I haven’t been able to take a Pregnancy Progression photo because of all the moving processes. I hit 28 weeks and the final trimester yesterday though! This is a cellphone quality photo taken in front of a dirty mirror that I had sent to my mom. Lols. Little girl is making herself very well known now. :)
Week 28: Everything is still going pretty well. Since taking the Floradix, I have been feeling a lot less tired and my dark circles have gone away a tad. My back has started to really hurt and Nathan has to rub it every night. I have really been practicing my Spinning Babies daily activities to make sure the baby will not be posterior. My next prenatal is April 17th and we will talk more about where I am going to birth.
I still crave lots of salt. Addy and I eat a ton of kalamata olives haha. As a result our hair is magnificent and incredibly shiny. I am going to go look for a dye-free/artificial sweetner free powder to add to my water. I don’t care about the sugar right now (I won’t use the full serving). I usually would never drink anything like powdered sugar but I NEED to drink water and natural lemon flavored just isn’t cutting it. I am lucky if I can keep down 3 glasses a day. As a result I have hours upon hours of Braxton Hicks contractions and they become painful. I have always hated water…lol.
The baby moves a ton and my ribs are always getting kicked. My cervix gets punched about 20 times a day and I feel like perhaps there is a hand sticking out down there. We still have not decided on a name or even found many that we love. I fear we will not have a name before the baby is born and Addy will have to name it penis or anus.
Today was my due date. For the baby we lost in January. I’m not really sure why I never wrote about it here. I mean, at first it was too much. Too emotional. Too raw. Too vulnerable. But then when I eventually came to a place of peace and acceptance, I wanted to write about it. To share my experience and to help others not feel so alone. To help myself not feel so alone. But time passed. We got pregnant again. And I moved forward. Not that I have ever stopped thinking about that baby, but I just chose to focus on the newest baby sprouting inside of me. But I miss the baby that I wasn’t able to meet. I miss the baby that my body wasn’t able to grow fully. I wonder about that baby.
I asked the why questions for so long. Mostly in the shower as the water gracefully washed away my tears. Why me. Why now. Why why why. But I guess that the why doesn’t really matter. I have forgiven myself and my body. I trust it again.
I know how common miscarriage is and I know it wasn’t my fault. But that doesn’t make me miss my baby any less. That doesn’t make the pain and confusion any smoother against my heart.
But I do know how very thankful I am for this little sprout growing and kicking and pressing inside of me. Reminding me to be hopeful and grateful and simply full. Children are a gift. And I am blessed to have this opportunity to welcome another into our family in just a few months. But our January baby will always be a part of our story. A part of our spirit. And a part of our family.
Being pregnant, I hate those days where you just feel fat and tired, and all of the clothes you have seem to not fit right on your body… And your back aches and your feet feel like you’ve been walking on hot rocks all day…. And you’re hungry and not hungry all at the same time.
Yeah… Today is one of those days for me :-(