The first person I lost was my lover…
I cried for 165 days in a row and the first day I didn’t, I felt guilty; as if suffering somehow equated to love and the fact that I hadn’t cried meant I didn’t miss them enough and I never deserved them in the first place…
The next person I lost was my friend… Things happened… things went wrong… It felt like my whole life was falling apart and when all I wanted to do was turn to my best friend… I realized they were gone…
After that I lost my soulmate because I honestly think I lost a part of my soul. I’m not the same person anymore, a part of me is missing and I know I’ll never get it back…
And one day when I’m ready… I will lose one more person to the distant past… One day… I will lose the ghost of those three people.
The spectre I see sitting across from me at empty café tables, the one I turn to face at the punchline of every joke, and one I reach for in the within vast emptiness inside myself. One day that ever present shadow will fade away forever like the rest… but not yet. I‘m not ready to let that last echo fade… I’m still trying to reconcile the loss of the other three because they were all so much to lose…
And I lost them all within a single person.
In honour of Speak Your Language Day : 165 insults and other obscenities “à la française”
Abrutis Analphabète Andouille Âne baté Archéodendrite Arrière-faix de truie ladre ! Avorton Baltringue Barjot Bécasse Bélître Blaireau Bon sang (de bonsoir) Bordel Bougre d’âne / d’imbécile / de congre Branleur Branquignol / Branquignole Brise-burnes Butor Canaille / Canaillou Cancrelat Casse-pieds / couilles / bonbons Catin Charogne Cinglé Clampin Con / Conne Con comme un balai / un manche / une chaise / la lune / ses pieds… Conchieur Connard/ Connasse Coquebert ! Cornegidouille Couillon Crasspouillard Crétin (des Alpes) Crevard Crevure Croupion Cuistre Cul-terreux Décérébré Dépravé Diantre Don Juan de pissotière / en herbe / de pacotille Ducon Ecervelé Ecornifleur Ectoplasme (purulent) Emmanché Emmerdeur Emplâtre Enculé Enculeur de mouches Enflure Enfoiré Engeance débauchée Face de pet / de rat Faquin Félon Flagorneur Flute Fourbe Foutre Dieu Fripouille Fumier Garce Géménée de godinette Géopyge Gibier de potence Glandeur Gourde Gredin Grigou Grippeminaud Gueux Guignol Hérétique Hurluberlu Ironie de la création Ivrogne Je te conchie ! Jean-foutre Jocrisse Malandrin Malapris Malotru Manant Maquerelle Maraud Maroufle Mauviette Mécréant Merdeux Minable Mince Morbleu Mordious Mortecouille Mouton de Panurge Nodocéphale Nom de Dieu / d'un chien Oiseau de mauvaise augure Olibrius Orchidoclaste Ordure Ostréipyge Palsambleu Paltoquet Panoufle Parbleu Peau de vache Pendard Péquenaud Pervers Pétasse Philistin Pignouf Pimbêche Piqueniquedouille Pleutre Poivrot Pouf Poufiasse Putain (de bordel de merde) ! Pute Puterelle Raclure Rastaquouère Rat Résidu de basse fosse ! Ribaude Roi des cons Roublard Sac à vin / à foutre / à puce Sacrebleu Sagouin Salaud Sale trogne Salopiaud Saperlipopette Scélérat Schnok Sinoque Sous-merde Suppôt de Satan Ta gueule ! Tartempion Tartignole Tas de fumier / de merde Tocard Tonnerre de Brest Triple buse Triste sire Trou du cul / de balle Troufion Truand Va nu pieds Vaurien Ventre saint-gris Ventrebleu Vermine Vieille baderne / carne Vieux fossile Vipère Zélateur
J’ai un jour de retard je sais, mais j’y ai pensé que ce matin après coup (en même temps c’est French Friday aujourd’hui …). J’ai ce fichier qui traîne dans mon bazar depuis un bout de temps déjà et ce n’est que maintenant que je me dis que c’est une occasion rêvée de le partager et d’en faire profiter tout le monde. Amis francophones de tous les horizons, vous avez naturellement la permission d’ajouter votre contribution à cette liste.
I’m a day late I know, but it was an afterthought. I had this file somewhere for a while now. It was only this morning that I saw the opportunity to share it. Feel free to contribute to this list.
Day 165/365: A song that you loved as a kid & continue to now even though it might not be considered “mature”
This song - this band - helped me through some shit growing up. Bands like MCR, Linkin Park, Papa Roach, FOB, 3DG… idk man, they kept me grounded. They were relatable for what I was feeling at that time and seemed to have a grasp or at least understand that typical teenage angst I was feeling along with the beginnings of my depression. A lot of people may look at this sort of stuff as somewhat immature and whiny, but honestly? It was exactly what I needed when I needed it.
I didn’t post anything yesterday, by the time we got the tents up and cooked pasta with baked beans, living the high life, I was knackered.
Yesterday started so well, sun was out and we purred along taking in the mountain ranges on both sides of the road. The wind was again a pain, in our face most of the way which slowed is down to 10KPH. I heard from a local they had some snow in the mountains yesterday. NZ summer baby! We headed for a campsite at Windwhistle, but when we got there were told it had closed, so decided to push on to a golf retreat some 8K away. I knew as soon as we entered the sweeping driveway it was a mistake. A huge country estate with lot of expensive cars in the car park. We didn’t even get to the door before we were “greeted” by the manager. He took one look at us and decided no room at the inn. I thought snobbery was exclusive to the British, clearly not. He went on to tell us the rooms were 350 NZD, about 200 pounds, like 2 blokes on cycles could not even dream to be able to pay that amount. Wanker!
We peddled away being blown by the wind a bit dejected and decided to to set up camp by the road, but hidden by some trees. They don’t call it Windwhistle for nothing, it blew so hard all my tent pegs came out of the ground in the night. At 6am I was woken by the shepherds dogs herding the sheep, time to move on.
Today’s ride was pretty dull, long straight roads. It does help having someone to share the work at the front and take the wind. We found a fantastic campsite on the beach and went for a swim/ paddle. Bloody freezing. The local tavern even pick us up and dropped us back to our tents after dinner, now that’s service! The more I speak to locals on the South Island the more I like them, everyone is so friendly.
Last day tomorrow with Ed, good guy. Cold, tired and wind blown last night, he tried to explain the advantages of Buddhism and meditation, I said Ed lets meditate on getting the bloody tea and pasta on my friend, I am starving!
Tomorrow I head back inland towards Picton. It should take 4 days to get there and the ferry to the North Island. I had planned to use highway 1, but that is still damaged from the recent earthquake.