05x01: love love love

Keeping Your Long Term Relationship Healthy

We all know that once that honey moon period fades in a relationship maintaining that relationship suddenly takes effort, your crazy in love feelings aren’t enough anymore.

Now, now don’t go running for the hills too quickly. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s just a sign of your love maturing into something more real and more meaningful and I have some tips to ease this transition.

You look at elderly couples or people who have been together upwards of 6 years and you see that it gets easy again. You get to a point where you know each other so well that making your partner happy is just as easy as breathing but getting to this point isn’t always easy so here are my tips.

Date Night
Whether it’s a specific night of the week or not don’t stop making the effort to take your partner out and spoil them (both of you, not just him). You don’t have to break the bank every time, it’s not about how much your partner spent on you! It’s about him/her taking the time to plan and do something special even if it is just ice cream on the bonnet of your car a 3am.

Communicate

Yes, us girls go on about this all the time but it is a really big help. Talk to your partner, let them help you when you feel your boss is being a dickwad. Talking a problem through out loud is a big help. That is what your partner is there for. That said you must share and communicate with them the good things too, not just your problems. Tell your partner about the amazing lunch you had or that funny article you read online that day. The point is just TALK to each other. Keep those channels of communication open at all times. A lot of fights could have been avoided if the pair of you spoke more openly before it. That brings me to…

Fighting

We all know how ugly fights can get but it so important to know that fights are not all bad. They are a healthy important part of your relationship. Clearing the air and getting your frustrations with your partner is very important. Avoiding fights will only make the matter worse in the long run when a fight inevitably breaks out. The important thing is not to let them break down your relationship. Leave fights for real problems. The rest you have to try talk through calmly.

Financials

I’ve never believed in joint bank accounts. I think they cause unnecessary friction and are a nightmare should you ever break up. Have your own accounts and have a third joint account where each month you put your contribution to the rent/bond, food, bills etc and keep the rest of your money separate. Don’t let finances become a “thing” in your relationship. Make sure your bills are paid and that’s that.

Go to bed together

When you get home from work you don’t have to do things together, maybe she has a book she’s stuck on. Maybe you have work to wrap up. Maybe she wants to play Playstation and you need a nice long soak in the bath. But whatever you do as often as possible, if not ALWAYS, go to bed together. At the same time, wrap up whatever you’re doing and go to bed.

Love. Love. Love

Tell your partner as often as possible how much you love them. Tell them in the morning when you wake up. Kiss your partners cheek and tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them EVERY TIME you leave the house. Phone them during the day and just say I love you so much. Tell them when you go to bed. Never stop telling him/her. You may think “Hey it’s been three years now, she knows.” Yes she does, but keep reminding her!

4

Can you please throw some love to the criminally underappreciated Ralph Meeker?

I mean, oh my God.

After graduating from Northwestern with a Music degree – he changed his major from Theater after a professor warned it was a fast road to failure – he took over for Brando in “Streetcar” and originated the role of Hal in “Picnic” on Broadway, turning down the movie version because it came with a long-term studio contract, which he didn’t want. 

That got him essentially blackballed as a leading man, but his talent won out in less glamorous roles, such as one of the three doomed soldiers in “Paths of Glory,” the most depressing movie ever, which I’m kind of surprised I can even type about because after I saw it I’m pretty sure I hanged myself. 

He also starred with Vera Miles in “Revenge,” the very first episode of “Alfred Hitchcock Presents,” and played Mike Hammer in Robert Aldrich’s “Kiss Me Deadly.” And he was in a cheesy but fun little programmer with Barbara Stanwyck called “Jeopardy,” during which they had a fling, and I’m guessing that, for however long it lasted, he made her forget all about her heel of an ex-husband. In fact Ralph Meeker was so hot that if I could hop in a time machine named Desire and see just one live version of “Streetcar,” it would be Ralph’s.

Let’s hear it for the boy…

I’ve been procrastinating a lot on this, but here’s my field hockey dedication post. 

