150 notes

My nayme is Cowe,🐄
The grasse I eate,🌱
The sunne is warm,🌞
The aire is sweete,🌬


I luv my friends,❤
The cowes and sheep,🐄🐑
In day we romp,🐄
At nighte we sleep,🐮😴


Ostensiblye,😌
We slumber then,🐮😴
At least so thinks🤔
The human men,👬


In eeriye mist,🌫
I care'flly go😐
A bovine tryste 🐄
(The men don’t knowe),👬😯


A Cowe I like,🐄
Who likes me backe,🐂
She’s white and browne,🐂
I’m white and blacke,🐄


I have but one☝️
Detail to say,😊
I lik her head,🐄😛🐂
This Cowe is gaye :) 🐄❤️💛💚💙💜🐂


And such concludes🙋🏽
My poeme nowe,📝
The storye of📖
Lesbiane Cowe.💖🐄💖🐄💖🐄💖

Phan
  • My child: mommy why is my cousin called diamond
  • Me: bc your aunt loves diamonds
  • My child: what about me?
  • Me: be quiet April 25, 2017
Things I loved about Dan and Phil's Easter Baking- Pastel Lemon Meringues

- The little song at the beginning about the softness of Easter and spring

- And then Phil ruined it by saying “baby weasel”

- Phil not knowing what they were baking (“??? pastel ,,, lemon? Easter,,?)

- “You look like you’re going to a dog funeral Dan”

- THE RETURN OF PASTEL DANIEL AND PHILLIP

- Phil wearing lil bunny ears 🐰

- Dan grabbing his overall straps

- The return of that horrendous bunny head

- Dan throwing all the ingredients at Phil (“caTCH”)

- D+P not knowing what cornflour is (“milk a corn”)

- “You were just tweaking the nipple of the lemon”

- “Let me sniff it”

- Phil shoving the whisk in Dan’s face (can’t believe he hasn’t seen the video omfg)

- The fucking.. purple duck,,, oven gloves or whatever idek

- The dramatic music playing while Dan attacked Phil with a spoon

- Seriously Dan that wasn’t fair

- U r hurting Phillip

- “protip” “NOOO”

- And immediately after, “Satan, help us bake”

- Using “fluff” instead of “fuck”

- Phil spilling the caster sugar all over the floor jfc

- Love my clumsy son

- Wouldn’t be a baking video without Dan zooming in on Phil’s flour-covered crotch

- (Seriously how did flour get there. Wtf)

- They should have bought an electric mixer

- Dan freakING THE FUCK OUT when Phil did the upside down test

- “No whacking”

- “WHATUPIVE JUST BEEN BORN GIMME THE TIT”

- Phil’s complete inability to pipe meringues

- The bunny voice overs

- DAN SCARING PHIL WITH THE BUNNY HEAD

- Phil sticking his hand into dan’s overalls and going “mpreg fic” 😏

- “Someone’s lactating blood”

- The lil basket full of the meringues

- “You can see my actual orgasm face-mmMMM”

- DAN FEEDING PHIL “FEED ME EASTER DADDY”

- What a treasure. Honestly

3

In every Danganronpa game there is that one character with this hairstyle and this pose. (And they all have an ‘h’, two ‘i’’s, a ‘c’ in their first name.)

(Edit: I read all the tags of the reblogs and I know but I don’t want to spoil anyone. Don’t comment spoilers.)

Highlights of Dan and Phil Do Pastel Edits In Real Life

• Punk edits was 2 years ago jesus

• “Like inhaling a cloud”

• “Like a breeze through a cherry blossom tree”

• Tbh all of the pastel metaphors they used

• Dan saying pastel is the opposite of his personality but then at the end saying he would have pastel if he wasn’t wearing black

• PHIL TOUCHING DANS CURLS

• JUST. DANS WAVY HAIR OMG

• Phil’s pastel pink bedsheets

• Dan winking when Phil said he washes his bed sheets a lot

• The pastel underwear that Phil saw when he searched male pastel

• Dan wanting to embrace cole sprouse

• Dans little jumps when he was trying to get into his overalls

• “Wow Dan you look so soft”

•Phil getting dans straps on ;)))

