1st world problems

Melancholic Irrationalism  (Huedhuat)


Note:
So I have been having a mini fanfic block lately and so I wrote this to get out of it. As a result this isn’t my best (maybe) and sorry if Hue is a little OOC, it’s a symptom of the writer’s block. Moreover, this is set right after Clotho sacrifices herself. Also on Ao3, maybe.

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She was the stars in the night sky. Cool ice on a hot summer’s day. Those cheesy pop songs that you couldn’t help but sing along. She was the type to make a rational, logical man into a not-so-rational, logical man.Yes, that was the power of the goddess of fate, a girl whose life achievements didn’t amount to much.

She was the type to love unconditionally, stupidly. She could be classed as a person with a poor sense of judgement. Some who was dense. Yet it was those facts that made her so lovable, so beautiful. At least in the eyes of Huedhuat.

It was those aspects that made her a beautiful person. As was those aspects that gave Huedhaut a sweet little feeling. A sweet little feelings that was great as it was as destructible. As weedkiller does to weeds, that sweet feelings feeling killed his heart.

Loving and being loved.

That was what it was.

That was what caused all this.

Loving and being loved in itself isn’t wrong, it was a perfectly fine concept. It was loving without being loved back or loving to be loved back that is so destructive. The act of loving another, being dependable on another, caring so much for something that death is not a question is a concept that is ultimately destructible.

Inescapable.

Their fate was inescapable, that was his belief. His mantra. However sometimes he couldn’t help but think that it wasn’t. Maybe everything would have been FINE if such events had never OCCURRED. But they OCCURRED and so everything was not so FINE. It couldn’t have been FINE because of what OCCURRED.

It was fine. It wasn’t just. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t the right thing to do. Leaving the person who you loved alone forever was not a good thing. It wasn’t heroic. It wasn’t amazing. It wasn’t a courageous act. It was horrible and cruel and unfair.

If those- if those goldfishes hadn’t wronged, if they hadn’t been corrupted. If greed and hatred and all those ugly parts that could turn a god bad didn’t exist and if by nature goldfishes weren’t so, then everything would be alright. If only Clotho did not love them. Love goldfishes the most.

And that was the worst part of it really. The horrible truth. No matter how much Clotho told Huedhuat that she loved him, no matter how many times they’d made love he would always be second in her heart.

THEY would always come first.

He always second.

Like how you put your left foot first.

Yet even as that truth burned him, Huedhuat could not quite let go. Could not stop loving her. Because even though it showed where he stood (and even though she would say that ‘it was the right thing to do’) it was her. It was the goddess who he fell for. Who he loved unconditionally and unabashedly.

That was the truth.

He loved what could never, in the end, love back.

It was a choice he made and one he made alone.

So maybe then that was why he didn’t mind doing this. That even though he was always second he didn’t mind her being first. Losing one half of his stars was FINE because he might have been second but that was better than loving and not being loved. Because even though being second hurt (as would being impaled by a blunt object would) she never hid the fact, she never said it but in her own way showed him. As she told him going to the fountain of love was not the right thing to do. That being loved by him and making vows with him did not make him HIM anymore.

So then maybe she loved HIM the most. Maybe that was her way of making HIM be HIM again.

But maybe he didn’t mind HIM not being HIM anymore. Maybe he hated HIM. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he didn’t mind being HIM if it meant loving HER.

But in the end, it didn’t matter. Because he was here and she was there. And as Clotho had decided to sacrifice herself for some greater good, Huedhaut had decided to sacrifice his stars for her. For him to one day see her again, for him to fall in love with her again. A  childish thought it was but it was his childish thought. It might have been cruel and unkind but he also loved her and to see her once more, to love her once more would be the greatest gift of all.

Even if she ended falling in love with someone else. To see her again would be

FINE


                     Because…

                                 Because…

She was the stars in the night sky. Cool ice on a hot summer’s day. Those cheesy pop songs that you couldn’t help but sing along. She was the type to make a rational, logical man into a not-so-rational, logical man.Yes, that was the power of the goddess of fate, a girl whose life achievements didn’t amount to much.

Huedhuat felt a deep sadness within himself. A emotion which he couldn’t quite explain. Covering his eye with his hand, he felt it.

Then it occurred to him.

‘Clotho didn’t want to marry him because then he wouldn’t be him. Let him go so he could be HIM again but in the end he was no longer HIM. He could never be HIM again.’

Huedhuat, the wiseman had died when Clotho had. Her wish had never been granted.

How bittersweet it was.

The dust of stars floated up into the sky. Reaching, searching for a lost goddess in a abyss of black.

Things digital artist hear from family members.
  1. You stay on the computer too much. 
  2. When are you not on the computer? 
  3. Why don’t you get out more? 
  4. Do you do anything else? 
  5. Can’t you do that later? 
  6. Can you fix my computer? 
  7. Why don’t you have a regular job? 
  8. Where is [insert name here]? In there on that computer again. 

So yes, I have a degree in an art field where nearly all the time a computer is very much needed and I love perfecting my craft but, did you know this offends people so very very very much? 

I am also a teacher by day, but somehow I still stay on the computer too much.  I do think because I base a good chunk of my work from home that it bothers them that I am not in an office 24/7.

However:

Originally posted by omgitsjoegilgun