1k:d

My Dearest Maverick,

It’s been over a year since our lives changed. There’s been a lot of feelings that we’ve had to overcome, and I like to think that we’ve done a pretty good job at conquering them together. I guess this is just my way of getting everything out in the open. I’m not sure if you will ever see this, but if you do, a lot of it you will already know.

We’ve done a lot of things that hurt. Hurt ourselves, hurt each other, and hurt other people. But we didn’t know what else to do. We didn’t know how to handle our situation. We admitted how we feel for each other, and a lot of things have sprouted from that. Even if I got the chance, I don’t think I would change anything if it led me to where we are today.

I am so in love with you. Sometimes I feel the need to remind you that it’s not just a feeling of love and affection, but being in love is something that shakes the very core of your being. Everything I do, say and feel revolves around your happiness. I will do anything in my power to make you as happy as possible, and nothing could ever stop me. So every time I go to your apartment to do laundry, and I start to clean, it’s because I know your roommates can be messy and it puts you in a bad mood to come back to a room that looks like a hurricane rode through it. Every note that I hide for you is because I’m constantly thinking about you, and missing you when you’re gone. Whenever you catch me staring and ask me what’s on my mind, 95% of the time it’s something along the lines of “Dear Thor she is so beautiful…why doesn’t she see that like everyone else does?” The other 5% is how lucky I am to have you in my life – Speaking of everyone else, it truly is. Think about the dodecahedron we made up about the people you’re surrounded by that either wish you were theirs, or became close. And that’s only the beginning my love. I’m willing to bet that for every person in that dodecahedron, there’s at least another 5 that are thinking the same thing. 

I know that you’re sad about me leaving in 16 weeks, and that’s okay. It’s okay to be sad. But I really wish you could be excited for me that I’m about to start the rest of my life with the man that I love. Even though I will be miles away, I will never lose touch. I will always talk to you, day in and day out. I will always want to be by your side. Most importantly, I will always love you. I know that I’m not the most affectionate person out there, but please know that when I say I love you, I mean it like Romeo meant it when he spoke to Juliet, or how John Lennon and Yoko Ono showed their love for one another. Point is, I’m not going anywhere for as long as I’m alive, and you’re just going to have to deal with that (I don’t think you’ll mind).

Sometimes things get hard between us, like when you feel like you’re stepping on my SO’s toes, or when you want to be strong and hold your feelings inside instead of talking to me about them. At times like those, sometimes I wonder if you regret the decisions we’ve made. I get into my head and (like I told you tonight), wonder what I did to scare you away, or if you just stopped feeling the same way. And it’s not all your fault. There have been my fair share of overstepping the fine line that we are still figuring out where it lies, and getting into my own head and my screw ups. But I hope that you’ll forgive me and we can move on from any of them that come up in the future…because that’s what I want. I want to say with confidence that we will have some sort of future together, whether it be as best friends, or even future roommates if the opportunity comes up that I need to move away from Kevin for a career at one point and you happen to be there.

I can’t wait until you’re out of school and have your own life. You are going to do amazing things with your knowledge and drive, and I’m so proud of everything that you’ve already accomplished.

I’m so lucky to have you as my best friend.

So to my Maverick, my wing woman, my ride or die…I love you. I pinky promise.

With Love,
Your Duck

P.S., You kill me in those tank tops. Every. Damn. Time.

And to anyone that stuck through that entire letter, thank you.