my first tattoo! got this today on my 21st birthday for christina in her handwriting because of how much she meant to me and impacted my life (and still continues to do so). now she will quite literally be with me forever like she is in my heart 💚
Although my life has been quite an open book since I decided to start a personal blog 7 years ago, I have managed to live a very private life.
If you’ve been following my blog since 2011, chances are you’ve probably read diary entries from 14-year-old me. If I would re-read those today, I would most probably cringe. But I am so glad I have documented my life through this site.
Ultimately, this is the first generation who will be able to look back on their entire life story documented in pictures on the internet, and together we will discover the after-effects of that.
I have been posting my pictures and short stories here for the past years already—curating a life strangers would think I have. You might know that at 15 I had this stupid high school crush that I couldn’t stop writing about; that at 18 I lived in Ortigas alone for summer; that I’ve been writing so much about “finding yourself”, but never really understood what it meant “being yourself”.
But then I wake up on January 15th, look in the mirror, and see my face with cracks and scars. “I am 21 now”, I whisper underneath my breath.
Point being, I am never just doing good or just doing bad. I am an omnibus of my worst self, my optimistic replies to your sweet messages, my darkest secrets, my favorite story to tell at a dinner party, my well-lit profile picture, my passport shot, my mistakes from high school, etcetera, etcetera.
Today, I went for a walk to buy some plants for my new study table, and countless and countless and countless of strangers passed by me… and they just saw a faceless member in the crowd, nothing more.
You guys inbox must be blowing up! I hope it doesn’t get too much, but I do have a question. I read the relationships timelines & ect but of course there’s the rumor about Ryan leaving Keltie in bed after the his birthday party. He supposed lay went to Seattle to visit Brendon because he was lonely. There is a picture of him, Brendon, and a fan in Seattle outside a cafe.
Hi! Thanks for the message. Things have been pretty hectic with the anons, but thankfully Mod M and I are on it. :D
You mean this picture, right?
Unlike many people, I don’t think this necessarily points to Ryden conspiracies. Brendon was Ryan’s best friend at this point, and it’s unfortunate that Keltie didn’t invite him to Ryan’s party. It only makes sense that Ryan would want to spend at least part of his birthday with his best friend.
Most people know that Panic! had a show at the Bumbershoot festival in Seattle on September 1, 2007. Ryan’s birthday Is August 30th, so it’s not that crazy to think he would want to be in Seattle with some down time beforehand—especially since Seattle is his favorite city (as noted in this 2006 interview with Kerrang! magazine):
Kerrang!: Favorite city?
Ryan: I would say Seattle. I just really like the atmosphere and just being around all the trees and everything, it seems like there’s a lot of fresh air there.
Also, there’s an interview floating around that was filmed in Seattle, where they’re wearing the exact same clothes as the above picture.
This proves that in addition to wanting to see his friend, Ryan may have had to go to Seattle early for work reasons. He’s clearly exhausted in the video, possibly from jet lag or just having a huge birthday party, traveling, and immediately making a public appearance. That can take a lot out of a person, especially an introvert like Ryan.
Even in an interview with Spencer before the concert, Ryan still seemed exhausted and dazed. He probably had a lot of things on his mind after Keltie’s horrible party.