2-am

When I came with you that first time
on the floor of your office, the dirty carpet
under my back, the heel of one foot
propped on your shoulder, I went ahead
and screamed, full-throated, as loud
and as long as my body demanded,
because somewhere, in the back of my mind,
packed in the smallest neurons still capable
of thought, I remembered
we were in a warehouse district
and that no sentient being resided for miles.
Afterwards, when I could unclench
my hands and open my eyes, I looked up.
You were on your knees, your arms
stranded at your sides, so still –
the light from the crooknecked lamp
sculpting each life and delicate twist,
the lax muscles, the smallest veins
on the backs of your hands. I saw
the ridge of each rib, the blue hollow
pulsing at your throat, all the colors
in your long blunt cut hair which hung
over your face like a raffia curtain
in some south sea island hut.
And as each bright synapse unfurled
and followed its path, I recalled
a story I’d read that explained why women
cry out when they come – that it’s
the call of the conqueror, a siren howl
of possession. So I looked again
and it felt true, your whole body
seemed defeated, owned, having taken on
the aspect of a slave in shackles, the wrists
loosely bound with invisible rope.
And when you finally spoke you didn’t
lift your head but simply moaned the word god
on an exhalation of breath – I knew then
I must be merciful, benevolent,
impossibly kind.
—  Dorianne Laux, “2 AM,” What We Carry
1. Don’t stress about how much or little you weigh, it’s just another number.
2. Accept your stretch marks, you’ll only get more with age.
3. Love your imperfections.
4. Allow yourself to cry if you want, it’s a nice cleanse.
5. Forget about those who were ever mean to you.
6. It’s okay if you don’t have any money, you’ll figure it out.
7. Experiment with your makeup.
8. Kiss whoever makes your insides smile.
9. Forgive people you love.
10. Give everyone what they deserve.
11. Don’t go places, if your mind or body needs the day off.
12. It’s okay, to not be okay.
13. A mix of emotions is a good thing, it means you care.
14. Never give up on whatever you love.
15. I love you.
—  15 things I wish my mother would have told me.