13k

kajuned  asked:

Can you give me an example of your sense of humor? :3

oh my gosh. Probably everything I write?

My Story Time tag, which is largely True Things from my personal life that for whatever reason crack me up.

I think reading a few select short(ish) works of fic can tell you everything you need to know about my sense of humor, in increasing length so if you don’t think I’m funny you can stop after the smallest possible number of words read and spare yourself:

Oh, Hell No  (1.4k)

Rule 34 (2k)

I can’t believe Dean and Cas are STILL making out! (4.8k)

Until I Know This Sure Uncertainty, I’ll Entertain The Offered Fallacy  (13k)

Hurry Up And Wait  (22k)

Or… pretty much everything in my AO3. I think I’m hilarious. :D

But if you’re looking for something other than fic to get an idea of my sense of humor, have this ridiculous anecdote:

Yesterday Mr. Mittens  did some grocery shopping. Among other things, he bought a jar of honey roasted peanuts. Possibly because I hoarded the last jar of honey roasted peanuts he bought last week.

I’d been nibbling on peanuts for several days by this point, going through an entire pound of them one handful at a time. There’s like one level of peanuts left at the bottom of the old jar, chilling on what looks like a salty, honey-flavored sandy beach.

I don’t think he knew what happened to that old jar, because I’d stashed it beside my Comfy Chair; not out of malice or with any sort of devious desire to prevent anyone else from sharing them. It was a combination of laziness and convenience. But when I saw the brand new jar sitting on the counter yesterday afternoon, I thought it would be FREAKING HILARIOUS to just swap the brand new, full jar out for the nearly empty one.

I figured Mr. Mittens could have a O_O WTF moment wondering how I could’ve possibly eaten an entire pound of honey roasted peanuts in, like, an hour, and not died or whatever…

Long story short, he didn’t notice.

Nobody ever laughs at my jokes, so I don’t expect anyone else to assume I’m funny at all.

The end. :P

kkoga  asked:

I know HE boosted points up 20% but I ranked at 13k yet I still got an extra copy of koga and one souma???!?!!!!!?

Yep If anyone got 1 million points they also get one copy of souma and if anyone has at least 1+ point they get the 4/3*s 😇

My kid does 13K in damage to studio equip, we handle it like lunatics.

[Part 1]

Some background:

I’m an audio engineer and score arranger full time in my self-owned business. It’s how I provide for myself, my fiancée (also CF), and my mother. I record, mix, and master for bands, voice-overs for local commercials, and write music for people’s weddings, college films, indie games, etc.. It was my passion since I was a child and every day I ask myself why I get paid to do what I do.

You know, until today.

I had a woman schedule to come in because she wanted me to record her monologue for an acting class. I thought it was going to be easy enough. I set up a mic and a music stand in the sound booth and got my workstation prepped for tracking. She was supposed to show up at 3:30, so when 4:00 came around, I called her to ask her if she was still coming. It was my last contract for the day and I was wanting to get home to my fiancée, dogs, and dinner.

“Oh, sorry sweetie, I’m going to be there soon. I just had to get my son from ex-boyfriend.”

Uh oh.

4:12, she showed up with her child.

To preface, I’ve never really wanted kids, and don’t really hate them either. But I’ve been childfree of mind for a decade now in league of several bad child experiences in public.

Anyway, I sat her down at the conference table and tried to talk to her about the contract and billing, etc., and just couldn’t because of the six-years-old pile of ovary droppings next to her.

“Mommy it’s cold in here.” “Mommy, I’m bored.” “Mommy, that guy has girl hair.” “Mommy, I want to play on the phone.”

The incessant whining went on for the entirety of the discussion. She did nothing about it. I had an ache in my stomach that this might be a rough session.

I was right.

I showed her to the sound booth, positioned the mic at face level, told her the basics of mic use, and then she floored me with a question.

“Can my son stay in there with you while I do this?” I insisted that he wait in the conference room (across the hall from the control room) because the control room wasn’t a very kid-friendly place considering the 120K of equipment at arms reach.

“But he’s a little angel.”

I shouldn’t have taken her word for it. I SHOULD NOT have taken her word for it. This kid was ANYTHING but. I let him in, told him to sit in one of the office chairs and don’t touch anything. Needless to say, he touched. I queued the recording arm and signaled her to start. She got three lines into her take before I hear a deafening screech and crash.

