Requested- Could you do one after the books with Draco where the reader is a muggle?
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It was a Saturday morning, and you were sitting alone at your favorite cafe. You loved it because they had an outdoor sitting, and during this time of the year (spring), the wind is usually comfortable and with the warm sunlight, everything is just perfect. You ordered a cup of green tea latte and started doodling on your black leather journal. You were waiting for your date, but by this time you agreed that he wasn’t coming as he was 40 minutes late. You didn’t mind since you come to the place almost every day.
You were drawing mandala designs when a shadow covered your table. You looked up and saw a stranger opening and closing his mouth, as if he was deciding whether or not to speak to you.
“Can I help you?” You asked politely. The tall stranger had white blond hair and beautiful grey eyes, there was something very unique in him that you couldn’t name or understand.
He nodded, “Sorry, I- I was just wondering if the seat is taken, the rest of the cafe is full.” You glanced around, yeah, it was full. You tidied up your belongings that scattered across the table to make a space for the man and motioned him to sit down. He thanked you and sat down. A waiter came by, and the man ordered a double expresso.
“Double expresso? That’s really strong.” You smiled at him, poking your journal with your fountain pen.
“Oh, yeah, I’m addicted to caffeine I guess,” he didn’t realise that you were talking to him at first. “Green tea?”
Rude ticket inspector gets a taste of her own medicine.
Apologies in advance for the length of this, but I cant help but talk about it, it was probably my favourite moment ever.
So I’m on the train heading into the city to attend a lecture (Im a 21 y/o student, male), having a pleasant enough morning.. it was maybe 20 minutes to 9. I missed my usual quarter past 8 train which is normally crammed full of morning commuters, but not to worry as class didn’t start until 9, and I usually stop by and grab a bacon roll and a cup of tea, but I’d make class with 5 minutes to spare if I gave up my bacony goodness (tragedy, I know)
I had just recently upgraded my bank account and got a new debit card that allowed me to use the card to pay for my train tickets on the train, which was handy because the machines can be slow and I have missed a few trains in the past when using my old debit card that only worked on these machines, not the handheld one that she has on her person.. so I thought why not use this opportunity to test out the new card..
As I said it was the train after the usual busy commute, but the carriage was still at least ¾ full.. the ticket inspector comes by, and she’s a middle aged English woman (I live in Scotland) who I have seen before and have noticed that she can be very rude and obnoxious, and thinks she’s god gift because she has authority on the train.. She starts to check peoples tickets, tapping her feet and huffing with impatience at people who have to dig around in their pockets to find their ticket before she can move on, clearly not pleased that people don’t have them at the ready..
I’m sitting there with my earphones in, minding my own business with my new debit card at the ready. As she approaches me and asks to see a ticket, I flick out one earphone and tell her what type of ticket I need and where I was going.. around this time we were going through a tunnel so there was a bit of a reverberation of the sound of wind gushing through the carriage.. she asks me to repeat myself because she claims she couldn’t hear me, so I repeat my request.. now I don’t know if she had hearing problems or being English she couldn’t seem to understand my Scottish accent (which isn’t very strong at all) because I had to repeat myself a total of 3 more times! Each time I was progressively getting louder and louder until I was almost shouting, and I could see other people on the train looking up, clearly curious as to why I was talking so loud, proving that they could hear me just fine.. finally she understands what I’m trying to ask her, and then says in her most bitchy, condescending tone.. “WELL IF YOU MAYBE TOOK OUT YOUR OTHER EARPHONE WHILE TALKING, I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HEAR YOU BETTER”..
I sat for a couple seconds in confusion, absorbing what she just said… it didn’t make sense, but all attention was on me and her now, and I could see confusion at her statement registering on other nearby passengers faces as well. Not one for confrontation I swiftly apologised and handed her my debit card.. she huffed and whipped out her card machine, but it seemed like my morning was only going to get worse because my new card got declined.. I have money in my account but later that day I learned that I had to call/text a number to activate my new card which I forgot to do.. She was visibly irritated when I asked her to try and ring it up again, but no luck..
Im starting to get a bit red in the face cause at least half the train is looking in my direction, some people were looked sympathetic towards me, others just smirked at my misfortune… Luckily I keep 20 pounds behind my phone cover in case of emergencies, so I ask her to bear with me while I take my phone out my pocket and crack open the case, then present her with the 20 note.
Now maybe it was because I was a young male, or maybe it was because the note was behind my phone case, but when I handed it to her, she snatched it off me and then HELD IT UP TO THE LIGHT and scrutinised it for literally 15-20 seconds to see if it was fake.. this is strange cause it has never happened before and I have used many 20 pound notes to pay for a ticket before.. I ask her if there’s a problem with the note, to which she replies in a loud voice ‘I’ll tell you in a minute boy’ - OH SHIT, SHE DID NOT JUST CALL ME BOY.. you could cut the tension in the carriage with a knife, all eyes were on this transaction at this point..
Finally, she seems to accept my note as legal tender, and digs around in her purse for my change.. I received a few coins back, a 5 pound note, and a 10 pound note.. as she handed me the change she started to walk away.. but I saw my one and only chance at revenge so I loudly said 'hang on a minute’… and you can probably guess what happened next.. I held those notes up to the light, scrutinizing them so intensely it seemed like I was going to burn a hole right through them.. as I did this, the entire carriage erupted in laughter, and the old couple closest to me started an applause which spread throughout the majority of the spectators..
The ticket woman’s face turned a deep shade of violet. she hastily made her way to the next carriage, not even bothering to check the remaining people’s tickets. Justice was served, and I felt absolutely amazing.. and that was my favourite day ever.
TL;DR: ticket woman suspects me of giving her counterfeit money, so I suspect her right back..
who is this mentalist with sausages written across her forehead that is right it is the most outrageous pop singer in town and her name is called lady gaga. i like lady gaga because she can scream most of the notes in a familiar order and she is really good at doing gymnastics and when i saw her on my television 4 days ago i couldnt actually believe my eyes because she had written sausages right across the middle of her forehead and before she went on to the stage everyone was saying to her lady gaga you cant go on television with sausages written across your forehead and she said oh yeah well we will see about that and she did a massive laugh that sounded like someone slapping a giant bar of toblerone off a wooden fence and then she screamed i am lady gaga i am outrageous i can do whatever the hell i want to do and then she got a red felt tip pen out of her sons pencil case and she wrote sausages on her forehead and everyone was saying oh god shes actually done it and then she went on to the stage and no one in the audience could believe what they was seeing and everyone was just putting their hands over their mouths and shaking their heads and saying oh my god oh my god does she have sausages written across her forehead and lady gaga just stood there on the stage smirking and pointing to her forehead for about a minute and then she screamed into the microphone am i outrageous or what and everyone just sat there in silence and then she took a 10 pound note out of her shoe and without saying a single word she put it inside of her mouth and she swallowed it whole and a man tried to tell her to stop because she was offending too many people but she said that if people was offended by that then they wont like what she has got planned next and without any warning she put a ice cube inside of her mouth and she let it completely melt and then she spat it out onto a cushion and before everyones gasps had even finished she was gone and no one has seen her since but there is rumours going about that she has been seen at the back of the old woolworths in town collecting old take a break magazines to make a pair of trousers and i think that if she doesnt calm down soon and stop being so outrageous then she might end up being found dead one day or even worse she might not be allowed to be a pop singer anymore and she will have to work in somewhere like morrisons and that would be really sad. Chris (Simpsons artist) xox