12 steps

12 Steps Programs

12 Step Programs for Sex and Sex Addiction to beware for:


The Twelve Steps | A small study and analysis

Below are the 12 Steps in their entirety, as originally published by Alcoholics Anonymous, the original 12 Step program. But each 12 Step group modifies the words “alcohol and / or alcoholic” to suit its specific purpose.

Also the term “God” can be understood as any “Higher Power” including the power of the group itself. It is left open to interpretation for the victim.

Step 1 - We admitted we were powerless over alcohol [this word changes, according to program] —that our lives had become unmanageable.

[ This is not entirely a bad thing, but when an abuser partakes in this behavior and decides they are powerless to their necessity and desire to bring harm to a victim, they will scorn and berate the victim for being affected by it. It commonly ends in more violence for the victim and oftentimes enabling of the abuse. ]

Step 2 - Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

[ This is simply downright extremely ableist. You have not lost your sanity, you are mentally ill and there is quite a difference between “losing your sanity” and being ill. Normally you’d think that one seeks help or tries to work into living with harmony with their mental illness, but in this case they leave these symptoms and issues to an unidentified “higher power”, this can make things worse. Of course it works for some, but this is not a good way to look into life and trauma and it’s harmful and ableist. ] 

Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

[ Understood what? Turn our physical, emotional and safety will over to a higher power that has no power over the life of a person? Please make sense. Again this isn’t exactly bad, and in fact I think this is one of the most dangerous step, you’re turning your will toward a religious figure instead of willing Yourself FOR yourself. ]

Step 4 - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

[ This isn’t sane. This is simply not sane, this can give place for extreme levels of victim blaming and ableism. Your moral inventory is, to beging with, irrelevant to your trauma and your neurodivergence as a result of it, and seeking a moral ground in a psychology exclusive field is toxic and harmful. ]

Step 5 - Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

[ What wrongs?! This is outright blatant victim blaming, in all cases of victimization this is not the victim’s fault and the victim has done no wrong, abusers can use this against the victims and it enables abusive verbal speech against the victims. “You did wrongs too!” basically is a weapon for abusers to berate a victim into submission. ]

Step 6 - Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

[ So basically goodbye personality and mental illness that are going to be – Oh wait more abusive language. Yes, as a matter of fact this is abusive behavior. UNLESS we’re talking about things like “I throw garbage on the side of the road” or “I yelled at the person at starbucks”, victims should not be held to abuse perpretator standards. ]

Step 7 - Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

[ Exactly what was the shortcoming? As victims we shouldn’t have to be treated as if we did anything wrong, if you went soccer mom on someone, apologize yes, yes if you did something wrong you should be held in contempt and apologize as soon as you take responsibility for it. But this is a group for people who have suffered any kind of sexual, physical or emotional violence. This does not apply for them. ]

Step 8 - Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

[ Again: This does not apply to victims and is downright ableist. ]

Step 9 - Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

[ See above. ]

Step 10 - Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

[ Okay for a change this is actually a good thing, yes acknowledge your wrongs and take responsibility for them, but as the victim you should not be held under these standards, the abuser should. ]

Step 11 - Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His Will for us and the power to carry that out.

[ This works for people who practice I guess, I am not religious and therefore have no opinion. ]

Step 12 - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics [this word changes, according to program], and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

[ jesus christ. ] 

NOTE: For me, one of the things that truly sets 12 Step Programs apart is the set of principals by which they run.

These are called the 12 Traditions and are unique to such organizations.

Conclusion: In the case a support group for victims at least come up with your own standards and steps, instead these people are using the same stuff as in AA (Alcoholic Anonymous) which makes it seem as if the victim is in the wrong and it is extremely harmful. If you need help PLEASE seek professional help and avoid these groups.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that fandom will advocate the romantic sub-plot between two main characters, unless one character is portrayed by an actor who is a person of colour. This phenomenon within white fandom is called ‘why can’t they remain as friends, I feel a certain discomfort with a potential relationship between *insert ship*, for which the strength of this WOC will be threatened by any romantic subtext because every woman of colour is an island”. This phenomena or “discomfort” is commonly known as racism. 


Please take in mind this was written in 2012, their resources are numerous. However I have not investigated the writer and they do not seem to be a medical professional. Please read this under your own point of view.

December 2, 2012 || By C. A. Sheckels

A few years ago, when I first heard “Alcoholics Anonymous (and its related 12-step programs) is a cult,” I had never even considered that point of view. Since then, I’ve encountered a wide range of people– individuals and groups– who consistently stated it is, often with a wide range of facts to back up their viewpoint. I believe the issue can be addressed in simple terms:

“Offer people what they think they want- and then it’s ‘Gotcha’!”

It is quite similar to something I experienced many years ago. When visiting relatives in a different state, I encountered “Moonies”– followers of Sun Myung Moon’s “Unification Church." 

Fortunately, as I was a well-informed individual, I knew what the Moonies were all about before I saw the television special or encountered them in person. The t.v. special was stunning: young people all asserting the importance of "God! Country! Family!”– subjects most people in America considered to be of the utmost importance. The point: the t.v. special presented the Moonies as being in tune with American values– making it sound very appealing to anyone who did not know the facts.

Logically, what the Moonies did not even hint at was what happens when people “take the bait– and get sucked into it.”

Similarly, 12-step programs also use “bait.” Whether a person has an addiction, or a life problem that is not even connected to any addictions, A.A. and its counterparts have “a vision for you.” While many people are literally forced into 12-step programs, and others are coerced into the programs, a large percentage of individuals who end up in A.A. and its counterparts simply “took the bait.”

