10. september 2011

“Where my thugs at? White t-shirt, I love that, Timberland boots, you does that, it’s a fact, that’s how I like it, baby…”

Jay Z and a pregnant Beyoncé, photographed after leaving their TriBeCa apartment on September 10, 2011. The couple—who had just returned from a European getaway—headed to Robert De Niro’s nearby Italian restaurant Locanda Verde, where they sat outside and had a late lunch. 

What a ride.

Imagine finding out your old man Kozik is dead. 

This is narrated by Kozik’s point of view; until it’s pointed otherwise. 

Originally posted by lanafan

Originally posted by wakinguptheneighbours

Kozik’s point of view. 

It didn’t hurted. It didn’t hurted one bit. I did felt something; I felt panic when i stepped on the mine and the most common thing for me to do was to curse, with sarcasm and irony; I was going to die on the next seconds; holding a gun, wearing a kutte. That’s the way I wanted to go. Until I met her, of course. 

She was like taking a big breath after having your head in the water for a long time. Man, I saw her walking down that bar, like she owned the place, with such a confidence in her and she was all high heels and the big dragon tattoo she had on her leg; I knew, right there I was going to marry her. She came from Texas and she had a thirst for adventure; And I was a Marine back then, a bad thug one; She fell right to my feet; Or that’s what she wanted me to believe. Actually; but I would never admit it to one else than her; I was falling at her feet first. 

After her and maybe without noticing, I was more careful. Picked up basketball, quit smoking, you know, the usual. I wasn’t afraid to die; being in the job, that could happen at any second; and before the job; I was a Marine. Death had nothing on me. But then, when I got home at night and she cuddled in my arms; I felt like I had something to protect after all this time; Like I said I wasn’t afraid to die but I was suddenly afraid of not being with her.

I died on September 10 2011. It was sunny. It was a mistake, too. I just remember hearing the crack sound underneath my boot and feeling suddenly really clumsy, really stupid. Panic came after, pain, just a few seconds. It was too hot later, and it’s hard to feel something when you’re blowing in pieces on top of your brothers. The Sons die bloody, it’s in the damn Bible. I had so many things to do, man. I had to buy a new dog for Tig, and I had to call my mum for Christmas, send a sweater to my father; My sister wanted me to fix her sink and Donut asked me to be his kid Godfather. I also had to get (Y/N) pregnant. 

Damn. Who was going to tell (Y/N)?

Your point of view. 

“Cinnamon!” You yelled at the big Golden Retriever running around your living room, knocking things down with her tail. “C’mon, girl!” You cooed slapping your hands on your thighs making her pay attention to you. The dog barked loudly and ran towards you, tackling you to the ground and sitting on top of you, making you laugh and try to push her away. Cinnamon was Herman’s idea. He loved animals; and it was a way to keep you company when he was away at Charming. The news came a few weeks ago; he was finally patched in. Your house was full of boxes and bags for you were finally moving down to Charming. You will miss SAMTAC, and your family of course, but you were excited for the near future as a SAMCRO old lady. You sighed, content watching as Cinnamon ran back to her little house in the backyard. You fixed your hair into a ponytail and checked your cellphone, for any missed calls or texts. Nothing. Just the one from Kozik this morning.

From: H.K. 

Going to kick some Lobos ass. I luv you!

PS: Did u packed the boots i told you? :) xx

You smiled and rolled your eyes, patting the specific pair of boots your husband told you. That was the moment when you heard the roar of a Harley on the parkway. You frowned and ran along with Cinnamon to the window, running the curtain and smiling at Happy who was removing his helmet and walking towards to your front door. “It’s Hap, Cinnamon.” You said caressing the dogs head and opening the door before he knocked. “Hey!” You greeted wrapping an arm around him as he was taken by surprise. You pat his shoulder and meant to let go, but he only held tighter. You scrunched up your face and tried again, but this time Happy dropped the helmet to the ground as you gasped.

This only meant one thing. Happy Lowman didn’t cried for anything and you had your shirt soaked by now. You opened your mouth, holding on to him tighter, as your felt your knees go weak. There was a moment when only Happy held you up as thick tears started to run down your face, and your exaggerated sobs were now being heard across Tacoma. You closed your eyes, staining with make up Happy’s SAMCRO shirt. “Oh my god…” You said in between cries. “Oh my god…” You repeated unable to say anything else. Happy nodded, caressing your hair as he let you go all out, crying into his kutte. It didn’t felt real until his tears started to make you wet; and even yet. Like when you’re surprised with a bucket of ice cold water or when you got hit in the face; it hurted like that, it stung like that. You just couldn’t believe it. “How?” You managed to blurt out in between sobs. Happy backed a little and stared into your eyes; you saw his puffy eyes and his tired expression as he denied. 

