What she means:
I want to make sure those four brothers have such a comfortable life I want to tuck them in and make them warm meals and knit them sweaters and make sure they TALK TO AND SUPPORT EACHOTHER and grow stronger in their relationships to eachother as a family and as a team I want to make them feel safe and valued because they live such a hardened life that they didn't choose and I want to do all in my power to make sure these four stay happy and understand that they are absolutely validated and loved.
Time moves on and trends change and people change with them. While I can understand this fact, I refuse to accept it (for now) and I just can’t move on and completely forget about all these amazing groups that have either disbanded or have been inactive for a long time.
With that out of the way, I would like to introduce you to this guide I created, to help new K-pop fans who may be interested to check out a few of the older groups that were around for the 2007-2015 era of K-pop.
(Note: Some groups underwent line-up changes along the way of their careers, so I will be using the line-up that was more recently active to present each group)
Girls’ Generation (2007-Present)
Taeyeon - Leader, Main Vocalist
Sunny - Lead Vocalist
Tiffany - Lead Vocalist
Hyoyeon - Vocalist, Main Dancer
Yuri - Vocalist, Lead Dancer
Sooyoung - Vocalist, Lead Dancer
Yoona - Vocalist, Lead Dancer, Face of the Group
Seohyun - Lead Vocalist, Maknae
Girls’ Generation debuted in 2007 with the single “Into the New World”. Their musical style relies heavily on electropop and bubblegum pop as well as dance music and their image focuses on carefree and cheerful themes but they have tackled other musical and visual styles as well. While they were relatively well-received since debut, their big hit “Gee” is what boosted their way to the top and has made them a household name in South Korea and most of East Asia, with K-pop fans referring to them as “The Nation’s Girl Group” and other similar titles. Their 2010 Japanese debut with a translated version of their 2009 hit “Genie” was largely succesful and they have met further popularity and success in their neighbouring country ever since.
Minzy - Lead Vocalist, Lead Rapper, Main Dancer, Maknae
2NE1 debuted in 2009 with their hit single “Fire”. Known for their electronic-based sound and bold, in-your-face type of image, 2NE1 was loved for their fierce style and for daring to stand out, refusing to fit into any mold. Their best-selling hit “I Don’t Care” solidified their position as a top-tier group right after their debut and their follow-up hits allowed them to remain on top for the next six years after their debut.
SISTAR debuted in 2010 with the single “Push Push”. They worked closely with producer Brave Sound for the better part of their career and released extremely catchy dance singles which they accompanied with their sexy image and choreographies. Their rise to stardom started in 2011 with their best-selling hit “So Cool” and for the following six years they dominated the digital singles charts with their subsequent releases, a feat which earned them the nickname “Digital Monsters” for their astonishing digital sales and helped them solidify their position as a top group and form what Korean fans call “The Unbreakable Wall” along with Girls’ Generation and 2NE1.
Hara (2008-2016) - Vocalist, Rapper, Main Daner, Face of the Group
Youngji (2014-2016) - Vocalist, Main Rapper, Maknae
KARA debuted in 2007 with their first studio album “The First Blooming” and used “Break It” as the lead single to promote it. After failing to reach the expected ammount of sales and recognition they had hoped to achieve, the group underwent a complete image change one year after debut, switching from R&B/Hip-Hop influenced sound and style, to a cute and bubbly image that was well-received by the public. Their first number-one hit, “Honey” (2009) soon followed and the group continued to gain more and more popularity with follow-up singles “Mister” (2009) and “Lupin”(2010), among others . Debuting in Japan with a translated version of their Korean hit “Mister” in 2010, KARA received further love and fame in Japan, making them one of the most-succeful Korean acts promoting in the Japanese market, with some members still working in Japan after the group’s disbandment.