The “bait” used by A.A. is the same as that of any other cult: “Offer people what they think they want- and then it’s 'Gotcha’!” And, similar to the Moonies and other cults, an individual does not know what will happen afterward.

From my point of view, the biggest “piece of bait” used by Alcoholics Anonymous is what the program calls “Step Three.” Whether a person has an addiction or an unrelated life problem, Step Three can sound very appealing. The way it reads is: “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” If a person is struggling with any serious issue, there are actually two parts of that statement that can sound very appealing.

One appealing part is to hear and believe your God will help you and take care of you. The other appealing part is that it is your decision.

However, if you “take the bait,” that is when you will find “the rules change.”

First, for all of the initial talk about “The God of your understanding,” and Your Higher Power,” many find this entire concept disappears very quickly. You no longer have “your” God, but “their” God. If your belief is a Biblically-based religion that is not in tune with fundamentalist christianity, or if you belong to a religion that is not Biblically-based, or if you do not believe in any “Higher Power” at all, you are expected to change. “Your” God– or lack thereof– is not o.k., is not acceptable.

Second, the part about 'making a decision’ also sounds appealing. Whatever an individual’s personal situation may be, 'making a decision’ emphasizes self-determination and free will. The catch: if you make that decision via a 12-step program’s Step Three, it could very well be the last 'decision’ you ever make.

Why? because the 'rules’ change.

Even if you are an average adult, you will begin to hear you can no longer make the decisions for your own life. If you are involved with 12-step programs, and look at this statement very clearly, you will see you are not making your decisions, 'the God of your understanding’ isn’t– instead,others in “the Program” are attempting to do it for you.

This can easily be covered by what Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., once said about beingVictimized: “I cannot adequately assume responsibility as a person- because I have been made the victim of a decision in which I played no part.”

Now, how can something like this happen in, or to, the lives of adults? surely there are individuals who, for whatever their reasons, actually prefer a way of life that consists of 'others’ telling them what to do, and/or 'holding their hands’ every step of the way. Perhaps such people are very ill, very immature, or some other factor.

However– most adults are not in this category; most adults, with or without addictions or other life problems, not only want to make the decisions for their own lives, and are perfectly capable of doing so, but have the legal and moral right to do so.

The catch: that’s not the way the 'program’ works. Individuals who do not buy into the changing of the rules, and do not hand over their lives or the decisions for their lives to 'groups,’ 'sponsors,’ or other 'members,’ can find themselves on the receiving-end of various attacks. 

If you do not willingly surrender yourself, your life, and your decisions to individuals in the Program, you will be attacked. Some are content to look at such people in a pitying way; some haul out the psychobabble you hear often in these programs; and others take their methods of destruction much further.

When discussing the negativity of 12-step programs, there is a point that bears noting: even the literature states the only difference between an “oldtimer” and a “newcomer” is the length of time each has abstained from drug or alcohol use. The literature states that no one in a program has any professional capacity– and knows no more about anything than the average person (and often less). So what it comes down to is “the blind leading the blind”– while at the same time attempting to “take power in your life that they do not deserve.”

Either way you look at this, it is destructive and potentially dangerous. If you do not willingly surrender yourself, you will be attacked or ostracized. The normal adult factors of making the decisions for one’s own life and living one’s own life are not recognized as the right to free will and self-determination, or maturity and stability, but “sick,” “in denial,” or “not getting the Program.” On the other hand, if you do simply grant them that power, your life is no longer your own.

In conclusion, as the Unification Church takes advantage of individuals who took the bait without realizing what they were in for, and proceeded to manipulate and control every single aspect of those individuals’ lives, changing the rules and demanding individuals comply, you will have exactly the same experiences if you become involved with a 12-step program.

So if you have any objections about individuals who have completely screwed up their own lives demanding to take control over yours, a 12-step program is not for you. If you are not inclined to look at A.A. and its counterparts as cults, look at the evidence. And if a life that is actually your own is what you want, the “decision” you make should reflect that it is.

30 day recovery challenge

I made this challenge because I really wanted to do one! However, the only ones I could find were so specific about eating disorders or self harm. So I decided to make one that is really general, so anyone in recovery can do it!

I added questions from assignments I have been given from my addiction counselor. a few questions are inspired by the 12 steps. I also generalized a few questions from other recovery challenges.

this is how it will work: once a day, please answer the question! if any are too personal or you are not comfortable answering, skip it! you can start or stop the challenge at anytime.

**if you decide to participate in the recovery challenge, please tag you answers with believeinrecovery so i can check out and/or reblog your answers! 

Keep reading

Shout-out to everyone who is super triggered by father’s day.

Shout-out to everyone who has to interact with a father figure today, despite being triggered.

Shout-out to everyone who doesn’t even know why they’re triggered.

Shout-out to everyone who feels like they have PTSD or anxiety or depression or dissociation or personality disorders or addictions or other symptoms of trauma, but has no idea what that trauma might be.

Shout-out to everyone who has body memories, but not conscious memories.

Shout-out to everyone who was “only” emotionally or financially abused. To everyone who, no matter what kind of abuse it was, feels like “it wasn’t THAT bad, I shouldn’t even call it abuse.”

Your experiences are real and your trauma is valid.

There is a path to a safe, happy life, that other survivors have taken and can help you with.

You were not born for this.

You deserve a life that is happy, joyous, and free.