That little shit machine had just knocked over a $4,000 Korg into a rack with $9,500 of equipment. Completely shattered the touchscreen on the Korg, busted the dials off of half of the effects, and totaled my distressor that I use for almost all the vocals I track.

All of this, by the way, was the room’s length apart from where I told the crotch goblin to stay.

The kid, because of the loud noise, started full-lung screaming. Not crying. Not yelling. Screaming.

The mother, with no hesitation, ran over to the control room and DEMANDED to know what I did to her child. She cussed at me and accused me of hurting her little snot monster. Threatened to sue and even swung at me. When I told her that her precious angel had just racked up at least twelve grand of damages, she said “good”, spit on me, then stormed out, slamming every door on the way. So I pulled the security camera footage and had filed a police report. Grand total: $13,504.25. I also mailed her the bill for her session for good measure.

Of six years in the studio, this is my only truly terrible experience. Fuck mombies. Fuck having children. Thanks for making my vasectomy decision that much easier on me.

[Part 2]

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Doctor Martin Luther King stood to stand against prejudice. I wish for my generation to do the same.
—  Coral-vellichor
YOI Fan Rec Friday

(10/3/17)

I got some amazing recs this week! Thank you!

If you do not see your rec, it means that it’s going to be on next week’s list!

Rec’d by anonymous:
not gold like in your dreams by ebenroot, Teen, 39k (WIP)
In which Victor and Yuuri are roommates and Yuuri has a secret.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
in this home we built by otabek, Not Rated, 7.6k
Yuuri wakes up ten years too soon and Viktor has a laugh that makes the stars tremble.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Stamina and Endurance by scribblywobblytimeylimey, Explicit, 13k
Yuuri is long overdue a punishment for his bad behaviour against one Viktor Nikiforov – a punishment to be exacted by Viktor himself, in a sharp suit. Unfortunately, as soon as Yuuri sees him in the suit, his dick has other ideas.
Stamina should have been a verb by scribblywobblytimeylimey, Explicit, 12k
Yuuri spends several hours taking Viktor apart at the seams with round after round of rough sex.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Routine by thishasbeencary, Teen, 17k (WIP)
Viktor pushes himself too hard, he always has, he knows that. Coaching and returning to skating isn’t easy (especially since he expects himself to start back exactly where his career left off, despite being 28 and not having competitively skated for most of a season). And, really, he should have seen this coming.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Shape of You by ViktorBunny, Explicit, 43k (WIP)
Yuri is moving to St. Petersburg and Victor is far too excited to show him everything and spoil his Katsudon on his home turf.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous and anonymous:
Something Gold by thishasbeencary, Teen, 2.8k
A soulmate’s mark begins to grow the first time that they see their soulmate, and stops growing when they fall in love. Some grow faster than others, so by the time they’ve both fallen in love, the marks are the same.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Unexpected by AlexWSpark, Mature, 52k (WIP)
In which one impulsive midnight decision leads Victor Nikiforov to Yuuri Katsuki and, of course, everything changes.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
No Less Unthinkable by rageprufrock, Explicit, 79k
In which Katsuki Yuuri fights a losing battle with chronic anxiety, the quadruple Salchow, and his own judgment four drinks in — but wins the war.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
A Matter of Luck by stillmadaboutpetra, Gen, 33k
Victor, a Charm of Good Fortune, promises to give Yuuri the life he wants. The problem is: Yuuri hasn’t a clue what he wants.
a thread to weave a home by LiaoftheDawn, Gen, 1.9k
“Yuuri, would you mind making a quick stop at Ice Castle before heading back home?” Yuuri’s breathe catches when Victor says the word ‘home’, soft and easy, like it’s his own. Like he plans to make it his own.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Always My Soulmate by Watermelonsmellinfellon, Explicit, 53k (WIP)
Compilation of Yuuri/Victor Soulmate AU oneshots.