•Dan doing the sleeve thing with his pastel jumper

• PHIL CHANGING IN FRONT OF DAN

• IN THE ROOM

• OH MY GOD

• Also the sexy music playing when he was changing

• Phil’s tight jeans and Dan blatantly checking out his ass

• Those lush flower crowns jfc

• The absolute lack of personal space

• “I’m obsessed with your curl, Dan”

• Dan and Phil blowing on Dan’s tattoo

• “Look at that meaty bicep, Phil”

• Dan complementing Phil and making a gagging noise immediately after

• Dan screaming while Phil sponged his tattoo

• Phil’s voice getting so high pitched when Dan was sponging his tattoo

• Phil’s fuckin pastel umbrella

• Dans snuggly unicorn

• All the casual hair touching w the wigs

• Phil’s idea of a pastel name: fredericko 9

• “Curly Dan is here to stay”

• This entire video was a fuckin treasure tbh

I wonder what’ll happen next if Amish Kapoor somehow manages to gets his hands on the Glitteriest Glitter. Would Stuart Semple come up with some other thing (Say, I don’t know, the Goldest Gold. Just as an example.) Or would he pull off some crazy heist in order to steal the glitter back from Kapoor? These are the kinds of things I like to think about. 

Either way, the Vantablack and Pinkest Pink and Glitteriest Glitter saga is reaching whole new levels of petty.

Updated masterlist #8

It’s that time again! 

All smut is indicated
(*) over 50 notes
(**) over 100 notes
(***) over 150 notes
(!) over 200 notes
(!!) over 300 notes
(!!!) over 500 notes

(^) over 1000 notes
(^^) over 2000 notes

(^^^) over 27,000 notes

Text AU

You confuse them with Meghan Trainor lyrics (!!)
You loose something stupid (!!)
Messaging the wrong boy (!!)
You love superheroes (!!)
Food mishaps with the baby (!)
you play hide and seek (!)
They think you are ignoring them (!)
Kitchen mishaps (!)
you buy a dog (!)
Harry Potter (***)
Kittens (***)
you give him a heart attack (***)
You have a bad day at school (***)
Calum finding out that you had a seizure but you left your phone at home (***)
You tell him you’re pregnant (***)
1st december (***)
Michael’s black hair (**)
supernatural 5sos part 2.5 (the other parts are found in preferences) (**)

Non smutty visuals

Imagine #1 (Calum) (**)
Imagine #2 (Michael) (*)
Imagine #3 (Ashton) (*)
Imagine #4 (Luke) (*)
Imagine #5 (Calum) (*)
Imagine #6 (Luke) (*)
Imagine #7 (Ashton) (**)
Imagine #8 (Michael) (*)
Imagine #9 (Calum) (**)

Preferences

you make him cum his pants *smut*  (!!!)
Bus Bunk mishaps  (!!)
You get in a car crash and lose your memory (!)
You get in a car crash and lose your memory part 2 (***)
He thinks you are cheating on him (!)
He thinks you are cheating on him part 2 (!)
Supernatural 5sos (!)
Supernatural 5sos part 2  (***)
Supernatural 5sos part 3  (**)
supernatural 5sos part 4  (**)
supernatural 5sos part 5 (**)
supernatural 5sos part 6 (*)
supernatural 5sos part 7 (*)
supernatural 5sos part 8 (*)
supernatural 5sos part 9 (*)
Pap problems  (!)
Shutting him out (***)
You’re his celebrity crush (***)
Camp half blood AU   (**)
Camp Half-blood part 2 (**)
Camp half blood part 3
having an argument/fight (**)
having a argument/fight part 2 (***)
you like him but to him you are just friends (**)
Part 2 (**)
Love me like you do *song preference*   (**)
Finding out you are pregnant (*)
He’s your best friend but you have a crush on someone else (*)
he is your best friend but you have a crush on someone else part 2 (*)
insecurities (*)
he insults you and the boys defend you (*)
He takes care of you when you are sick
When you’re gone Avril lavigne *song preference* (*)
Natalia Kills-Problem (*)
You ruin me by the veronicas*song preference*

