You go into this thinking, “I’m so ready for my bump!”
Well. Lol. Let me just say, thank goodness the growing doesn’t start until 5 or 6 months in (more or less).
When I first found out, every week I would snap a picture, trying to note the slightest bloat as growth.
Right now, at 7 months pregnant, I feel so……..round!
Of course not fat, even though I’m tipping the scales these days at almost 190….I started off at 153 & I still have 2 and a half months to go.
I am TERRIFIED to see the scale reach or pass 200.
At my heaviest I was 197, and I cannot stand to look at photos from then.
Anyway, typically, when another woman sees a pregnant woman, she thinks
"awww"or "how cute" as her eyes automatically divert to the woman’s middle…
Well, I always did, anyway.
But I never thought about being in her shoes. watching every passing person’s gaze fall straight to her belly.
Today, I finally felt it. And it’s sooooooo awkward. I couldn’t help but to think,
"Can they tell I’m pregnant? Do I just look like I have a pot belly, unable to dress for my body?"
It sounds silly, but something that I truly thought I would be able to embrace wholeheartedly and without question is actually a bit of a challenge.
Buying new clothes???
I need to use every ounce in me not to get momentarily depressed.
Seeing things that would look SO CUTE! If I didn’t look like I’d swallowed a basketball. Automatically bypassing the Smalls and Mediums, 9’s & 10’s.
Putting things down because I know that after 10 minutes of wearing it I would be wanting to rip it off from discomfort.
Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE my baby bump. Especially because I have been blessed with the gift of having not a single stretch mark, it really is a pretty belly. Shaped nicely. It’s when time comes to go out on the town, a date, a celebration, dinner, the simplest outing, that the insecurity arises. And it’s extra hard for me because, I’ve dealt with that for probably 3/4 of my life so far & once I was finally able to feel comfortable in my skin wearing virtually anything, came my turn to harvest a life.
This, they don’t tell you in the baby books, apps nor websites.
Some days I can only keep sane by planning, & re-planning (& re-planning yet again) my post-pregnancy diet and exercise lifestyle shift, & promising myself I will bounce back better than ever. And I will. I know I will.
But until then, it will only get harder. I will only grow bigger, rounder, more insecure.
But I will also fall deeper & deeper into a love that I will never again find with another human being. And that, I think, is worth it all.