Yeeun (2007-2017) - Leader, Main Vocalist, Keyboardist
Sunmi (2007-2010, 2015-2017) - Lead Vocalist, Main Dancer, Face of the Group, Bassist
Yubin (2007-2017) - Vocalist, Main Rapper, Drummer
Hyerim (2010-2017) - Vocalist, Lead Rapper, Lead Dancer, Guitarist, Maknae
Wonder Girls debuted in 2007 with the maxi single “The Wonder Begins” and “Irony” as their debut single. The Wonder Girls are known as the “Retro Queens” of Korea thanks to their musical style that draws inspiration from the 60s, 70s and 80s and a fashion sense and visual style to match. In the later years of their career, the dance group learned how to play musical instruments, and made it a core part of their revamped image. Their rise to fame followed soon after their debut with their singles “Tell Me” which took their home country by storm and “Nobody” which followed the next year. Following the huge domestic success of “Nobody”, the group released an English version of the song the next year, specifically-made to target the American music market. The song was a hit and the group was the first Korean act to enter the Billboard Hot 100 Chart. They went on to appear on TV and radio shows and even tour with the Jonas Brothers as their opening act and star in their own Nickelodeon-produced movie while working even harder to polish their musical style and skills during their stay in the United States.
Eunjung (2009-Present) - Lead Vocalist, Lead Rapper
Hyomin (2009-Present) - Lead Vocalist, Main Rapper, Lead Dancer
Jiyeon (2009-Present) - Vocalist, Main Dancer, Face of the Group, Maknae
Dani (Predebut) [2012-2014]
T-ara debuted in 2009 with the single “Lie”. Known as “K-pop’s Chameleons”, T-ara constantly redefine their musical and visual image while at the same time mainting their trademark hook-heavy dance style. Their first hit was “Bo Peep Bo Peep”, released in 2009. They continued to release hit songs for the three following years, and went on to debut in Japan in 2011 with a Japanese version of “Bo Peep Bo Peep” and then China, with their collaboration single “Little Apple” (2014) with Chinese duo Chopstick Brothers, making them one of the most succesful groups in South Korea, Japan and China. Their public image in South Korea suffered a big hit in 2012 after fabricated rumours arouse, claiming that the original members of the group were bullying a member who was removed from the group and company at that time. The group continued to release music in their home country, but were mostly supported by their international fans. Said rumours were finally proven false five years later, restoring the group’s image and ceasing all of the unjust accusations made against them.
HyunA - Vocalist, Main Rapper, Main Dancer, Face of the Group
Sohyun - Vocalist, Rapper, Lead Dancer, Maknae
4Minute debuted in 2009 with their best-selling hit single “Hot Issue” which helped them gain fame and recognition at the start of their careers. The group focused on dance, electronic and EDM music and sported a sexy but bold and independent image. They maintained their sound and style as well as the popularity they acquired with their debut and never failed to release music each year during the entirety of their career, making them one of the most consistent groups when it comes to hiatus periods between each of their comebacks.
Krystal - Lead Vocalist, Face of the Group, Maknae
f(x) made their debut with single “LA chA TA” in 2009. Their style is a perfect mix of cute and soft vocals with an alternative visual and artistic style, often experimenting with new sounds and styles. Their big breakthrough came in 2011 with their single “Pinocchio” and the follow-up and best-selling single “Hot Summer”, receiving much love and adoration from K-pop fans worldwide.
Jia (2010-2016) - Vocalist, Main Rapper, Lead Dancer
Min (2010-Present) - Lead Vocalist, Rapper, Main Dancer
Suzy (2010-Present) - Main Vocalist, Rapper, Face of the Group, Maknae
miss A debuted in 2010 with hit single “Bad Girl Good Girl” from their debut EP “Bad but Good”. Adapting a sexy but also strong and independent public image right from the start of their career, miss A are famous for their dance-heavy title tracks and R&B-influenced b-sides and songs that promote female sexuality (”Touch”, “Hush”) but also independence and feminism (”Good Bye Baby”, “I Don’t Need a Man”). miss A’s songs never fail to impress and capture audiences.
