117: bad dreams

Ezra’s nightmares

Every Specter of The Ghost Crew has their share of nightmares.  Quite frequently, at times.  I’ve done Sabine’s nightmares before, so now I feel like writing Ezra’s:

  • When he’s on the street, what sleep he can snatch is too light to be coherent.  All that happens are incoherent snatches of emotion of voices.
    • Feelings of suffocation, now and again
      • One time it was actually another street kid trying to smother him. He woke up in time.
  • Once he gets his tower, he can sleep a little better (although he learns to sleep with his energy slingshot in easy reach)
    • Thus he can really dream.  
      • These dreams are whirls of colour and noise.  The stamp of boots, the screams of his parents people he didn’t recognise.
      • These dreams get worse every Empire Day.
  • His first few nights on The Ghost are bad.
    • Hera never says it, but she wonders if it’s about being away from Lothal.  As much as she wanted and needed to leave Ryloth, she missed it.
    • After the sixth time they pull a dead-to-the-world Ezra out of a vent, before he hurts himself like in the first few nights, they all realise it’s more like he’s a trapped animal.
  • His bad dreams are about rejection, especially in the first year he’s with them.  That everyone secretly despises or pities him claws at him often.
  • The (Grand) Inquisitor often stalks through Ezra’s dreams, even after he dies.  The Seventh Sister joins him, after that memorable interrogation in that abandoned medical station.  Like her former boss, she sticks around her death.
    • In fact, the dead body of the seventh sister stares at him, in the odd dream after Malachor.  Even as her skin rots, she whispers to him - about how pretty his mind is, how beautifully he hates. 
  • After Malachor, most nightmares are of Kanan and Ahsoka screaming, blaming him for their pain.  Red voices call to him, tell him to make himself stronger through this pain.  He wakes up scared and angry, and he’s not always quite sure at what.
    • Occasionally voices of blue and red scream in his ears, telling him of a shatterpoint approaching, of his choice coming soon
  • After the disastrous mission he lead at Reklam Station, he dreams of falling, of being unable to breath properly as the air pressure grows stronger around him.
    • Kanan doesn’t always offer a hand.  Sometimes he doesn’t show up, other times he refuses to save Ezra.
  • After the merging of the holocrons, Ezra has the odd dream of electric torture, of the death of a brother, and strange green screams. 
  • And sometimes he just has strange dreams of lights and sounds, fear and hope.  
It’s terrifying how your life changes without your consent.
You meet someone one day and before you realise it's happening you’re falling in love with them and it’s too late to stop. It’s like that reoccurring dream where you’re driving towards a red light and suddenly the brakes don’t work. It’s terror in slow motion. You’re drifting …. Drifting towards the intersection with your foot to the floor so hard you’re practically standing and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. It’s out of your control, you know you’re going to crash so hard it’s going to kill you….
But just before that inevitable moment you wake up and you feel relieved. It’s okay, it was just a bad dream. You’re in love and everything’s okay… So you walk around in your half dream state blissfully unaware you’re still asleep until the point that you wake up for real one day to the realisation that they’re gone.
And there you are, sobbing like a 2 year old because you didn’t ask for this. This isn’t fair, this isn’t right. You saw the red light ahead… and you tried so hard to put the brakes on
—  Ranata Suzuki - Crash hard
Bad Dreams (ft. Summer Soul)
BEVY MACO
Bad Dreams (ft. Summer Soul)

Artist: BEVY MACO
Song: Bad Dreams (ft. Summer Soul)

Chill, dreamy, ephemeral. Three words I’d use to describe BEVY MACO’s new track with Summer Soul. I don’t know too much about BEVY MACO but if you’re diggin’ his sound, he announced that he’ll be releasing a few more tracks in the near future. Keep your eye out on his Soundcloud for the latest. 

Other tracks from these artists you may enjoy:
BEVY MACO - 텅 빈(So Faded)
K.vsh - Hello (ft. Summer Soul)

Well excuse you, creepy dream

My brain apparently decided this morning that I needed to be reminded that I hate small enclosed spaces.
So after dozing off after the alarm went off, my brain goes “remember the inevitable feeling of The Pit and the Pendulum”? That, but it’s a cell where the walls move closer every two hours.“

And I was sleeping, so my conscious brain couldn’t say "Excuse you, how about no
So here comes this dream of some sadistic Imperial guy (because I was answering comments on my Fic chapter last night so Star Wars was on my mind) sticking Luke in this nightmare wall-closing-in-cell and like I can’t figure out why? I don’t think that’d be a good way to get information, so I guess the Imperial was just a jerk.

Of course, I woke up a few minutes later thinking Oh that guy is gonna die when Vader gets there, but still. Brain. Why did I have to see that. I don’t like small spaces, Brain, you know this.

missing you while still having you. while sleeping beside you. while sharing a life together. feeling you drifting further from me internally until your body beside me was like a ghost. missing you. missing you. missing you. my mouth an open wound. my dreams filled with you. but this missing is nothing new. I lost you long before you left.
—  missing, Lora Mathis