I had one particularly mean spirited history teacher in high school who for whatever reason had a hard-on to make my life difficult. At every opportunity he tried to f*ck with my grades and embarrass me in front of the class. To my credit I excelled in the subject it he had to begrudgingly give me an A. I did have to appeal nearly every test and homework assignment to the dean of students (or whatever they call that person in HS who isn’t the principal) in order to get the A. Correct answers were marked wrong…etc.
One day in detention (for reasons not related to history class) his was one of the rooms I had to clean after school. I took an inventory of everything in every unlocked desk and cabinet drawer.
Fast forward 4 years and my younger brother has the same teacher for the same class. He started in on my brother where he left off with me. The teacher relentlessly gave him grief over every little thing. I told my brother to look in the 3rd drawer of the file cabinet after school one day and “see if he still hides it there”.
Sure enough, old habits die hard.
The next day in class he is giving my brother a verbal beat down over something inconsequential. My brother gets up in front of the whole class, walks over to the file cabinet, grabs the teacher’s bottle if whiskey and sets it on his desk and then quietly returns to his seat.
He never had a problem with the teacher again. Nobody else in that section had a problem the entire semester as well.
Aries: “If things start happening, don’t worry, don’t stew, just go right along and you’ll start happening too.”
Taurus: “I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I’ve bought a big bat. I’m all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!”
Gemini: “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.”
Cancer: “To the world you may be one person; but to one person you may be the world.”
Leo: “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?”
Virgo: “It is fun to have fun but you have to know how.”
Libra: “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
Scorpio: “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
Sagittarius: “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”
Capricorn: “I’m afraid that sometimes you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.”
Aquarius: “Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.”
Pisces: “Adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them.”
All: “Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
I worked with a guy who really stuck it to his ex wife. When I met him he was working in a sporting goods store making 8 dollars an hour. He was not really like the other retail monkeys. He was older, well groomed, well spoken, clearly educated etc. One night after work he gets into his car, and I couldn’t help but notice that it was a very very nice newish Jaguar. I asked him how he could afford it and he explained it to me:
He had been an SVP at a well known fortune 50 company (which I will NOT mention the name of!), pulling in 300k with bonuses and stock options. He was married but the marriage fell apart and in the divorce, she demanded that she get the house and 40% of his wages. He and his lawyer somehow managed to get her to agree to let him keep the house in exchange for 75% of his pay..no dollar figure or employer specified lol. As soon as she took the settlement he quit his job and looked for a minimum wage job. He said to me that “She gets 75% of nearly nothing now”. He had other money stashed away, so he didn’t even need the job and he had the house and it’s equity as well. Also, no kids, so there was no child support. Just alimony.
She was furious of course, and tried to re-sue him but failed at least once and when she claimed that the settlement was not keeping her in the life style she was accustomed to, he simply told the judge that the divorce was traumatic to him and he could no longer do his old job as a result. At least at that time, she did not manage to get out of the deal. Not sure how it all ended. But I thought it was fucking brilliant if not crazy-level spiteful.
He was a good employee too…good with customers, showed up on time, no bullshit absenteeism or anything like that. He claimed he loved each payday because it reminded him how little she was getting.
When I was in high school there was a substitute teacher infamous for making students cry. (she was a real megab*tch). She made one of my friends cry the last time she has substituted.
You don’t make my friends cry.
So I found out a week before she was due to substitute that she was going to be in my chemistry class!
So I went around and asked one favor out of all my classmates and it was a simple one.
They had to pretend I didn’t exist. They didn’t hear or see me. And they pretty much all agreed to do so. I also had one of my friends (who’s a computer genius and thankfully a white hat) hack into the attendance record and delete my name from the attendance sheet. (this was ten years ago and the only time that he’s hacked into the school so shhh)
So that day rolls around and I had my plan in place.
She walked into the class room and immediately starts in on the kids in class (two start crying).
So i get up and just stand by her desk. Just stand there.
She immediately starts screaming at me to sit back down and I just smile as my plan comes to fruition.
She went through the attendance record and lo and behold! I’m not on there!
One of the guys (who’s girlfriend is crying in the corner) asks the teacher who she’s talking to.
She starts telling at him but by now my plan has caught on with all the other students.
They all started saying that they didn’t see anyone.
The teacher is now starting to freak out a little bit and ignore me.
That’s when I start speaking.
“you are so stressed. You know you are.” “if you’d just take a day off now and then I wouldn’t have to appear you know.”
By this time she has started asking me questions. “how does stress make people appear that’s impossible!” things like that.
And I start bullshitting. “I’m actually an amalgamation of all the students you’ve taught over the years. You see stress causes the neurons in your brain to miss fire and see things you normally wouldn’t see. Then your other senses try to make up for the fact that you’re seeing something that’s not actually there. You really need a day off you know.”
