20 years too late

I missed my calling

Ever noticed how all the bravest main protagonists in YA lit have green eyes? Harry, Percy, Caelena, Clary, Julian, Magnus, Gansey (hazel can look green)

I have green eyes. I think I missed the chance to be a hero in my adolescence. 

I’m probably going to regret posting this, but …

I’ve seen a number of posts about how “Albus and Scorpius are only 14 in the play! They’re not old enough to know if they like boys yet! Maybe JKR has ~plans~ for them to get together later on????”

Look, I get it. Scorbus has become my secondary OTP in the past few months (Wolfstar has the #1 place in my heart forever). I love those boys, and I want them to love each other, but let’s not fool ourselves about JKR’s intent.

The bulk of the play takes place in 2020. That’s the future – the more progressive world we’re all supposed to be working towards and looking forward to. If Albus and Scorpius are old enough at 14 to know/think they might like a girl, then they are old enough to know/think they might like a boy.

JKR doesn’t ship it. Sorry, but she doesn’t. Scorose is probably the endgame she imagines. Scorbus probably wasn’t even on her radar during the writing of the play (which I don’t believe she actually had a whole lot to do with, beyond outlining and approving). The best we can hope for is for her to Dumbledore in another LGBT character or two after the fact somewhere down the line.

We need to stop making excuses for JKR’s lack of LGBT representation. She doesn’t care about us enough to represent us, and that’s just how it is. It’s fair to be angry about that, but we need to love ourselves and not keep grasping and straws and imagining that she’s sending us secret coded messages. We are an afterthought to her, at best.

1,000,000 Years

1,000 days
10 memories repetitively flashing
8 love letters dissolving in dust
5 darlings adrift at sea
2 babies crying
43 short stories
1,300 poems
27 texts
34 missed calls

Stupid
God damnit
Why am I so stupid?
6 times I got lost in space today
2 times I got hypnotized by trees
3 times I grimaced at Cassiopeia
5 fucking stars connected with imaginary lines
10 deep breaths
In and out
4 shots of whiskey
In and out
1 long walk
In and out
1 lighter lost in a field
20 cigarettes

3 years too late
100 reasons to let it go
God dammit
Just let it go
365 dirty looks to myself in the mirror
1,000,000 years
I’m nothing
You’re nothing
But I miss talking to you
300 stupid things I should stop saying
18 times I’ve been too embarrassed to check my phone in the morning
4 more shots of whiskey
In and out
Maybe I should travel the world and look for you in every town

ok so sh/ro is actually lying about his age and isn’t 25 but 19 and ke/th is somehow 20 despite being born 2 years too late to be 20 and p/dge??? is 18 somehow??? but l/nce is 17 and h/nk was never born

…Okay, I told someone I’d post caps but I just realized the subtitled version of the second movie I have has a different translation for this scene and now I’m not sure which is the right one. But this is what I was referring to when I said Jessie and James are implied to be 25:

(This translation is from Dogasu’s Backpack.)

Assuming this is right: Ash and Misty are 10, so 10 years too young makes 20 the “right” age to be worrying about romance, and 5 years too late = 25.

ETA: Bulbapedia mentions the same thing (and if you go on Jessie and James’ pages, it says they’re 25 “as of Movie 2”).

Shortly after Misty and Melody’s exchange and Melody scolding Ash for his recklessness, Jessie, James and Meowth’s exchange was different: Originally, Jessie explained that Misty and Ash are ten years too young to get focused on romance anyways, with James also explaining that they themselves are already five years too old to focus on that anyhow, with Meowth summing it up by making a crack at how “love life” is foreign to them, to Jessie and James’ chagrin. In the dub, Jessie mentioned that getting involved with the opposite sex is only asking for trouble, and James mentioned that he’d rather stay out of trouble, while Meowth quips that they’ve got each other and thus don’t need the opposite sex, to their chagrin.

Regrets

For @javistg and @katnissdoesnotfollowback who asked for ‘Exes’ drabbles… this is definitely not what you were expecting, but here goes <evil laugh>




I have a lot of regrets in my life.  Katniss Everdeen is the biggest.

I don’t regret her, not at all.  The 5 ½ months we dated in college were the best of my entire life.  She was so sweet and smart and sexy. Damn she was sexy. I felt like a million bucks with her on my arm.

But 20 year old Peeta, well, he was kind of an insecure asshole.

At the end of sophomore year, Katniss finally introduced me to her closest friend on the planet, and I realized that this ‘Gale’ she’d been talking about for almost six solid months was not, in fact, a girl.  No, Gale was tall, dark and brooding, practically smoldering with sexuality.  And when I watched him pick her up and swing her around, watched her beautiful face light up…

We were together a few weeks longer, but the damage was done.  My jealousy painted our every interaction.

