12 eggs

2

I’m sure someone’s probably pointed this out but I’m re-watching the series and am losing my mind here because of what I’ve just noticed.
They changed the title of the song in the last episode credits, I’m crying.

4

Black Mirror: Playtest (2016) dir. Dan Trachtenberg

What, a girl never beat you at Street Fighter?

Imagine you've been abducted

You woke up in a place that was definitely not your bedroom. You tried to move, only to discover that there were restraints on your arms and legs, binding you to the cool metal table you were laying on. Just as you were about to scream a figure appeared above you, it looked almost human, except for the blue hue of the skin. You tried to scream again but found that you couldn’t make a sound.

“Trying to scream for help?” The figure asked, “Don’t bother, no one can hear you up here on my spaceship.”

Your suspicions confirmed on what the figure was, you then tried to ask what was going to happen to you, only growing more frustrated by your inability to speak.

“If your wondering what your purpose here is, wonder no more.” The alien spoke, it’s back turned to you as it poured a powder into a glowing blue liquid and stirred quickly. “You’re here to act as a breeder and nothing more. My race is dying out and we need more young.” The alien turns to you and smirks. You want to scream that you can’t get pregnant! You’re a male!

“You human males are surprisingly close biologically to our females, and we can speed up your pregnancy so that you can be on your way home tonight!” The blue alien tells you cheerfully, before giving you an IV and placing the liquid from before into your drip.

As the liquid drips down your IV, you can feel a discomfort growing in your abdomen, you try to thrash, but the restraints hold you tight and you can do nothing but squirm and try to scream. You watch in horror and awe as your stomach begins to grow, a small bump rising like bread dough as the liquid continues to drip down your IV. Your stomach churns and suddenly your stomach bursts forward in a perfect dome. In a matter of minutes you looks ready to pop like a woman nine months pregnant, and that’s when something begins to move inside you. It feels like oranges are tumbling inside you, and as the minutes pass by agonizingly slow, you just become more full as more and more orange sized orbs fill your insides.

Any hope you had of escaping shatters as you watch your abdomen grow enormously large, you struggle to breathe as the orbs, which now feel more like dozens and dozens of grapefruits press down on your lungs and all of your organs, your stomach ripples and surges forward, making room for even more of the large egg type things rolling around inside of you.

You groan and feel the restraints taken off of you, but you make no attempt to move as you are gently turned over on your side. The last of the liquid drips into your IV and you become to stuffed for the orbs, now each sphere was a just a little bigger than a softball, and your enormous mound of a stomach was stuffed full of them.

You felt something inside you drop, and suddenly one of the orbs began to make its way down to your asshole, forcing your hole to burn as it sputtered and tried to let the orb out. You gasped and tried to moan, but still no sound came out. A few minutes passed and you felt the orb as it breached your hole, where it now sat half in half out. The feeling was too much and with a shock you felt yourself coming, you hadn’t even realized how hard you were.

The large orb rolled free, and suddenly you couldn’t stop. With only a little effort, the perfectly round orbs began to pour out of your aching and gaping hole, only fluttering as dozens and dozens of the eggs made their way out of your enormous mountain of a stomach.

You lay there for over an hour as the eggs roll out of you, and the alien watches you, excitedly rubbing each of the blue orbs as you birth them, cleaning them and bringing them over to an incubator.

Suddenly, two of the eggs roll to your aching and gaping hole at the same time, you know whats going to happen but it’s still a shock to your system as both eggs attempt to leave you at once. Your stomach is no where near as large as it once was, as it now only resembles the belly of a 7 month pregnant woman, but the blockage holds up more and more of the eggs. 3 more roll down, and the pressure against your prostrate becomes unbearable as you begin to orgasm uncontrollably. You come for a solid five minutes before one of the eggs edges its way out of you weeping hole and you nearly explode as 12 of the eggs shoot out of your hole one right after the other. This causes the alien to nearly vibrate in excitement.

Finally, after what feels like days, but in reality was only a couple of hours, only one egg remains. However, it is the largest, easily the size of a cantaloupe. As you struggle to push it out of your trembling ass, you are overcome by pleasure and orgasm upon orgasm as you finally push it past your rim, and you collapse in a puddle of your own come as the alien practically purrs at you and the dozens and dozens of eggs you just birthed.