At that point she really starts freaking out and leaves the class. She ends up getting another teacher to come in.
The teacher recognizes me and after hearing the story from a student (who’s also a megab*tch) sends me to the principals office.
The principal is laughing too hard to do anything about it.
The teacher never came back to the school again.
"The first time we kissed, the girl stopped and laughed, she said "you're a terrible kisser," my pride was so hurt. She said it's due to lack of experience, so I told her "I'll get more experience," so I called the members in our dorm. All 13 of us. So we got together and practiced together." - Heechul
My boss (we’ll call him Steve) is one of those guys who’s always attached to his email. Whether he’s at his desk or answering them from his phone, he will stop the conversation immediately and read the email. No warning. The sound will go off, he’ll stop mid-sentence, read and reply to every email. This annoys me. A lot. While going over a very important project (well into the $40-$50 million dollar range and long-term), I’m briefing him on talking points and covering the power point on the projector. A few slides in, he gets an email. Immediately Steve pulls out his phone and begins reading and replying. I’ve dealt with this for years, and this is where the revenge begins.
I’m on slide 6, and while he’s buried in his phone, I progress the slide to 13 and patiently wait for him to end. He looks up, oblivious to my trickery. Mind you, he has to present this within a few hours to top-tier business management, and this a project that we’ve been working on for months. I finish briefing him on the rest of the slides, we take lunch, and eventually the guests arrive for their briefing. Steve’s taking charge of the meeting, and I retreat to my office, where I can still clearly watch the presentation but don’t have to participate.
Steve’s hob-knobbing, talking our guests up, laughing and joking. As he’s talking to one particular VP, he gets an email, and in normal sh*t-lord fashion, he stops mid conversation and reads it. The VP did not like this, not one bit. He interrupts Steve’s email reply with a hand wave and a, “let’s continue.” This is where I get my second idea for revenge.
Eventually Steve gets to the power point presentation, yammering on like he’s the one who spent all the time on the fancy fly-in’s, formatting, research, etc… Until he gets to slide 7. I can see him pause, break his jovial manner, and begins reading word for word what’s on the slide. He’s no longer chipper and poised, he’s floundering. Little does Steve know that I’m about to launch an email war on his psyche that he is ill prepared for. See, since I’ve been in my office, I’ve been collecting all the emails that came in that needed replies, drafted the replies, and have them sitting on my desktop. I’ve CC’d Steve to every one of them, because I’m just that good of an employee. As he skips to the next slide, I send the first email. I hear his phone jingle. He pauses and instinctively reaches for his phone, throwing him off his presentation. He looks around, and then continues. A minute later, I send the next email, then after a short pause, the next… And the next… I can see him sweating bullets, his brain imagining some catastrophic failure somewhere in our building, in shipping, in product sourcing, etc… But he can’t check his emails without breaking from the presentation and pissing off the executives.
It’s still going on. I have about 8 more emails to send, and he has about a hour until he’ll be able to slink away and cower over his phone like Gollum holding the one ring.
(Customers have busy lives, but sometimes their attention span is ridiculous, even for a preoccupied mind.)
Me: “Okay, ma’am, you can insert your card.”
Customer:*taps, and then swipes*
Me: “Sorry, you have to insert your card.”
Customer:*taps furiously and keeps swiping*
Me: “Ma’am, you need to insert the chip in our card reader. You can’t swipe.”
Customer:*continues to swipe furiously*
Me:*sensing there is no getting through to her* “Okay, here. I can do it for you. *reaches for her card, but has hand slapped away*
Customer: “Don’t touch my card, you brat!”
(At this point, I had enough.)
Me: “And you, ma’am, don’t have the right to touch me. I’m done serving you. My register is closed. Please go to register six.”
Customer: “LET ME SPEAK WITH YOUR MANAGER! I HAVE NEVER FELT SO DISRESPECTED IN MY LIFE!”
Me: “Sure thing.” *I call the extension* “Hi, [Head Cashier], a customer wants to speak with you.” *I hand the phone to the customer*
Customer: “Yes, this little s*** cashier should be
fired. He started yelling at me and tried to grab my card… Yes. Yes, he
is… Yes. Yes, that was me… I will not apologize to that little s***…
Fine, you too, f*****!” *hangs up*
Customer: *throws her items at me, including a very sharp drywall knife that hits me in the arm and breaks my skin* “I hope you burn in h***!”
Me: “Sure, ma’am. But before that, I’m calling the police on you for assault.”
Customer: “Not if I can help it, f*****!”
(The customer proceeds to run for the door, but is stopped by our
6’7″ loss prevention associate. He holds her until the police arrive,
and I press charges. Last update I heard was that she was spending 10
months behind bars. And all because she didn’t pay attention to me when I
instructed her to insert her card.)