Gain - Lead Vocalist, Main Dancer, Face of the Group, Maknae
Brown Eyed Girls debuted as an R&B/Ballad vocal group with “Come Closer” in 2006. Brown Eyed Girls are what one would call the ultimate feminist icons in the K-pop industry. Mature, bold, brave, sexy, strong, independent, unapologetic are all words that perfectly describe the core concepts that the group’s music and image revolve around. They started gaining popularity in 2008 with their song “L.O.V.E” and then captivated their home country with “Abracadabra” the following year. The Brown Eyed Girls are also notable for the relatively big age gap they have compared to their contemporary colleagues, and for staying together for eleven (and counting!) years, without any member changes too.
Jung-A (2009-2016) - Leader, Main Vocalist, Main Dancer
Juyeon (2009-2015) - Vocalist, Dancer
U-ie (2009-2017) - Vocalist, Rapper, Lead Dancer, Face of the Group
Raina (2009-Present) - Main Vocalist, Dancer
Nana (2009-Present) - Lead Vocalist, Rapper, Lead Dancer
Lizzy (2010-Present) - Lead Vocalist, Main Rapper, Dancer
E-Young (2011-Present) - Vocalist, Lead Dancer
Kaeun (2012-Present) - Lead Vocalist, Lead Rapper, Dancer, Maknae
After School debuted in 2009 with maxi single “New Schoolgirl” and used “Ah” to promote it. After School are notable for their admission-graduation system, but most importantly, for their complex choreographies; from drum-marching, to tap dancing, to pole dancing, they’ve trained for months to perfect said choreographies and have succeeded with much grace and efficiency. Their best-selling hit “Because of You” is their best-known hit and its success enabled them to continue releasing great music for the next six years after it’s release.
why hasn't jake gyllenhaal recieved an oscar yet? he is the actor of our generation. he is extremely versatile and has consistently proved he can fulfill any role given to him. you're telling me today, on this day, that mr. jacob benjamin gyllenhaal has starred in critically acclaimed films such as nightcrawler (2014), zodiac (2007), donnie darko (2001), nocturnal animals (2016), brokeback mountain (2005), and COUNTLESS others, and has only gotten ONE oscar nomination? the academy can honestly choke on my left nut unless they want to start recognizing true talent instead of casey mf affleck
WARNING WARNING THIS IS MY YOUNG TEENAGE SELF A FEW YEARS BACK ATTEMPTING TO WRITE RAPH IN HEAT AND ITS LOWKEY HORRIBLE I APOLOGISE BUT AT THE SAME TIME I THINK ITS FUNNY AND I NEED SOMETHING TO POST SO IM GONNA POST IT ANYWAY
I DECIDED TO BRING THIS OVER FROM MY OLD ABANDONED DEVIANTART ACCOUNT- SO DONT PANIC IM NOT PLAGIARISING (don’t know whod try to plagiarise this piece of shit anyway) I tried to fix it a bit but I failed miserably.
WARNING: cursing, violence, slight steaminess- not enough to be nsfw but its steamy
(Reader is fem)
“Are you willing to spar today, child?”
Master Splinter’s voice slices through your concentration on the battle before you. You jump slightly at the suggestion and shake your head vigorously, your hair coming loose and waving around the frame of your face. Raising a finger and pointing it into the direction of the brutal sparring between Raph and Leo, you give Splinter a pointed look with a nervous laugh.
“Aha, no. No, I don’t think so. Besides, I’d probably be murdered in there,” you turn to glance at the turtle brothers whose fists have turned into blurs that pummel each other into the ground with a force that would surely shatter every bone in your body were you to take one blow. Especially one of Raphael’s hits. He’d kill you instantly.