Yuri Plisetsky: Wingman Extraordinaire? by Watermelonsmellinfellon, Mature, 11k (WIP)
In which Yuri is the aggressive wingman Victor didn’t know he needed, and the friend that Yuuri never asked for but appreciated.
Way to Victory by crea_sei, Teen, 18k (WIP)
Defeated after his loss at the GPF 2015, Yuuri doesn’t expect anything more from the GPF. That is, until he wakes up on the 5th of December, five days before the GPF even begins.
Please Have Mercy On Me by all_those_big_ass_trees, Explicit, 85k
Viktor’s been living with Yuuri for a month now, but Yuuri is still not used to him. But Viktor is a good teacher, and Yuuri is a good student.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous and anonymous:
Beside the Dancing Sea by lily_winterwood, MapleTreeway, Explicit, 179k
New York Times-bestselling author Viktor Nikiforov arrives in the sleepy seaside town of Torvill Cove to cure his writer’s block. After encountering local wallflower Yuuri Katsuki at a party, he discovers that this mysterious dark-haired man has a couple secrets up his sleeve.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by @phoenixwaller​:
In Our Dreams by phoenixwaller, Explicit, 38k (WIP)
Victor Nikiforov, the Junior World Figure Skating Gold Medalist, has a secret skill. He has the ability to dreamwalk; to visit the minds of others while his body sleeps.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous and anonymous:
Fanboy by arkhamcycle, Teen, 40k (WIP)
“Love!!! on Ice” is sure to be the greatest Wattpad-hosted love story of Viktor’s day. At its center are Viktor’s idol, world-renowned figure skating champion Yuuri Katsuki, and the silver-haired boy whose heart he steals–Vitaly Nikulichev.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
The Weight of Gold by barrelrider, Not Rated, 13k
Yuri’s big win at the Grand Prix final poses questions about the future that he hadn’t thought to ask before. And Viktor doesn’t seem interested in answering them.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by @ever-so-nice:
Shared Gravity by phoenixwaller, Explicit, 40k (WIP)
Yuri Katsuki doesn’t advertise his alpha status, in fact he’d rather it be relatively unknown. He feels that he’s never fit the stereotype, and is much happier blending into the background. However, much to his dismay, his alpha instincts are awakened one summer morning.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Walking Barefoot In The Snow by wingedcastielpie, Teen, 3.9k (WIP)
Millions of years before humanity has rooted itself firmly on the ground, two lovers of forbidden origin and passion were forced to live their lives in exile from the Seven Seas. Thousands of years later, they were back from where they started, with a bond more formidable than the oceans’ tides.
somewhere only we know by wingedcastielpie, Teen, 1k (WIP)
Katsuki Yuuri and Victor Nikiforov were orphans. They formed a bond when they were younger, and they were inseparable for four years. They only had each other. Until one day, Victor left, and Yuuri was left alone to his own devices, forever looking for him.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by @bathsoaps:
Come Out of Hiding (I’m Right Here Beside You) by osaki_nana_707, Not Rated, 61k (WIP)
After forgetting the words to his song during a vocal competition as a teenager, Yuuri Katsuki decided singing was not for him. Instead he went to NYU to study English. He never expected Viktor Nikiforov, Broadway star extraordinaire looking to direct his first production on the stage, would ever find his up-and-coming lead… in him.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
With the Aid of Gravity by notwisely, Teen, 5.3k
Yuuri had plastered his childhood bedroom with posters of Viktor—had grown up with Viktor’s irrepressible smile comforting him on the worst days, the promise of his silhouette against the endless blue of the sky behind him: that if Yuuri couldn’t defy gravity and physics and mortality, Viktor would do it for him.

✧・゚: *✧・゚:*    *:・゚✧*:・゚✧

Rec’d by anonymous:
Live, Laugh, Love by Lucien_King, Teen, 9.4k (WIP)
Something clicked within Yuuri and even though his manager told him that the project might ruin his reputation, he insisted. What could possibly go wrong? And then, he met the Viktor Nikiforov.

Thank you for all your recs! ₍₍ (̨̡ ‾᷄♡‾᷅ )̧̢ ₎₎

The amazing “YOI Fan Rec Friday” banner was created by @omgkatsudonplease! I love them a lot, check out their blog!