The alien smirks at you. “I think I’ll keep you around, you look so beautiful when your stuffed full of young.” His face turns thoughtful, “Maybe I’ll make you birth a load of Bandibears, they’re mammals whose young are huge, and always, always, bear multiples. Mind the pun.” He strokes his chin. “Yes, I’ll be keeping you around.

Yousana's Endgame Symbolism

This is quite a long analytical post so bear with me. If you read the whole thing, thanks and also, I commend you. Below is my analysis on the idea of fate and all the symbolism that makes Yousana, endgame.

Swan:

This animal has different meanings but for the most part it is the symbol of beauty, strength and loyalty.

Swans are associated with fidelity, loyalty in marriage, and monogamy, because they mate for life. Everlasting love.

They are also associated with transformation of something into something beautiful.

Blue Scillas:

The Scillas mean a couple of things: constancy (the quality of being faithful and dependable, and also the quality of enduring or being permanent) and it is also associated of forgiving and forgetting.

Yousef gives these flowers to Sana, as a symbol of his enduring and faithful love for her). Sana keeps these flowers way past their lifetime, by her bed. She forgives Yousef for kissing Noora, and forgets it too.

Carrots:

The symbol of fertility and lust. It is also seen as a symbol of spiritual nourishment.

This season the carrots symbolize her desire and love for Yousef. Initially, Sana is drawn to Yousef only physically and seeks to appeal to him physically as well. During Inshallah, she eats the carrot, delicately, while staring at Yousef. It’s very sexually suggestive at first (lust). But then, in the kitchen, it evolves into something more profound.

The carrots bring them together, and are what start the true spiritual connection between the two.

We see carrots throughout the season. They are a representation of their spiritual connection and their attraction for each other. At one point, Noora chews on one, loudly and annoyingly. Then we see rotten carrots on the floor, when all seems lost. The carrots appear once again, except Sana is holding one, without doing anything with it. Finally, the carrots reappear in cooked form in their final date, and they both eat them happily, and at the same time; meaning their connection is complete and they have both accepted the fact that they love each other and want to be with each other in every way.

The Number 12:

This one has been sneakily thrown at us throughout the season. It’s been slightly more subtle than the others. The talk of 12 kids, “One dozen eggs” hanging in Sana’s kitchen, Yousef asking if he’s “12 or what?”

Now according to various sources, the number 12 is the symbol of cosmic order, completeness and perfection. Which is really what they both are, when they are together. They complement each other, and balance each other out.

Fate:

Finally, although this isn’t symbolic, the idea of fate, it is meant to be, it is written in the stars and if God wills it.

Throughout the season, every single thing points to Yousef. Everything Sana does, reads, hears, no matter what she does or how she tries to avoid it, points to Yousef. Somehow, “the roads she takes” lead to him.

This is seen very pointedly in a few scenes:

Fy Faen: Sana is standing alone, balloons blocking her face and view. As soon as Yousef stands in front of her, the balloons magically move out of her way, giving her full view of his face.

I Feel It Coming: She’s praying, and at that moment the music plays. She walks out of her room and right into Yousef. Elias could’ve been there with him, or she could’ve entered through the bookcase room where Elias was. But no. Right into Yousef.

Inshallah: The most obvious one. Sana’s mom asks Sana about who will feed her children, and if she’s going to let them starve. Her response: my husband will do the cooking. “Inshallah”. And then Allah wills it, and minutes later, Yousef walks in and shows her how to peel carrots properly. How does he know? He cooks FOR CHILDREN at a kindergarten. It gives me chills whenever I think about it.

Unfriended: After finding out that Yousef isn’t Muslim, she decides to unfriend him and move on. She researches ways to get over someone you love. The final shot lingers on the final rule of getting over someone you love: Remember, There Isn’t Just One Person Out There For You.

Det Beste Fra Islam: After following the rules listed in the article, she goes to Grønland, to meet the next love of her life. A cute, good Muslim boy. As fate would have it though, Elias somehow ends up getting wasted and she ends up spending her evening with Yousef instead.

Spiller Alene: She’s throwing the ball, trying to score. At some point the ball bounces back, past her, as if pushed by a mysterious force,and lands directly at Yousef’s feet.

