12 steps

My girlfriend kindly suggested this to me, I’ve been pondering it, tonight I’m going to find that photograph, and start nourishing my little girl.

Shout-out to everyone who is super triggered by father’s day.

Shout-out to everyone who has to interact with a father figure today, despite being triggered.

Shout-out to everyone who doesn’t even know why they’re triggered.

Shout-out to everyone who feels like they have PTSD or anxiety or depression or dissociation or personality disorders or addictions or other symptoms of trauma, but has no idea what that trauma might be.

Shout-out to everyone who has body memories, but not conscious memories.

Shout-out to everyone who was “only” emotionally or financially abused. To everyone who, no matter what kind of abuse it was, feels like “it wasn’t THAT bad, I shouldn’t even call it abuse.”

Your experiences are real and your trauma is valid.

There is a path to a safe, happy life, that other survivors have taken and can help you with.

You were not born for this.

You deserve a life that is happy, joyous, and free.

The greatest gift of recovery is my awareness. It’s been said that once you reach a new level of consciousness you can never go back to where you came from. I agree with this. Even though some days are painful, and I think to myself “Gosh, wouldn’t it be nice (cough*EASIER) if I could just go back to being ignorant, but thats not how I really feel. Thats my disease speaking to me. Learning to separate myself from my disease and having the awareness of it, is quite the powerful gift, that truly I am so grateful my higher power has given me. But when I struggle- and my disease speaks, I try to calm myself and listen to that inner most deep voice. The voice inside me that doesn’t use words. MY GUT. I sit with it, and I ask “Are you proud of who you have become?” My feeling will answer it. Then, I go from there.