I feel like I should say that I don’t know where to start, but I really do. During 7th grade PE (or should I say PF LOL), we had a hockey unit. We were split into teams, and each team had to report a team captain. Normally, I don’t volunteer to do anything of that sort, but my teammates didn’t want to be captains either, so they volunteered me. After being named team captain, I started to focus more into the game and found that I really enjoyed hockey. I looked into it online, but was disappointed to find no club teams for street hockey. But I did find something called field hockey. In 8th grade, when we got high school papers for sports, I recognized Field Hockey, so I wrote down my name and email. That summer, I was surprised to find an email in my inbox telling me about conditioning times and dates at Tino. 

On the first day of conditioning, I arrived 20 minutes early. My mom was dropping me off, but I didn’t know where the field was, so in a panic, I told my mom that I would just go home and try out next year. I didn’t want to wander around the school, desperately trying to find the field. But my mother insisted that I try out this year, and shoved me off the van. This was probably the best thing she has every done for me. So anyway, I found the field and the first 2 people I met were Nicole M & Azi. And it was so fcking awkward. I didn’t know what to do with myself. 

Conditioning was pretty intense. A lot of people on the team scared me. I remember one girl who rapped about pickles during our drills, one who shouted at everyone, and one who ran around in just a sports bra and shorts (I’m sure that one’s obvious). I remember one game that was so horrible. It was some link tag thing, and idk why but I was always the person running. It was so tiring, I almost gave up. But then finally, some kind soul took the spot for me. During one scrimmage, I learned the hard way about foots. I was playing defense, and I tried stopping the ball, but I really couldn’t and the ball kept hitting my foot. People kept calling “foot!”, and I was so lost. I was like wtf. Yes it hit my foot. It took me a while to figure out that the ball wasn’t allowed to touch your feet. LOL Another time, someone came late to conditioning, and I was like wtf who does she think she is. Then I learned that she was Cat Wang. shit this girl was so good… LOL no more comments about tardiness LOL

Then, just as I was in the midst of settling down, my parents learned that if I made the team, I would have practice for 2 hours a day. They told me to quit and I didn’t know what to do. I sat in my room, threw things around, yelled at my parents, but finally, I calmed myself down to email Borges & Dave, telling them that I had to quit. They replied with an email saying that they had already decided to keep me and that they hoped I would be able to convince my parents. Now, there was no way I could stop playing. If the coaches thought I was good enough, I needed to show my parents that I was good enough. I spent hours convincing them verbally, but when that didn’t work, I wrote an essay listing the reasons why I should play. I asked Borges to email my mom as well, because I knew my parents put in more consideration when people outside of my family make comments. Eventually, I don’t know how I did it, but finally, my parents allowed me to play field hockey. Under one condition: I had to get As in every single class of high school. Each year of As gave me another season of field hockey. It wasn’t very reasonable past freshman year, but I was desperate. 

My first year on the team was crazy. I was so unprepared. I’ve never joined a sports team before field hockey, and I was so lost. Throughout the season, I had to shamefully ask what spandex was, what cleats were, and how to put on the stupid plaid JV skirt. It was so embarrassing. But there were nice teammates that taught me a lot. Jayron especially. Every time she or another experienced player gave me advice, I ate it up like…seaweed LOL and every time they complimented me, my entire day was made. My coach, Dave, was really helpful too. He was kind of a quiet, crude guy, but he was funny. Sometimes, I think he made some rude comments, but I was ok with that. He made us powerpuff girl pins when we did well and always attached a funny picture to every email he sent us. One time, he mailed me a photo-shopped version of the picture of me taken during our first tournament because he thought it was a good picture and felt like adding clouds LOL I remember the first game that we lost because of me. It was against MV and I was blocking the goal. However, I saw another player next to me, so I thought she would cover my spot, so I moved to cover somewhere else. But it was all bad. The girl didn’t cover my spot, and the ball went in where I left a hole. The whole night, I felt like shit. This first season, I played every single position. It was crazy. I was all over the place. It was my first time doing secret sister, my first time getting accustomed to people dropping the f bomb on a daily basis, and my first time wearing a team uniform. I was so content. 