Donatello and Michelangelo remain seated a meter away from you on the side of the sparring mat. Both would wince every so often when one of the fighters landed a particularly brutal hit, that fighter would more often than not be Raph: A 6'5 mass of boiling rage and rippling muscle. A terrifyingly intimidating character to meet at first but you learned to warm up to him as he had to you. Maybe you’ve warmed up to him a little too much.
Compared to 5'11 strategical and precise Leo, Raph seems like a giant. But Leo is no push over, he can very well hold his own against the brute, he’s the only brother that has a chance at beating Raph and the red masked turtle hates that fact. The sweat drips down Raph’s bulging biceps, dropping off with every shattering blow that he lands on his brother. His gritted teeth serve as an indicator to his concentration and hints at frustration. Red masked eyes narrowed down into piercing green slits, meant to penetrate the enemy’s soul and destroy them from the inside as well as the outside. Your eyes roam over Raph's muscled form and your mind dive-bombs into the gutter. A blush takes residence upon your cheeks at the less than appropriate thoughts that suddenly occupy your mind. His large and rough hands caressing you with a gentleness that you had thought to be impossible; strong fingers drifting across your skin with only a light touch, enough to bring you to your knees.
“Enough!” Master Splinter takes his cue to end the match before things get overly heated between the fighters (and your thoughts). Both brothers shake hands tersely with each other and move to sit down, awaiting the announcement of who would be sparring together next.
“It will only be a grappling match. Wrestling, if you will. No hits,” Splinter persists, the look in his eye urging you to accept. You shake your head again, you don’t care how much the rat gives you the ‘do it’ look you are not going put yourself in a situation that would get your head bashed in.
“What, Kitten? Too scared to play with the big boys?” Raph mocks from where he is sitting. You fight the urge to snap something back at him that would surely make him swallow his tongue and just settle for a glare. “You gonna break a nail, little princess?”
“No, I just don’t want to fight,” you reply calmly. What crawled up his ass and died? Raph isn’t one to be sexist, he isn’t one to pick on you either. What’s he up to? “That’s because you can’t. You should probably sign up for cooking classes or something more suited to you and your…” his eyes fleetingly skim over your body, “-stature.”
Your eyes widen in absolute anger! You vaguely hear Splinter reprimanding his son for the blatant display of disrespect but you find yourself still burning with indignation. That condescending, sexist, chauvinistic, boneheaded piece of sh- “I’ll do it.”
It takes you a moment to realize that those words were spoken by you. You just said them. You just agreed to get bashed. Oh, God where is my head? What have you done? You stupid girl. You mentally chide yourself for your impulsive decision.
Please give me Mikey! You chant mentally, Mikey is easily distracted and you’re sure that you’d be able to take him down if you really set your mind to it. It was maybe even a possibility you could hold your own against Donatello considering he is without his weapon.
Who am I kidding? Your thoughts nosedive, as does your confidence. Versing these guys is a completely different ballgame altogether.
You turn to give Master Splinter a look of 'please take pity on my poor, poor soul’ but he’s not looking at you. He’s deciding which turtle to put you up against. “This will be grappling only, no hits exchanged,” Splinter commands, then his gaze flickers to you for a moment. You give him the puppy dog eyes and in return you receive an unamused stare. “Raphael. Stand.”
You almost topple over as you choke on your own spit, “wha- what?!”
Raphael raises an eyebrow but a slight smirk settles in the corner of his mouth as you slowly walk closer towards him. His gaze does not waver from your eyes until you are standing a meter away from him, in which his eyes smoothly move down to your lips and then the curve of your neck. Raph’s eyes snap upwards to your face before going any lower and you notice how his gaze darkens slightly. You gulp, noting how he stares at the movement of your throat distractedly. God, what have you gotten yourself into? You know he is watching everything you do, surely observing your possible weaknesses. Both of you stand in your desired fighting stances as Splinter opens his mouth to start the fight.
“You got this, Angelcakes!” Mikey, ever optimistic, yells out with a wide grin and waving hands. Donnie gives you a sympathetic smile and Leo, as per usual, remains stoic.