“Mine.” He shrugged slightly. “Wrong foot; The stupid son of a bitch.” He said looking down as another tear rolled down his cheek. Eventually, he walked into the house with you to seat on the couch. Walked upstairs to run a shower for you; supposedly there were some plans being left. Cinnamon couldn’t stop barking in the backyard, playing with a wrecked doll Kozik sew for her. Those days were gone. Everything was now dust in the wind and blood on a mine field. 

You were now a widow. You were now on your own; and the love of your life was forever gone from your side. 

Kozik’s point of view 

It’s quite pretty where I am; So I’m very confused. I guess it sucks that I was the first one to leave; What a pussy. I guess we had it coming, don’t we? Two kids, playing God; playing biker couple. 

I guess if I could say one last thing to you; It would be that I wasn’t scared of dying, and I’m still not. I’m not afraid of anything. I’m just scared of leaving you behind. I love you so much and all I ever wanted to do was protect you and make sure everything was okay and make sure nothing ever hurts you. But it turns out that…I won’t be able to do that anymore. Good thing SAMCRO is there.My favorite sound when I was alive was your laugh. It made me laugh, it made me smile. Just keep laughing, (Y/N). Fall in love again; don’t feel bad. Wherever I am, and if I’m lucky enough; I’ll wait for you here. Don’t rush. It’s not like I got a place to be. 

I’m sorry I never took  you to Spain like we planned; I’m lazy and I was always busy; I’m also sorry I kept calling your Dad a greasy bastard and I’m sorry for that time I threw up in your sister dress but that stew was awful. Look at that; All the good times we had. When we bought Cinnamon? Man, I’ll miss her too. 

It was good while it lasted, what a ride you gave me, babe.

Thank you; I love you. 


After many years of struggling with my weight, I had finally gotten down to a size 6/8 and 142 lbs. That was in 2002…Slowing I gained weight over the next 4 years, I got married in 2007 at about 160 lbs and within the next 3 years ballooned up to the 190s. I’m only 5’2 so on my frame that was a lot of weight.

My husband and I had been trying to have a baby and were finally blessed with our son in 2011. When I found out I was pregnant I weighed 194 lbs and during my pregnancy I gained a little over 35 lbs. At my postpartum doctors visit I was 205 lbs but quickly gained another 10 lbs by September 2011. At my absolute heaviest (not pregnant) I decided to make a change. I joined myfitnesspal at 215 lbs. I started documenting everything I ate and lost 15 lbs within a month with no exercise. At that point I plateaued and my weight fluctuated between 190-205 lbs over the next year and a half. I attended a event in March 2013 and when I saw pictures of myself I felt so disgusted!

So June, I went to my new PCP and she prescribed Phentermine. My weight at that point was fluctuating between 198-200 lbs. Phentermine is an appetite suppressant, but must be prescribed and monitored by your physician. I ended up getting down to 180 lbs, but ended up plateauing since I hadn’t been exercising or tracking my food. For my 2014 New Year Resolution I decided to finally make a CHANGE! I was tired of looking in the mirror or at pictures and hating myself. I knew my weight was putting a strain on my relationships with people, especially my marriage. So on December 31, 2014 at 181 lbs I walked into my local YMCA and took a Zumba class. I absolutely LOVED it! I began tracking my food and exercise in myfitnesspal again and doing Zumba 2-3 times a week. I also started documenting my progress in pictures.

I’m still in the during stage, but am happy to say I’ve lost 20 lbs in just the last 3 months. I’m feeling so much better, I remember after I had my son going to Old Navy and not even a size 18 fit me. Last week I bought a size 10 there. My marriage is the best it’s been in a long time, I get excited sharing my success with family, friends and coworkers as the have begun noticing my weight loss. They all want to know what I’m doing. I tell them it’s exercise and tracking. I also bought the fitbit flex, it syncs with myfitnesspal tracking calories burned and steps taken throughout the day. I still have another 25 pounds or so until I hit my ultimate goal but I know I’m on the right track. Good luck to all those on their weight loss journey. I hope my story inspires you.