The second year, I felt a little more confident. I don’t remember a lot about this season. Just that I got a lot closer to some of the girls and started cussing….. LOL Wait really though. Field hockey is where I started cussing, which I guess is bad, but oh well. Sometimes it feels good to express your anger. This was the year that Kohsheen and Jane Kim played. This was the year that Jane and I decided that Safeway brand hot cheetos were better than actual hot cheetos. 

Junior year was the best. This year’s team was a family to me. We were all friends outside of school and it was so fun. We planned so many team bondings. We went to TGIF, played fugitives, did a spa day (which I wasn’t able to make it to), movie night etc. We did a ton of shit together. We even got Jamba Juice as a team with our bogo cards HAHA I remember during the first home game, the first time I took a big hit, I messed up. But it wasn’t even that embarrassing. It was just funny. I was going up to hit the ball and I don’t even know what happened, but I swung, and I guess I didn’t have a tight grip on my stick, cause my stick flew out and went backwards, only moving the ball by a few feet. Everyone was so stunned, they didn’t even move. The other team was probably like who is this fcker and why is she on the team. LOL But I was like omfg how did that happen. I grabbed my stick and hit it again before the other team could get it. So yea, that was that…. Another time, we were playing in a game and it was hailing! The refs had to stop the game to discuss whether we should continue or not. We ended up playing through it, and this was the game that I made an assist on! I tapped the ball to Jackie, and Jackie shot & scored. It felt so good to help score even though I was on defense. This season, I was selected as part of the 2nd All League Team. I was beyond happy. Finally something to show my parents. Something to show them that letting me play was not a bad decision. But something else happened this year that kind of threw me off. I asked to play club this year, and my parents denied. In the end, I did win the argument and I did play club, but during the debates in between, my parents let out some dirty comments. They said that I wasn’t even good at field hockey and that _______ was so great. She was so athletic and great at field hockey and I sucked. I thought that was the dirtiest thing that a parent could say to a child, and it really hurt me. 

This year, finally. Senior year. I had low expectations because junior year was so fun, but my expectations have been exceeded. We ended up playing farther into CCS than we did last year. However, there were downs to this year as well. In the beginning, I was a little mad at some explainable reasons which I don’t want to talk about here. A little part of me still held a grudge at certain times during the season, but I got over it. Our team wasn’t as close as we were last year, but it was ok. We did well and I wouldn’t say that it was a bad senior year. The happiest night of the year was senior night. omfg I felt so loved. 

So anyway, field hockey has been over for a while now, but we finally had our awards dinner, and I am so. fucking. happy. No one can understand. Finally some recognition. So Mom & Dad, if you are ever reading this, fuck yea. I may not be the most athletic in school, or the best field hockey player ever, but I did manage to get some awards, so suck on this. How about it, huh? That’s right. I think these awards prove that I don’t suck at field hockey. How does it feel knowing that you almost made me quit field hockey before I even got started HAH I am going to rub this in your faces forever. I am so proud of myself. 

No, I didn’t get As throughout high school. I had my fair share of Bs, but why did I get to continue field hockey? Partly because my parents were understanding and let me continue without fulfilling our deal, but I like to think that it was also partly because I’m a pretty hard-headed individual. I like to think that my determination and my spirit won me the opportunity to play field hockey. And I’m not saying that it’s ok to break deals with your parents. I’m just saying that when you have passions, you better pursue them. If there’s something you want, you better go get it. Because if you don’t, that just means you don’t actually want it that much. I think that everyone who has this kind of spirit should make use of it. Everyone who has a personality like mine should take advantage of it because it’s a real big shame to let it go to waste. If I hadn’t played field hockey, I seriously wouldn’t know where I would be right now. Looking back at the past few years, ultimately, I’ve gotten everything that I’ve wanted. Everything that I’ve tried for, persuaded for, grabbed at, and fought for, I’ve won. I’ve earned a shit ton of bruises, shed bucket-loads of tears in frustration, and poured hours of persuasion just for one sport. But in the end, I’d say it was SO worth it. Playing field hockey was by far, the best decision I’ve ever made and I do not have any regrets. 

So anyway, I love field hockey and I’m so proud of myself for everything I’ve done with this sport on the past 4 years, and I just wanted to share that. Peace.