Doumeki’s Lust in xxxHOLIC Rou Adayume (Selfish Dream)
Cages wanting to trap him, hands wanting to grab him, mouths trying to devour him, shadows wanting to possess him… Dreams are a reflection of innermost desires of your mind.
Yes, we know Haruka.
I’ve recently re-watched xxxHolic Rou Adayume (literally translated as xxxHolic Cage: Selfish Dream) and noticed how I felt more disturbed during Doumeki’s nightmare scene than the first time I watched it. At first, I thought it had been Watanuki trying to run from danger but that didn’t fit why he looked quite disturbed when talking to Haruka afterwards. Also, why was the OAD titled ‘Selfish Dream’? That could only mean Doumeki’s dream was selfish. But Doumeki and selfishness don’t go together, right?
For me, the initial talk Haruka gave about selfish human hearts and the nightmare scene revealed the whole picture: Doumeki lusted after Watanuki but he knew his desires were selfish since acting upon them would be detrimental to Watanuki’s future. So, the later had to enter his nightmare and free himself from Doumeki’s selfish desires.
I feel like guys often get the chance to play the anti-hero. If you think about Walter White from Breaking Bad, by the end of that show he’s a despicable human being, but you’re rooting for him and you hate him and love him at the same time. I feel like there are so many more opportunities for men to play those kinds of roles. Characters who don’t fit into a box and are kind of good and bad and ethically murky. I feel like it’s happening more and more for women, but so often you still read roles that fall into “someone’s wife” or “virgin whore.” I love that Laura is a jerk. She’s a real a–hole. Not only that, but she feels no shame about it. Obviously you want to empathize with the character that you’re playing, and so I’ve thought a lot about where her attitude and views come from, but I love the fact that there will be times when the audience won’t empathize with her at all. I think that’s exciting and interesting. Again, you watch The Sopranos and you’re not always like, “Oh, I understand why Tony’s doing all these things he’s doing!” It’s like, no. Sometimes it’s just sh–ty! Sometimes you just do a shitty thing. And that’s how people work.