since-1989 blood-runs-bad magicmadnessswift youreyeswerewiderthandistance winestainswift hellokittyswiftie wearetheffoxes betheweirdestlittleweird this-hope-is-treacherous taylorswiftandkittens adelaideswift13 taylorswift

so much love.

Iron Legends -- Chapter 17

Series: Fairy Tail

Characters: Gajeel, Levy, plus appearances from Natsu, Lucy and others.

Genre: Hurt/comfort, Sci-fi

Summary: The old lab had always been fuel for a good story, something you would half-heartedly joke about going to sometime.  Some did, and when they came back they never talked about it again.  The legends circulated, telling of ghosts, monsters, and anything else someone would be likely to conjure up about an abandoned building.  But even with all the stories meant to keep everyone away, there are still those for whom the intrigue is too tempting.

Note: I really wanted to do a kinda immersive Gajeel POV in this chapter after listening to the song I posted earlier, and I am very excited to get into the good stuff in the rest of the chapter!  Enjoy! (i need to go to bed X_X)

Read and review this fic all together now on FF.net here!

Ch. 1  Ch. 2  Ch. 3  Ch. 4  Ch. 5  Ch. 6  Ch. 7 Ch. 8 Ch. 9 Ch. 10 Ch. 11 Ch. 12 Ch. 13 Ch. 14 Ch. 15 Ch. 16

The blows are painful. He feels his back hit the walls and he feels their fists and kicks impact his body. It shoots pain throughout his frame each time, but it hardly seems like he’s really the one feeling it. Gajeel feels like he’s watching himself from the outside, watching himself be punished for what he caused. He’s watching the shell of the man he thought had been given so much potential, destroyed further and further. Each time he’s hit, his senses scream one sentiment to him: she’s dead.

Levy is dead.

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Big Bang Theory, Shamy and Personal life

I feel like I need to get this off my chest.

While yes. I was extremely lucky and honoured to see the last 2 tapings this evening. Yes the Shamy storyline and coitus was incredible. I’m happy to answer any questions on that, but first. Hear me out.

Now, this post is in now way to seek attention or grab sympathy. In fact. I don’t want any of that stuff. But I would like to tell you all the reality of things.

I Live in London, UK. I work at Heathrow Airport. And while many of you assume that entitles me to discounted flights. Oh I’m afraid not. One of my plane tickets recently cost me £1,300 (Almost $2,000). I work a hell load of extra hours at work. Sometimes 17 hour shifts. Some times. 8 days on, 1 day off back to 8 days on. And my job isn’t easy. Its challenging and stressful. Normally I would never wear normal clothes. Its either Work uniform or pyjama’s. 

In the last 18 months. I have attended a total of 14 tapings over 8 trips. You must all think. Wow what a luxury life! Well for the time I get to spend in LA for tapings maybe fun, There is also another reason I come here. My friends and most of all. It’s the one place in this world I have actually felt comfortable and really at home. 

But honesty. Nothing really make me more happy then attending BBT tapings. I am on first name basis with people, I enjoy the atmosphere and the fact that I can bring you guys spoilers. Sometimes good, Sometimes bad. I love to make other people happy regardless of anything. However you will always get those ungrateful people who moan at you or give you a hard time over it all. Listen asshole. Why don’t you work long hours, work your days off and commit yourself. 

On another note. As I mentioned on the forum a few days ago. I am going through a very very hard time personally. Most of which I cannot post because I just dot feel its for the public to know. The other is I am having to deal with a heavy amount of pain on a daily basis. Long story short. Slipped disk in my lower back. Misdiagnosed for 2 years. permanent nerve damage. Slowly losing my independence, Reduced duties at work and a ungodly amount of daily medication to control the pain. Some of you may of noticed in some of my picture I’m using a cane (walking stick). well this is why. I can’t handle being on my feet for to long. I start losing balance, I can’t get my legs to walk in sync and I start getting pain in my lower back and legs. I am due Surgery soon to try and resolve this issue, But the whole situation is incredibly depressing. For over the years it’s been leading up to this eventaul state. I’m 27 years old, And I need to have fucking surgery on my spine and feel like an 80 year old everywhere I go. I don’t want help, I don’t want to ask for help, I just want my independence and the ability to have 1 day without having to shove Diazepam in my face. 

So despite this. I still work the extra hours when I can, Sit on a plane for 11.5 hours, Having to rely on people here to look after me on some days, sitting in a standby line for 8 hours in pain. And why? So I can see my Hero’s at work, So I can be as part of this story line as I can, To be part of the history that gives me so much happiness and joy, And So I can bring joy to others.

My Dream is simple. To move here to LA. As I mentioned above. I have friends here that actually care about me, I feel comfortable here and I feel like I can have a life that people actually want to share with me. I’m not going to get into my past, But honestly? It was shit. Ive been very much out casted my whole life and I wasn’t raised the way the average joe was. I had to start looking after myself from a young age then figure stuff out for myself. I missed out on the teenage years the dating, the fun stuff etc.. In the UK. My life is work and avoiding a life I get dragged into which is not safe for me. In LA. I have friends I consider family and I actually feel like a human being.

I feel like I live in a made up reality sometimes. Im spending Thousands of Pounds and Dollars to live the life I want for a short period at a time. And I’m questioning SO much. So much so if I want to work in aviation anymore and what the fuck do I do with my life now?

The reality is, I have an injury and surgery coming which is not 100% success rate. I can’t get a working Visa to move to the US. I have shit all confidence to find a boyfriend, And I can’t EVER compliment myself. Tomorrow I get back on a place to the UK, Straight back to work, continuing to work my injury into whatever state due to no company sick pay and wait for a surgery date. Wondering will I EVER get back to the US again any time soon to spend time with the people who make me happy. To feel human again. 

The Big Bang Theory has given me such a ray of life. I can’t even begin to explain how it has changed me as a person. The show, The cast / crew, The Fandom, The storyline and the friends I have made which are more like my sisters I wish I had when I was younger. Tonight’s plot was what we have all been waiting for, for a very VERY long time. And whilst sitting in that audience freaking out like a crazy person was fun beyond belief. And I am totally happy with the storyline and how things went down. I can’t help but feel incredibly depressed.

This storyline was closure. And it was the perfect way to end. We got what We have all wanted at last. The elephant in the room has been addressed and it couldn’t be more perfect. And I am happy. But as I left that studio tonight. It felt like I was saying goodbye, That for me the adventures have wrapped up. Tomorrow I get on a plane to the UK and I don’t know what I have in store regarding my health. I go back to having no one to help me when I can’t cope physically, I go back to being incredibly lonely, I go back to a life I am very un happy in. And again, I watch my dreams just slip away, As, I don’t know when or IF I will get back to LA any time soon.

I want to be the person I pretend to be, But not the person I have the reality of living. 

The Transcript of 'The "Boyfriend" Tag'
I am dying what the hell have you guys seen the transcript of the Troyler vid? I am crying I had no idea automatic captions were so bad. Read if you want a laugh. 0:00 well everyone my name is Tyler Oakley and I am here 0:04 where choices know what address Obama I all have been demanding that we have 0:10 another video together

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