The final fight, if you could even call it that, consisted of me accusing her of dating me to pass the time while she waited for the one she truly wanted.  She’d shaken her head at me, abject disgust in her mercury eyes, and told me that trust was the most important thing in the world to her, that we couldn’t be together if I didn’t trust her.

She made no attempt to refute my accusations, and 20 year old Peeta decided that meant they were true. I watched her walk away.

Life went on, I licked my wounds, dated other girls, tried to forget.

But I couldn’t.  Those quicksilver eyes, that glossy fall of raven hair, my dreams were full of Katniss.  Sometimes I awoke in my dorm room, and later in my apartment, with her scent in my nostrils, her sighs hanging in the air.

Even now.

The jealousy that had hijacked my common sense faded quickly after we broke up, and I came to realize how incredibly wrong I’d been.  But it was too late.

20 year old Peeta is long gone, in his place is 26 year old Peeta, still a little insecure but much wiser these days.  And though I’ve made a life for myself, have a job I love, good friends, I still regret pushing Katniss away.  6 years later and I still ache for her.

Katniss has been on my mind more than usual, lately. Three weeks ago my big brother, Brann, called. He was seeing someone, in secret, and he was absolutely smitten, certain he’d found the one he was going to marry. So much so that he wanted to arrange a family dinner, to finally introduce us all. I’d never heard him so excited.

You can imagine my shock when I finally met Brann’s new paramour. Ebony hair. Intense grey eyes that flickered with recognition and recrimination. My heart stopped, every vestige of oxygen left my lungs in a rush.

Brann was oblivious to my reaction, so intent was he on showing off his beloved. And they made a gorgeous couple, the contrast of pale and olive skin, the intermingling of gold and onyx as their heads bowed together. The adoration on their faces as they snuck shy glances at each other. No one could ever doubt the love there.

They got engaged just days later.

Six years ago I never could have imagined a day would come when my brother would be preparing to marry Gale Hawthorne.


Yeah, so don’t stone me :)  I might continue this, there could be wedding hijinks of course, but for right now…

2
There are no happy endings, because nothing ends.

So I’ve finally gotten around to watching The Last Unicorn. This is a) a movie that I absolutely should have seen as a child because b) it seems like it was absolutely made for me. A movie with undercurrents of fear of aging and mortality, disconnects between personal identity and how one is perceived, and nihilistically grasping at the few things that bring even glimpses of happiness?

Yeah.

So here are my thoughts.

This movie is, in a word, raw. The animation, the voice-acting, and even the songs give the impression of being unpolished - and that isn’t a bad thing, as its roughness lends the movie an additional emotional kick. If, maybe, the film had looked more “clean” or “smooth,” it would have felt more artificial; as it is, the heart and soul of the movie shine out through every frame. It also means that the lines that carry the most emotional impact - “How dare you come to me now,” “There are no happy endings because nothing ends,” “I can feel this body dying” - stand out all the more, and the movie is better for it.

Speaking of those lines.

The writing in this movie is A+. Every main character has their own immediately recognizeable voice, especially Schmendrick, whose machine-gun delivery of every line as if he was anxious to get to a punchline that was never coming endeared him to me all the more. In fact, I think the only character whose writing fell flat was Lir, who existed more as a plot device than anything else. Kudos, though, to the film for making the romance actively ominous and something to root against. The entire last third of the movie carried a deeply unsettling feeling, even moreso than the first two thirds - and they were plenty unsettling enough on their own - and this is largely because Schmendrick and Molly (and the audience) know what the consequences of the unicorn falling for Lir are, but find themselves wholly unable to affect any change until the last minute.

On a personal note, the running theme of personal identity hit me hard. Of course, there’s Molly and her first encounter with the unicorn; her lines about the unicorn being 10 or 20 years too late brought immediately to mind my insecurities over transitioning later in life. “How dare you come to me now when I am this,” indeed. Then there’s Schmendrick, who wants desperately to be seen by others as what he knows he has inside him, and the unicorn, who spends time literally trapped in a body that isn’t hers and in fact actively works against her.

(Also, speaking of Schmendrick, how about him being able to see the unicorn right after the scene where the unicorn says men can’t see unicorns? I know that Mommy Fortuna attributes it to his “sorceror’s sight,” but that, combined with the unicorn’s “I cannot change you into something you are not” and Schmendrick’s “It’s a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is” did make me think.)

Anyway, this movie was good. Definitely going on the list of favorites. And all of you who told me I needed to watch it can rest easy now.

