12.2012

i finally got my physical copies of the The Hunger Games trilogy! thanks and kisses to my lovely sissy.

so the last month, after watching the movie, i read the books. and i got hooked. so bad. that in the span of like 8 days, i read the books twice and watched the movie three times. i can’t help it. i don’t know. i even thought it’s better than Harry Potter.

i finally sorted my feelings out. i like THG because the characters are all ordinary people. no wizards, vampires, werewolves, faeries, or any other magical creatures. except if you count muttations as magical creatures, which are not because they’re like scientific experiments. there’s nothing magical or supernatural in the story either. the heroine’s an ordinary person, human, no super powers whatsoever. so are the other characters. they gained their strengths through habits and experiences. and not everyone’s special. the way they were used by the government, they were used - that’s it, no ‘you’re-special-i-had-to-use-you-but-you’re-still-special’ thing like in HP. it’s 'i-don’t-need-you-anymore-you’re-disposable-now’ after they were used. i especially love the ending. it was sad, though. but it’s perfect. it wasn’t sprinkled with fairy dust, no sugar coating.

okay. so it isn’t really fair to compare THG to HP. i think that HP’s superior in terms of writing. but to compare it in terms of the plot and characters, i can’t. it’s too different. and i love both. 

12.20.12 -- Vacation

second set of my dream last night because i woke up and slept again and i can’t remember the first set the moment i opened my eyes so i just went to sleep again and dream again. okay that’s confusing.

it’s supposed to be a family vacation. as in whole family. my grandparents. my Mom and her siblings and their partners and all my cousins and their partners and their children. so four generations in all. but as usual, i don’t know all of them except for my sister and my favorite cousin. but they were posed as my family.

first stop was a beach situated on the northernmost part of the country. we went through a jungle/forest first before we reached the beach. there was a temple at the edge of the trees and there was snow. just that part. it’s supposed to be tropical but because we’re in the northernmost part of the country, the plants growing were different. there were people in the beach. two guys playing with a baby. i was afraid at first to go swimming because the water was deep.

second stop was another beach. there were a lot of people there. a lot of pretty girls in bikinis and pretty boys gawking at them. and i was gawking at one of the pretty guys. XD cousins were calling me because it was time to go already. but i took my time. trying to catch the guy’s attention… in vain. XD so i went to camp. everyone’s ready and eating and i was just going to change.

last stop. a library. i was so excited, i ran to the reception and went alone in an elevator to go up. when i reached the main library upstairs, the librarian scolded me for going alone. but everyone’s there already. and that’s all i can remember. 

12.06.12 -- The Demon

i really should have a notebook or something under my pillows and try not to wake up early and sleep again after 5 minutes. i almost always remember everything when i first wake up and when i’m finally really awake and ready to step out of my bed. but then i’ll make breakfast and open up other accounts. spend like 2 hours scrolling down before i write down my dream. so poof! it’s almost all gone.

this is the last sequence of my dream. i was in a classroom with 2 other students (i think) and the lecturer in front. i remember the lecturer or teacher erasing the board, she’s wearing a dress and specs. she’s asking us something, i can’t remember. and i don’t know how i knew it or what made me say it, but i asked the teacher, “so what kind of ghost are you?” the teacher magically drew a demon. and then everything went like quiet. it’s like we’re in another place, another dimension or something. and i’m the only one alive or aware. the teacher and my other classmates were staring blankly and not moving. i snapped out of it and ran for my life. i climbed and jumped the school wall/fence to get out of there.

12.27.12 -- Friends

it’s one of my besties’ (from high school) wedding. three of us (from the same circle of friends from hs) went to the mall to get her gifts. we decided on a single bed and some sheets. i don’t know why a single bed when she’s getting hitched. and then, while the saleslady went away to wrap it, the friend who was gonna get married suddenly came! so we had to think of a way to hide our gift. luckily, when the saleslady came out, it was already wrapped. we went out of that department to pay but the cashier told us to go back inside, we can pay in the cashier there. but we don’t know how to go back where we came from. so we walked and walked. i was holding a glass and a water pitcher (both made from thick glass), and i don’t know why. it belongs to one of the girls with me that day. while walking, a group of guys passed by. a guy recognized me and waved at me. i can’t contain my excitement so i ran. the glass and the pitcher were giving me a hard time to walk properly, they’re like shackles on my feet. so the wind broke, or chipped the pitcher. i don’t care anymore, i had to go to the guy. they were friends from my previous work. but that guy who waved at me was really close to me. so we said hi, asked how was each other. and then i introduced the other group of friends to the other group of friends. and they went, so we also ventured to our journey of returning inside the mall to pay. the friend who owns the glass and pitcher bickering at me when she saw it chipped. i never knew what happened next because it shifted to another dream.