Imagines

Ashton
Skype sex with visual  *smut* (***)
My wallflower (Nerd) (*)
My Wallflower Part 2
Luke Vs Ashton (*)
Personal Ashton imagine for wrecking-ball-love
Michael Vs Ashton
Calum Vs Ashton
Golden Compass AU
Ipod shuffle - Still into you
Michael
He walks in on your masturbating *smut*  (***)
He walks in on your masturbating part 2 *smut*  (**)
Skype sex with visual *smut* (**)  
Michael smut, overprotective older brother Luke (**)
Single parent (*)
Michael imagine where you’ve been dating a long time but Harry has a thing for you (*)
Secret boyfriend Michael (*)
Michael Imagine Welcome home *smut* (*)
Michael Vs Ashton
You’re just not punk rock enough for me (*)
Bad boy Michael (*)
He’s not that bad (*)
He’s not that bad part 2 (*)
He’s not that bad part 3  *smut* (**)
He’s not that bad part 4
No Sleep of the Wicked
Gastroparesis
No Sleep of the Wicked
Parenthood is hard
Appendicitis
Trying to study
Even though I know you’re lying, I still almost believe you *requested*
You saved me from myself
Luke
I like you, not him. *smut* (***)
Neighbour (*)
Luke imagine Dont you forget me (*)
Luke Imagine Panic attack (*)
Skype sex with visual *smut* (*)
Luke imagine shower sex  *smut* (*)
Married at first sight (*)
The Hunger Games (*)
Backstage fun *smut*
Luke song imagine “Our July in the Rain” by He is We
Luke Imagine Not so secret relationship
Luke Imagine you like him but he doesn’t feel the same
Luke has a headache
Badly written imagine
Calum
Silent treatment from him (**)
Happy New Year (**)
Mad at Calum (*)
Secret love affair with Calum (*)
Jock meets Nerd (**)
personal Calum visual imagine for hoodswhisper *smut*
Calum imagine He has a headache
Calum Vs Ashton

Fanfictions
Bad Boy werewolf michael (!!)
Fate is not our friend Ashton werewolf
Mr Nerd is my soul mate Luke  (***)

Random posts

Ashton doesn’t like cats (^^)
Michael’s voice (^)
5 members of one direction (^^^)
Zayn leaving (!!!)
My friend and I on the phone (***)
What’s ‘wrong’ about she’s kinda hot (!!)
Michael’s porn tash (!!)
My reaction to the skh ep (!)
Michael is too precious (!)
Return of red Michael (!)
Michael’s reflection (***)
Luke is rude (***)
Calum in glasses (!!!)
Ashton in glasses (!!)
toasted Ashton (!!)
Return of Brashton (^)
Ashton winking/kissing  (!!!)

Visuals    

Dry humping (!)
People in chairs have more fun (!)
Yes sir!  (!)
We dont need the bedroom (!)
Eating out (***)
Teasing (***)
Keep your underwear on (***)
Bath/shower (**)
Under the table fun (**)
Midnight at the pool (**)
Lingerie (**)
Lets go to the kitchen! (**)
Against the wall  (**)
Thigh riding (**)
Car sex  (**)
Do you want to be a cowgirl? (*)
Angry fun  (*)
Squirting (*)
Bondage  (*)
Holding Hands (*)
Orgasm  (*)
Fingering (**)
FxFxM threesome (*)
Wedding night (*)
MXMXF threesome (*)
Grinding (*)
Anal

BARNESPIDEY’S MASTERLIST

i update it very often so it’s all up to date! x (feel free to reblog/like!)

i figured i’d just put the notes next to them - starting at +100 (in case anyone looks at that before reading) instead of adding different symbols next to them :)

Peter Parker/Spiderman x reader 

               ⚓  PART 2   (+150 notes)  

               ⚓  PART 3   (+100 notes)

Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier x reader

Tom Holland x reader

Draco Malfoy x reader

Sirius Black x reader

             ⚓  PART 2 - coming soon!

Zach Dempsey x reader

  • “Stupid tapes” - Zach doesn’t want to tell his girlfriend about the tapes and she has enough and then Bryce Walker makes things even worse.(+450 notes)

              ⚓  PART 2 (+250 notes)

Interesting quotes from Dan and Phil play gang beasts

-“get off my butt”

-“I’m gonna bang you”

-“I’ve got you by the fuckin dick”

-“oh shit, he’s picked me up”

-“pick up Phil. Lift Phil.”

-“it looks like we’re breeding”

-“what the fruck”

-“I’m all about the role playing”

-“oh. OH.”

-“stay away from my timbers”

-“get off my frill”

-“yes-YES. Grab. Grab. LiFT.”

-“oh shit we’re together”

-“get your hand out from underneath my legs”

-“I’m holding you by the ass”