“Begin!” Splinter snaps you back into the moment and you yelp as Raph wastes no time before lunging at you. You duck beneath the offending limb and circle a safe distance away from him.
“Keep your head in the game,” Raph says, his voice holding a tone of slyness to it. “Don’t want to finish you off before the real fun’s started.”
You falter for a split second, was that an innuendo?
He reaches for you again and you barely evade his advancing manoeuvres, weaving between his grasping hands and leaping over the leg that he sweeps under you. His eyes narrow slightly and his attacks become more and more difficult to fend off.
“The point is to take him down!” Mikey says before turning to Donnie, “that’s is the point, right?”
You immediately drown him out and disregard him as a distraction. Focus on not getting grabbed!
You bend back, just barely avoiding a swipe for grip on your neck. You try to throw back your own offence only to recoil your hand sharply when Raph immediately makes a grab for it. Okay, so the straight on approach isn’t going to solve anything. Maybe if you flank him from behind you’d have a chance of taking him to the ground!
You roll to the side sharply, evading a grab and dive through Raph’s spread apart feet. Raph grunts in surprise and before you can tell yourself to stop you leap onto the back of his shell and jab at a pressure point in his shoulder that would drop any normal person instantly. You’re overwhelmed by a rush of elation when you feel Raph’s knees hit the ground. Could you have actually won?
His hand grabs your forearm, pulling you forward to lean over his shoulder. Your stomach is pressed into the edge of his shell, the breath in your lungs is forcefully expelled by the impact. Raph’s face leans into yours, cheek on cheek as he roughly whispers, “gotcha.”
You’re sent flying forward, sent into an uncomfortable front flip and landing hard on your back. You’re winded, unable to do anything but stare in shock at the figure that has now pinned you down from above. How did he do that? You dropped him!
His weight on top of you causes you to snap back into reality, his skin upon yours is rough but not as unkind to the touch as you’d have thought it to be. You try to wriggle away but he immediately presses himself down on you, rendering you motionless. Raph’s smirking face moves closer until he is but inches apart from yours. Your heart is racing and butterflies embark on a mad rampage in your stomach. His body on top of yours. Skin on skin. So close. Too close.
You turn your head to the side and he leans in to the crook of your neck, next to your ear. “Submit.”
You growl and shake your body as much as you can, flailing your legs angrily but gaining no movement or ground. He chuckles briefly.
“Make it easy on yourself and just submit,” he murmurs to you. Your face is red with anger and exhaustion as you continue to writhe beneath him, you’d be damned before you give up without a fight. Your movement earns a slight growl from the turtle on top of you. You freeze.
“Stop moving if you know what’s good for you,” he hisses in your ear. Your chest heaves up and down against his own as you breathe heavily. After a moment of silence, he repeats the sentence with irritation lacing his words. “Submit to me.”
You refrain from crying out loud in frustration and sudden breathlessness as you steadily say the words, “I submit.”
You feel Raph grin against your shoulder before he stands to his feet, towering over your 5'5 frame. You feel as if his weight had left a physical dent in your body, stars appearing in your vision briefly as you greedily gulp the air he had robbed from your lungs.
The smug creature offers a hand to you and you pretend you don’t see it, standing to your feet yourself. He had humiliated you. Not because he had beaten you. That would have been fair and square and you would have taken it in good sport if that had been it. But that wasn’t it. He had motives behind his movements, the way he whispered in your ear… when he growled lowly as you writhed beneath him. The way he had embarrassed you and infuriated you with his mocking words beforehand.
As you are engrossed in your thoughts, everyone collects themselves and moves to leave the dojo- Splinter having wisely dismissed the session. You ignore Raph, trying not to make eye contact with him as you head towards the exit. You and the brute are the last ones in the training room which is probably exactly what he wants. His large hand grabs your forearm pulling you aside before you can make it out the door and you glare up at him heatedly beneath your hair.
