1 man 1 cup

anonymous asked:

Top 5 tumblr video porn blogs

I don’t know any porn blogs but I can tell you my top 5 porn videos

1. 2 girls 1 cup
2. 1 man 1 jar
3. 2 guys 1 horse
4. 1 guy 1 screwdriver
5. 1 guy 2 cups

Ah, yes. Rice. 
That stuff you see anime characters eating with literally 97% of their meals. Wonderful.

You know what’s not wonderful? Not being able to cook this shit, because then you’re stuck with a main dish, and NO FUCKING SIDE, and that just ain’t right. That’s like, you know, having Yui from K-on! doing her singing/guitar thing, but Mio, Mugi and Ritsuko are all out doing skateboard tricks in the parking lot or something.

So I’m going to tell you my methods of cooking Japanese short grain rice. 

~

Basic Fuckin Rice (for all ur anime food needs)
(servings: 4 i guess man idk)

Ingredients-

  • 1 cup Japanese short grain rice
  • 1 cup and 2 Tbsp water (for cooking, you’ll need like a lot more for cleaning)

Procedure-

  • Pour rice into a large pot. Pour cold water over it until rice is fully immersed, and then proceed to swish that shit around with your hands until the water becomes hella cloudy. Drain the water and repeat this step like 4 times.
  • Completely drain all the water from the rice by pouring the rice into a sieve, transfer rice back to pot when you’re done draining.
  • Pour approximately 1 cup + 2 Tbsp of water into the pot. Let the rice sit for about 10 minutes before you actually start doing shit to it.
  • Cover the pot after 10 minutes and turn the heat onto high, wait for it to boil, which could take about 4-6 minutes depending on the strength of your stovetop. DON’T CHECK TO SEE IF ITS BOILING BY PEEKING. THIS FUCKS UP THE RICE. DO NOT FUCK UP YO RICE, SON.
  • Once you hear a weird bubbly sound coming from the pot, you can reduce the heat to low, and cook for approximately 5 more minutes. Once you hear a hissing/crackling sound, that indicates that all the waters absorbed, but if you wanna be super sure that all the shits been absorbed you can take a tiny peek inside the lid.
  • Crank the heat up to high for about 30 seconds to dry out the rice, and then remove it from the heat. Let it stand for about 10 minutes with the cover still on so it can steam and shit, idk, rice is complicated like that, it’s all like mehhh heat, mehhh no heat, mehhh don’t look at me. Like holy shit rice you cray cray.
  • After the 10 minutes is up, serve that shit up hardcore, bro.

~

Gee willikers, it appears we have finished this fantastic rice recipe, golly gee what a great time we’ve had together. 

NOW GET THE FUCK OUT AND GO MAKE SOME MAIN DISHES TO ACCOMPANY THIS BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM THE LORD JESUS UP ABOVE GOD DAMN IT.  

if you’re a hedgehog!kaner fan, you should go read altri-ucelli’s new k/t fic - find out what it means to me !