next sequence. i’m in the school. i was sitting in a bench near the exit/entrance gate with a guy friend/classmate from college. he stood up, explaining that he had to be somewhere but he’ll come back fast. but then i got bored after only minutes, so i walked to the gym. while walking, it became clear to the sleeping/dreaming me that he’s my boyfriend, which i can’t comprehend because i never really thought of him romantically in real life, will never even consider. there’s something going on inside the gym, like a mass or something. but i didn’t go inside, i just peeked. then i walked away. the same time the program inside the gym ended and people swarmed outside. that delayed me. i felt the shackles on my feet again so i can’t walk properly. people held me back to talk to me but i really can’t remember anymore what they said. when i’m finally free, i tried to go back to the bench to get my things and go home. i was mad with the boyfriend for leaving me alone and making me wait. just when i was going out the gate, he came, asking why i was leaving without him. i said he was taking his time and i can’t wait anymore. he said that he explained that it was important, that it was for his therapy, for what, i don’t know. he showed me a paper for an exam of something and started to explain. we went out and went home.

next sequence. i’m in my new work accommodation. i was asking when’s the curfew and then volunteered to patrol/guard at night to catch people breaking curfew. i was sitting outside, i think i was also eating ice cream. it ended like that. 

hey, i know almost everyone who played major characters in my dream last night. and hey, i think i remember most of it, which was rare unless i have a pen and notebook under my pillows. i kept on dreaming about work when i don’t have one. it’s making me anxious.  

12.24.12 -- The Manager

i’ve been dreaming a lot of my manager from my last work lately. i don’t know why. he’s really sweet and kind to me, treating me like i’m his most favorite employee in the world. favoring me in everything, even when i don’t show up for work or want to skip work because i’m dead drunk the night before (of course i never say i’m hungover but i know that he knows). he’s only like 3-4 years older than me. but i don’t like him romantically, nor did he to me because he’s together with one of our supervisors. he’s more like a big brother, spoiling me. 

i remember everything from my dream last night. but the second i stepped out of my bed to write it down, it all slipped away. 

i remember my dog (she’s actually still young and not that big yet to be called a ‘dog’) jumping on my bed and settling on my tummy and someone shot her.

and then a dream about work again. it’s supposed to be overseas. and i live in this big house with all the employees. managers and supervisors get a room. while everyone of us share the floor in the living room. someone came from another store/establishment and compared their accommodation to ours, saying that theirs was better.

jumping to another sequence, this one is the last but i know there’s still something else but i just can’t remember the details anymore. it’s a story about an old lady. not really old, maybe 40 something. she did something that everyone thought was impossible. i can’t remember what was it anymore.

12.17.12 -- Apocalypse

i’ve been dreaming of the post apocalypse world the past few days (i’m not writing cox nothing lingers) but this one’s like apocalypse currently happening.

alien invasion. i think that’s what’s happening. i was inside a supermarket, with people, i can’t remember who they are. i know we’re supposed to run away because the alien forces were targeting the supermarket building and the government/army were retaliating and they didn’t care that there were still people around getting hit. they shoot, activate bombs, blowing up floors and walls. everything’s a blur, i can’t remember what happened.

next thing i know, i was in this classroom with a class/lecture going on. the teacher/instructor called me and asked me to run to the faculty room to get our essays and some chalk from her desk there. i think i’m new because she asked me if i i know where to find the staff room. i said yes and went out. but everything’s not the same as i remember it. so i walked until i reached the staff room. maybe. i assumed it is. and people were eating. and i saw my Mom’s aunt.

and then it changed again. i was underwater. hiding/beside/trailing outside a yacht/submarine (still underwater, yes). i don’t know who i’m hiding from or if i’m fighting someone. and then the yacht/submarine surfaced while i was still clinging to it. i don’t know if it was in a pool or pier. i saw my old manager (the one that spoiled me to death) coming and then i was crossing my fingers hoping that he wasn’t mad because he wasn’t smiling. and then we’re going. 

12.15.12 -- You Do What I Say

uneasy sleep last night. i kept on waking every hour and thought i was already late for my friend’s wedding. last 15-30 minutes of sleep before the time i really should wake up, i was still able to dream. and because i spent the entire day outside, was only able to write now, i can’t remember much details.

i know i was with my sister and cousins, the closest to me. i know we were in our grandparents house but it somehow looks different. and i was bossing around them, making them clean this and that. shouting angrily that they were the one who made the mess. 