His height and build looming over you intimidates you but it also has another effect that you’re not sure you’d ever admit out loud. Raph’s eyes make contact with yours, staring intensely for a moment before looking you over. “Did I, uh, did I hurt you at all?” He asks gruffly.
You stare at him for a long moment, torn between answering with a 'f*ck yeah you did, dickhead’ and 'nope. Now piss off.’
You settle with a simple and bitter “no.”
He raises an eyebrow, amused. “Sore loser.”
You grit your teeth and poke a finger into his plastron angrily, “Sore loser?! You would’ve won either way and I would’ve been fine with it! But what I am 'sore’ about is that fact that you didn’t just beat me.”
He takes a step forward, a smirk playing on his lips. He seems so different. Controlled. He knows what he wants and he’s surprisingly confident in his movements. You move backwards subconsciously before realizing that you have quite literally just reversed into a wall. You look up with wide eyes as he moves in closer than what your personal space limits people to.
“Why don’t ya just explain then.”
“You- you humiliated me! Toyed with me, mocked me, made fun of me and then you-you….” You trail off, unable to describe his intimacy towards you without throwing yourself out to look like a fool.
“Why do you stay on the defence in a fight? You wear yourself out,” he pipes up, leaning back a little giving you room to breathe. You blink, a little shocked at the subject change.
“You’re a 6'5 walking mass of muscle. I’m a stick insect in comparison. Please explain to me why I would ever hope to believe I had a chance to take you out by a full frontal attack,” you say bluntly, crossing your arms over your chest unknowingly boosting your cleavage into his view. He glances down at the flesh bursting from your bra below him and licks his lips, moving in towards you like he had before You see the resolve in his gaze flicker, he is struggling to maintain the façade. You inhale sharply, trying to continue.
“I’d be…better off…running,” you gasp as he moves his lips to rest on your neck. Your heart is in your throat, thrumming beneath the soft but firm touch of his mouth. Raph seemingly breathes in your scent before running his cool tongue over your sensitive skin, tracing the veins in your neck.
Your eyes widen at the contact, a choked gasp slipping from your mouth. There has always been chemistry between the two of you, the occasional flirting and the light banter you were both notorious for. But never had he been so blatant about his attraction towards you, never had he even gathered the courage to kiss you let alone touch you so sensually.
Then you realise, eyes widening at the sudden revelation. He’s in heat.
Your hands come up to rest on his chest but not entirely pushing him away. There’s a light pressure on your throat as he suckles at your sweet spot, delighting in the sound of your erratic breathing and whimpers.
Raphael’s right hand remains next to your head on the wall, essentially keeping you caged within his grasp. His left hand roams over the smoothness of your waist, groaning almost silently as his hands continue caress your midriff.
“Well, then.” He whispers huskily, finally responding to your words. “I promise you don’t need to run away from me.”
That was it. His mouth melds onto yours and you’re not sure who initiated the connection as his hands run up and down your body. The force of the not-so-gentle kiss pushes you into the wall leaving you vulnerable to his desires. His lips moving feverishly on yours as he captures your flesh between his teeth, asking for entrance. You moan, parting your mouth in obedience, his tongue immediately seeks out yours to battle for dominance.
The hardness of his muscled body against yours was overwhelming, the raw strength, danger and masculinity was making you swoon. ”Oh God, Raph,” you sigh in delight as his lips move from your mouth to your neck to greet that special spot once more.
He lightly nips your throat before turning to make eye contact briefly, eyes shimmering mischievously, “I think it’s time for round two. Wanna rematch?”
(Imagine that Leo was out on patrol during a bad thunderstorm and he finds a small girl crying and all alone. He lets his instincts take over.)
Leo hopped across the rooftops, listening to the rain hit his shell and being careful not to slip on the wet surface. Thunder boomed nearby and was followed by a large flash of lightning. He stopped running for a moment to watch in awe.