Kitchen Talk: Momma Bakkoush discovers that it is Yousef, the one Sana loves. She doesn’t dissuade her from pursuing something with him explicitly, but goes on to list all the ways Yousef isn’t good for her and explains exactly what she needs in a husband.

Maghrib: So far, her mom has given her the most logical explanation ever as to why her and Yousef would never work, and Sana is strong in her decision to forget him, because by all logic, it makes absolute sense. She says “I’ll meet other soulmates in the summer”. Then…Allah wills it once again, while she’s praying, and I feel It Coming starts playing. At the most perfect time. Everything points to Yousef.

To top it off, Yousef, again as if invoked by Sana’s mom’s words, goes on and demonstrates that he is the one for Sana, and shows her, inadvertently, that he’s exactly the man Momma Bakkoush wants Sana to marry.

The most beautiful part of this season has been the inevitability of Yousef and Sana as a couple, as life partners, and their love story. The mystical nature of their relationship and the forces that keep bringing them together. You just know they will end up together forever. There’s no doubt about it. It is beautiful and I’m glad Skam went there.

P.S - The songs: This is the only season where songs have been played more than once, in a season. Straumnes, 5 times; Into The Woods, twice. I Feel It Coming, twice. Again, just continuing with the pattern of constancy… There it is.
Im Yours | Part One

A/N Alrighty, here it is. Part one of the Im Jaebum Mafia series. Im so excited about this and I can’t wait to write more. I hope you all love it as much as I do

Pairing: Jaebum x Reader

Rating: Drama, Angst, Smut, Fluff

WARNINGS: Language, Eventual Violence, Lots of Smut Later on

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |

He laid atop his blankets, clutching to his sides. The pain ripping through his abdomen was enough to make him feel like he was shot. He’d much rather be shot. Anger was heavy in his chest as he thought about the events from earlier in the day:

He stood at the head of his table, narrowed eyed and heavy handed like he always was as he screamed at the men who sat lazily around him. He had almost finished informing his men of the large shipment of weapons that they were going to have to some how discreetly remove from the now police swarmed dock when the pain in his side started.

He blinked, not wanting to give any sign of weakness in front of the men who itched for the position his father had left for him.

‘That will be all. Get out of my house.’ He spit as a chorus of 'yes sir’s’ rang through the room.

He turned quickly when the last one had left to pour him self something, anything to take the pain away but before he could even reach out for a bottle, the glass in his hand fell out as he clutched to his side.

“Fuck!’ He yelled. Soon, two of his right hand men were by his side and lifting him up. Jackson supported him, his knees now shaking with the pain while Jinyoung ran his hands over his body, checking just incase someone somehow did something.

'Mr. Im, all your symptoms will disintegrate if you please just listen to me.’ Chulsoo, the groups personal and trusted doctor said with pleading eyes.

’'He’s not saying you have to become a grass eating hippie, for fucks sake.’  Jinyoung barked from the corner of the room where he sat with his arms crossed.

"Shut up.” he said, clutching to his still aching side.

“Look, Mr. Im. Theres a family, the head is a close friend of mine and they do personal catering. Here,’ He started while reaching into his pocket for his wallet. He pulled a small grey embossed card out and started to hand it to him before deciding against it and handing the card over to Jinyoung. 'Their quiet, they’ll come, cook and leave. You need to start taking care of yourself before others or you won’t be with us much longer.’

That was all he said before collecting his things and standing to make his way out of the room, Jinyoung following him.

He laid there, eyes still bore as the pain kicked up again, though now it was muted by the pain killers Chulsoo had given him. He scoffed at himself. '22 fucking years old and I’m bed ridden for my eating habits.’ he thought to himself, getting even more angry.

'Jaebum, I called them. There will be someone here tomorrow morning.’


"Y/n! We have a house call tomorrow morning. One of Chulsoo’s patients who needs a controlled diet. I figured since you finished with the Parks you would like to take on this family.” Your dad said, walking into the kitchen to see you already prepping for the family dinner you were about to have in your childhood home.

“Sure, why not.” You mumbled, dusting your hands from the chopped onion that had made its way from your knife to your hand.

“Only if you want to though. We can always give it to the company.” He said sitting down in front of you, the same time you mom walked into the kitchen.

“No I can do it, I need the money anyways.” You said smiling before turning your back to him to dump the onion in the already hot pan.

