Creepypasta #247: Support call ID: 100156-03
SUPPORT DESK TRANSCRIPT
ID: 100156-03 Supp User: Jim_D
Call Date/Time: 08-16-201X Cust Acc: 212254674
Supervisor Notes: Customer account identified at intro – passed thru to support. FLSH case No. 83447
JIM: Hi. I’m Jim, your mobile phone support contact. This conversation may be recorded for training purposes. How can I help you today?
CUSTOMER: Hiya. Having some trouble with the speech recognition. It doesn’t seem to understand what I’m asking.
JIM: Okay. I just need to get a few additional details first before we go any further. Are the contact and billing details on your account up to date?
JIM: And I see here your contract began a month ago.
CUSTOMER: Yes. I connected to the 3G network last week and it flashed up something about a software upgrade and that’s when the problems started.
JIM: Thanks, but I just need to confirm a few more things before we can start trying to identify the issue and resolve it for you. Your mobile is a Samsung Galaxy S2 and you have 3G internet access, is that correct?
CUSTOMER: Yes. I mentioned the 3G already…
JIM: I just needed to confirm the facts before going any further. So, what appears to be the problem.
CUSTOMER: As I mentioned BEFORE, the speech recognition is playing up.
JIM: In what way, and with as much detail as possible please.
CUSTOMER: When I try to search using Google, it keeps mishearing what I’m saying and brings back what I don’t want.
JIM: Well Sir, no voice recognition software is 100% accurate. Have you tried speaking slower and/or louder, preferably somewhere with little or no background noise?
CUSTOMER: Why didn’t I think of that! I’m being sarcastic by the way.
JIM: I have to cover all the suggested options, even the obvious ones Sir. Could you give me an example?
CUSTOMER: Yeah, sorry. Yesterday I tried a search for ‘Restaurants near where I live’, and the results were local graveyards and mortuaries! I’m not planning on booking a table for one at a location like that for another 50 years or so.
JIM: Understandable. Anything else?
CUSTOMER: A couple of days before that I tried a search for some family pictures so I could change my background, and it returned, well, a whole lot of sick images I can tell you!
JIM: What do you mean by ‘sick’?
CUSTOMER: Dead bodies. Some mutilated. Lots of blood and gore. What looked like cannibalistic rituals or something. Really sick shit. What if my kids had been using the phone!?
JIM: Could you refrain from swearing please Sir.
CUSTOMER: Sorry. What about the pictures though?
JIM: You can put parental controls on what your phone can access on the internet, which I can take you through next if you have the time, but this sounds like something we may have to escalate if these pictures break certain decency criteria.
JIM: I believe you mentioned these problems only started occurring following a recent update to your phone?
CUSTOMER: Yeah. No idea what it was. The window just popped up and I clicked ‘Install Now’. Took about 5 minutes including the reboot.
JIM: Do you know what version of Android your phone is running?
CUSTOMER: What, you mean one of those funny food related names? Gingerbread, Ice Cream Sandwich. That kind of thing?
JIM: There are specific numeric versions, but the codename should do as a starting point.
CUSTOMER: OK. I wrote it down somewhere, hold on.
CUSTOMER: Back. It says ‘Android 2.2.3 Flesh’
JIM: So that’s version 2.2.3 Froyo, short for Frozen Yogurt by the way.
CUSTOMER: No, no…it definitely says ‘Flesh’ here.
JIM: Could you hold on whilst I speak to my supervisor please.
JIM: Sorry for the wait Sir. Having spoken to my supervisor and reviewed your firmware download history, there does appear to be a problem with your recent installation. Please open the Settings on your phone and select Software Update to download the most recent version. That should resolve all your problems.
CUSTOMER: OK. Thanks for that. I’ll give it a go.
JIM: Could you try it now Sir and let me know when it’s done.
CUSTOMER: I can’t right now but I’ll contact the support desk again if it doesn’t work. Thanks for the help.
JIM: Please try it now whilst you’re on the line Sir.
CUSTOMER: As I said, I can’t. I’m calling on the land line. My daughter’s using the mobile right now, talking to her sister. The credit ran out on hers. She might be a while – you know how these teenagers are…
JIM: Please ask your daughter to end the call NOW Sir. With your recent update there is a known issue in the firmware that can also affect both incoming and outgoing calls. Some users have complained of headaches, nausea, and other unexplained side effects.
CUSTOMER: What? I thought that scare about mobiles giving you brain tumours or whatever was just that…a scare?
JIM: I am neither confirming nor denying anything Sir, and our Terms and Conditions plus liabilities are available on our web site. However, due to a recent bypass of our firewalls, an unknown update to the Android operating system was released without our knowledge over our network. We claim no liability for this software upgrade and are investigating the breach in our security. In line with the requirements of your contract and for your own safety and that of your family, please upgrade your software NOW and refrain from using your mobile for any and all calls.
CUSTOMER: Is this a joke?
JIM: Sir, please take the mobile off your daughter and end any current calls. Our company will not accept responsibility for any harm that may come to your family following this warning.
CUSTOMER: You’ve got to be kidding me! Damn small-print assholes. Hold on….Lauren….finish talking to your sister Hannah and give me the phone. I said, give me the goddamn phone! What the…….shit, are your eyes bleeding honey!?
JIM: Exit the house now please Sir.
CUSTOMER: Lauren….wha…speak to me. Put the phone down and speak to me.
JIM: Lock all doors behind you and vacate the premises.
CUSTOMER: Just…just come over here and let me take a look at…at your eyes… There’s….there’s blood coming from your ear as well. Here, let me take the phone off you….
JIM: Please refrain from interacting with your daughter and exit the building now Sir.
CUSTOMER: [yelling]….Goddamn it Lauren, you bit me! What the hell is wrong with you! Back off now! I mean it. [screaming] Jesus! My fingers….my fucking fingers! No, no, no, no……stay….stay back. [sobbing] Lauren please…..
[sounds of physical struggle and furniture damage]
JIM: Sir? Sir?
[sounds of wet coughing and of a pet, possibly a large dog, feeding]
JIM: ……..If you can still hear me Sir, thank you for calling your mobile phone help support. A specialist contractor and clean up crew has been dispatched to your address to deal with your on-going issue. We are sorry for any inconvenience caused.
Credits to: Charmingly Shallow