12.12.12 -- Beloved Grandfather

my sister and i came from this village. riding a motorcycle, we sneaked away from that place. we settled in a convenient store somewhere. next thing i know, we’re in our grandparents’ house. my grandfather was dying, bedridden and couldn’t recognize anyone anymore. they told us that we should pay our last respects to him that night. and so we did, i went first. i was crying so hard and i kept saying sorry to him and kissing him on his forehead. and he didn’t look sick at all, he looked the way he did when he was still healthy. he responded to what i say and he was crying too. i can see that he looked different but my brain wasn’t aware, he was sick and dying, that’s all i had in mind.

this is the second time i dreamt of my grandfather since he passed away almost 2 years ago. well, i think this is only the second time. the first time was the first night of his wake, i was the first in our family who he had visited in dream. maybe i’m still regretting that i didn’t go to the hospital when he was sick. and that night he went home before he died hours later, i didn’t even see how he was doing. not until late at night when my grandma woke us up saying he’s dying.

12.09.12 -- My Cousin

okay. so i did dream something yesterday but the dream was so lame and i was too lazy to write so…

my dream last night was ‘scattered’, it keeps on jumping scenes but the story’s the same. still in school (i never seem to get out of school, maybe because i really like to go back to school to get higher education), we’re to write who among my classmates i am close to or i know really well. i thought of my cousin who was of the same age as me and we went to school together, always in the same class from kindergarten to 12th grade and 2 years in high school. i also thought of this guy, same school and same class in primary and high school too. i don’t know why him. i’ve thought of a lot of names. but whenever i try to write, i keep on messing up. i don’t know what i’m trying to accomplish.

so between that scene, i also have this one where we were walking through the cemetery to get home. and in an apartment, figuring if we can take one more person.

12.07.12 --

i don’t know why i’m tagging this ‘dream journal’ when i’m not writing any dreams at all. woke up today distracted by our dog’s howls. the moment i opened my eyes, i can’t remember anything from my dream at all. as in none. not even a single thing. i tried to sleep again, hoping maybe it’ll continue where it was interrupted, but no luck.

12.05.12 -- Job Offer

i actually can remember 3 sequences from my dream last night.

first, i was in my old high school. it’s a little flooded, like a shallow stream, with patches of rocks and land, except that the water wasn’t flowing. i don’t know who i’m with, but we’re trying to skip on the rocks and strips of land to get through the flood.

next, i was with my sister. we faked our death. we made it look like we committed suicide, cutting our wrists. i don’t know why we did that. maybe to leave us alone? and then next thing i know, we’re in the beach, playing with water.

last one. i went to Singapore to welcome my cousin coming from America. not in the airport, but in the cinema. XD another cousin happened to be working there. the cousin from America arrived, i don’t know him, he’s not really my cousin in real life but he was in this dream. and then i don’t know where he went. i went looking for the other cousin, she really is my cousin in real life. she was talking with her manager. she asked me to come because her manager wanted to talk to me. i know the manager, she was my manager before. she offered me a job in the cinema, the pay will be 460 SG dollars. i was like “REALLY? are you serious?” i was really excited and took the job. in this dream, SG$460 was that much but in reality, i won’t be able to live with that.

12.04.12 -- The Interview

as always, i only can remember the last sequence of my dream last night.

they called me in this room. there were two women sitting, watching a girl as she dances. i know the girl in real life, but i don’t know the other two. i think we’re in for an interview or auditioning for something because of the dancing part. i was feeling nervous because i didn’t know we have to show talents and i obviously don’t have one. i’ve thought of dancing a Britney Spears song. XD i thought it was my turn but they called someone else to dance for them. and then i was alone in the room, trying to remember the dance steps for that song. they told me that the interviewer will come for me. and so i waited. i can’t remember, i didn’t notice him coming. the interviewer. and then i was sure i won’t be dancing. he told me that i’ll definitely get the job, while he was raping me. and then i was straightening my skirt.

weird, i know. 

12.03.12 -- Lucy and Max

i can’t remember much of what happened before this sequence but i know i was dreaming something else before this.

i was giving birth. i remember it was quick and i didn’t feel anything at all. the baby was lying somewhere far away from me, bundled in a blanket or something. a girl. and i remember i was really happy holding her in my arms. i’ve yet to name her. i was thinking of a good name. the child was growing fast. as in fast. everyday, she seems like growing 4-5 months faster. she’s really cute. when she’s about 2 years old in appearance, i asked her “who does mommy love the most in the world?” and she answered excitedly “Max!”. and then i thought maybe, that’s the name i should give her.

and then another scene, i was with my hubby. we were supposed to be just married and touring the world for our honeymoon. it’s like in a movie, we were holding hands, walking side by side, and the scenery changes before my eyes, to the places we’re going. i don’t who who the man was and i look like someone else, too. we were deciding what to name our daughter. he wanted to name her “Max” but i really like the name “Lucy”. that scene, we were sitting somewhere, a gym or something. i was sitting somewhere not too far from him, and then there’s this girl who sat beside him, obviously trying to flirt. he said he’s married, and that’s when i went to sit beside him. i was thinking of how i could put Lucy and Max together in one name. i was trying Lucy Maxine but it doesn’t sound right. and so i woke up thinking of names for the little girl.