Dressed and ready the next morning you threw your favorite apron over your shoulder and tucked the knives your dad had gotten you for your last birthday under your arm before locking the door to your apartment and heading down to the first floor of your apartment building. The man you had communicated with after dinner told you they would send a car. You figured it’d be a taxi- Uber at best, but when a large black SUV rolled up your eyebrows rose.

A lanky, but very well dressed man stepped out of the vehicle, his flaming red hair slightly blowing out of place by the sudden wind.

“You must be y/n.” He said, his plump lips curving to form a child like grin. You nodded and stepped forward, accepting his help as he took your things from your hands.

“You can call me BamBam.” He said holding a hand out for you to enter the car.

“BamBam?” You smirked. “Thats an interesting name, why do they call you that?” You asked, not being able to put a lid on your loud mouth was something you had a problem with.

“You don’t want to know.” He winked before hooking his seatbelt.

The drive was pretty much quiet. You signed deeply and twiddled your thumbs wishing that you could have a better view of the scenery that was passing by quickly, but due to the dark tint of the windows there was no point in straining your eyes. Every once in a while you’d turn your head to look at BamBam who’s goofy smile that greeted you had faded into a stern smolder. You sighed again.

“Were here.” BamBam said clicking his seatbelt  before picking up your knives and sliding out of the car. You hadn’t even realized you had turned down a long straight driveway that was lined with thick trees. That would have been so pretty to drive through. You thought to yourself, still a little sour about the whole tinted windows thing.

You turned from looking at the driveway to looking at the house. It was very impressive, rich red brick that had a thin blanket of ivy running up one corner. There must have been at least fourteen windows across the top floor which, if every room had two windows, would mean in the front of the house alone there were seven rooms.

“How many am I cooking for anyways?” You said. You clearly heard your father say ONE of Chulsoo’s patients.

“There are seven of us in the house. Were all big boys though we can make our own food. You’re only responsible for cooking for one of us.” BamBam said as he led you through the front doors that the driver had opened for you.

The house was bright and homey inside with a modern twist. It was almost like walking into a museum the way art hugged every wall and statues were nestled in every corner. You couldn’t help but admire the open floor of the foyer. On either side of the large room was a stair case that met in the middle, and standing at the very top was a man.

His gaze on you made a chill run up your spine, but you couldn’t look away. His head was tilted slightly to the side as he watched you, his hair that had a slight wave to it parted in the middle to create a heart shape around his sharp features. His plump red lips were where your eyes stopped though, the way they twitched slightly in attempt to smile made you shift your weight. He bowed slightly after the few seconds that felt like hours passed, just as BamBam called your name.

“This way, lets go.” He said pulling his head to one side, indicating you to follow him through the hallway that formed under the staircase.

You’re eyes widened at the kitchen. Having cooked your entire life and with the few years of being able to call yourself a professional chef under your belt you had been in a lot of kitchens, a lot of really nice kitchens. But this one… This one was different. You hardly had time to take in the large granite island that formed in the center of the kitchen before BamBam was demanding your attention again.

“So, what were you thinking for breakfast?” He said just as another man walked in.

“He requested an omelette.” He said sternly causing BamBam to press his lips together, trying to stifle a laugh. The new man seemed less than impressed with BamBams efforts. You watched him as he took a deep long breath.

“Everything you need is in the fridge and or cupboards. BamBam will stay here with you for most of the day until you have a hang of where everything is. One of the others will bring you meal orders as the time come and goes.” He said before bowing slightly and turning to walk back out of the room.

“What’s up his ass?” You said reaching for the fridge. BamBam snorted slightly causing you to smile while placing four eggs on the counter.

“So are you all brothers in here?” You asked after thanking him for pointing out the cabinet the pans were in

“Basically.” He said resting his chin on his fists.

“Basically? So your not?” You stated turning back to the fridge where you unloaded spring onions, pancetta and a sharp cheddar for the omelette.

“Basically.” He said again.

“So is this just like a fraternity house where you all walk around in suits all day?” You asks raising one eyebrow as you began to dice the onions.

“That’s one way to put it.” He said.

You sighed at the fact the conversation wasn’t going anywhere and quickly cracked the eggs into a bowl, scrambled them, added a touch of milk and poured it into the hot pan. It didn’t take long for the kitchen to fill with the smell of melting cheese and hot pancetta, the combination of meat and cheese, as BamBam informed you, was already making his mouth water.