February Fic List (2017)

Anti Coffee Shops by brakestoosoon (6k)

Baby you’re a little mind reader by larrycaring (2k)

Bloody Mary by lululawrence (1k)

Far Afield by QuickedWeen (11k)

I Don’t Know What To Believe by lululawrence (5k)

It started with a whisper by jaded25 (92k)

(I will) soften every edge by bloobeary (3k)

Maybe, Baby by thoughtsickles (16k)

my song has not been sung by suspendrs (2k)

Nora by waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee (8k)

Oh, Here We Go by waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee (3k)

Oh How I Hate This Red String Of Fate by CalamityK (13k)

Our Garden Grows by LadyLondonderry (5k)

Raconteur. by chasestarprincess (1k)

Take Me To Your Heart by waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee (6k)

This Restless Dream by afirethatcannotdie (5k)

This Wicked Game by cherrystreet (70k)

We Know The Game by waytoomanypeopleintheaddisonlee (4k)

Were We Ever This Young? by letsjustsee (17k)

anonymous asked:

Hi! I'm really sorry to bother you, but I was looking for a fic where Derek is a deputy in BH and Stiles keeps getting in trouble even though his dad is still the Sheriff and Derek is always the one who catches him; I can't seem to find it ;; Again, I'm really sorry if you don't do this sort of thing or if the plot is too like general. Thank you!

hmm, well there are a number of fics where derek is a deputy and stiles gets… in trouble. 

  • Darling It Is No Joke by thehoyden (E, 13k) The first thing Stiles thinks when he opens the door is that it’s not his birthday, but someone has sent him some kind of cop stripper.
    • super fun. stiles moves back from college and meets derek, and there are some mysterious things happening with a large wolf. 
  • Murder, He Wrote by mklutz (E, 32k) And that was how Stiles accidentally became a New York Times bestselling author.
    • this one is a lot of fun and one of my favorites
    • there’s the great deputy derek and sheriff mentorship&relationship, and stiles is trying to solve a murder so there’s lots of shenanigans.
  • Take The Gun, Leave The Cannoli by bella8876 (M, 34k) Stiles is back in town, freshly divorced, completely broke, and desperate for a job. When he convinces Jackson to let him go after bail jumpers for a bit of extra cash, he never imagined he’d get a chance to go after Derek Hale, the guy who took his virginity and broke his heart. The $50,000 payday doesn’t hurt either. But it’s not as easy as Stiles thought it would be, and the more he digs, the more he becomes convinced that Derek’s caught up in something that’s bigger than the both of them. They realize if they want to get out of this alive, they’ll have to put aside their past and figure out how to work together. Then maybe they’ll get the chance to see if they have a future.
    • adore adore this fic. it’s got a lot of great detective tropes and a lot of reunion and pining and past love stuff that i love. also not sure if it’s what you’re looking for, since stiles here is basically a bounty hunter who is after derek. (he is a deputy but just wanted on suspicion of laura’s death, etc, you know the drill.) 
  • The Guard and Red by andavs (T, 74k)  Derek moves back to Beacon Hills after twelve years in New York and finds that the city has a superhero problem, his sister has a co-op problem, he has a neighbor problem, and he and Stiles spend a lot of time hanging from a fake rock and yelling at each other at seven in the morning.
    • @andavs is extremely talented at all the things, and writing is just one of them. this fic has so many awesome secret identity things i adore. derek is definitely a deputy here. stiles’ trouble is more like… he’s a secret vigilante???? but it’s a FANTASTIC read. 
  • Emergency Contact by giantteenwolforgy (T, 1k) “My name is Deputy Hale. What’s the problem, sir?” God. Damn. Of course, Stiles would call his dad about fucking diaper rash and end up talking to the hottest deputy on the force.
    • absolutely hilarious and i’m 100000% percent sure it’s not the fic you’re looking for but you have to read it because it’s amazing. basically stiles calls the station with random problems and derek always answers and it’s great. 

happy reading and good luck, you should also try the deputy derek tag on ao3.

 i hope you enjoy at least one of these! have a good day! \(^_^)/

The little head start she had didn’t much matter because she slows on the stairs complaining about  "you rich people, and your fuckin’ 700 stairs, why don’t you just get an elevator for Christ’s sake?“ and Harry zeros up behind her, placing gentle hands on her hips and giving her nudges.

"You’ve got this, Darlin’ only twenty more to go!”

“Eat. My. Ass.” She punctuates with each step, but she doesn’t bat his hands away.

“Now, is that any way to talk to your boss?”

or 

Y/N is Harry’s personal assistant 

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