12steps

It’s not the needing a drink that makes us alcoholics. It’s the all-consuming obsessive feeling that alcohol solves all problems- that alcohol is like a thousand hugs from the inside out.
—  anonymous

6 months, I literally can’t believe it. I made it half a year, and what a half a year so much has happened so so much, so much pain so much happiness and I’ve come this far and managed to get a little peace of mind. Doing my steps, working with my sponsor, praying, meditating and growing every day. I owe my life to NA it works if you work it! I’m so grateful so everybody in my life, you’ve carried me, helped me, hurt me. I’m proud of who I am today, never thought I’d be here. I love recovery, and it’s hard life is fucking hard but I’d rather live it and struggle rather than sit in a room, using and playing the fucking victim. I dont live for drugs today, I’m not a victim today I’m a victor. Its a victory I’m here today and a miracle I’m clean. ♥

"I wish you still got high"

That is what my childhood best friend told me today as she smoked herself up…in front of me. She knows I’m sober and clean. She knows I’m trying really hard to right past mistakes and create a better life for myself.

I’m terrible at being assertive when it comes down to things like this. I know this and yet I still keep people in my life around who threaten my recovery. Why would I do that to myself you ask? I have no fucking idea.

I like chaos.
I like getting high.
I like getting drunk.
I like not feeling anything.

In fact.
I love it.

But I love myself more. I love my family more. I love my sober life more. I will choose recovery over and over.

And I’m choosing to cut her out.

If you struggle with something similar, realize this: your old friends will never change their ways. They say they are supportive but what that really means is they will put the beer bottle to your lips and the drugs in your hand. So choose recovery every fucking time. You have to break the cycle and they will do everything to draw you back in.