“I can make you one too, might as well since your stuck in here with me all day.” You smiled flipping the omelette once more before plating it.

“Um yes?” BamBam asked sitting up straighter as he watched you garnish the plate with sliced oranges.

Picking up the plate you walked it around the large island but before you were able to reach BamBam two boys walked in, stepping in your way.

“What is that!” The shorter one said pointing to the plate.

“Bosses breakfast.” BamBam said meeting you and taking the plate. “Outta here.” He said moving his head to the door.

“I want an omelet!” The taller said holding a hand out to you. BamBam looked back to you and watched you shrug. He whispered something for just them to hear before saying he’d be right back. You watched the two take a seat behind the island where BamBam once was and you nodded turning back to the fridge to pull out 12 eggs this time. The feeling of the two unnamed boys watching you chop made you a little uncomfortable, but thankfully BamBam returned quickly.

“That one better be for me.” BamBam said coming around to sit on the counter behind you, his long legs hanging off haphazardly. You nodded and smiled at him as you added the extras.

“No! I’m so hungry I haven’t been able to eat anything since yesterday!” The shorter one raised his voice.

“Hyung! She offered it to me first so shut it!” BamBam said, the same goofy grin meeting his lips.

They spent so much energy fighting over who was going to get the first omelette they didn’t even notice you plate the cooked egg, cut another orange up and place it I front of the quiet tall one.

“Ah! Thank you so much.” He said giving you a toothy grin.

“Thank you for behaving in my kitchen.” You smiled.

“Y/n, really!?” BamBam said pouting.

“Now I’m never gonna eat.” The other said.

“Let me show you a secret.” You said bending back over to the cabinet the pans were in. You pulled out another small pan and placed it on the burner.

“Problem solved!” The shorter one said with a smile.

“Just make sure to give me mine before Jackson’s.” BamBam said causing Jackson to groan.

“So we have BamBam, Jackson, Mr. Stick up his ass… what’s your name?” You asked the taller one as he piled another bite into his mouth. He looked wide eyed at Jackson before looking at BamBam.

“She met Jinyoung.” He said laughing. Jackson joined him. But the taller one just raised his eyebrows and turned back to his omelet.

“I’m Yugyeom.” He said with another sweet smile. “And this is incredible.” He said pointing at the half gone omelette.

By the time you plated BamBam and Jacksons breakfast and made sure BamBam had his in his hands before Jackson two more boys had entered the kitchen. Introducing themselves as Mark and Youngjae they placed a dirty plate on the counter before eyeing everyone else eating as well.

“Boss wanted us to tell you that he enjoyed the breakfast.” Mark said.

“Would you two also like an omelette?” You asked with a chuckle. With how quickly their eyes snapped towards you, you took that as a yes and went to work.

“How about stick up-” you paused when BamBam gave you a wide eyed look. “I mean Jinyoung? Would he like one?”

“If he’s not in here probably not.” Yugyeom said sitting back in his chair.

Lunch was just just the same, as soon as you plated the seasoned chicken over a strawberry spinach salad and BamBam left to deliver the food, everyone else flooded into the kitchen.

The only difference with dinner was this time Jinyoung joined them. You wouldn’t be able to help yourself, every time he spoke you’d look at BamBam who’d give you a side eye and the two of you tried to fight off a laugh, usually by busying yourself with cleaning something up.

“Boss really liked your food. He wouldn’t admit it cause he’s proud but he was definitely looking forward to his next meal.” BamBam said in the now empty kitchen, he had offered to help you wash things and now was sheething your knifes.

“Will I ever meet this Mr. Boss person?” You asked, thinking back to the man on the stairs and wondering if that was him.

“Hes a really privet person. It doesn’t help that he’d nose deep in work 24/7” He said handing you your bundle of knives just as his name was called.

“Get her home. We have a.. a meeting.” Mark said sternly before bowing at you slightly and smoothing his suit as he walked away.

The car ride home was a little bit more fun as you and BamBam spit balled ideas for meals the following day. It seemed like every other idea he sent your way either involved lots of sugar or lots of bloody meat.

“BamBam Im supposed to be keeping the boss man healthy.” You said making him chuckle again.