“Wow…what a storm…” he whispered to himself then started to shiver a little from the cold. He turned around, it was time for him to head back anyways before the weather got any worse. He was about to leap off until he heard soft crying from the alley below the building he was standing on. He listened closer for a moment before realizing that it was a little girl. He quietly made his way down to the alley and looked around, listening for the little cry again.
To his right. Right…there! In the little box. He carefully knelt down and saw a small girl inside of the cardboard box. She was crying and was soaked to the bone. Leo’s heart shattered at seeing her like this. Suddenly she looked up and saw him.
“Uh…hi there-” The little girl cut him off with a little squeal and she began to cry harder. “Oh! I-It’s okay! I’m not going to hurt you, I promise…” Leo spoke softly and gently to the frightened girl and that seemed to calm her down because she stopped crying. “Are you lost? Where are your parents?” he asked. She just stared at him for a moment and remembered her parents and how they…. and she was crying again. Leo’s heart shattered a second time when he started to put the pieces together. He quickly scooped her up in his arms and started to dry her face. “Shh, shh…it’s okay. I’m going to take good care of you, okay?” he told her. She looked up at him with wide, tear filled eyes as he lifted the manhole cover. He walked quickly through the sewers and kept talking to her so she wouldn’t feel scared. “My name is Leonardo.”
“Leo…nardo?” Leo shook his head happily.
“And you are?” The girl paused for a moment.
“A…Amy…” Leo smiled gently at her and pushed some hair out of her face.
“That’s a beautiful name, Amy, and you’re going to love the lair.” Leo said as he continued to walk with the little girl staring up at him. “I’m going to teach you how to meditate, how to properly make tea, maybe some basics of ninjistu…” he rambled then looked down and noticed she was sound asleep in his arms. He smirked then kissed her forehead, finally at the lair’s door.
“Look at me - just breathe, okay?”From the dialogue prompts.
@tur-nerd-tle-girl asked: 95 Donatello.
“Look at me - just breathe, okay?”
(Gender neutral reader)
THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A SMALL PROMPT BUT IT LOWKEY TURNED INTO A NO SPEECH EXPERIMENTAL FIC IM SO SORRY.
A/N: I really wasn’t in the mood to make something really triggering for others and put myself in a bad mood. Soooo I was trying to play around with a bit of disassociation, when I get attacks I tend to disassociate from my surroundings and hyperventilate. Also I wanted to play around with the no dialogue concept (except for the prompt of course), considering how during a panic attack noones words really register (at least for me). SO this kind of happened? Sorry if it’s not really what you wanted, hun :/
Warnings: Anxiety, panic attack, possible typos
It’s funny how the right words said by the right person can have such a significant impact. If it had been said by any other person you suppose it wouldn’t have the same effect. In fact, it may have just made you react in a worse manner. No one ever really takes the “calm down” phrase well.
But when he says it, you always do. Almost instantaneously. Maybe it’s because he technically paraphrases it, or he just uses a different tone of voice from the others; soothingly clinical. Like the doctors who smile at you while they ask you to breath in and out, listening through the stethoscope to the steady beating of your heart. Or maybe not so steady, you know, it depends.
You know that standing here, in his lab, your heart isn’t so steady. In fact, it’s erratic, pounding a million miles per second. No matter what you do, you just can’t slow it, you can’t slow your breathing either. Short pants, struggling to drink in the air to satisfy your lungs- not nearly enough. You’re not nearly enough. You’re never enough.
You crave the words. You crave his words. In fact, you crave more than his words but right now that one sentence from his mouth is the only thing that can cure you. Your head is spinning, your heart begins to hurt. The skin across the planes of your chest tightens as your blood seemingly turns to a liquid flame.