Triplet Matt Giveaway One Shot

A/N~ Hey there! It’s Mod HaiLee showing up 20 years too late with the first finished one shot of our giveaway! My very best friend @faestae was so kind and offered to write this, so make sure to give her all the praise! This one shot is for @jemin-guay we hope you like it bb and I apologize sincerely for how long this took.

Originally posted by kyloholic

You couldn’t remember the last time you laughed like that–laughter that washed over you like a wave would a toddler. Over dinner, your hands pressing your napkin helplessly to your lips and in the movie, nearly spewing popcorn on the couple in front of you–Matt just knew what to say. There were times where even he couldn’t resist his own quip, stumbling into cheeky giggles right after you until the both of you were too rosy to function.

Sitting in the passenger’s side of the Falcon, the laughter had finally faded, at least a bit, the gentle beat of the mixtape you made him playing in the old radio. Hands folded in your lap, you felt the cool evening breeze on your cheeks, eyes raised to the moon in her shy crescent. Every deep breath filled you with a fuzzy feeling, peaceful in the serenity of the ride home.

Then, the street signs started looking familiar again, Quail Road and Maple Ave; your street. Looking at the buildings pass by up to your complex filled your chest with a heaviness–knowing you’d be back in your apartment alone without Matt. It made your heart even heavier.

Matt pressed his foot on the brake as he came to your building, the engine fading with a purr and the radio clicking off to the song of crickets.

You stopped curling your finger in your skirt long enough to exhale, raising your eyes from your lap to Matty, who was staring off towards your building, actively averting his eyes.

“I had fun, tonight, Matty,” you said finally.

He turned his head to you, but quickly looked down again, a smile tugging at the corner of his lip.

You held his eye contact for a few seconds before looking into your lap. “Thanks for spending time with me,”

He flushed, reaching back and scratching the back of his neck, “Yeah– no problem,” he replied, “we should do this again sometime… Maybe,”

You chuckled, toying with the zipper on your clutch, “Yeah, when Mutant Space Lizards from Space gets yet another remake, we should totally go see it,”

“Mutant Space Lizards from Space Return Again!” He wiggled his fingers, “In 3-D!”

You laughed again, as if you hadn’t been silent for so long, in that moment, remembering everything he had said all night, “I can’t even wait!” Matt’s cheeks flushed perfectly pink in the dark and again, you were filled with warmth.

Settling into the moment again, you came to terms with how your heart was racing. Before the sadness came back, he cleared his throat, “Here, l-let me walk you in.”

He hopped up out of the car and skipped around, grabbing the door for you and offering his hand. You took it and he lifted you easily up out of the passenger’s side and back to your feet, your skirt hanging back around your knees.

With his hand in yours, you felt your chest ache in a fit of longing, and when it settled from the high, he let it go. Instead, he offered you his elbow and you slipped your hand in.

One step at a time, he walked you down the cobblestone path to your building and up the stairs. Matt stopped on the second to last stair and watched you take the final step up to your porch. You opened your clutch in the last few steps, pulling your keys up around your finger and when you turned around, Matt was still standing there one step down.

He was still so well put-together, buttoned up shirt peeking from his cotton sweater, hair brushed off to one side. Eyes glittering from behind his glasses, he blinked suddenly, perhaps realizing you were looking back at him.

 “Goodnight, beautiful.”‘

Beautiful’ hung in your chest like a last falling drop of water, making you tingle as it splashed down into your heart. With your eyes on his doe-eyed face, you stepped forward, leaning down and cupping Matt’s cheeks in your hands. Your kiss was brief, soft and certain, right on his lips.

He lingered as you pulled away, his eyes fluttering open, love-sick and soft. The elation that filled him graced you too:

“Goodnight, Matty,”

I think one thing that kylo ren needs more than anything is: unconditional love. A lot of special needs kids/mentally ill kids and other kids in that ilk often feel like their parents love is very conditional. They’ll love you if you act normal just for the dinner okay? or they’ll love you if you just don’t mention your problems okay? don’t let them know how weird you are. So when Han meets him on that bridge, some 20 years after Han walked out of his life, Kylo ren says “it’s too late for unconditional”.

Kylo ren needed unconditional when he was a 5 year old with weird powers Han solo didn’t believe in. Kylo ren needed unconditional when Han left with a very very illicit implication that it Kylo ren’s weirdness was a big part of him leaving.

Han solo was 20 years too late for unconditional love*

*terms and conditions apply.

so here I am on the tog wiki again because this is my life now and I notice this…. 

sounds like a certain someone we know?

update: my favorite scot and meta queen meta’d tf out of this already 
BLESS YOU LO <3

fucking what is the deal with video games having that shit like “whoa looks like you’ve been playing for literally 10 hours maybe its time to take a break” like fucking dont tell me how to live my life ive been doing this shit for 20 years youre too late im beyond help