“He seemed to already be feeling better by the end of the day.” He said scratching his arm.

“Then Im doing my job,” You started smiling. Just then the car pulled up to the curb infant of your apartment and you started to collect your things. “See you tomorrow?”

“Bright and early. Goodnight y/n.”

4

Kid-quisitor
★  Dream II [ ft. Sugar Relish  //  @helen0rz ]

He was happier when Corypheous was trying to take over.

( click for words )

SO!

I jut got back from Easter Brunch with the fam. But on my phone, I saw the thumbnail to Mark’s new video. Let me say I was excited. But, I want to delve into the video a bit more.

Everything is fine and dandy through the beginning of the game/ video. There was one hiccup in the webcam right after the screen and game curved with the creaking noise that I thought was my video rendering, but no. It was put there. It around 2:57. It’s almost exactly like the Antisepticeye glitch in the PAX East video where the video looped. The quitting making the game warp and the creaking sound was interesting. I think that was more of a “show them what’s going to happen”. 

As Mark continued playing and started writing the script down on paper, he was looking at the camera when saying the phrases, especially “Do you understand me? No one does. Listen.” Now, don’t quote me on this, but I think this is a puzzle that Mark/ Dark wants us to solve. When looking at the file that this game was in, it said this game was bought on March 19th…so. What if Mark solved it and is using this to help Dark’s lore continue.

 I’ve already seen some people trying to solve it, I’m not sure if anything is completely 100% proven yet so I’m not going to write it here, but I liked some of the phrases. But, there is one more thing I want to say. Those of you out there that said this was an easter egg…I think you’re right. This is a stepping stone, a sneak peak, and easter egg of something that is coming later, whether the next video for today or a video in the future days. Either way. this is Dark’s way of saying to not forget about him.

EDIT: I completely forgot to talk about the ending of the video when he said goodbye. The voice was completely normal, nothing changed. It was 100% Mark, but the screen when black and white with the VHS filter and the ringing static. I thought this was interesting to say that, yes, Dark is a manipulator. He can make us think that Mark is fine, that he’s normal and everything is perfect, but underneath, it’s not. 

3

This is the single best piece of paper that has ever happened to my life (also the best snowbaz crack AU in existence, text below). Thank you to the amazing Lesley aka @fanbows for plotting the greatest card ever! I will never look at Simon Snow’s food obsession the same way again 💕


The Very Hungry Simon Snow

One Sunday afternoon Simon Snow took the train to Watford, he hadn’t eaten all day and he was very hungry!  He started to look for some food…

On Monday he ate one full English Breakfast BUT HE WAS STILL HUNGRY!

On Tuesday he ate two roast dinners BUT HE WAS STILL HUNGRY!

On Wednesday he ate three shepherd’s pies BUT HE WAS STILL HUNGRY!

On Thursday he ate four currys and a Samosa BUT HE WAS STILL HUNGRY!

On Friday he ate five million sour cherry scones BUT HE WAS STILL HUNGRY!

On Saturday he ate ALL THE FUCKING MAGIC IN THE UNIVERSE AND 12 CADBURY’S CREME EGGS AND SOME SANDWICHES AND 2 OF EBB’S GOATS AND A KIT KAT AND 30 MINT AERO BARS AND SOME ROAST BEEF AND A BOWL OF POTPOURRI HE THOUGHT WERE FANCY CRISPS. HE HAD A STOMACH ACHE.

The next day was Sunday again and he ate Baz’s face and he felt MUCH BETTER!

THE END

3

   12 Monkeys Easter Eggs: 2.02 v. 2.13 (1/?) 

anonymous asked:

I'm sure we will get a Yousana clip on Monday cause it's the twelfth and 12 is a Yousana number. The trailer came at 12.00, 12 children, 12 eggs, Yousef is 12, May 12th it all fell apart, 12/6 is like half of Sana's birthday 24/12, 12 divided by 2 is 6, there is a maximum of 12 people on a basket team. 12th of April was the last time she had Yousef all to herself. I have high hopes for Monday!

i can’t believe you made such an indepth analysis based on the number 12 and yousana

6

assorted jojos that weren’t funny enough to have their own posts. fusion is just a cheap tactic to make weak shitposts stronger. click the pictures for full size and captions.

first one is based off of my favorite vinesauce quote ever. third one is based off of this post.