You remember the first time he had said the words and you knew, you freaking knew, that you were a goner. You had kissed the future and seen a glimpse through its gaze, you knew that day that there was and would only be one who would have that tranquil effect on you. How can one make you so nervous but put you in a state of serenity at the same time?
When you had first met him, you were terrified. He was a sight to behold almost majestic. Not only was he larger than life, a mutant species and for some reason in your bedroom at 3am with your reporter roommate; he was intelligent. You knew it the moment you locked gazes with him, the exact point that you caught sight of the molten gold eyes that examined you standing in the doorway with your mouth ajar. He was surprised from what you could tell. Looking back on it he was also panicking severely, spilling severalgeneric phrases that one who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar would say.
Of course, you immediately opened your mouth and belted out the loudest scream you could possibly produce from your being. That landed you with a large three-fingered hand over your mouth. You were forced into a shock-induced paralysis; unable to fight, to bite his fingers or to kick out at his legs. He was spluttering apologies and attempts of disarmament but you were focused on the way you could feel his hand trembling against your lips. Focused on the way his eyes widened as they caught sight of the tears beginning to collect in the corners of your own. Focused on the way he panicked, just like you had.
With your back against the doorframe, your mouth covered by the mutant terrapin and your soul pinned by that golden gaze; you couldn’t control the pressure in your chest. You couldn’t bury it beneath something else or disregard it in an attempt to pretend it never existed, it crept throughout your being until it reached the tips of your fingers.
You hadn’t realized you were hyperventilating until he had quickly removed his hand from your mouth. Lowering himself slowly to reach eye level, you immediately cast away your gaze. You pressed further into the obstruction behind you, your shoulders almost folding backwards around the frame of the door from the pressure. You felt a hand rest lightly on your shoulder, surprisingly soothing to the touch. It was a prompt, a request for you to make eye contact with him so he could understand whether you were registering what he was saying or not. But you couldn’t. The raw intelligence behind his gaze was the most intimidating aspect of the creature before you, he knew more than you did about everything and everything- you could just tell.
His hand slid lightly from your shoulder to softly grip your chin and tilted your head to meet his eyes. Then he said it. “Look at me.” It was as if you had just broken through the water; as if you had been listening to static and had finally tuned into a station. Hisvoice was gentle but clinical. “Just breathe, okay?”
You knew then that those words would be your saving grace, that he would be your saving grace.
You guess that’s why you’re standing in his lab at this moment visiting old memories in the midst of a panic attack. Supposedly back in reality, but your head still in a million different dimensions and universes. You don’t really remember why you were panicking, you can’t recall what had triggered this onslaught of hostile emotions. You do remember the overall sensation, the way it blurred into a dull ache that now violates every inch of your body. The sense that you’re not good enough, that you would never be good enough.
It is such an unoriginal fear, almost embarrassing but nevertheless, it is painstakingly present in your life. You know he catches your frantic breathing when you hear a tool being dropped to clatter on the floor carelessly. He never handles his tools carelessly. You hear your name being called, it’s muffled- like hearing music pound from the surface when you’re beneath the water.
But then he says it, with his fingers gripping your chin gently. Those six little words- damned words- that had you falling into him every time. His cool breath against your cheek, his gaze seeking out yours frantically and his genuine concern evident through his firm tone. You know he cares for you deeply, he fails miserably at hiding things unless it’s hiding the shy smile that works its way onto his lips behind his hand.
“Look at me - just breathe, okay?”
You know you’ve leaned into his touch as you’re brought back to reality- his reality. It’s an unbreakable cycle and you’ve just rounded back to the start.
It’s funny how the right words said by the right person can have such a significant impact. If it had been said by any other person you suppose it wouldn’t have the same effect. No one ever really takes the “calm down” phrase well. But when he says it, you always do. Almost instantaneously. Maybe it’s because he technically paraphrases it, or he just uses a different tone of voice from the others; soothingly clinical.
Maybe, it’s because Donatello has had an unintended, intangible hold over you since you met him; and you love it.